What we learned from the NBA lottery last night:
* It's still as comfortable as your old robe and slippers. Yes, the changes in the actual selection process have been extremely controversial, but the staging is the same as it was 22 years ago. Then: the losers sit on stage at risers with their team logos looking as if they're rather be swimming in the East River; the camera closes in on them when their teams are called, making for priceless facial expressions when they don't get the pick they desire; the NBA official opens envelopes with the logo on it, drawing it out for maximum dramatic effect, and the next-to-last card causes that team rep to pretend, on live TV, that he didn't just get a figurative Bruce Bowen-style knee in the groin. Now, it's exactly the same. The reaction winners last night: Tommy Heinsohn (scowled and mouthed a choice profanity), Jerry West (lost every trace of color in his face), Dominique Wilkins (slightly gaseous) and Lenny Wilkens (textbook "I knew this was too good to be true'' fake smile).
* Not all lotteries are created equal. You have to have a Greg Oden or Kevin Durant as the prize to make this whole thing worthwhile. Last year, not much life, because on lottery day, no one had a clue about who should even be considered No. 1 - and it ended up being Andrea Bargnani, who likely will been seen as a steal some day, but who was the very definition of anonymity at the time (and pretty much now). Of course, go back to LeBron, Tim Duncan, David Robinson, Ewing and even Chris Webber, and you see money, prestige and championships changing hands right before your eyes, and the draft itself hasn't even taken place yet.
* Tanking doesn't pay. Sorry, Celtics and Grizzlies. You asked for exactly what you got. Some teams just were plain bad, but you two just gave up, and couldn't even come up with a lie people could even sip, much less swallow. The fact that Danny Ainge pretty much made it obvious that (1) the team he now calls "a playoff team right now'' didn't have to be as bad as it was this season, and (2) he pulled a Rick Pitino in basing the franchise's future on the bounce of a ping-pong ball, despite the spectacular failure of the Pitino plan 10 years ago - well, Celtics fans should be burning him in effigy this morning. As for Memphis, I look at Jerry West and think the entire scenario made him physically ill and probably pushed him toward separating from the franchise for good. Why should The Logo ever be party to something like this? If there were half as many Memphis representatives in the papers, TV, radio, websites and blogs as there are from Boston, we'd have heard more about this.
* Isiah Thomas continues to live a charmed life. He won just enough to keep his job, and, as it turns out, to keep Oden and Durant out of the reach of the Bulls, who own their pick. He probably saved Madison Square Garden from burning to the ground, too. And that's about all the winning he's done lately. But that was enough.
* The Eastern Conference is doomed. Oden and Durant end up in the West? The competitive balance of the conferences isn't going to end anytime soon. Who out there remembers back when a choice Eastern Conference series was considered the de facto NBA Finals and the Finals itself anticlimactic? It was 1998, to be exact. We're coming up on the 10-year anniversary. With Oden and Durant, Portland and Seattle might make the playoffs this year, and that could mean that 10 of the best 12 teams in the league will be in the West. Yikes.
* The NBA doesn't do conspiracies well. In a world envisioned by the Oliver Stones of the NBA-watching (and -hating) public, Amare would have played Game 5, the Suns would be playing Golden State for an NBA Finals berth, and the most storied franchise in the game would have landed one of the top-two picks. Instead, the two most coveted players of this draft begin their careers in the two most remote outposts in the NBA. Most people didn't even realize the Trail Blazers or Sonics were that bad.
* A certain city we all love might rue what happened last night for a long time. Stay with me here. Seattle got the rights to Durant, because early indications are that Portland is going to go ahead and take Oden (which, by the way, sets them up for a reprise of Sam Bowie over Michael Jordan in 1984, if Durant becomes Michael and Oden's legs turn out to have the stability of an Utz crab chip). Now, Seattle is having arena problems, and it has an owner with roots in Oklahoma City, which has an arena that can host an NBA team today, having proven itself when the Hornets used it as their temporary post-Katrina home the last two seasons. Oklahoma City, of course, built its arena without even a hint that an NBA team might someday come there. If things don't work out in either Seattle or Oklahoma City, there is a new arena rising in Kansas City, a moderate-sized city which one would think would be content with baseball and football teams with rich histories and mostly-rock-solid fan bases - but also made a leap of faith, enough to entice the NHL's Penguins to take a look at moving.
So Durant might not play in Seattle for long. He'll likely eventually play in a city that had the vision to build an NBA magnet of a facility. Which means he definitely won't play in a city that had no vision about that whatsoever, which took 40 years just to acknowledge that its arena was "obsolete,'' which decided that while building a 70,000-seat football stadium 40 miles from a larger market on blind faith was good business, doing the same with a 20,000-seat basketball arena was foolhardy, and which now plans to build a smaller place that instantly limits it to small-time events.
Thus, that particular city will not be the future NBA home of Kevin Durant, the most accomplished freshman in college basketball history, the player of the year, the most electrifying, magnetic player in the draft this year, a player who will surely cash in with endorsements and become a marquee name, a linchpin to the league's future ... and a native of the state of Maryland.
Or, for that matter, the future NBA home of Chris Wilcox, who helped lead the University of Maryland to its only national championship.
I think we know what city we're talking about.