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What eight gold medals gets you

Because you just can't get through your workday without hearing the latest on Michael Phelps' dating habits...

According to Radar Online, which seems like it knows such things, Phelps is dating Miss California, who's known as Carrie Prejean on her tax forms and probably in church, too.

I've spent most of the morning crunching numbers, and I think I've got this all figured out:

8 gold medals = Miss California

7 gold medals = Miss Florida

6 gold medals = Miss Las Vegas

5 gold medals = Miss Puerto Rico

4 gold medals = Miss Fells Point

3 gold medals = Miss Reality Star

2 gold medals = Miss Dundalk

1 gold medal = Miss 2 a.m. and Blurry-eyed

0 gold medals = Miss Pittsburgh

(And if you don't know gold from a yellow piece of chalk, you're probably a Baltimore Sun sportswriter.)

At any rate, Prejean -- this is really her name? does she predate denim? -- appears to be quite a change from one of the last girls the tabloids linked Phelps to. You'll recall that he reportedly brought home a Vegas cocktail waitress for Thanksgiving. (Which prompted a classic line from the Sun's Laura Vozzella, who suspected the whole thing was a mix-up over who's bringing what to the holiday potluck. Vozzella wrote: "You wanted cocktail napkins?" I imagine Michael saying. "I thought you said cocktail waitress!")

Prejean won't likely be taking drink orders in a Vegas nightclub any time soon. In fact, she won the runner-up sash at the Miss USA pageant earlier this week. And while she's reportedly fond of swimmers, some aren't happy with her opinion on gay marriage. During the Miss USA competition, she declared, "In my country, and in my family, I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman."

And then the Internet exploded. Well, not exactly. But a lot of people had a lot to say these past few days.

We're still not sure what she thinks about marriage between mermen and women, but we'll stay on top of this very important story.

Photo: Associated Press


Bravo, Mr. Phelps. That is what you should be doing with your fame. (standing ovation from DJ)


If this is true, why didn't they ask her a question about legalizing pot?

Two people wrongly persecuted linking up? Awesome.

Cheers to You Both. You Deserve Each Other, And You Deserve Happiness.

This is the worst newspaper in the States. The only non-bias section is the obituary section.
The worst newspaper "in the States?" Would that be the lower 48? Where are you writing from, France?
-- Bill O.

Well "in my country" we believe that equality is for all.

I find it rather humerous you are making fun of a girl most likely smarter than you. Those pageant girls are no pushovers. Also, you misquoted and manipulated what she said. Not so professional, more lame on your part. Funny blog though.

I think this has to be the most biased newspaper I've ever seen.
And what the heck is up with the uproar about Miss California? She only stated her belief. She wasn't saying that every gay person needed to turn straight or anything. It was only an opinion and everyone is entitled to theirs.

This is poorly written. I guess I can read this again and again until I get it but I get most other news I read daily.

Someone please tell me, in the words of Sam Kinnison..." what is the attraction of a man's smelly, dank, dark, hairy a-hole, for another 'man' ?

That settles it then. Marriage should only be between a man and a woman and their bong.

No wonder newspapers are folding all over the country.....liberal drivel, Insulting half of your readers on a daily basis, and not a clue as to what you are doing wrong, Because 'reporters are ever so much smarter than the rest of us...just ask Chris Matthews.

I take offense to the suggestion that our obit section is unbiased. We are totally biased against people who are still alive. It obviously leans toward the non-living. No wonder newspapers are dying.

Miss California is awesome! If dude(s) and chick(s) want to be partners or spouses...fine...whatever. But let's not be so quick to squelch those few remaining souls who are willing to express their beliefs in exchange for losing a popularity contest.

No society should extend the auspices of marriage to sexual unions that are, by definition, absurd. If it does, then anyone maintaining any standard in this context becomes a bigot. For homosexuals to be putting a pious mask on their mess is a joke to anyone familiar with the lifestyle and its history. Yes, homosexuality exists in other species, and there are people who enjoy sex with animals. Incest exists, and so on, but such sexual unions should not be legitimized by the institution of marriage.

