It should be no secret by now that I made my professional wrestling debut on Saturday night at the Maryland Championship Wrestling Shamrock Cup event at the New Green Room in Dundalk. What you might not know yet is that it didn't go quite as I expected. If that was "scripted entertainment," somebody showed me the wrong script, because I was totally blindsided by Kevin Eck at the end and -- frankly -- dropped like a bad habit in front of a rabid crowd that was looking for blood.

There was no blood, but there is video, which my boss says I have to put up on the blog. I'm am doing so under protest, because it does not show the behind-the-scenes treachery that led to my shocking defeat. I'm a classy guy, so I will congratulate Kevin Eck for withstanding the tremendous punishment I delivered to him during the match, but I'm still trying to get the final scene out of my mind. Don't want to spoil it for you, but look for the pink-clad Cole Calloway to plant a big wet kiss on Kevin at the end.

So, without further adieu, here is the "Battle of the Blogs." I hope you enjoy it more than I did.

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Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

If you didn't make it to the Maryland Championship Wrestling Shamrock Cup event last night at The New Green Room in Dundalk, I guess I'll have to give you the sad details. Though I laid some impressive abuse on Kevin Eck and Ronnie Zukko during the six-man tag team match that kicked off the second half of the show -- and was just about to put the ultimated blog smackdown on Kevin with my laptop -- I was temporarily distracted by Ronnie's henchwoman (a fetching young thing named Kim) and blindsided by Eck, who performed a crude version of an RKO that left me with a wrenched neck and a perfect excuse to take several weeks of sick leave.

I want to thank my boys Fed Up for joining me in my attempt to shut down Ring Posts, and I also want to apologize for letting them down. They put on a great show, only to have me (left) let a pretty young wench divert my attention at the last minute and blow the match. I will not apologize for being a heterosexual, however, expecially after seeing Kevin in a singlet and Cole Calloway in pink spandex.

There wasn't blood, but there will be video. Baltimore Sun videographer Kevin Richardson recorded the whole thing for posterity, so you'll soon be able to witness the treachery that led to this clearly unfair outcome.

Still, I want to thank the wrestling fans in Dundalk for making me feel welcome, in spite of some untoward remarks about the area that I now regret. I was only there for a few hours, so I didn't get to see everything, but you have a very nice Wal-Mart.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown
        

Just thought this would be a good time to introduce my partners for the big six-man tag team match with Kevin Eck and Co. at Maryland Championship Wrestling's Shamrock Cup show tomorrow night at the New Green Room in Dundalk. Check them out in the video below.

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Posted by Peter Schmuck at 8:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just six days until the big six-man tag team match pitting me and Fed Up against Kevin Eck and a couple of guys from his Yoga class. I've been searching the internet for directions to the New Green Room, but apparently even Mapquest doesn't want to spend any time in Dundalk. Either that or they assume that anyone who wants to go there couldn't possibly be computer literate.

I can't wait to get in the ring and show Kevin how we used to do it in the days of Freddie Blassie and Bobo Brazil, and I'm so sure my guys are going to win that I'm raising the stakes. If Kevin somehow finds a way to come out on top, I'm going to offer to pay for both him and Roch Kubatko to get a neck reduction.

Kevin's "Before" picture is above.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Now that I've had time to digest Kevin Eck's latest Ring Posts video, I thought it was high time for a little accuracy in media. The six-man tag team match featuring Kevin and I is still on for July 31 at The New Green Room in Dundalk, but I'm starting to wonder who Kevin will dress up as for the evening. I can only hope it's not Mickie James, though what he does in the privacy of his own home is certainly his own business. I hope you enjoy the accompanying video, because I think it will set the record straight.

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Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just noticed the new video that Kevin Eck put up on his so-called wrestling blog -- Ring Posts -- and it's somewhat disturbing.

If you want some advanced warning, Kevin dresses up as a bunch of his favorite professional wrestlers to bust on me, which is fine. I supposed that's the kind of thing they do in Dundalk to entertain themselves, so I should just feel lucky he didn't dress up as Mickie James, though what he does in his private life is nobody's business but his own.

