Frankly, I wasn't all that excited about ESPN's 24 straight hours of college basketball...until my Cal State Fullerton Titans upset UCLA at Pauley Pavilion in last night's double-overtime midnight matchup. I'm still yawning after staying up until nearly 3 a.m. to see the end.

Got to wonder about UCLA. The Titans were picked to finish seventh in their conference and UCLA got just about every call from the Pac-10 offciating crew and still couldn't outlast one of their cannon fodder preseason opponents. The Bruins are in a rebuilding year, but that still shouldn't happen to a program of that magnitude.

I'm not whining after a victory, but Fullerton was smothered under the rim down the stretch and UCLA did not get called for a single personal foul for the first 15 1/2 minutes of the second half. If they were that good, they wouldn't have been behind almost the entire game.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Good to see the home fires are still burning here in spite of my recent disappearance. My travels took me to Southern California and Nevada (I'll admit it, I still love the Southwest) and allowed me to recharge my batteries for the baseball offseason and the second half of the Ravens schedule. I'm boarding a plane (Southwest, of course) in a couple of hours and will be back on the job in time for tomorrow's Ravens workout.

What did I learn over the past 10 days? Sadly, I learned that the Ravens may not be a playoff team, which would be a great disappointment after their 3-0 start. I learned I'm not a jinx -- I think it's been the defensive secondary all along. I learned that traffic in Maryland is never really that bad, at least in comparison to Los Angeles. I learned that playing golf on a repaired Achilles tendon is the best excuse yet for the way I play golf.

Believe it or not, I ran into a few of our regular contributors on the blog while I was out West, which made me feel pretty good. Marshall McLuhan's "global village" is a reality, and the proof is right here, from Jim Doss out in LA to our European Prof in Latvia to Kevin in Iraq and all the great local sports fans that have made this one of the top regional blog destinations.

Thanks for carrying my water for the past 10 days. If you spent some of that time over at the School of Roch looking for dating tips, that's fine too. I'm just glad the blog will still be here when I get back tonight.

By the way, just heard the Orioles claimed right-hander Armando Gabino off waivers yesterday. Don't know how I could have missed that.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (24)
Categories: Just baseball, Just football, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

No, I'm not referring to the fact that the Orioles ranked 28th in the major leagues with 64 victories. I guess it's just a coincidence that Baltimore was just ranked No. 28 in a poll by The Sporting News to determine America's best sports town. Here are the actual rankings, which are particularly galling when you consider that Pittsburgh rankes first and Washington (Are you kidding me?) ranks 14 places ahead of Charm City.

I love this stuff. TSN is one of several publications who rank the various sporting communities every year or so, with criteria that ranges from the performance of the local teams to the enthusiasm of the local fans. I guess if you go by the number of pro teams here and the fact that only the Ravens have had any success over the past decade, I guess I can't argue that Baltimore should be in the top five, but I can't believe it's twice as far down the list as the home of the Nationals and Redskins.

Hey, I'm back on the air: Just wanted to remind everyone that I'm back on WBAL (1090 AM) after what was basically a 2 1/2 week absence for vacation and other personal reasons. Tune in at six and we'll discuss the upcoming game between the Ravens and Bengals and get your thoughts on the TSN snub. If you're out of radio range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (57)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

During our final day in Israel, we traveled to Masada, where a large group of Jewish rebels chose to commit suicide rather than be captured by the Roman legion that laid siege to the mountaintop fortress in the first century A.D.

The accompanying photo is of a couple of my traveling companions – Father Stew Bullock of St. John the Evangelist Church in Severna Park and Frank White, who obviously is not the former Kansas City Royals second baseman.

When I noticed the Orioles caps, I rushed to get this picture before ushering the two of them away from the steep precipice you can see directly behind them. Didn’t want to take any chances with the way the Orioles have been playing lately.

I’m scheduled to be home today, but may mix a few more recollections of my trip with my final week of in-season observations about the Orioles, who – I suspect – will not be getting to the Promised Land any time soon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 4:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (28)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Thought you might like a little proof that I’m actually in the Middle East and not just trumping up a phony vacation so I don’t have to suffer through the Orioles’ latest losing streak with you. This is me trying to start my rental car, and it’s not going very well.

I'm starting to wonder if this noble fellow has a weight limit...or an Achilles injury...or too much pride to be seen carrying a Schmuck around on its back in Israel, if you get my drift. That's the old city of Jerusalem in the background. If it's not on your bucket list -- regardless of your religious affiliation -- it should be.

While you’ve been reveling in the Ravens’ big victory in San Diego and debating whether the O’s will make it to win No. 63, I’ve been touring the Holy Land with a group organized by St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church in Severna Park. It has been a very enlightening trip – especially at a time when President Obama is trying to broker new peace talks between the Israelis and Palestinians.

This is a politics-free zone (the blog, not the Middle East), so all I want to say about the situation here is that it has been very interesting to be a fly on the wall for the past week, traveling both in the Israeli-controlled sections of the country and in the areas under the Palestinian Authority.

I’ve tried to keep up with American sports, but the tour schedule has been intense and the seven-hour time difference has made it difficult to pay attention in real time. I followed the Ravens victory late Sunday night on the internet in a hotel lobby in Tiberius – reading the play-by-play on the ESPN.com gamecast. Tuesday morning, I saw the sun come up over the Sea of Galilee while watching the live broadcast of Peyton Manning engineering that final drive to defeat the Dolphins on Monday Night Football. Pretty cool.

Tomorrow, we’re headed for Masada and then to the caves where they found the Dead Sea Scrolls before heading to the airport for a 4 a.m. flight to Frankfurt and then home just in time to miss the Ravens game. I’m pretty confident they – and you -- can get through one more weekend without me, but I’ll have the blog back up to speed before you know it.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (172)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Don't know how to break this to you, but I returned to the land of the walking just four days ago and now I'm headed out of the country for the next nine days. I'm spending the Jewish New Year in Israel, even though I'm not Jewish. They say there's plenty of old stuff there for every denomimation.

So you're going to have to talk amongst yourselves for awhile, though I may chime in occasionally with a travel anecdote or something. Jeff Zrebiec and Dan Connolly also may step in with some guest entries, particularly if there's some breaking news of great note. We'll also have somebody monitoring the posts in case of a spam storm or a run of real bad blog behavior.

I'm not being shut down for the season. I''ll be back for the final week and whatever happens in the immediate aftermath. I'm guessing the first week after the season will be more interesting than anything that has happened since at least the All-Star break. Can't miss that.

By the way, thanks for jumping all over the last post and throwing out your "The 2009 season has been so long..." responses. The people on the blog obviously are far more clever than anybody on any of the other local sports blogs, and I'm not just trying to flatter you. You're all too smart and good-looking to fall for anything like that.

And, Bob, I'll definitely be back before there's a decision on Trembley's future, so don't do anything rash while I'm gone. The season ticket renewal forms don't even come out for a couple more months.

Reimold's season ends: There were a number of posters here who wondered why Nolan Reimold would wait another three weeks before undergoing surgery to repair his frayed Achilles tendon. Well, the Orioles obviously heard you, because they just put him on the disabled list and he'll have the surgery on Wednesday. The recovery time is three to four months, which means he could have been ready for next year either way, but this adds a little more wiggle room for his recovery. I know what he's about to go through and I wish him the best. I'm sure you all do, too.

Oh, and one more plug: I just put up my last column for a week or so. It'll be in tomorrow's print edition, but if you are so inclined, you can read it right here.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (164)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

The Orioles could not complete the three-game sweep in New York, not after Jeremy Guthrie allowed 15 baserunners in 5 2/3 innings, but nobody around here should turn your nose up at a series victory over the Yankees.

That was just part of a pretty good weekend for local sports fans. Navy bounced back from a slow start to run over Louisiana Tech and Maryland survived a wild one against James Madison, which evened the Terps record at 1-1 after last week's blowout loss to California. Don't want to think about the angst that might have accompanied a loss on Saturday, and neither does Terps coach Ralph Friedgen.

Last but not least, of course, was the Ravens' 38-24 season-opening victory over the Kansas City Chiefs, which was much closer than the final score. The Ravens unveiled their upgraded passing attack and overcame a couple of big mistakes to get off to a happy start, but they'll have their hands full next weekend in San Diego. Pretty sure they won't be rollling up 501 yards against the Chargers.

If you'd like to read my column about the Ravens' apparent new offensive philosophy, you can do that right here.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (24)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Had the remote control working overtime during the first inning, so I could watch Chris Tillman pitch to Derek Jeter and also see as much as I could of Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame induction speech on ESPN.

Saw Tillman strike out Jeter, but was engrossed in the Jordan speech when Alex Rodriguez launched his three-run home run later in the inning. Guess I timed it just right.

Jordan spoke the way he played, spontaneously and with conviction. He had some prepared comments, but he largely talked off the cuff about the people who had an influence on his life. It was heartfelt, funny, entertaining and -- at times -- a little defiant. He didn't shy from his feud with controversial Chicago Bulls GM Jerry Krausse and spoke openly of the conflicts that motivated him throughout his career.

The only first-hand contact I ever had with Jordan was during the time after his first retirement when he attempted to reinvent himself as a baseball player. Went down to interview him in Birmingham, AL, and he was honest, straightforward and helpful. Couldn't help but like him and never had any other opportunity to change that opinion. Seemed like the same guy at the podium in Springfield tonight.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 9:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

The clock is finally starting to run down on my 2 1/2 months of home confinement, which seems like a pretty stiff penalty for one lousy rebound. I will not be returning to the basketball court any time soon, but I hope to be back in real action on Monday, when the Orioles return from their uplifting tour of Boston and New York.

