When Chuck Norris is in trouble, he calls Matt Wieters
Used to be, you had to be an aging action star to get this kind of hyperbolic tribute site. As time passed, the trend became somewhat diluted and even rookie pitchers were getting them. So it probably should surprise no one that MattWietersFacts.com is up and running. The site's slogan is, "Facts so good, they make Chuck Norris cry like a girl." And they don't disappoint.
A few of my favorites are below, but you should really check out the site to get the full flavor. And to encourage you to think up a few of your own, I've included some of my Matt Wieters facts at the bottom of this post.
(Wieters, by the way, returned to the lineup for Triple-A Norfolk last night. He went 1-for-4 and scored a run... and found a cure for cancer between innings.)
Matt Wieters Is So Good That Jim Palmer Stopped Talking About Himself.
2,131? How About 3,131? Wieters Laughs In The Face Of Injury.
Matt Wieters Took Batting Practice This Morning. There Were No Survivors.
When A Pitcher Plunks Matt Wieters, The Ball Is Awarded First Base For Enduring The Pain.
Chuck Norris Won't Attend Orioles Games Because He's Afraid Of Matt Wieters.
Matt Wieters Invented The Chicken...And The Chicken Sandwich.
Matt Wieters Signed Autographs Today For 5000 People Using 2 Fish, And 5 Loaves Of Bread
When Matt Wieters Retires, Eutaw Street Will Be Renamed For Him Because Of All The Home Runs That Land There. So Will Camden Street, Howard Street, And Pratt Street.
Matt Weiters Is Not Trying Out For The Baltimore Orioles, The Baltimore Orioles Are Trying Out For Matt Weiters.
Matt Wieters Took Batting Practice Today, And Wouldn't Give It Back.
In The Future, MVP And HOF Selections Will Be Made By The Baseball Wieters Association Of America.
Most Ballplayers Talk About Themselves In The First Person. Rickey Henderson Talked About Himself In The Third Person. Matt Wieters Talks About Himself In The Fourth Person.A Pitcher Shook Off Matt Wieters...Once.
In Last Season's Finale Of Lost, Ben Didn't Move The Island, Matt Wieters Did.
* * *
OK, you get the idea. Fans are kinda excited for this kid. (In fact, there's already a site urging fans to write-in Wieters on their All-Star ballots.)
Now, to encourage you to come up with some of your own, I flexed my flabby and out-of-shape humor muscle a bit. Here's the best I got. I'm sure Matt Wieters could come up with something way funnier. Leave your best effort in the comments and be sure to also send it to MattWietersFacts@yahoo.com.
Matt Wieters caused Chuck Norris' beard to leap off his face and run for cover.
Brian McNamee injected Roger Clemens in the tush with Matt Wieters' saliva.
Congress convened a special session to discuss Matt Wieters awesomeness, and the next day the recession was over.
Twitter allows Matt Wieters to use as many characters as he damn well chooses.
Did you hear about the California woman who gave birth to eight children? Let's just say Matt Wieters knew about her before you did.
Just because he was bored, Matt Wieters fired up his tricked-out Mayflower truck, drove to Indianapolis and brought Baltimore's horseshoes back to town.
Photo: Karl Merton Ferron / Sun;
HOF plaque: MattWietersFacts.com
Comments
Matt Wieters found the key to the batters box.
Posted by: Jeff | April 24, 2009 9:36 AM
I haven't been to the Matt Wieters site, so I'm not sure if this one is there or not...
Matt Wieters once got a triple play by picking off the runner at first.
Posted by: Scott B. | April 24, 2009 1:16 PM
Friendly advice: If you're ever around Matt Wieters when he's donning his catching gear, you'd better make sure to call it the "tools of intelligence" and smile when you say that.
Posted by: Ken Francis | April 24, 2009 1:21 PM
Thanks for the contributions, and glad you liked the site.
We'll add your facts shortly.
Posted by: Daniel | April 24, 2009 1:42 PM
Once when Matt Wieters came up to bat with the bases loaded and the game on the line, the pitcher got so scared that there was a delay while he went to the clubhouse and changed into some dry pants. Unfortunately, that didn't help!
Posted by: Ken Francis | April 24, 2009 1:46 PM
Matt Wieters is actually the fastest baserunner in baseball by far, but he uses his stealth speed to lure opposing teams into a false sense of security.
Posted by: Ken Francis | April 24, 2009 1:51 PM
The only thing that stops Matt Wieters -- temporarily -- is a beeping LED clock and a commercial break.
Posted by: Concerned Citizen | April 24, 2009 2:44 PM
Last night against Norfolk an opposing player rounded third base and headed for home. He saw Matt Wieters blocking the plate, but foolishly decided to run right through him. Funeral arrangements for the player are pending.
Posted by: Ken Francis | April 26, 2009 12:10 PM
Matt Wieters had trademarked the names “big Papi” “Big Poppa” and “big ben” right after he was born. Why you ask? Because he was 6’4 and 220 lbs and hit the placenta out of the park!
Posted by: Ryan | May 11, 2009 2:52 PM
Matt Weiters was awarded an unassisted double play when he threw out a baserunner attempting to steal second.
Posted by: Daniel Stielper | May 28, 2009 10:51 AM
When Matt Wieters gets intentionally walked, the pitcher only throws one pitch, as to not waste Matt's time.
Posted by: Daniel Stielper | May 28, 2009 10:53 AM
The reason it took so long to call up Matt Wieters: the organization had to install bullistic windows on the warehouse.
Posted by: Daniel Stielper | May 28, 2009 11:27 AM