Obama, McCain no match for wrestling candidates
My thoughts on last night’s special edition of Raw will be posted a little later, but first, here’s a special edition of Ring Posts in honor of today’s presidential election.
Wrestling certainly has its share of politics and strong personalities, so I thought it would be fun to take a look at 10 wrestling figures’ hypothetical run for the presidency.
MIKE ADAMLE
Campaign slogan: “This economy is Jamaican me crazy!”
Why he could win: George W. Bush has proved that it’s possible to fail in every job you’ve had and still get to the White House
Potential downfall: Not exactly Barack Obama when it comes to public speaking
JOHN CENA
Campaign slogan: “The President is here!”
Why he could win: He’s a former military hero. I know it was only a movie role, but it worked for Arnold Schwarznegger
Potential downfall: If Cena wins, there could be a riot
RIC FLAIR
Campaign slogan: “Whether you like it or you don’t like it, learn to love it, because I’m the best candidate going today! Woooo!”
Why he could win: No one would be better at putting on a suit and tie and schmoosing people at campaign fundraisers
Potential downfall: Penchant for wearing nothing but his sequined robe and socks in public
JEFF HARDY
Campaign slogan: “Take a leap of faith with me”
Why he could win: Knows how to win a popularity contest. Would win in a landslide if voting age was lowered to 13
Potential downfall: Are you serious? The guy has more skeletons in his closet than Jeffrey Dahmer. Plus, the multi-colored hair and face paint might not play well in red states
HULK HOGAN
Campaign slogan: “Train, say your prayers and vote for me, brother!”
Why he could win: The ultimate Teflon man, he has lying down to a science
Potential downfall: Wife and son would be most embarrassing presidential family members since Roger Clinton. You know it's bad when Brooke is the smart one.
VINCE MCMAHON
Campaign slogan: “My opponent has no chance in hell”
Why he could win: Knows how to win a war
Potential downfall: Takes concept of having his underlings kiss his butt too literally, as he could surpass Bill Clinton’s record for the president who dropped his pants the most
THE ROCK
Campaign slogan: “The Rock likes pie.” Nothing says Americana like apple pie. What, you mean he wasn’t talking about apple pie?
Why he could win: Would never lose a debate. When his opponent starts answering a question, Rock would cut him off by yelling, “It doesn’t matter what you think!”
Potential downfall: Made Doom
TRIPLE H
Campaign slogan: “I will be the president of presidents. And if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya … ”
Why he could win: No one plays the political game better than “The Game”
Potential downfall: Twelve-time world champion's upbringing in Greenwich, Conn., might make him seem like a liberal elitist to middle-class humanoids
ROB VAN DAM
Campaign slogan: “With your help, I’ll smoke the competition”
Why he could win: An independent thinker, he’s much more of a maverick than John McCain
Potential downfall: Has inhaled
JESSE VENTURA
Campaign slogan: “Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat!” Oops, that one was already used by the Republicans in the 2000 election
Why he could win: Has experience as a governor
Potential downfall: Rudy Guiliani’s pathetic showing in the primaries proves that the country isn’t ready for a president who wears feather boas
Comments
Macho Man Savage
Campaign Slogan: Ooooh Yeahhhh!!
Why he could win: He's been thinking, thinking, thinking...
Potential downfall: Paranoid that Colin Powell has lust in his eyes for Elizabeth
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Good stuff!
Posted by: Matt | November 4, 2008 4:36 PM
Awesome.
Posted by: Chris Slater | November 4, 2008 4:45 PM
A slow day Kevin ? :)
Posted by: the artist formerly known as jack in hebron | November 4, 2008 4:51 PM
So, I take it you're a democrat rat?
You gonna give BHO the same kind of love HBK gave to Vince?
Just had to goof on you, since I'm one of those middle class jabroni's.