The past 10 weeks has seemed like forever, but I will count my blessings. If nothing else, I'll come out of it a thinner, healthier guy -- at least until I can start driving to Burger King again. I'd like to say that during my recovery period, I had an epiphany about my eating habits, but what really happened was that I no longer could get to the fast food joints and the ice cream aisle at Safeway on my own and my family basically refused to give me anything to eat that was actually worth eating.

Haven't had a Dorito since June, and the withdrawal symptoms weren't pretty. Been forced to survive on a lot of green stuff, which the PETA people say is pretty good for you. I've adjusted for the most part, but nobody has seen the cat around here for a couple of weeks and I'm not talking.

By the way, I don't spend a lot of time plugging my competitors, but Roch Kubatko's morning post at The School of Roch is pretty hilarious, and since he took a quality shot at me in it, I'm going to link it right here. I don't think it's a real school, because the admission form only asked for my measurements and a link to my teen model Web site. I provided both, but I doubt I'm going to get accepted.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (18)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Sorry, I'm just waking up after staying up all night watching the Maryland football team cash it's IOU in California. Remember that the Terps ambushed a ranked Cal team early last season at Byrd Stadium, 35-27, in a game that wasn't as close as the final score. This one wasn't much closer than the 52-13 final, but both games prove how tough it is to travel coast-to-coast and play three time zones away from home.

It wasn't pretty, but I'm pretty sure the Terps are a better team than that...or, at least, I certainly hope so.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

In another act of shameless personal cross promotion, I am posting a link to this week's "News item" column, which appears in today's print editions. You can read it right here, and I hope you like it.

Really, I'm only doing this to buy some time because I have to write my Sunday column on the Orioles and then I have to watch Navy play Ohio State, the Orioles take on the Rangers and Maryland's late-night opener against Cal. Full day of sloth, but I'll try to keep the blog stoked throughout the day.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

This is just a shameless plug for the column I just wrote for the Saturday print edition. If you want to check it out here, I weigh in on a variety of subjects, including Michael Vick, Bart Scott, Brett Favre, Eagles fans (yes, you), Danica Patrick and the rumors she will be part of a nude photo spread in ESPN The Magazine, as well as a few other random subjects.

It felt funny when I wrote it, but reading your own humor is like listening to yourself sing in the shower -- you may think you sound like Pavarotti, but there's a much better chance that you just look like him.

Let me know what you think.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (16)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Sorry for the recent baseball inactivity, but I was assigned to provide instant blog updates from the Ravens-Jets game last night and then write a column today about the Ravens for tomorrow's print edition. Obviously, I'm a versatile fellow, but my intellect -- though vast -- is not vast enough to concentrate on the column and the blog at the same time. Therefore, I'll get cracking on the blog tonight during the second game of the series between the O's and Twins at the Metrodome.

In the meantime, the two-sport fans here can read my Ravens column on the Web site now by going here.

Bonus shameless plug: Tune in to Sportsline at six on WBAL (1090 AM) and join the discussion of last night's Ravens game, which was more interesting than it was conclusive. If you're not in signal range, go to WBAL,com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 4:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Hey, sorry for the lack of activity so far this morning, but I've been dealing with a spam storm in the comment section. I was able to preserve almost all of the legitimate posts, but if one of yours is not there, it's not because I censored anyone. There was a handful of posts that I had to delete because they were buried under hundreds of junk comments. It was either that or force all of you to read a thousand phony Cialis ads.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (20)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

It's time for another edition of Schmuck's Shameless Self-Promotional Plugs, so pay close attention or you might miss an opportunity to blast me in the posting section or call me out tonight on the radio show.

If you want to read my column evaluating the Aubrey Huff deal before tomorrow's print edition, you can do that right here.

If you want to hear me make fun of Brett Favre and talk about the Ravens and the rest of the sports news of the day, tune in to WBAL (1090 AM) at six for Sportsline. If you're not in signal range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon. Lots of people do and call in from all over the country to tell me what an idiot I am.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 4:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (28)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Did anyone really think that Brett Favre was going to go quietly into retirement, even after he balked at reporting to Vikings training camp three weeks ago? The only way this guy is leaving the stage is if he makes like Aerosmith's Steven Tyler and falls off it.

OK, be honest now. How many people really believed that Stephen Strasburg was going to leave $15 million on the table and go play in some independent league? I sure didn't, and said so many times over the past few months. Both sides needed each other way too much.

And who thought that Aubrey Huff was going to finish the season in an Orioles uniform? Well, I'll give you this one. Once he cleared waivers, I didn't think anybody would be willing to give anything up to get him. Now, I can't wait to hear him on Bubba the Love Sponge after six weeks in Detroit.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (49)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you bristle at all the Red Sox and Yankees fans who take over Camden Yards when their teams come to town, you're not going to like what may be a growing trend in sports marketing and promotion.

The New Jersey Nets recently unveiled a new ticket promotion that -- if it's successful -- could be coming to a ballpark near you. The Nets are offering a 10-game ticket plan that includes games against some of the top teams in the NBA and a promotional giveaway that features some of the game's top stars. Fans who buy two of the 10-game plans get five Nets jerseys, each of them reversible...and guess what's on the other side of that Nets logo?

The jerseys reverse to feature the names and numbers of the league's top opposing players, so a geographically displaced Lakers fan can turn the Nets jersey inside out and it becomes a Kobe Bryant jersey.

Nets CEO Brett Yormark was just on CNBC explaining that the Nets have to reach out to casual basketball fans to boost attendance. Opponent marketing, as this kind of thing is called, is nothing new, but the Nets have taken it to a whole new level. The 10-game plans start at $350 and fans must buy two to get the five jerseys, which feature a total of 10 players (five Nets and five opposing stars). The deal also includes a four-week subscription to the New York Post. Hmmmm.

The Orioles depend heavily on the patronage of Yankees and Red Sox fans to boost attendance for almost a quarter of their home dates. MASN already aggressively markets opposing players in its "Who will own it?" campaign. What's next? Nick Markakis/Derek Jeter Reversible T-shirt Tuesday?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (28)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Check out my column in today's print edition of The Sun. I take issue with the NFL and several other major amatuer and professional sports governing bodies for the lawsuit that they filed to stop Delaware's attempt to add sports betting at its racinos.

I don't expect everyone to agree with me -- What fun would that be? -- but I think it's pretty hypocritical. Take a look at it right here and tell me what you think.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Quick programming plug. Ravens running back Ray Rice will join me at six on "Sportsline" (WBAL 1090AM) from Westminster. We'll talk football with ray and take your calls throughout the program. We'll also recap today's Orioles loss to the Detroit Tigers and update you on today's sports news around the country. If you're outside of signal range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Radio update: If you missed tonight's show and want to hear the Ray Rice interview, go to my show page at WBAL.com, where we post the audio from all our "Sportsline" interviews.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

The FedEx guy just showed up at the door today with my son's Washington Redskins season tickets, which created another opportunity for me to question my wife's parenting skills. We moved to the Baltimore area during the city's years in NFL limbo, so the kid adopted the 'Skins against my advice and put himself on the season ticket waiting list while he was still a young teenager. His name came up this year.

I told him he should have put his name on the Orioles season ticket waiting list instead. The wait is not nearly as long, you don't have to park in some satellite lot in Upper Marlboro and you don't feel bad when you have to miss a game, but he wouldn't listen. They never do.

Don't know exactly where we went wrong. When he was applying to college, one of the essay questions on one of the applications for one of the more elite schools asked him to name the most influential person in his life and why? Did he write an essay about me? Of course not. Abraham Lincoln? No. Martin Luther King? No. Gandhi? No, but judging by my guy's eating habits, I doubt Ghandi was ever in play.

He wrote about Marty Schottenheimer.

True story. He didn't get accepted, so I'm guessing that school took the kid who wrote about Dick Vermeil.

It's only a matter of days now before he starts trying to convince me that Jason Campbell is better than Joe Flacco, and I'm chained to the couch with this Achilles thing so I'm virtually powerless to stop him.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (39)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Ravens coach John Harbaugh joins me tonight at six on "Sportsline" (WBAL/1090 AM) to talk about the first week of training camp and look ahead to the 2009 season. During the regular season, Harbaugh will join Gerry Sandusky every Tuesday night at six to recap the previous Sunday's game and take calls from Ravens fans.

If you're not in signal range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Doubt anybody else would have noticed, but today is the one-year anniversary of the start of The Schmuck Stops Here. I started blogging on July 29 of last year after my friend Roch Kubatko jumped over to MASN and began teaching at the School of Roch.

It's been a ton of fun and I've really appreciated the participation by so many of you. The last time I looked, the blog had gotten more than 5 million hits and nearly 31,000 posts over that period. Though I may not always agree with what you write, I truly appreciate all of your posts -- even yours, Burt from Essex.

Thanks again for making it a great first year.

Quick plug: My column today -- which you can read here -- is my take on the conversation that is raging right now on the blog about the tailspinning Orioles. Take a look at it and let me know what you think.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (45)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Training camp officially opened today in Westminster, with the rookies, quarterbacks and selected other veterans reporting to the Best Western Hotel. The Ravens will spent the next four weeks training at nearby McDaniel Colletge.

