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April 22, 2011

TNA Impact: The manure hits the fan

OK, so Jeff and Karen Jarrett are dressed all in white for an in-ring ceremony. Meanwhile, Kurt Angle has discovered that there are a couple of horses outside the Impact Zone who have been eating beans.

Hmmm, I wonder what’s going to happen?

That was the scenario on Thursday night’s episode of TNA Impact, and while you could see the payoff coming from a mile away, I thought it was pretty funny nonetheless.

As a way to reward his wife for her interference helping him defeat Angle at this past Sunday’s Lockdown pay-per-view, Jeff – who’s known as “The King of the Mountain” – planned a coronation to name Karen “Queen of the Mountain.”

Moments after the crown was placed upon Karen’s head, a load of what was supposed to be horse feces (Karen and Jeff had arrived at the Impact Zone in a horse and carriage) dropped from the ceiling all over Karen.

Karen, who was covered with the slop, played it up great, but it was Jeff who made me laugh out loud. He didn’t want to get near Karen and mess up his fancy suit, so he just threw his handkerchief at her. He ended up getting an Angle Slam onto Karen’s “throne.”

I’m not sure an over-the-top comedy segment was the best way to follow-up such an intense match between Angle and Jeff, but I popped for it anyway.

It appears that the next chapter in the Angle-Jarretts feud is going to involve mixed tag matches, as Angle told Karen that he would never lay a hand on her, but he knows a “mistress” who will.

I wonder if it could be the giant Aloisia (aka Isis The Amazon). She had a tryout match with TNA a couple months ago.

Other thoughts on Thursday’s show:

The verbal/physical confrontation between A.J. Styles and Bully Ray inside a cage got the show off to a hot start. It was so nice to see something other than an Eric Bischoff promo in the opening segment. I was surprised that Styles got so many licks in on Ray, as I figured Styles wouldn’t get his hands on him until they meet in a pay-per-view match. At least TNA didn’t give away Styles leaping off the top of the cage onto Ray. That was a nice tease. …

The main event match in which TNA world champion Sting successfully defended the title against Matt Hardy was decent. After Sting got the clean win, Mr. Anderson took out both guys to again illustrate that he has no allies and still wants the championship. …

Hulk Hogan was involved in a couple of strong verbal exchanges, one with Rob Van Dam and the other with Mr. Anderson. RVD got in a couple good lines. He told Hogan that “everyone wishes you’d just get the hell out of the business” and that “a wrestler can’t make a living nowadays with just a legdrop anymore, Hulky.” …

It was announced that Sting will defend his title against RVD at next month’s Sacrifice pay-per-view. Sting said that he had a clause in his contract that allowed him to choose his opponent and he picked RVD. Um, OK. …

I give Abyss a lot of credit for continuing his match against RVD after taking a stiff kick in the mouth in the early going that reportedly knocked out his two front bottom teeth. …

I liked the verbal/physical exchange between Matt Morgan and Scott Steiner. Steiner kicked Morgan low when they were shaking hands, so I assume that means Steiner is a heel now. A program between these two should be fun. Assuming that Morgan gets the better of Steiner (and he should), he would have a lot of momentum heading into a world title program. …

Did Morgan actually say that Steiner was the first standout collegiate wrestler to make it in pro wrestling? …

I’m enjoying the Madison Rayne-Tara story line. Hopefully it leads to its logical conclusion (Tara finally getting fed up with Rayne and turning on her) rather than some illogical swerve. With TNA, you never know. …

The cage match in which Beer Money defeated Rob Terry and Murphy wasn’t bad. Robert Roode and James Storm are fun to watch no matter who they are facing. …

It was announced that Ric Flair suffered a shoulder injury at Lockdown and will need rotator cuff surgery as a result of being put in a Fujiwara Armbar by Roode. The truth – as many fans know – is that Flair has needed the surgery for some time. …

So Matt Hardy is now wearing his brother’s “Divas” belt. Great, another guy walking around with a belt that means nothing. Hey, perhaps Hardy can wrestle Eric Young with the winner being named the Undisputed Worthless Belt Champion. …

Is it just me, or does Hardy’s “Cold-Blooded” moniker and persona seem a bit forced? …

Miss Tessmacher is back and she wants the Knockouts title. Oh, good lord.