And, why even mention Hogan's name anymore, his kid paralyzed a human being, and they were recorded talking about turning a profit off it using thier reality show. As a longtime Hogan fan from being a hulkamaniac to being a disciple, HE'S DEAD TO ME!!!
No better than Benoit crossfacing his own little boy to death.
Sorry Kevin, but anybody that shows Hogan love will hear what I have to say. It doesn't surprise me though because the guy you're voting for is buddies Bill Ayers, a killer.
Mix your politics with wrestling talk, and I'll call you out like the DNC rat you are.
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Hey, nobody has been harder on Hogan than me.
Posted by: Ballz Mahoney | November 4, 2008 5:00 PM
Could you put a little more political bias in a wrestling blog? Seriously, I don't read your blog on wrestling to read about your political leanings. I thought at least the sports reporters from The Sun were more respectful than the rest of the paper's staff who feel the need to shove their political beliefs into every part of the paper, but perhaps you proved me wrong.
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Oh, lighten up and get a sense of humor. I took shots at both parties. I might be an independent for all you know. Or a Republican.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 4, 2008 5:28 PM
You say "penchant for wearing sequined robe" like it's a bad thing.
Still, President Angry Vince McMahon would be phenomenal.
Posted by: Matt and Adam | November 4, 2008 5:40 PM
Eck,
You know I love you, but this column was so unfunny, Michael Cole can't even fake laugh about it.
Posted by: Elevation | November 4, 2008 5:49 PM
HBK
Campaign slogan:S*ck It!
Why he could become prez: He retired ric , let's hope he can do it to McCain too.
Downfall: BALDING!
Posted by: tito | November 4, 2008 7:14 PM
Hate to disagree Elevation but the Brooke line was comedy gold and the Ventura catchphrase is still the funniest in wrestling history. I believe he stole it from Obama's wealth redistribution/Socialism plan.
Posted by: eric | November 4, 2008 7:53 PM
Bret Hart:
Campaign Slogan: I'm the best candidate there is, the best there was and the best there ever will be!!
Why he could win (despite being Canadian and not eligible): His cartoons would make great campaign posters; great at making a lot of people who suck look like they can do their job.
Potential Downfall: Has spent the last decade + moaning about the last time he go screwed out of a victory. Also has a history (kayfabe) of telling Americans that he hates them.
I'm a regular reader Kevin and I enjoy all your writing, but this one is at the top of my list for laughs
Posted by: Anonymous | November 4, 2008 8:23 PM
I vote for "enjoyed it". And if you're not down with that...
Posted by: Marko50 | November 4, 2008 11:38 PM
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Campaign Slogan: and that's the bottom line because Stone Cold says so
Why he could win: he's just a regular beer loving guy who would appeal to all the Joe the Plumbers of the country
Potential Downfall: liberals prefer Pinot Noir to Budweiser
Posted by: Bob Buscaglia | November 4, 2008 11:55 PM
"Potential downfall: Has inhaled"
Thanks, Kevin. You now owe me a beer and a new keyboard.
Posted by: Anonymous | November 5, 2008 12:26 AM
Good stuff.
Posted by: Sean | November 5, 2008 10:51 AM
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Campaign Slogan: Gimme a Hell Yeah!!! HELL YEAH!!!!
Why he could win: During the debates he would just say his piece, answer his opponent with "That's the bottom line cause` Stone Cold Says So" and give them a stunner
Potential downfall: His foreign policy would be to give a stunner to any foreign country's leader that he disagrees with during negotiations (could be taken as a plus)
Posted by: MDP | November 6, 2008 1:37 PM
The Rock's debate methods made me laugh out loud! Man, I miss The Rock. Too funny Kevin.
Posted by: Rick Chaney | November 7, 2008 11:38 AM
I think a lot of republicans got their feelings hurt with this.
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Certainly not my intention. I tried to be an equal opportunity offender. It's not my fault if the Republican jokes were easier to make.
Posted by: Mike | December 23, 2008 7:34 AM