Normally, this day traditionally marks the end of baseball season for a lot of Baltimore sports fans, but I don't think that's really the case this year. There is plenty of excitement heading into the football season, of course, and lots of fans are more than ready to jump from the diamond to the gridiron, but this summer is a bit different for passionate Orioles fans (and, yes, there still are plenty of them).

Obviously, the Orioles have not done a whole lot in the standings, but the piecemeal introduction of the top young prospects -- which will continue with Chris Tillman's debut against the Kansas City Royals on Wednesday -- has allowed the Orioles to generate continuing interest in the long-term rebuilding program, in spite of real frustration with the on-field results.

Maybe that will wear thin in a few more weeks, but it's probably okay to be a Ravens fan and an Orioles fan at the same time for awhile this summer and fall, as long as you realize that the purple Kool-Aid is going to taste a lot better for at least another year.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Believe it or not, my clearest recollection of the first moon landing 40 years ago today happens to be a baseball memory? I spent the afternoon of July 20, 1969 at Anaheim Stadium enjoying a doubleheader between the California Angels and the Oakland Athletics before heading home to watch Neil Armstrong take that first step on the lunar surface.

Obviously, I don't remember a lot about the two games, except that a young outfielder named Reggie Jackson launched his 37th home run of the season in the nightcap on the way to the best home run (47) and RBI (118) totals of his career.

The moment that really stands out came between games, when the Big-A scoreboard (which now stands in the parking lot of the refurbished ballpark) displayed a crude blinking-bulb representation of the lunar landing module touching down and informed the crowd that "We Have Landed On The Moon." The crowd of more than 17,000 (I had to look the attendance up) erupted in a large ovation and, for the first time in my 13-year life, I couldn't wait for the second game to end so I could get home.

That night, I watched Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin (left) exit the module in glorious black-and-white and then stood out on the sidewalk looking up at the moon, hardly believing it was true. I was pretty sure at that moment that we'd be traveling to other galaxies in my lifetime, but the Cubs haven't even gotten to the World Series since then.

Thanks for indulging me on this walk down memory lane. I actually got a little misty thinking about it.

NASA photo

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I've gotten a lot of nice notes from many of the posters on this site, wishing me the best with my Achilles surgery. I really appreciate the support and hope everyone is having a great summer weekend. Everything went very well -- thanks to the wonderful doctors, nurses and hospital personnel over at Johns Hopkins. It is the best medical facility in the world, so I wasn't surprised, but I was amazed that they actually made the whole thing a relatively pleasant experience.

Sorry, didn't mean to turn this into an Oscar speech, but I like to explain when the blog is left dormant for 24 hours. I'll be on light duty here for a while, but I'll be reading all the posts and hopefully giving cogent replies. I'll be eye-to-eye with my elevated right foot for the next 10 days. Wonder if it will affect the discourse.

I did watch last night's game, but was -- for obvious reasons -- unable to kick the TV when Jason Berken threw that fat pitch to Jim Thome in the fith. I had be restrained when Danny Baez did the same thing with the bases loaded an inning later.

Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play? I thought there were a number of positive developments in the series opener against the White Sox, from guys laying down bunts to Aubrey Huff beating out two infield balls to Adam Jones and Nick Markakis going deep. But when you don't pitch, you don't win.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (29)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Well, not really, but a commentator who goes by the handle "info" became the latest in a series of blog friends to forward me the spoof story from The Onion about Mel Brooks starting a non-profit organization to save the word "Schmuck" from extinction. The original article ran a couple of years ago, but it continues to circulate around the internet and -- for obvious reasons -- gets forwarded to me from time to time.

If you want to take a look at it, I've linked it right here.

If you don't want to take a look at it, here's a picture of Mark Hendrickson looking the way I feel right now. No connection between the two links is intended.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you're wondering where I've been the past 18 hours or so -- and I promise I'll catch up with the posts as soon as possible -- I can only tell you that my basketball career has ended badly. Kobe and Lebron will have to carry the sport from here on out.

Somebody forgot to tell me that there comes a time when you have to put aside childish things...and leave the towering 360 jams to the next generation. So, this past week, I got that memo from a little thing called gravity, which is not my favorite of nature's physical laws. My right Achilles tendon apparently gave up the ghost while I was pulling down a rebound and I will be more of a spectator than normal over the next couple of months.

It's a particularly nasty thing for an athlete or anyone who works on foot, but I'm going to count my blessings. First, because this is the first time in my life I've ever been on crutches (which means I'm a pretty lucky middle-aged guy) and, second, because it's really not a particularly debilitating injury for a columnist/blogger. In short, you're not getting rid of me that easy. I just needed some time for the great sports medicine people over at Johns Hopkins to start me on the road to recovery.

Personal column plug: By the way, I still managed to get my "News Item" column done for tomorrow's print edition. If you can't wait for the paperboy to hit you in the back of the head with it, you can read it here now. If you want, you can also tune into my radio show on WBAL (1090 AM) at six or go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (26)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I knew if I looked hard enough I could find a silver lining to this horrible economic recession, and this is it: There is a new trend toward regular food at fancy weddings, both because real people like me like real food and because rich people don't want to flaunt their wealth during this time of great economic stress for their fellow Americans.

Take a look at this article from the New York Times, but don't drool on your laptop. It looks like I'll be crashing a few fancy weddings this summer. It appears the cheeseburger has become acceptable wedding fare at even the toniest receptions.

Credit line: I was referred to this story by WBAL producer and fill-in talkshow host Greg Bianco, who thinks cheeseburgers are disgusting. He'll be hosting my show next Wednesday night.

Shout out: Also hope this finds its way to a former blog participant named Danny, who wrote in recently to say that he would no longer be stopping by because I posted a blog entry about cheeseburgers when I should have been blogging Delmarva Shorebirds stats or something. I told him that some days I wake up hungry and just can't help myself.

Associated Press photo

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Though I realize 99 percent of you don't give a damn, I just wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate Cal State Fullerton for making it to another College World Series. The Titans have won five of them, and they're playing so well right now, that a sixth is far from out of the question.

For the handful of my old schoolmates who care, here's the ESPN.com story on their impressive sweep through the regionals.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

While I was scanning the business pages today, I came upon a story that sent an absolute chill down my spine. The word on Wall Street is that Playboy Enterprises is in deep financial trouble and is seeking a buyer. The company's flagship magazine has been struck -- like most print publications in this economic slump -- by plummeting advertising revenues that have put it's long-term future in question.

Can't imagine a world without Playboy. I mean, where am I going to get my quality contemporary fiction and fashion advice? Where will I go to figure out what really is the classiest vodka and who makes the best non-Cuban cigars?

And what about the kids? Where's the next generation of 13-year-olds going to find out that air-brushed, artificially enhanced women love a good sense of humor but are turned off by phony, negative people?

This clearly is a sign of the coming apocalypse. Say it ain't so, Hef.

Radio plug: Join me on Sportsline tonight at six. Jeff Zrebiec will chime in from Seattle, where the Orioles open a three-game series later tonight. If you aren't in signal range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Everyone who frequents this blog knows that the only reason I am not on the competitive eating circuit is because I don't like hot dogs. I realize that sounds unAmerican -- and I will down the occasional chili-cheese dog in a pinch -- but the thought of eating 40 or 50 or them in a short time period just doesn't do it for me. Not that I wouldn't try if Jennifer Love Hewitt asked me nicely.

They do compete using other types of food, of course, but the Super Bowl of professional gluttony is the big Hot Dog competition at Nathan's in Coney Island, and -- while everyone knows I have a world of natural talent -- I'm just not up for that.

The good news is that there was a head-to-head (or is that stomach-to-stomach) competition over the weekend in which Kobayashi defeated Joey Chestnut in a contest involving P'Zones, a hybrid pizza/calzone combination sold at Pizza Hut restaurants (left). The P'Zones weigh about a pound each, and Kobayashi won by downing 5 3/4 of them in six minutes. If you want the rest of the story, click here.

Less than six pounds of (basically) pizza in six minutes? Don't make me laugh.

Can I get Cinnamon Sticks with that?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Sorry to hear that super filly Rachel Alexandra won't be running in the Belmont Stakes, but I wouldn't have entered her either. The way the Preakness played out, she would have been set up for a fall in a much longer race against a horse that can close like Mine That Bird.

Judging from owner Jess Jackson's comments, in which he acknowledged the horse is in great shape and has had strong workouts in the wake of the Preakness, I'm guessing he feels the same way. Losing the Belmont would damage the legend. This way, Rachel Alexandra benefits if Mine That Bird brings home the third jewel, since she'll always be the filly who prevented him from winning the Triple Crown.

Winning the Belmont would not have done all that much to change her reputation, so the downside -- losing or getting injured -- wasn't worth the risk. Now the race sets up pretty well for Calvin Borel to become the first jockey ever to win a personal Triple Crown on two different horses. Good luck to him and trainer Chip Wooley Jr, who have provided racing fans with a lot of entertainment (on several levels) this year.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

No. I'm not talking about the Orioles. There isn't much excuse for what happened in the seventh inning tonight. I'm talking about the relative lack of activity at The Schmuck Stops Here today.

Chalk it up to a combination of serious laptop problems and the fact that today is a column day for me. If you want my insights on this day in Birdland, you're going to have to go here for my take on the accelerating Orioles rebuilding plan.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you understand the headline on this blog entry, you're in the demographic that still likes horse racing -- and goofy 1960s sit-coms -- so you'll understand why I won't be showing up here for much of today. I'm heading out right now to do the Preakness pregame show at noon on WBAL (1090 AM) and then I'll be covering the the second jewel of the Triple Crown for The Sun. Don't think Mr. Ed (right) will be running in any of the races, but you never know.