Posted by Kevin Eck at 1:31 PM | | Comments (18)


You may rip on TNA a lot for their illogical booking but you have to admit they have been better about it lately. No heel turns at Lockdown, no senseless swerves, and they have been doing an incredible job since losing the "anti-Christ of professorial wrestling"

Surprised they're still going with the Miss Tessmacher gimmick, that joke really only worked when she was working with her "Lex Luthor" in Bischoff.

The "mistress" might also be Serena Deeb, who had a recent try-out with TNA as well.

RESPONSE FROM KE: Great point. I forgot about that.

As opposed to 6 months ago, I'm seeing "continuing" storylines and now am becoming truly "entertained" with TNA. I like the existing roster. Even Hogan has has had more zip with the mic recently and hopefully Flair, the all time legend he still is to me, will be out of the in-ring action for good.

"...Sting said that he had a clause in his contract that allowed him to choose his opponent and he picked RVD. Um, OK."

I was outraged at this myself. El Dandy is clearly the number one contender (and a stand up guy to boot).

RVD once again reigned on the mic. I don't know what acting class he took...but he is just damned impressive lately. It was great that he told Hogan off with what is on all of our minds---and I like that they went there with it---but it's still somewhat ironic...although to give credit where credit is due---this Hogan heel character is working a lot better lately than his previous versions.
Just please, whatever gods there may be---don't let him get back in the ring again with Sting. If Sting could deign to move into being Hogan's out-of-ring foil-we'd have something there.
I have hated the Angle/Jarrett program with the exception of Angle's spots in some of the matches---but the crap was funny--as was all of the various fallout of it.
It's good to see Morgan finally getting a push towards where he should have been for the last couple of months---but Anderson seems to be held in a statis which is stripping some of the excitement away that has built up around him. Something else should have happened at Lockdown--whether it was a heel turn by RVD followed by a feud with Anderson for the title with Sting in an out-of-ring role-or even letting Anderson win---which given the fact that we've already established that nobody would refrain from taking a shot at him with nobody to back him up would have been interesting too.
Leaving him hanging is just going to attract all of the derision he gets from folks that don't believe in him yet. He needs a solid chance to go forward and prove them wrong---not be kept hanging out on an already established note.
Fourtune is coming across strong now---but it seems like Immortal is getting stretched a little thin with all of their various feuds, and especially with Fourtune getting the better of them recently.
At least they're pushing Ray as the main bruiser of the group--but they don't have much else to look strong or to be threatening. Matt Hardy's "Cold-Blooded" malarkey isn't just forced, Mr. Eck, I would go so far as to say that it's non-existent. It's a word with nothing to back it up. His promo skills are poor-and the name isn't backed up by in-ring performance either. Not that he sucks as bad as some say in the ring---but there isn't any panache to it that could be called "cold-blooded" either.
Abyss always gets credit for his toughness--but his in-ring performances don't really convey the monster heel they're trying to play him as. Again-an RVD heel turn would have solved a lot of this. Perhaps if any birdies were listening in on our comments discussions, they might consider that re-vamping Samoa Joe in that direction might give Immortal a little more "umph", instead of placing all of the work load on Ray.
Anyway---I'm still seeing improvement, and I really enjoyed the show. We're about two or three weeks from the point that we can all stop cringing, expecting some blindside of stupidity, (not counting the ill-advised release of Lethal). Keeping fingers crossed that a few stumbles in storyline and booking will be rectified--(keep Anderson evolving-get Morgan back in the title pic--give Immortal a new strong heel-- Joe could do it-just a few minor tweaks.)

