R. Lewis, A.D. should settle it in the ring
Forget about Adam “Pacman” Jones. If pro wrestling promoters want to turn NFL stars into wrestlers, they should recruit Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis and New England Patriots linebacker Adalius Thomas.
The former Ravens teammates have engaged in a war of words recently – or, to use wrestling vernacular – they have cut promos on each other. Now, there is only one logical place to settle their differences. No, not on the field on Dec. 3, when the Ravens host the Patriots. We already know how that one is going to turn out. Pro wrestling might be scripted, but it’s less predictable than a Ravens-Patriots meeting this season.
Lewis and Thomas need to ditch the shoulder pads, don some wrestling tights and get in the ring. I can see it now …
Thomas comes to the ring in non-descript tights and generic entrance music. Then, Nelly’s “Hot in Herre” blares over the sound system and pyrotechnics shoot off, as Lewis struts down the aisle wearing flashy purple tights, sunglasses and a mink coat. He gets into the ring and does his trademark dance, while Thomas just shakes his head with a look of disgust.
Once the bout begins, Thomas is always one step ahead of Lewis, anticipating his opponent’s every move and countering it. The announcers speculate that Patriots coach Bill Belichick might have secretly videotaped Lewis’ private workout sessions and passed them on to Thomas.
Lewis eventually mounts a comeback. He takes down Thomas, then stands over his fallen foe and wildly beats on his own chest in celebration. At that point, Ravens coach Brian Billick makes his way to ringside. He intentionally distracts Lewis, allowing Thomas to recover and roll up Lewis for the pinfall.
Billick then cuts a promo to explain his actions.
“Quite frankly, the dynamics of my relationship with Ray changed when he went outside the parameters by questioning my play-calling,” Billick says. “That just didn’t fit our profile, so I needed to adjust accordingly in order to regain my swagger. Hopefully, we can put this behind us moving forward. In other words, it is what it is.”
Comments
If this match occurs in TNA, then both sets of team cheerleaders come out wearing slacks and glasses, and watch on the walkway with concerned looks on their faces.
Just before the finish, the entirety of both teams come down and brawl outside of the ring, not affecting the outcome. During this time, Mike Tenay and Don West will both yell so much that they both simultaneously lose their voices and start seizing. The Impact Zone crowd will "this is awesome" at their shaking bodies.
After BB's promo, LaDanian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates hit the ring to beat down Ray and AD, followed by Eli Manning and Jeremy Shockey, followed by Matt Hasselbeck and Shaun Alexander, all to set up a 4-way reverse X tag battle royal for the right to enter a tournament for the X division number-one contendership for the taller team member, which will start with all four teams fighting outside of the ring to get back inside of the ring to get the red x hidden beneath the ring where Abyss is hiding with A-Rod. Once A-Rod is revealed, Tenay will wake up just in time to yell, "Hey, that's Alex Rodriguez, known as A-Rod in another promotion. What's he doing here? He doesn't work for TNA!"
If WWE books the match, AD vs. Ray ends with HHH coming down and beating them both with sleepers. Then the Undertaker appears, making the belt motion at his waist, demanding a shot at the Ravens Super Bowl title in a casket match vs. the entire 2000 team, which he will win with no outside interference.
Posted by: Chris | October 25, 2007 5:01 AM
Haha, great Billick promo. It's almost like you've heard it all before, Kevin...
Posted by: Kevin in Columbia | October 25, 2007 9:11 AM
Here's a suggestion: stick to writing about wrestling.
(Although...in truth...the NFL has probably become nothing more than a glorified version of the WWF.)
Posted by: skaybaltimore | October 25, 2007 9:41 AM
Who left to play for a legitimate contender?
Posted by: Steve Grogan | October 25, 2007 10:02 AM
Darn Kevin, That was funny. You just forgot to mention that Suggs saw the fight and was crying cause Ray got beat and Hit Thomas over the head with a chair.
Posted by: Patrick | October 25, 2007 10:05 AM
I would definitely pay $50 to see this as a main event in a pay-per-view. The only thing missing for me would be a run-in by Jarett Johnson that Thomas easily counters. Maybe the old missed-chair-shot-bounces-off-the-rope-and-hits-Johnson-in-the-head move, followed by a DDT by Thomas and him standing over Johnson's unconsious form, shaking his head as if to say, "You weren't better than me before, you ain't better than me now."
Posted by: Pat O | October 25, 2007 11:02 AM
Does anyone remember "Refrigerator" Perry at Wrestlemania? Or Lawrence Taylor? The last NFL players to ever have any success in the "Squared Circle" were Ernie "The Cat" Ladd and Chief Jay Strongbow. As Gorilla Monsoon once said, "They don't know a wristlock from a wristwatch". If Ray does get ahold of A.D. maybe he can open that old scar on his forehead. Then they'll stop the match because he'll be bleeding profusely! Leave the wrestling to the "Real" atheletes. P.S. Sammartino belongs in the Hall of Fame!
Posted by: Wrzesien | October 25, 2007 11:34 AM
You forgot the special guest referee... Steve McMichael (with Pepe) who enters as the music of "Who Let the Dogs Out?" is played!
Posted by: Gentleman Chris | October 25, 2007 12:24 PM
Maybe Vince can set up the match for Wrestlemania. I think it's a good idea because if it actually were to happen, it could garner the interest of non-wrestling fans. Unfortunately, I don't think it will ever happen due to contractual obligations. But I do think Thomas could easily play the heel, since members of the Patriots seem to have no problem cheating to win!
Posted by: Sean | October 25, 2007 5:36 PM
the parameters of this sophomoric snippet don't jibe with the philosophy of this football team.
ray complains about what went wrong after the fact,
and I tell him:
It's ok.
You're hall of famer
What do I know.
I'm just a coach.
I'm a millionaire too...
It's about time the asylum stands up to the lunatics
Posted by: don | October 25, 2007 11:51 PM
Ray Lewis' wrestling-inspired solo entrance (complete with pyrotechnics) at the beginning of last year's Super Bowl turned out to be corny, considering the outcome.
"Real" sports owe a huge debt to "wrestling entertainment" going as far back as Cassius Clay.
RESPONSE FROM KEVIN ECK: The Ravens were in the Super Bowl last year? How did I miss that?
Posted by: The Baltimore Boogie Man | November 8, 2007 8:17 AM