You won't hear any complaints from me about being overworked. I love the Preakness and have covered it almost every year in some capacity since I moved to Baltimore. If you want my take on the difficult future facing racing in general and the Preakness in particular, check out my column today.

Just an aside, but if you stayed up late enough last night, you saw why I was hesitant to assign "reverse lock" status to the matchup between Adam Eaton and Zach Greinke. I thought the only hope the Orioles had of beating Greinke was if the law of averages caught up with him and he finally struggled.

Actually it did. He had the leadoff runner on base all night and allowed a lot of baserunners, but he's as good as advertised and was able to hold the O's down on a night when he didn't have his best stuff. Eaton, meanwhile, may have answered the roster question that has been floating around since Rich Hill started getting close to joining the rotation.

Hill is set to go tonight. Should be interesting.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 8:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

It has come to my attention that our new sports columnist -- former features columnist Kevin Cowherd -- has publicly expressed an anti-cat bias, which puts me in the awkward position of being the only Sun columnist who will be there to defend cats whenever there's a cat-related sports issue.

This is certainly going to increase my already hefty workload, which includes several columns per week, this blog (and holding your hands through this Orioles season is a full-time job in itself) and a radio talkshow. I kind of figured that since Cowherd the Cat-basher had been a features columnist for many years, he would come with a special sensitivity for the smallest and weakest among us, but I obviously was misinformed.

So, I reluctantly accept this responsibility. If a popular NFL quarterback is caught running an illegal cat-fighting ring, I'll be there. If an unscrupulous trainer is pumping steroids into his cats to gain advantage in the Calico Breeders Cup. I'll be there. Whereever there's a cat being exploited or misrepresented or even just misunderstood in a sports setting, I'll be there. If there's a cat reading the Grapes of Wrath and doesn't have proper lighting, I'll be there, too.

Not Cowherd. Just thought you'd like to know.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 3:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you're feeling neglected because there hasn't been any new info on the Orioles here so far today, it's because I have to split my attention between the Orioles and the Preakness. This is nothing new. I've covered almost every Preakness either as a reporter or columnist since I arrived in Baltimore in 1990. Wouldn't miss it.

People say that horseracing is dying, but you wouldn't know it by the crowds that pack the tracks for the Triple Crown races and the Breeders Cup. It certainly has far less mass appeal than it used to -- and definitely appeals to a much older crowd than the X Games -- but there's something about the big races that still draws fans and gets TV ratings. It's called real drama.

Be honest. Major League Baseball sets attendance and revenue records every year, but which would you rather watch -- Adam Eaton throwing his 100th pitch in the fourth inning or Calvin Borel blasting through on the rail aboard 50-1 longshot Mine That Bird (right) to win the Kentucky Derby?

The perception of horse racing as a sport in total decline is magnified in Maryland, because of the dilapidated condition of Pimlico and the lack of consensus on how to re-energize the industry. It certainly hasn't helped that the legislature cared more about gotcha politics for four years than getting a slots deal done that would have helped the tracks and narrowed a huge state budget deficit, but that's water -- and billions in lost tax revenue -- under the bridge.

The only thing to do now is enjoy the Preakness and the great way it showcases Baltimore for one shining Saturday every year.

Well, every year so far.

AP Photo

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Glad to report I have returned from the special one-day sportswriter disabled list -- we don't get 15 days like the major league malingerers -- and will resume regular blogging sometime after tonight's show on WBAL (1090 AM). I'll be on the air momentarily (6 p.m.) to talk baseball, football and even a little horseracing. If you're outside of signal range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon. And there's even a toll-free number 1-800-767-WBAL so you can call in from anywhere in the country.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:50 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

It really doesn't pay to take time off, because you're almost certain to engage in some kind of activity that could lead to injury. Take my two-day trip to the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Awards weekend in North Carolina, during which I fell out of a golf cart and now walk like Walter Brennan in To Have and Have Not.

Yes, you heard that right. I fell out of a golf cart and landed hard on that part of my body which is supposed to have the most padding in case of emergency. I guess the best way to characterize my condition is a bruised hip, which goes pretty well with a bruised ego. My foursome in the annual NSSA golf tournament finished last, and my embarrassing appointment with gravity happened way too late in the round to serve as a legitimate excuse.

Don't know why I'm telling you all this, except to buy some time before I return to Baltimore and resume regular blog work on Tuesday afternoon. The people at BWI have asked that you don't gather at the airport to greet me because of crowd control concerns.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (38)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Maybe I'm the only one that noticed, but former rodeo cowboy "Bennie "Chip" Woolley didn't seem all that excited to win the Kentucky Derby yesterday. In fact, he seemed to find all the pomp and circumstance off-putting. I hope -- for the sake of the Preakness build-up -- he was just uncomfortable on those crutches, but he really came off in his television interviews as having some kind of chip on his shoulder.

Still, you've got to like Mine That Bird coming to Baltimore in two weeks. I wonder if Calvin Borel will wear Orange and Black.

Yes, I was being a bit sarcastic yesterday when I wondered if Peter Angelos had a hand in speeding up the Felix Pie experiment. It's not like Andy MacPhail and Dave Trembley couldn't see what everybody else has been seeing the past month.

I'm headed for North Carolina today for the National Sportscasters and Sportswriters Convention the next two days, which will probably cut into my participation in the continuing discussion of the Orioles first international expedition of the young season. I'll pop in a little later today. but don't know if I'll be able to watch the game. Of course, if it's anything like yesterday's, I'll be the lucky one.

I had two of the three horses in that $41,500 trifecta. It's not hard to guess which one I didn't have. While we're on the subject, I only missed that big MegaMillions jackpot by six numbers.

If you want more of my rapier-like wit, you can also take a look at my column today on the Web site.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 7:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (25)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

When The Sun unveiled its newest sports blog -- The Toy Department -- I admit I was a little suspicious. Were the powers that be trying to put The Schmuck Stops Here out of business? Did they think The Schmuck had gotten too big for his britches and wanted to put him in his place? I wondered what they were saying behind my back.

The Boss: My God, the guy is starting to refer to himself in the third person. We need a blog people can really identify with, not some guy who is so arrogant he's actually considering paying retail for those Tommy Bahama abominations.

The Boss's evil middle-management minion: Agreed. Do we have anyone who will agree to play golf naked?

Well, if you go to The Toy Department right now, you'll get your answer. Fellow Sun columnist Rick Maese gives a first-person account of playing golf at one of only two courses in the country that is located in a nudist colony.

Rick, of course, was nervous about competing with veteran naked golfers, so I had to give him a little pep talk.

"Don't give them that much credit,'' I told him. "They take their pants off one leg at a time just like you do."

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 9:56 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Considering what was going on with the Maryland men's basketball program a month or two ago, it's probably a bonus that Terp fans are even on NCAA selection watch today. Back when Greivis Vasquez was jousting with the fans at the Comcast Center and coach Gary Williams was grating on the athletic administration (and vice versa), I heard people predicting the Terps wouldn't even be a strong NIT candidate.

It's a credit to Williams that he did what he has done his whole career. His teams generally improve throughout the season and this one marched right back into March with an outside chance to go to the Big Dance.

Yes, an outside chance. If I was betting my 401K -- and, at this point, I'm considering putting the whole thing on one hand of blackjack to try and get even -- I'd say the Terps still end up on the outside looking in. But I hope I'm wrong because they have worked very hard to get to 20 victories and put themselves in a position where -- with 10 minutes to go yesterday -- they had a chance to play in today's ACC Tournament final. They just ran out of gas in their third tough game in three days. No shame in that.

My fear, ironically enough, is that when Southern Cal made it's great run this weekend to win the Pac-10 Tournament from the seventh seed, that might have cost the Terps one of the last slots in the NCAA Tournament field.

Guess we'll find out tonight.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Until today, I hadn't missed an intrasquad game in nearly a year, so I'm feeling like I let everyone down by taking a half day off to play golf. Okay, you just caught me in my first lie, but at least I did come back to the training camp to make sure I didn't miss any big news.

If you're keeping score at home, I shot a 95 with one mulligan on a fairly easy course in Pompano Beach. Drove the ball well. Made good contact on the middle irons. No short game whatsoever. If I was that iceberg that sank the Titanic, I would have come up eight inches short and a lot of people would have gone on to have a very nice cruise.

Can't wait for tomorrow, and it's not because I get better-looking every day. The Orioles play two games against the St. Louis Cardinals, one in the afternoon at Fort Lauderdale Stadium and one at 7 p.m. in Jupiter, Fla. Dave Trembley and the major league staff will oversee both games.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

The Ravens have scheduled cheerleader auditions for tomorrow and Sunday at the Downtown Athletic Club, and expect 150-200 men and women to compete for the 45 slots on the cheerleading squad.

So, if you're a good-looking, athletic young man or woman, you've got a tough choice this weekend, because the Orioles are holding their ballboy and ballgirl tryouts at Oriole Park.

Obviously, I'm conflicted. Baseball has always been my sport, but if they're going to force me to choose, I'm going for the cheerleader squad. I think I look pretty good in Spandex. I know I'm a little older than the average candidate, but if Molly Shattuck could do it, I'm thinking why not me.

