Chad Ochocinco vs. Marvin Lewis just one of several sports feuds that should be settled in the ring
Looking for some mainstream publicity, TNA announced on Wednesday that it was offering to host a steel cage match between mercurial Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver Chad Ochocinco and the team’s head coach, Marvin Lewis, at April’s Lockdown pay-per-view.
The stunt came about after Ochocinco tweeted earlier in the week that he wanted to settle his public feud with Lewis in a cage match.
Ochocinco was being facetious, of course, and so is TNA. But the proposed match got me to thinking about some other feuds between sports figures that I’d like to see settled in the squared circle.
Here are four of them:
Dan Gilbert vs. LeBron James vs. in a Cleveland Street Fight: Unlike traditional loser leaves town matches, the winner of this contest between the Cleveland Cavaliers owner and the Miami Heat star gets to skip town and never come back, while the loser must spend the rest of his life in the Mistake by the Lake. Realizing how high the stakes are, Gilbert would probably back out of the match and opt to write James a strongly worded letter instead.
Rex Ryan vs. Wes Welker in a Kiss My Foot Match: After the New York Jets head coach was involved in a much-publicized foot-fetish flap, the New England Patriots wide receiver made a bunch of not-so-subtle references to toes and feet leading up to the playoff game between the two teams. Given Ryan’s alleged foot fascination, my guess is that he would lose the match on purpose just so he could get up close and personal with Welker’s tootsies. So much for tasting the agony of de-feet.
Mark McGwire vs. Jose Canseco in a Syringe on a Pole Match: The first one of these former baseball hulks to climb the pole, grab the syringe and stick it in the butt-cheek of his opponent would be declared the winner. This battle of the Bash Brothers – who were once teammates and friends but later became estranged in the wake of Canseco’s tell-all book about performance-enhancing drugs – would definitely have to take place in TNA, where pole matches are a specialty, drug testing doesn’t seem to be stringent and guys well past their prime always have a home. It would be a tough match to promote, however, as whenever McGwire would be asked to cut a promo, his response would always be the same: “I’m not here to talk about the past.”
Caroline Wozniacki vs. Maria Sharapova in a Bra and Panties Match: OK, so these tennis stars aren’t really feuding with each other, but it’s still a match I’d pay money to see. Is that so wrong?
Photos by the Associated Press and Getty Images
Comments
Get over TNA and get a life...sheesh
Posted by: Anonymous | January 28, 2011 10:11 AM
Yeah baby!
Now that's sports entertainment!!!!
Posted by: AMC | January 28, 2011 11:27 AM
How about Joe Flacco versus Cam Cameron in a submission match with the stipulation that Joe gets to call his own plays if he can make Cam tap?
Posted by: AMC | January 28, 2011 11:29 AM
Love the last match up. Wozniaki would give Sharapova a very good run for her panty
Posted by: MitZi | January 28, 2011 12:36 PM
I'd pay to see the bra's and panties match myself
Posted by: Dale Spence | January 28, 2011 12:38 PM
Lesnar vs. Callaway (No Holds Barred, No DQ)
Steelers vs. Ravens (World War 3 style from the old WCW days)
Posted by: jon in bradenton, florida | January 28, 2011 12:38 PM
How 'bout 1 lucky O's fan vs. Peter Angelos in an inferno match? The O's fan could potentially score a double win...1 the satisfaction in beating up Angelos & 2 if they wear a flame retardant asbestos suit for protection, they can turn around & have Pete help 'em sue someone for some cash.
Posted by: Xelpzat | January 28, 2011 12:43 PM
Absolutely hilarious!! Now waiting for the angry Ohioans to show up... lol @ the "loser stays put" match.
Posted by: Jules Bentley | January 28, 2011 1:15 PM
I see Mr. Anonymous #1 there can't take a joke!
Posted by: Josh | January 28, 2011 2:14 PM
How about TNA just stick to what they know, which is basically nothing...........
Posted by: Horseman420 | January 28, 2011 2:22 PM
Loving the last match...just lucky you aren't reporting in England right now otherwise you'll get fired for sexism like two of out top football presenters Andy Gray and Richard Keys!
Posted by: Reshad | January 28, 2011 3:04 PM
The tennis bimbo match should be shown during Super Bowl halftime. Gotta be better than watching the dopey Black Eyed Peas.
Posted by: Sean | January 28, 2011 4:20 PM
Kevin, Kevin, Kevin... don't you know that Chad's gone back to Johnson? And I'd also like to throw out Jay Cutler vs. Maurice Jones-Drew in a last man standing match.
Posted by: Ken Raining | January 28, 2011 5:40 PM
This is a great card. If you need a short match to round it out, Jay Cutler would happily be in an I Quit match. He wouldn't care who it was against he would just be happy to be in sport where quitting was expected and even encouraged. He would even be willing to come up with a semi-credible excuse for why he couldn't continue and cry in a post-match about a particularly mean tweet. That would be a great way to fill 5 minutes.
Posted by: Katie Morgan | January 28, 2011 6:52 PM
Hey...I love this blog...I read it for all the wrestling news everyday...But man, you got to stop bashing my hometown...I am from the mistake by the lake (which is pretty outdated) and besides the persistent snow, it is a great area. Baltimore is not much better than us, you have the joke of the Orioles, no NBA team (although this year neither do we) and you couldn't even beat the damn Steelers with your murderer at linebacker...and I am not bitter you "stole" our team, you can have Modell...we have Holmgren...anyway, way off wrestling topic, but I was offended as a proud Clevelander and die hard Browns fan...your blog is awesome though!
RESPONSE FROM KE: I'm just joking. I have friends from Cleveland, my boss is from Cleveland and I have been there several times. The truth is that after the Colts left Baltimore, I adopted the Browns as my team It worked out perfectly for me when the Browns moved to Baltimore..
Posted by: TBone | January 29, 2011 6:50 AM