Where's Phelps' dad?
To Kevin, et al.,
Subject: Watching from afar
Great list, Kevin. If I can add an item: Fair or not, nosy or simply curious, I think people back in the United States are watching Michael Phelps nightly on NBC and making note of the many shots they see of Debbie Phelps cheering from the stands. The omission is probably striking to some: We see Michael's mom, but what about dad?
Brief background: Fred and Debbie separated for good in 1993 and the divorce was finalized the following year, when Michael was 9. By all accounts, Fred Phelps wasn't an everyday figure in his children's lives for much of Phelps' adolescence. In my column today, I mentioned that Phelps' older sisters, Hilary and Whitney, both played pivotal roles in his development, not just as a swimmer but as a young man.
They did reconcile with their father several years ago but have since drifted again apart. Fred Phelps was in Greece. He is not in Beijing. When I asked his daughters in the weeks leading up to these Olympics whether their father would be attending, they each said, "I don't know."
Our Sun colleague, Childs Walker, spoke with Fred Phelps earlier this week to request an interview. Fred thought about it, and I think he probably handled the request as well as he could. He declined, saying he didn't want to take away from his son's accomplishments by delving into the family story.
"This is just about Michael," he said. "This is his glory, his time to shine, and I want him to get everything he wants."
Rest assured, while Phelps is in the Beijing pool, his father is paying close attention, cheering from back in Maryland.
"I'm just on pins and needles every time he hits the water," Fred Phelps said.
(Photo: 2004, Karl Merton Ferron / Baltimore Sun)
Comments
I give credit to Fred for staying out of this; he could use this for attention and he hasn't.
It's probably not our business to know the true story; however, I know that 10 years ago in Maryland (and to a certain extent, now), that mothers are usually given the children and fathers are pretty much 'shoed' away in divorces (aside from child support expectations). He probably was not ALLOWED to be an everyday figure.
I hope he and his son reconcile their relationship someday.
Posted by: Blaggins | August 14, 2008 11:31 AM
Re: divorce laws in Maryland--you are so right. For a long time, fathers faced an uphill battle to have much say in the fate of their children or even when they could see them. Unless the mother was proved to be a serial killer, she was the unquestioned custodian.
Posted by: eddiepoe | August 14, 2008 2:43 PM
As Mahatma Gandhi said….. The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. To heal what appears to be an estranged
relationship is going to take forgiveness on someone’s part.
Medals and awards are one thing, but family relationships are the
foundation of lives.
The Olympics show us that countries can come together in peace,
I hope one day for peace within this family.
Posted by: Divorced Mom | August 16, 2008 8:50 AM
A shame really, that everyone has glamorized Debbie Phelps, and has ignored Michael's father. The media usually has no problem delving into people's histories, even when they have no business doing so, e.g. John Edwards. Perhaps, the truth is that Debbie was an intolerable woman to live with, who turned the children against their father. Sounds like Michael's father is a class act.
Posted by: MikeP | August 16, 2008 8:34 PM
I commend all the moms and dads who on a daily basis sacrifice for the betterment of their children. God's speed to Michael and his entire family. It must be tough for one or both parents to look on from the outside, especially when one of their children is now a true icon and international world figure in his/her chosen field. I applaud both of Michael Phelps' parents and sincerely wish that he has a good relationship with both of them as well as his sisters. I am a retired NYPD Detective and I am fortunately very blessed, despite my own similar marital woes, to be very much a part of my teenage sons lives both from a "hands on" standpoint and from that of being an observer from the "sidelines" in their endeavors as well. Letting them make a reasonable amount of their own decisions to coincide with the usual parental input. I just pray and hope that they can make good decisions and valuable contributions to society as productive solid citizens possessing a high degree of integrity and strong moral fiber. Thanks to all who allowed me here to post this Sunday morning. Wishing all out there God's speed. - ace
Posted by: Thomas R. Brady | August 17, 2008 6:25 AM
IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO MICHAEL:
Please don't be too hard on your dad until you've walked a mile in his moccasins. Unfortunately, if you marry, you've got a 60%+ chance of being divorced (80% initiated by women), and if there is a child involved you will understand the truly horrifying ordeal MEN are up against in a divorce with children. Then, you will understand your dad...and cry. Tell him you love him NOW. You will understand later. Suggestion: boycott marriage and children until the family law courts are reformed.
Posted by: J | August 17, 2008 2:20 PM
Divorced Mom wrote: The media usually has no problem delving into people's histories, even when they have no business doing so, e.g. John Edwards.
Divorced Mom: When someone is running for president or higher office, I want to know what they are doing in their personal lives. Poor example.
Posted by: Patrick | August 17, 2008 7:58 PM
My ex-wife was a horrible person. She has married 4 times. I had to eat humble pie everytime I saw this miserable creature. I did this for 18 years every other weekend so I could see my percious daughter. Nothing could keep me away from my child. Those men who stop seeing their children due to the antics of their ex-spouses are cowards who do not deserve to be called "father."
Posted by: HNieves | August 17, 2008 10:08 PM
To - Patrick
Re-check the comments. I left the Mahatma Gandhi quote.
My comment is the 3rd one from the top.
Your comment needs to be addressed to MikeP :)
Posted by: Divorced Mom | August 18, 2008 11:25 PM