Cheerleader registration at the DAC will be held from 9:30 to 11 on tomorrow. Ballboy and ballgirl candidates should report to Oriole Park at noon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 9:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

...and missing your inning-by-inning updates this weekend, check out this story from the Associated Press in Las Vegas. The NASCAR Cafe at the Sahara Hotel and Casino is offering a six-pound burrito for $19.95 that is free if you can finish it. As an added bonus, diners who polish off the whole thing also get an unlimited roller coaster pass, which creates janitorial possibilities you don't even want to think about.

Okay, I'm not really going to Vegas, but I'll be popping in here a little less frequently today and tomorrow because I'm celebrating my 25th anniversary this weekend with my wonderful wife, who -- coincidentally -- has been married to me for 25 years.

I think you'll agree that anyone who could stay married to me for a quarter century deserves a weekend doing anything she wants regardless of the cost, unless what she wants is a new husband with a better wardrobe.

Maybe, if you're real nice, Jeff Zrebiec will pop in with a news item or two to keep things interesting. I'll be sending in a few things, but I need a couple days off after racing Roch Kubatko back and forth from the Orioles clubhouse all day for two weeks. He's a lot younger than I am, though when he produced his birth certificate many of us were surprised to discover that he was born in Santo Domingo.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (24)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

First, my apologies to all of you who thought this was going to be an Oscar Salazar update. This morning's first subject -- since I haven't gotten to the ballpark yet -- is related to the Academy Awards show last night and my opinion that Sean Penn and O's catcher Gregg Zaun were separated at birth.

I know the resemblance is sketchy, and I'm pretty sure Zaun isn't likely to start lecturing everyone in the clubhouse who is opposed to gay marriage about how ashamed their grandchildren are going to be of them, but I thought I'd let you join in a fun little game we play in the press room once in awhile and ask you to pick the cast for a movie about the Orioles.

If Penn would play Zaun, who would play Aubrey Huff? Melvin Mora? Brian Roberts? Nick Markakis? Adam Jones?

Bonus Oscar rant: I'm not commenting on the gay marriage issue here one way or the other. I'm just tired of being lectured on politics and ethics by Hollywood, though I appreciate Penn taking time out from punching photographers to let us know how he feels about peace, love and understanding. I also found it funny that in the same Oscar speech, this year's Best Actor condescendingly condemned opponents of gay marriage and talked about how happy he was to finally have an "elegant" new president, forgetting -- apparently -- that Barack Obama and vice president Joe Biden said repeatedly during the campaign that they are personally opposed to gay marriage.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 7:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (90)
Categories: Just baseball, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

The expression "No good deed ever goes unpunished" was never more true for me than it was earlier this morning on my way to the ballpark. I was headed down Atlantic Boulevard when I had to swerve to miss a large box turtle trying to cross the six-lane road. Even on Sunday morning, Atlantic is a heavily traveled street and there was no way the turtle was going to get over the curb, so I made a U-turn and went back to move it into the adjacent open field.

Don't know why I did it. Guess I was just looking for a little Karma. Maybe someday a giant turtle will show up just in time to bail me out of a major scrape. But that's not where I'm going with this story.

I put on the emergency flashers and sprinted across the median, or what passes for sprinting when you look like me, then picked up the turtle and started to carry it off the road.

If you're a turtle expert, you know what happened next. The little fellow apparently had about five ice teas before he hit the road and his special turtle defense mechanism kicked in.

So, why did the turtle cross the road?

To pee all over my nice, newly dry-cleaned Aloha shirt.

Accuracy in blog media dept: Just want to point out that the picture above is not the actual turtle involved in this account. I'm not even sure it's the same turtle species. If you'd like to get independent confirmation of this anecdote, here's Roch Kubatko's take on incident.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 8:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

So, this is what I've been reduced to: I came up on the wrong end of the WBAL football derby again this year -- which is a less prestigious version of the prediction contest that football writer Ed Lee and I won here at The Sun -- and had to agree to show up at the studio for The Shari Elliker Show today at 11:30 and feed penguins.

No, not the hockey players from Pittsburgh. I think we've done plenty for that town already. These will be real penguins from the Baltimore Zoo and I'm told their eating habits are not particularly refined. I've also been informed by WBAL producer Jared Ruderman that after feeding them, your hands will smell for a week. I don't know how he knows this, but he's a talkshow producer, so what do you expect?

I've long had an affinity for the penguin, the only bird that is always overdressed, but I'm guessing this is going to shatter my childhood illusions.

Since this is really just another shameless radio plug, you can also hear me on The Week in Review with Clarence Mitchell IV at noon. If you're not within signal range of WBAL (1090 AM), you can go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 9:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

In my quixotic quest to become a knowledgeable hockey fan, I'll be in front of the TV at 6 today for the NHL All-Star Game. The television broadcast will be on Versus, the sports channel for people who hate ESPN and can't find the new MLB Network.

I've tried to spend more time around the Washington Capitals this year, even after nearly cracking my skull at their Media Fantasy Camp a few months ago, but my lofty intentions were pre-empted by the surprising success of the Ravens. I wouldn't even be able to watch tonight if they had beaten the Steelers in the AFC Championship Game, because I would be on a plane to Tampa right now. (Do I sound bitter?)

Oh well, Alex Ovechkin and friends await. Check it out.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Nice to see a lot of you at the Maryland State Police Polar Bear Plunge today, though -- in the future -- some of you should follow my lead and leave your shirts on. It's not like you're Michael Phelps and it's going to slow you down.

I apologize for the false link in the previous entry (which has been fixed). Got in a rush putting that item up early this morning. Didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Somebody interrupted me. My kids were up late and making a lot of noise. But I don't make excuses.

It promises to be a quiet rest of the weekend. Andy MacPhail is probably trying to catch up on his sleep and Brian Roberts is still on his honeymoon. (Confidential to the O's ticket office: There goes the twentysomething female demographic). Next week, maybe they'll get down to business.

The Plunge, which benefits Maryland Special Olympics, was a huge success. The organizers are estimating they will raise more than $3 million. My contribution, other than raising the water level in the Chesapeake Bay for a minute or so, was negligible, but I had a great time.

My thermal hat was off to former Oriole B.J. Surhoff, Adam Terry of the Ravens and new congressman Frank Kratovil, who took part in the Super Plunge and dunked themselves in the icy water once an hour for 24 hours.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 4:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you can't imagine going the whole afternoon without a dose of my peculiar wisdom, join me and Clarence Mitchell IV at noon for The Week in Review on WBAL (1090 AM). If you're out of listening range, go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

So, New Years Day is over and there still is one more full week of college football bowl action. I recently re-read The Federalist Papers and I just don't think this is what the founding fathers had in mind.

My college football season officially ended at halftime of the Rose Bowl. Southern Cal was up 31-7 and appeared to be poised to make an end run at the Associated Press national championship, but the Trojans let up on the gas in the second half and Penn State salvaged some self-respect by closing the gap to just 14 points in the final minutes.

Now, we have to wait until next Thursday to find out who will win the BCS title, which is fine since I really don't care whether it's Florida or Oklahoma. I just hope they quit moving the championship game back before it butts into spring training.

In a perfect world, they would have some kind of playoff system, but in a perfect world, Mark Teixeira would be an Oriole, Willis McGahee would have a sock in his mouth and the Yankees would have to sell Alex Rodriguez to pay for their new stadium.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you read the "Rewind 2008" feature in today's Sun sports section, you know that my most memorable in-person moment of the year was the congressional hearing on Feb. 13 in which Roger Clemens made a desperate attempt to save his allegedly steroid-tarnished reputation.

The interaction between Clemens and personal trainer/accuser Brian McNamee left you to decide who was telling the truth. I left there thinking both of them were sleazy and wondering if anyone -- including the requisite grandstanding legislators who embarrassed themselves by turning a baseball hearing into a political football -- was really interested in the truth.

Here's my column from that day.

Now it's your turn. What was your most memorable sports moment of 2008, and I'll make it a little easier. You didn't have to be there.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (30)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just some stuff that crossed my mind while I was waiting for someone to throw out the ceremonial first "Bring Back Sammy Sosa" post:

If you're a Ravens fan, today has to feel a lot like Christmas, and it's not like you have to strain your memory to make the comparison. Four months ago, you would have settled for seven wins and some noticeable growth in rookie (reserve) quarterback Joe Flacco. Instead, the Ravens are a few hours away from playing their Week 17 game with a playoff berth in the balance. Happy Holidays, indeed.

Let's start a rumor that Mark Teixeira will be sitting in Steve Bisciotti's suite today. Why not? He's got enough money now to invest in the team.

Sure, it would be nice if the Buffalo Bills suddenly rose up and trounced the Patriots, if only so we don't have to watch Derrick Mason (right) pop his shoulder back into place after each of his eight receptions today, but that's probably asking too much.

My wife hasn't touched her new Craftsman tool set since Christmas morning. Her engine is still knocking. I mean, what's the deal here?

After the Cowboys lose to the Eagles in Philly today, I think they ought to mike up Terrell Owens and Roy Williams and turn that trainwreck into an HBO reality series.

Frankly, I don't think I've ever seen a more poorly coached football game than last night's Emerald Bowl in San Francisco. Miami's clock management at the end of the first half and at the end of the game was beyond explanation and Cal's offensive playcalling was incomprehensible. Other than that, it was a pretty good game.

Went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button on Friday night. Just got back.

