The bottom line on “Stone Cold” Shark Boy
Watching Impact last night, it became apparent that TNA finally has found a wrestler who will resuscitate its floundering pay-per-view business.
That person is “Stone Cold” Shark Boy.
What?
You heard me.
What?
OK, that’s enough of that. Yes, Shark Boy has come to save us. Wait, I just got a brilliant idea for TNA: Do any of the X Division guys do Chris Jericho impersonations? Anybody know how to get in touch with Lenny Lane?
But I digress. Certainly, the TNA creative team wouldn’t waste valuable TV time on Shark Boy and put him over if it didn’t think he would sell tickets and pay-per-views. Plus, “Stone Cold” Shark Boy is nothing short of creative genius. He is Vince Russo’s crowning achievement, topping Beaver Cleavage, Richard and Rod Johnson, Sgt. A-Wall and even David Arquette as the WCW world heavyweight champion.
Of course, for “Stone Cold” Shark Boy to be a big draw, he’ll need a strong heel adversary, preferably an authority figure. I’ve got it. TNA could promote “Stone Cold” vs. Vince II: Shark Boy vs. Russo!
What, you think I’m not being serious? You smell something fishy? Well … you’re right! What a swerve! Russo would be so proud.
Seriously, making fun of TNA over “Stone Cold” Shark Boy is like shooting fish in a barrel. Hey, that’s three bad fish puns in one blog post. I think that makes me an honorary member of the TNA creative team.
Some other thoughts on last night’s Impact:
This was a pretty bad show, even by TNA standards. In addition to a Stone Cold parody, we got a guy who usually does a Randy Savage parody break character to do a Shawn Michaels parody. Yes, it seems that “Black Machismo” Jay Lethal has “lost his smile.” I know how he feels. I lost mine watching this show. …
Between wrestlers doing impressions of real stars – you know, the guys who were big in WWE -- and The Rock and Rave Infection’s lame rock star gimmick (Lance Hoyt and Jimmy Rave playing Guitar Hero guitars and Christy Hemme screeching) -- I felt like I was watching an indie show, although that’s an insult to most indie shows. …
For those who think that Impact only makes dated references to WWE, an NWA reference from 1986 made it into last night’s episode when Brother Ray mentioned Jim Cornette falling off a scaffold. I got it, but I’m not sure younger viewers did. I’m glad when I was watching wrestling as a kid back in 1974 that they weren’t referencing Lou Thesz matches from 1952. …
I’m less interested in Samoa Joe as a character than I’ve ever been. This pairing with Kevin Nash just doesn’t work. It was encouraging, however, to see Joe dressing more like a star. …
Cornette agreed to pay Joe 15 percent more than Kurt Angle. That’s the kind of business deal that put WCW out of business. …
The show did have a few bright spots. Lethal and Johnny Devine had an entertaining street fight; bringing in Curry Man (Christopher Daniels) was a good idea; and the tenuous partnership between Tomko and A.J. Styles is interesting, although at this point I’m desensitized to TNA tag teams not getting along. I am looking forward to the Tomko-Angle match next week. …
The line of the night goes to Matt Morgan, who was cutting a promo on Nash: “Nobody cares what you have to say, Granddaddy Cool.”
Comments
I know it's the bottom show, but I'm surprised I haven't seen anything on Chavo winning the ECW belt. Could this lead to a CM Punk-Edge feud?
Posted by: Mike | January 26, 2008 11:34 PM
Good post man, agree with everything you said.
Posted by: Anthony L. | January 27, 2008 1:14 AM
An Open Letter to Kevin Eck, et al:
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND??!!?????
Did you actually write "bringing in Curry Man (Christopher Daniels) was a good idea"???? Tell me this was a cruel joke by the dork who pastes stuff up on your blog.
20 years ago, you probably would have written "bringing in Red Rooster (Terry Taylor) was a good idea".
(And 20 years ago, you would also probably have your sycophants who reply "Good post man, agree with everything you said" Cept he probably would have said "dude")
Dont you have any clew how much of a career-killer this will be for Christopher Daniels? Thanks to the Internet, he is not shrouded in secrecy behind a masque, and once fans tire of this crummy gimmick (about 30 secs after the intro for me) the reputation of the Fallen Angel will be ruined. RUINED!
Bad enough he jobbed as a Conquistador in the WWE... now this???
"Curry Man" was the dot on the i of the low point of television sports.
Stunning Stewy Smoot
The Masqued Debateur
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Christopher Daniels is a great worker, but he was treading water in TNA. The fact is that Daniels will probably never be a huge superstar, so Curry Man can't kill his career. Actually, Daniels has been playing Curry Man for years in Japan and the character has always gotten over there.
Posted by: Stunning Stewy Smoot | January 27, 2008 9:50 AM
RESPONSE FROM THE MASQUED DEBATEUR: (Lets get one thing crystal clear: I have been watching Professional Mens Wrestling since the days when Bullet Bob Armstrong broke into the business (an up and coming young lion if you wee-illl) so you are not sparring with some doe-eyed snot-nosed punk from the suburbs.)
Understood that Daniels will never be a superstar (neither was Terry Taylor) but once a wrestler is tagged with a gawd-awful gimmick, he is marked for life. Even Kevin Nash still has to live down Oz....
I realize that Curry Man is over in Japan, but the average TV viewer in the US is far more sophisticated.
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: Sorry, masked one. I didn't mean to suggest that you were not a knowledgeable observer. I'm not sure about the U.S. fan being more sophisticated than the Japanese fan.
Posted by: Stunning Stewy Smoot | January 27, 2008 4:37 PM
THIS IS GIMIC INFRIGMENT!!!!!!!!! I mean really there is only on Stone Cold and his name is under the company WWE!!! NOT,I repeat NOT TNA!!!!! Fish boy or what ever the cheap-skate's name is does a terrible Austin impression. And what's with them clam gooo instead of the beer. TNA has sunk to new lows and WWE is gonig to make them pay. WWE is gonig to run them out of business.(Like WWWWWCCCCWWWW.) Kevin who is better TNA or WWE?By the why CENA IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: S Cold | January 31, 2008 10:14 PM
They can not do that that is gimmick infigment
stone cold belong to WWE and shark boy is cheap cheap i tell you
when people see him they will say pathtic they have to copy one of wwe biggest stars
that is just on of the many reason that i HATE tna.....
Posted by: Anonymous | November 26, 2008 2:23 PM