Might I introduce a neologism?

Homosharia - Totalitarian control where one can't get a job or even win a beauty contest if one doesn't buy into the homosexual agenda.

The homosexual agendites continue to spit on our democratic freedoms. The "tolerant" left will tolerate no variance from the party line.

Mr "Hilton" apologized for calling her a "dumb b&tch" then retracted his apology and said, instead of the "B" word, he was thinking of the "c" word.

I truly am thankful to Mr. Hilton for exposing the hatefulness of the homosexualists. What is more embarrassing then his behavior, is people defending his behavior.

What the heck's wrong with you, Maese?!?

That picture should be three times bigger!

I think it is great. Two bumbling knuckle heads belong together. Should get great progeny from that gene pool.

My man Mike. You've got the best looking gal since 1492. She is a doll baby. Good for you. Her teeth alone should be insured for $$$$.

Jon S.

Fair point. As an alternative, try putting your face closer to your computer monitor.

Did the people all riled up about the homosexual agenda and the liberal rag that is the Sun really read this blog? The point is clearly not to make fun of Ms. Cali for her politics but to print a gossip item about Phelps. That sort of thing is the point of this blog . . .

I think that Miss California is a beautiful person and has a right to her opinion without being put down and let's give Michael a chance to redeem himself.

Fame matters. Phelps with her?

I need far more pictures of Carrie Prejean in a bikini to truly understand the Gay Marriage issue. I'd also like her thoughts on the banking industry and a few shots of her in a slinky dress.

Does Carrie Prejean think it's okay for Michael Phelps to do bong hits...for Jesus?

Wow. This post is sexist on so many levels I don't know where to begin. It's crap like this that makes my daily professional life living hell. Thanks for reinforcing it.

I heard that they were just casual friends.... The interesting thing to me, here, is not just Carrie Prejean's stand, but the even more interesting idea that Michael Phelps would voluntarily choose to spend time in the company of a conservative Christian, on whatever level their friendship is. Is it possible that a post-Bong-gate Phelps is feeling that "God-Shaped Hole" that is in all of us? I can't wait to hear more on this.

While you take great liberties mocking people from different locales, I truly can see through the omnipotence of your post. Those who think they are better than others rarely possess the self esteem it takes to show kindness to others. You may think it's humor, but truthfully, it's not.

I am thrilled that Miss California stood firm in her beliefs. Just the fact that the pageant would take the time to address such an issue shows their lack of creativity (not that I would watch such a freak show to begin with; I have a life) This post is condescending, patronizing, insulting and not funny and I have quite a sense of humor. It's poorly written, all over the place and without a solid point. Yes I know, don't hold back.

This country has been blessed because we were founded on Christian principles and have supported Israel. Everytime we have ageed to take land from Israel, we have had a major hurricane. Not only does Obama support the "anything goes" mentality, he wants to apologize to dictators for our behavior. I wonder what our punishment will be for electing him? He may not be the antichrist, but he definitely is anti-Christ. By the way, what are gay men doing judging women's bodies to begin with?

Carrie Prejean should be praised for standing up for Christ! Christ advocated selling your soul to the superficial world of beauty pageantry; Christ advocated for strutting around next to naked for the world to see and judge, and give you brownie points because your abs look better than Ms. NY; Christ advocated for wearing ten thousand dollar dresses and spending enough $$ on hair and makeup to feed a small orphanage; Christ would be so proud of Carrie, standing up there on stage after dedicating her life to vanity, speaking out against those gays!

On another note... I bet Carrie won't have any problem furthering her career in fashion, modeling, and pageantry... which is pretty much run 99% by homosexuals!!! What a hypocrite: dedicate your life to Satan and the evils of worldly possessions and external beauty... yet call yourself a deciple of Christ? This girl is going str8 to hell!!

We are all sinners, but that shouldnt stop us from saying what is right.

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