Baltimore Sun photo

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Even though I'm a bit weary after wading through about 1,000 angry Mark Teixeira emails and posts over the past three days, I'll be in studio today at noon for The Week in Review with Clarence Mitchell IV and Kendel Erhlich on WBAL (1090 AM). We'll be talking current events, politics and maybe even some sports from noon to 3. If you're not in the listening area, you can got to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

...a new can of Easy Cheese. Somebody stuffed a can of pressurized cheddar into my Christmas stocking. Probably meant it as a joke, but I couldn't be more serious about my belief -- which I've stated here before -- that the ability to put cheese in an aerosol can is probably the ultimate proof that America is the greatest country in the world.

Okay, that wasn't really all I got, but we had a pretty low-key Christmas this year. My daughter, just home from four months of study in Russia, gets the prize for the most original gift. She went to an open air market in St. Petersburg and bought me two Olympic pins from the boycotted Moscow Games of 1980. They're already on eBay.

No, not really.

Give me credit for the most practical present. I got my wife a full set of Craftsman tools, which either proves that I'm not a sexist pig or that I'm tired of tuning up her car...or both. I also got her a new toaster oven, because I thought she deserved at least one romantic gift.

I'm sure most Baltimore baseball fans would have been fine with a copy of a Baltimore Sun sports section declaring that the Orioles signed free agent Mark Teixeira to an eight-year deal, but it was not to be. You might have to settle for a Kenshin Kawakami O's jersey on your next birthday.

Merry Christmas to all, and remember -- the next time you see me -- that it's better to give than to receive.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:10 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I'm heading for McCarran International Airport and my trip home to Baltimore a little later today. If I see Mark Teixeira on my flight to BWI, I'll let you know.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Don't know why they contacted me about this, but Baltimore's ESPN Zone is gearing up for this year's Ultimate Couch Potato Competition, which will take place at the Inner Harbor location on Jan. 1.

No doubt, I could improve my chances of winning (I'd probably be a lock) by not telling anyone how they can take part, but that wouldn't be very sporting. Of course, sitting in a La-Z-Boy all day probably isn't all that sporting either, but I generally do it for free, so I'm toying with sending in an entry myself.

Fans who are interested must submit an entry to couchpotato@espnzone.com no later than 11:59 EST on Dec. 10, describing why he or she is qualified to be the ultimate couch potato. The entries, which must include name, age, daytime, evening and cell phone numbers, email address and mailing address. Entrants must live in Maryland, Virginia, West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Delaware or Washington D.C.

Is it just me, or does anybody else think it's not fair to have to compete with somebody from West Virginia in an event that requires you to sit in a chair and do nothing?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

It's almost showtime at WBAL and -- for reasons I cannot explain -- Clarence Mitchell IV has engaged me in an argument over Easy Cheese and Cheez Whiz. He claims that Cheez Whiz also comes in an aerosol can, which is ridiculous.

What's more ridiculous is the notion that anyone would challenge my expertise on processed foods. If you don't know the difference between Easy Cheese, Cheez Whiz and, for that matter, the cheese they put in those little individually wrapped Cheez and Cracker Snacks (all of which are Kraft/Nabisco products), you don't deserve to have a radio talk show.

I'm pretty sure this will come up on The Week in Review, but I just had to get it off my chest, and there isn't anything new on Mark Teixeira, so why not?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Since we can all agree that there are some things that are not to be trifled with, let's just stipulate that God, country, family, good health, love, charity and Tina Fey's Sarah Palin imitation are already on everybody's primary Thanksgiving list. Here's a top 10 list of the lesser things for which I am thankful today:

10. Thanksgiving football: Never mind that you have to watch the awful Detroit Lions. If it wasn't for NFL football on Thanksgiving, you'd be watching some Mr. Magoo animated special about the Mayflower right now.

9. More Thanksgiving football: There actually is a third game tonight -- Donovan McNabb has a chance to get benched twice in five days when he faces the Arizona Cardinals -- though you have to have the NFL Network to watch it.

8. Easy Cheese: Don't laugh. I believe that the act of putting cheese into an aerosol can is, perhaps, the greatest single example of American ingenuity other than the moon landing.

7. Worldwide franchising: I ate at McDonald's in London, Paris and St. Petersburg during my recent vacation. It was just a bonus that there was a 7-11 store in the Copenhagen Airport.

6. Google Earth: You can go on the internet and see the roof of your house from anywhere on the planet. Dr. Pangloss was right. This is truly the best of all possible worlds.

5. Strato-matic Baseball: Can't tell you how many dateless weekends that game got me through when I was in high school and college.

4. Dancing With the Stars: I don't care for the show myself, but it keeps a lot of people who shouldn't be driving off the roads at night.

3. Joe Flacco and Mark Teixeira: If it wasn't for them, The Schmuck Stops Here would be a very dull blog right now (if it isn't already).

2. The Atkins Diet: Hamburger buns are overrated anyway. Pass the bacon.

1. The blogosphere: Can't believe I actually get paid to do this.

Feel free to chime in with a few of your own.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Considering the fine job that Dan Connolly and Jeff Zrebiec have been doing here in my absence, I might have to consider staying longer on the continent, especially after the discovery that they serve beer at McDonald’s restaurants in some foreign countries. In particular, this revelation has given me a new appreciation for the French culture.

If that isn’t enough, I boarded an AirBerlin flight on Thursday and the flight attendants were handing out free copies of Playboy Magazine, which caused me to spontaneously blurt out “What a country!” for the first time outside the borders of the United States. Unfortunately, it was the German language version of Playboy, so it was useless to me.

I realize you do not come to The Schmuck Stops Here for a travelogue, but I promised to pop in on occasion and I have had so little Internet access in Russia that I really don’t know what has been going on in the world of American sports. Believe it or not, I spent today in St. Petersburg at The Hermitage, the Winter Palace of the Russian czars before the communist revolution and now one of the finest museums of art in the world.

It was a strange afternoon, because every time somebody mentioned Peter the Great, I turned around and said “What?”

Does this mean I have an ego problem?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:30 PM | Permalink | Comments (20)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Special thanks to Dan Connolly for holding down the fort yesterday while I was en route to France, where the only thing bigger than The Schmuck Stops Here is International Obama-mania. There weren't many magazines on the news racks at Charles DeGaulle Airport that didn't have our new president-elect on the cover and I haven't run into many locals who didn't want to talk about him.

The first thing I saw when I got an Internet connection was that the Oakland A's are close to acquiring Matt Holliday from the Colorado Rockies. If the O's weren't so busy trying to sign Manny Ramirez, they might have been in on that. (Sarcasm alert). In reality, the Orioles don't have two major league-ready young pitchers to spare for a free agent short-timer, but Holliday certainly would have looked good in orange and black.

Don't want to get maudlin here, but I'm spending today and tomorrow in Normandy touring the site of the D-Day invasion. Very humbling to be here on Veterans Day. My father was in the South Pacific, but I have several uncles who fought in Europe in WWII and I know that many of you have fathers and grandfathers who crossed these beaches on one of the most important days in the history of the world. This is truly a holy place.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

My gosh, I leave town for a few days of golf and extended family and my blog has developed a split personality. There is comment after comment that merges post-election angst and free agent speculation. Maybe you really can't get this stuff anywhere else.

I'll tell you this. I think the offer the Dodgers made to Manny Ramirez the other day was a brilliant public relations move and could turn out to be a very impactful event in the overall development of this year's free agent market.

Of course, Ramirez isn't going to accept the reported two-year, $50 million offer that apparently includes an option for a third season. The question is how a pre-emptive $25 million-per-year offer (of any length) affects the other teams that are expected to be involved. It's just possible that the offer was a poison pill that will make some of those teams back out before open bidding even starts.

The Dodgers, in effect, have established $25 million per year as the starting figure. The Yankees might be the only team irrational enough to entertain the possibility of a five or six-year contract for Manny at that salary, and I'm not sure they're that interested. I don't believe the rumors of Orioles interest for a second, but if Peter Angelos really was considering an offer, he probably isn't anymore. And there's still the issue of Scott Boras' other client, Mark Teixeira, who's hoping to get close to $20 million per year.

The Dodgers offer might have been a wakeup call for the rest of baseball. I'll be interesting to see how many teams hide under the covers.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Now that I'm over the psychological trauma from that nasty fall at the Washington Capitals Media Fantasy Camp last month, I made my way to the Verizon Center tonight to see the Caps and Nashville Predators. I would have come back sooner, but I wanted to make sure my neck had loosened up enough to safely change lanes on New York Avenue.

I had almost forgotten how much fun it is to watch professional hockey in person. The game is lightning fast and the surface is actually supposed to be slippery, unlike Citizens Bank Park last night.

The only downside -- and it's a big one -- is that Caps superstar Alexander Ovechkin was not in the building. He had to fly home to Russia to be with his grandfather, who is hospitalized with a serious illness. Hopefully, everything turns out well. Caps officials say Alex is very close to his grandfather and there was no doubt where he should be right now. Can't argue with that.

The Caps seem to be up to the challenge of playing without him. Viktor Kozlov (that's him warming up for tonight's game at right) scored the game's first goal off an assist from Mike Green, and David Steckel answered a Predators score with a short-handed goal on a breakaway with 15:38 expired in the first period.

I know. I know. Hockey doesn't seem to be particularly big in Baltimore, but you wouldn't have known it from the deafening "O!" that went up from the crowd during the National Anthem.

Hope I didn't deceive anyone with the headline and the Koslov photo, but I was pretty sure no one would think that was me. The easiest way to tell the difference is that he's upright. If you want to look back at the previous "Schmuck on Ice" segments -- which include two embarrassing videos of me trying to play hockey -- just go down to the search tool and type in "Capitals" and all of them will pop right up. If you just want to see the incriminating official Caps video, click here.