I read on a few sites that it is undetermined when Flair will be "back in action". Back in action?! That's hard to fathom given how long it takes to recover from this type of surgery. This is his third time with this injury and the other two times it took 8 to 9 months recover. With his age it'll probably be at least a year and that's not counting time to train to be in wresting shape. If TNA has him back in the ring next year it will be nothing short of abusive, ignorant and irresponsible.

As Triple H pointed out back in 2008 this is one of the reasons why WWE wanted to retire him, to avoid any injuries given Flair's age. This should be the wake up call to finally call it a day in the ring, please!

I just wish they would have sent Mr. Anderson on his way, rather than "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal. Anderson adds not one thing to any promotion, in my book, but then I could never stand Edge, either.
The "fecal fallout" was hilarious. Used oats look good on Karen. I only wish it had happened to Deborah McMichael years ago.
One thing that has infuriated me is that for weeks now, they haven't been fair to Velvet Sky. I'm tired of the lame-ass Winter/Angelina storyline, and I want to see more Velvet, particularly her ring entrances! If Velvet has to job every week, for God's sake, let her enter the ring first!!!
RVD should have added "and Lou Thesz's grandma could throw the legdrop better than you EVER did, Hulk!"

“a wrestler can’t make a living nowadays with just a legdrop anymore, Hulky.”

That's hilarious!

I love RVD!

Joey S., If that's true it could end up a blessing in disguise for him. Maybe it will give him time to reflect on the fact that he has been used as nothing but an over-the-top joke since he arrived in TNA.

I enjoyed the exchange between RVD and Hogan. They both seemed like they were holding nothing back whether they believed what they were saying or not. I don't think they believed it which makes the delivery that much better because it came across like they did.

While it's funny that RVD said that wrestlers can't make a living just by doing a leg drop, they also can't make a living just doing fancy moves. Also, I think it just shines a light on the fact that pro wrestling isn't real. Think about it this way, if wrestlers are pretending that these situations are real and that they are trying to win, then why would it matter if some guys don't have amazing repetoirs? If you can get the win with the leg drop, why does it matter? These are things that people need to think about, especially the writers. RVD should be kept away from the mic at all costs.

"Ya know, Big Kev..." I'm thinking the Original Knockout Traci Brooks may be who Angle has lined up for Karen. Wasn't she on the program right around the time MEM was going to re-form?

I thought this weeks show was solid all around. As much as I don't like to see Hogan on camera, he's looking great right now. If he does wrestle at all, I sincerely hope that he and Sting go at it and retire each other in the same night. It'd be a fitting end for his in ring career.

I absolutely loved the opening segment, and the ensuing cage match. If TNA had a few less commercials and more content, they may pick up an extra 10 minutes that I personally think is much needed.

Personally the only thing I wish I could see more of is 2 knockouts matches per show. They were doing it up until H/B came around, and the women they had were very entertaining to watch.

So now JR says Flair hasn't had any surgery for his shoulder. You just can't believe anything you read unless it comes from the source as most wrestling sites just make it up as they go along.

RESPONSE FROM KE: Well, it wasn't just wrestling sites that were saying it. TNA said it on Impact Thursday night, and it's no secret that Flair has been working despite the injury. I'm not saying J.R. is mistaken, but it's weird.

I thought this was a very solid show. Some real good wrestling with solid mic work, and the mic time didn't take up the show. I am surprised they turned Steiner already since he was way over as a face. Hopefully Samoa Joe gets involved in the Fourtune/Immortal feud in some manner. He has too much talent to be out of this. Less Anderson this week, which is always a good thing.

I watched TNA and kept wondering if the police are making any progress in the Joe kidnapping case? Has anyone filed a missing persons report for Desmond Wolfe? Why are Matt Hardy's legs different sized?

""I’m not sure an over-the-top comedy segment was the best way to follow-up such an intense match between Angle and Jeff, but I popped for it anyway""

So you popped for the poop?

MechanicalBull, they could always shorten her name to "Tess" -- tough sounding, yet reminds you of her old name.

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About Kevin Eck
The Baltimore Sun's Kevin Eck blogs about professional wrestling.
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