Getty Images

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:22 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just so there's no confusion, I was quoted at baseballanalysts.com predicting that the Tampa Bay Rays would win the World Series in six games. I haven't changed my mind after tonight's 3-2 loss in Game 1. Though I never made an official prediction in The Baltimore Sun, my column in today's editions is consistent with that outlook since I sort of predicted the Phillies would win two games.

Why am I telling everybody this when I could just lay low after what could turn out to be a pivotal loss? Because I'm not made that way and neither is anyone else who is a regular contributor to this blog. We put it out there and take the heat when we're wrong, though I don't think I'll have any explaining to do after the Series. The Rays will be okay. They lost the first game of the ALCS, too, and won the next three games in a row.

Fish out of water: It feels a little strange watching the Series on TV. I can't remember missing a World Series game since Game 6 of the 1993 Series, the game in which Joe Carter hit that momentous home run off Mitch Williams to give the Blue Jays their second consecutive world championship.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I'm still a little banged up after last night's comedy roast, which featured the cream of the Baltimore media (and isn't that damning with faint praise) taking two hours worth of potshots at the big guy in the ugly shirt.

Actually, it was great fun and it was for a great cause. The Cool Kids Campaign (410-560-1770) does nice things for kids with cancer, so if you couldn't come out last night to the Comedy Factory, you can still call and buy a ticket retroactively and tell everybody you were there and we'll totally back you up.

Can't say I minded missing Game 5 of the NLCS, since I was kind of rooting for Joe Torre to get back to the World Series and figuratively thumb his nose at the Yankees for a couple more weeks. No offense to the Phillies, who clearly are the better team and whose fans haven't been all the way to the mountaintop since 1980.

The Red Sox are hanging by a threat, but you can't count them out. They've come back from bigger deficits than this, most notably in their 2004 world title run after they fell behind 3-0 to the Yankees in the ALCS and gave up 19 runs in a Game 3 rout that seemed to signal the end of that series. That said, I'm on the Rays bandwagon big time.

I missed the presidential debate, too, but I'll probably bear up under the disappointment. Sounds like it was a little more interesting than the last one, but given the choice of watching those guys take potshots at each other and having Roch Kubatko, Mark Viviano, Mickey Cucchiella, Pete Eibner, Wes Johnson, Bruce Cunningham, Steve Davis, Stan Charles and Nasty Nestor take their best shots at me, well, it wasn't a tough choice.

Thanks again to The Baltimore Sun for sponsoring the event and to everybody at the Comedy Factory and the Cool Kids Campaign for doing all the heavy lifting. Thanks also to MC Bob Somerby, and special thanks to all my old friends and some new friends for making it such a fun evening.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Bonds likes freedom from baseball: In an SI.com story, Barry Bonds says that he has had fun during his first full season out of baseball and is enjoying his freedom from the game.

Barry, of course, may have to enjoy his freedom while he can. He's still awaiting trial on 14 counts of making false statements to a grand jury and one count of obstruction of justice. I also think, by and large, baseball fans have enjoyed their freedom from him.

IOC to test doping samples from Beijing: The International Olympic Committee is going to retroactively test for a new blood-boosting drug that was first detected during the Tour de France. Like you, I'm shocked and dismayed to hear that international cycling isn't on the up and up.

Misty May Treanor injured "Dancing": Olympic Gold medalist Misty May Treanor apparently ruptured her Achilles tendon prepping for an episode of Dancing With the Stars. And you used to scoff at reality TV.

Rumors are flying that Kim Kardashian (right) will return to the show to take Misty's place. Maybe Kim -- who's famous for what, actually? -- picked up some moves watching boyfriend Reggie Bush return two punts for touchdowns on Monday Night Football. She certainly loves being in front of the camera.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

This is what happens when none of the Division Series goes all five games. There's no baseball tonight, so I'll have to watch the town hall debate between our two presidential candidates and see which one has the best two-seam fastball. It's either that or the four consecutive Family Guy reruns on TBS. Hmmmm.

Here's a tip for John McCain: Don't try a squeeze bunt right before the closing statements. I think Obama will be expecting it.

Here's a tip for Barack Obama: Both Chicago teams lost, so keep the baseball analogies to a minimum.

Here's a tip for both candidates: Voters dig the long ball, so swing for the fences.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 2:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you go to Page 6 of the sports section in The Sun, you'll find an almost life-size picture of me in an ad for my charity roast at the Comedy Factory on Oct. 15. I'm allowing a number of local media celebrities to hit me with their best shots to raise money for the Cool Kids Campaign.

Tickets are $25 and you can get them by calling the Cool Kids Campaign at 410-560-1770.

I'm trying to be a good sport, but it's already getting thick. When I asked the organizers what time my roast starts (8 p.m.), somebody said "as soon as you put the apple in your mouth."

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I was in the press box at Wrigley Field in 2003 when Steve Bartman (left) deflected that foul ball and changed the course of Cubs history, and it was the first time I ever entertained the notion there was some supernatural force determined to keep baseball's most beleaguered team from reaching -- and winning -- the World Series.

Now, I'm pretty sure of it. How else do you explain the Cubs getting torched in the first two games of the Division Series after piling up the best home record in the National League and winning five of seven games over the Dodgers during the regular season?

How could this be happening when every ounce of numerological Karma in the universe would figure to be focused on the lovable Cubbies winning it all for the first time in exactly 100 years?

This much I know. It's not "The Curse of Billy Goat." No disgruntled farm animal has that kind of juice. There must be some other explanation for why Wrigley Field becomes the baseball version of the Bermuda Triangle in October. I wouldn't be surprised if they dug up center field and found a shipwreck.

The Cubs committed four errors -- one by each starting infielder -- to tie a Division Series record the day after starting pitcher Ryan Dempster walked the ballpark in the opener. Manager Lou Piniella certainly couldn't explain how his team has already allowed 17 runs in two games after allowing just 18 during the seven-game season series to the pre-Manny Dodgers.

"Those were probably the two worst games we've played all year from a walking and errors standpoint,'' he said afterward. "It wasn't much fun to watch. I can tell you that."

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Categories: Just baseball, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Between innings, TBS is relentlessly flogging a new series called Leverage that begins in December and stars Academy Award winner Timothy Hutton (Ordinary People) as the leader of a special team of highly skilled former criminals who undertake complicated, high-risk assignments. I'm hoping their first assignment is to steal the rights to rename the series Mission Impossible. They already stole the storyline.

The preview shows a beautiful ex-thief (from behind) taking her shirt off in an elevator. I'm shocked at this brazen use of sex to sell a series during a primetime baseball game when millions of adolescents are watching. I'm also pretty sure I'll watch that episode.

Have you noticed how the broadcast is using an elderly woman, in full Cubs regalia, as the barometer for the Wrigley Field crowd. The fan, who is sitting right behind the Cubs dugout, was regularly shown cheering during the early innings, then crestfallen as James Loney was circling the bases after his fifth-inning grand slam. Frankly, with all the commercial tie-ins that pop during the playoffs, I won't be surprised if she jumps up in a Wendy's sweatshirt after the next scoreless inning and shouts "Where's the beef?"

Not looking good for the Cubs right now. Manny just went deep and the Dodgers are up by three runs. Oh well, it's only been a hundred years.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 8:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
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Here's what I like about John Harbaugh (left). I spent a few minutes with him after his WBAL show tonight at the Owings Mills facility and talked about last night's game. No talk about a moral victory. No excuses. Very honest about both the bad and the good things that happened at Heinz Field. Very committed to developing a complete team that learns from its mistakes and does not repeat them. I'm starting to think that Bisciotti guy knows something about hiring good personnel.

Congratulations to the Chicago White Sox, who overcame a nasty down-to-the-wire slump to win Monday's makeup game against the Tigers and grind out a tough 1-0 victory over the Minnesota Twins to win the AL Central title tonight. I feel bad for the Twins, who stay in contention in spite of so much, but the Ozzie Guillen and the White Sox are going to be far more entertaining in the postseason.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average rebounded 485 points today, wiping out most of Monday's disastrous losses, so I've recalculated my finances and now believe I'll be able to retire at 92. I'm sure you were all real worried about that, considering that I go to ballgames for a living.

I listened to parts of the Al Davis press conference today (that's Mr. Happy on the right) and have only one thing to say about his verbal assault on fired coach Lane Kiffin: Al Davis questioning somebody else's integrity is like me questioning somebody else's eating habits.

Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band to play the Super Bowl Halftime Show? If he plays Rosalita, I won't even care what happens in the second half.

Went to see Righteous Kill the other day. It wasn't even a righteous way to kill time.

Harbaugh/AP photo
Davis/Getty Images

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:58 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I guess it just comes down to whether you like the blog or you don't, because if you like the blog, you're going to be reading it -- and hopefully joining in the fun -- for a long, long time now that I can fit my retirement savings into a small gym bag.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average crashed 777 points today, which is the biggest single-day loss in the history of rich guys screwing up. Of course, the rest of us went down with them, so we'll all have a story to tell our grandkids while they're feeding us chicken broth with a spoon. Hopefully, the Orioles will have won something by then.

If that wasn't bad enough, the makeup game between the Chicago White Sox and the Detroit Tigers was delayed several hours by rain, which means that I probably won't have time to go out and eat before the Ravens/Steelers game kicks off. That might not sound like much of a problem to you, but you can probably tell by my full-body picture in the paper that I have to fill my body frequently to remain conscious.

That means a Ravens loss tonight could leave me deflated on so many levels (physically, financially, emotionally) that I'm keeping a bicycle pump handy in the big-screen basement just in case. Never mind that I predicted a 10-point Ravens loss when I was a little more lucid the other day. This has become a personal must-win situation.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 5:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
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With apologies to Jack Handy and, for no apparent reason, Stuart Smalley (right), here are some incisive final thoughts about the Orioles as they prepare to play their final game of the 2008 season against the Toronto Blue Jays at Camden Yards:

So far, I think the biggest perk of Fan Appreciation Weekend has been the decision to shorten the games to seven innings.

The Orioles only need to draw about 70,000 fans for today's season finale to keep from falling under the 2 million mark in season attendance for the first time since the opening of Oriole Park at Camden Yards.

Not exactly sure what Dave Trembley was trying to prove by sitting Nick Markakis and Aubrey Huff last night when they both need two doubles to join Brian Roberts with at least 50 for the season. Maybe Dave was making a point about the team coming ahead of individual goals, but that was also one of the few things left for the fans to get excited about.

There's a pretty good chance this isn't the final day of the regular season for everybody. There's still a chance the National League wild card race could carry over until Monday and the Chicago White Sox and Minnesota Twins could play each other for the AL Central title on Tuesday.

If I had my way, I'd go right to spring training tomorrow. I'd still have the Orioles show up in mid-February, however.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
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I realize this is supposed to be a sports blog, but it's hard to ignore the news this morning that Paul Newman has died of cancer. I've been a lifelong fan of his work and also admire the fact that he started his popular "Newman's Own" food business to benefit various charities.

If I need an excuse to comment on him here, remember that he starred in one of the greatest sports movies of all time -- Slap Shot -- and a number of other great sports-related films. I'm not sure billiards is a sport (though the people at ESPN2 obviously think so), but The Hustler and it's generation-later sequel The Color of Money showed his amazing talent to live in a character.

Newman was a huge sports guy who loved auto racing and made decent movie about it in 1969 called Winning. I could go on and on, but I'll just give you my two favorite Paul Newman films and then let you chime in with a thought or two if you want. Newman's anti-hero in the 1963 classic Hud is, for me, the definition of great acting, and his comic turn as Butch Cassidy in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid made that my all-time Newman favorite.

Shameless plug: I'll be continuing this conversation on The Peter Schmuck Show today at noon on WBAL as well as wrapping up the Orioles season and previewing the Monday Night Football showdown between the Ravens and Steelers. If you're not in radio range, you can go to WBAL.com and click on the "Listen Live" icon.

Getty Images

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
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It's been a couple of weeks since I completely embarrassed myself at the Washington Capitals Media Fantasy Camp, but thought you might like to like to see the moment when the law of gravity and the law of being clumsy and having too big a head combined to rob me of the last vestiges of my self-esteem.

Here's the official Caps TV video, featuring my friend Mike Vogel, who was nice enough to help me find my way home from the team's Arlington, Va. training complex afterward. He and the video staff also were nice enough to insert the clip of my ugly pratfall into an otherwise non-descript interview in which I try so sound like I know something about hockey. Be patient. It's about a minute into the video.

In case you were concerned, the Caps staff has informed me that the spot where my head hit the ice has been repaired and the team is confident there will be no long-term impact on the structural integrity of the Kettler Iceplex.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you sensed some similarity between the pre-game ceremony last night at Yankee Stadium and the ceremony that followed the last game at Memorial Stadium in 1991, you weren't alone. The Yankees did the same thing the Orioles did, trotting their living greats out to their respective positions in a highly emotional tribute to the past.

Don't you think it's kind of cool that the last home run at Yankee Stadium was hit by a guy -- catcher Jose Molina -- with an ample gut. Babe Ruth, who hit the first homer there more than 85 years ago and said "God knows who will hit the last," would have been proud.

The Ravens looked solid in yesterday's 28-10 victory over the Cleveland Browns, which boosted them into sole possession of first place in the AFC North. Do you think they'll still be there after next week's Monday Night Football showdown with the Steelers?

Continue reading "The weekend in review" »

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

While I was trolling the internet this morning I came upon an AOL headline that read "Shortest man meets leggiest woman," which would get anyone's attention. Take a look for yourself. It just might change your life.

I was pretty sure my wife was the leggiest woman in the world when I married her, so to find this out all these years later is a little disturbing.

Chris Waters, whose shutout last night defied science, is scheduled to pitch the final game ever at the old Yankee Stadium on Sunday. Probably against Andy Pettitte. It's not exactly a pitching matchup made in Monument Park, but -- no matter what happens the rest of his career -- Waters will have an amazing memory that no one will ever be able to take away from him.

Maryland's Racing Commission has approved new restrictions on anabolic steroids for thoroughbreds. No word yet on whether the Major League Baseball Players Association will file a grievance.

Just read Rick Maese's column on that nasty hit by Maryland DB Kevin Barnes Saturday. I saw it in person, but felt more queasy after reading Rick. He must be a helluva good writer.

Throw in today's Faceoff, in which Kevin Van Valkenburg (right) channels Jessica Simpson arguing with herself, and I may need to be medicated. I'm really not seeing the resemblance. How about you?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Nobody called from Vegas offering me a handicapping job, which does not come as a big surprise after my pathetic performance yesterday. I got just four games right out of 14 in Week 2, which has got to be more than one standard deviation from the statistical norm. I believe a trained seal with a leaky fountain pen could have gotten five or six right, but at least I got the push in the Bears/Panthers game.

It was quite disappointing after a strong performance last week (that I did not publish here, but have plenty of witnesses to my 13-3 mark). I did get my Pick of the Week right when the Colts staged a late comeback to cover their two-point spread against the Minnesota Vikings, but I'll know better than to put any more confidence in Payton and Company until the Colts get their offensive line a little healthier.

If there is a silver lining here, it's that I was able to boost the self-esteem of all the posters who picked against me this weekend. Making others feel good about themselves makes me feel good about myself, even after a 4-10-1 week that the Cowboys won't be able to fix tonight.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 8:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just want to apologize for my erroneous prediction in my "Today's Orioles lineup" entry before the game. I predicted that Radhames Liz would give up four hits over five innings on the way to an unlikely Sunday victory. Turns out, it took Liz seven innings to give up his fourth hit and he ended up surrendering five over eight shutout innings.

I believe accuracy is the cornerstone of the wild prediction, so I cannot in good conscience take credit for nailing Liz's solid performance.

My bad.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 3:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

So far, I have not been able to acquire the video of my Fosbury Flop on the ice at the Washington Capitals training complex on Tuesday, but here's my video of the Capitals Media Fantasy Camp, starring perhaps the worst ice skater in the world:

Believe it or not, I shot a lot of this video on skates, but -- as you can see -- handed off the camera to give you a sense of just how willing I am to embarrass myself to get a little attention. In the public humiliation department, this is just short of volunteering to go on the Jerry Springer Show and admitting to an affair with your father's 77-year-old girlfriend.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 4:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
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Have you read this Associated Press story from Wisconsin that documents one man's insatiable quest to eat at McDonalds until he explodes.

Don Gorske of Fond du Lac claims to have eaten 23,000 Big Macs over the past 36 years. He started going to Mickey D's when he got his first car in 1972, and has kept careful track of his burger bender ever since.

Since your wondering, I clicked on my laptop's calculator (Don't try this risky move at home!) to figure out just how many days there are in 36 years and how many Big Macs you would have eat every day to get to 23,000. It works out to 1.75 Big Macs per day.

Frankly, I'm not that impressed. Can't remember the last time I went to a fast food place and ordered only two items. I'm pretty sure if I check my Taco Bell Tabulator, it will show that I've eaten at least 50,000 burritos over the same period.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
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I'm thinking this was the wrong time for me to take up hockey. That's when I'm able to think at all after taking a reverse header at the Kettler Capitals Iceplex today during the Washington Capitals Media Fantasy Camp.

No one else was hurt, so we've got that going for us. When I take a fall, you don't want to be anywhere that the law of gravity is being enforced. I'm going to have trouble looking to my left for awhile, but it was still a blast getting out there on the ice and getting a little better idea of what it takes to be a hockey player. Being able to skate apparently is a plus.

The Caps put on the event to get a little media buzz going before the NHL season opens next month. I've got to thank media relations director Nate Ewell for including a former Southern California guy who didn't see his first snowfall until he was an adult. I guess they wanted some comic relief.

The best part was the seminar put on by Donald Brashear on the proper way to throw down your gloves and stick and pull the other guy's shirt over his head. I took a beating during the demonstration phase of that, too, so it didn't really go well from a waking-up-tomorrow standpoint.

Coach Bruce Boudreau delivered a little wisdom to the guys who thought they were cut out to be hockey goons.

"You're only a goon until you get beat up once,'' he said, ''because there's always a bigger goon out there somewhere."

There's always a bigger doofus out there somewhere, too. Today it was me.

Stand by. I'm putting together a video of the highlights of the event. I was unable to film myself setting off Richter Scales all over the East Coast, but the Caps did get video of it and I'm negotiating for the blog rights, so it might take a day or so.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Believe it or not, I'm headed to the Washington Capitals Media Day and they claim they are going to make me skate. This should be interesting. I'll keep you posted on which ankle I break first.

The only thing I know about hockey is that you're not supposed to hit anybody in the neck with your stick, but it apparently happens sometimes anyway.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Schmuck being Schmuck