I'll have a video response in the next day or two, but it's hard to carve out much time in between workouts. I'm getting into the best shape of my life for the July 31 Shamrock Cup show at the Green Room in Dundalk. Of course, that's not saying all that much.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 1:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I'm going to admit right here that I got ambushed by Kevin Eck on Tuesday night on WBAL. I never had any intention of getting into the ring with him. I mean, do you know what that peroxide he's got all over his head will do to a good Tommy Bahama? Now, I have to defend the honor of The Schmuck Stops Here at the Maryland Championship Wrestling Shamrock Cup Show on July 31 in beautiful downtown Dundalk.

Clearly, Kevin can't even take a little ribbing. Check out this video he made for his wrestling blog. The guy -- and his readers -- are obsessed with me, which I would totally understand if they were women. Not a lot of guys out there with my combination of physical attractiveness, intelligence, sense of humor and raw athleticism, so I'll understand if Mickie James has trouble keeping her hands off me that night.

Really, fellas, I've enjoyed the running commentary about my chances in the six-man tag team match, but it's not like I'm going out there alone, though I probably could muddle through myself if necessary. I may be the only person in the arena who can read and write, so I might even change the script at the last minute.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 7:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

Just when I thought all this wrestling foolishness was in my rear-view mirror, Ring Posts blogger Kevin Eck called the "Sportsline" radio show tonight (WBAL 1090AM, WBAL.com) and challenged me to show up at the Maryland Championship Wrestling show on July 31st in Dundalk and face him in a six-man tag team match. I tried to take the high road and avoid a physical confrontation, but the guy apparently wants a piece of The Schmuck, so who am I to argue? As you can see from the video below, I'm shaking in my boots.

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Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (42)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

It's really kind of sad when I try to offer an olive branch to my colleague Kevin Eck and all the great pro wrestling fans out there, and it gets slapped out of my hand. I just went over to Ring Posts and found that Kevin had taken a bunch of cheap potshots at me. Guess he wanted to get his name in one of the big boy blogs again.

Of course, I always try to take the high road, but it apparently doesn't pass through Eckville. I just read some of the comments under Kevin's diatribe and I'm surprised to see some of you grappling afficionados trying to psychoanalyze me to determine the motive for my earlier comments about the current state of the so-called sport.

Let me put your tiny minds at ease. I am not some bundle of insecurity who is threatened by Kevin's success, such as it is. If anything, I'm probably too secure because I'm such a good-looking and successful fellow who wears only the finest in Tommy Bahama fashions. I mean, think about it for a minute. Who else can get away with dressing like that for work? I must be pretty darned important.

For those of you who made nasty comments about my age, weight and alleged mental instability, do I need to remind you that you're the ones who pay $59.95 every month or so to watch giant men play fight in Speedos.

Now, can't we all just get along?

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 6:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (35)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I'm a little confused, but maybe it's because I've been watching the Orioles all year. Most of you wrestling fans pay like $59 bucks to watch pay-per-views where the whole point is for the heroes and villains to be as over-the-top as they can possibly get, then you get all thin-skinned when somebody hits you with a verbal folding chair?

I thought I was doing Maryland Championship Wrestling a favor by advertising the July 31 show in Dundalk (Town motto: "When did we get a building big enough to host a wrestling event?"), but I apparently ruffled some feathers -- or at least some people with tattoos who look like they have feathers.

Certainly, there was no disrespect intended toward wrestling fans -- I thought the neck tattoo thing was a compliment -- and I hold my colleague Kevin Eck in the highest regard, or at least the highest regard I can muster for a guy with highlights and a secret crush on Golddust (above).

I guess what I'm trying to say here is, I'm really sorry if I offended anyone who thought I didn't show pro wrestling the proper respect. I hope we're still friends.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck
        

I've got a confession to make. When I was kid growing up in Southern California, I loved professional wrestling. The local television station (KTLA) would broadcast a three-hour program from the Olympic Auditorium in LA on Wednesday nights and I would stay up well past my bedtime to watch Freddie Blassie pound on some hapless "pencil-neck geek"

Of course, in those days, I was convinced it was more than just "scripted entertainment,'' as my friend Kevin Eck (left) calls it in his blog -- Ring Posts. I didn't know that it was about as real as Donald Trump's hair or Pamela Anderson's....well, I'm sure you get my drift.

The thing is, most of us grew up and started paying attention to real sports -- and girls -- and figured out that there is actually a legitimate use for a metal folding chair. The rest, I guess, spend their free time (and I suspect they have a lot of it) reading Kevin's blog and dreaming of the day that anabolic steroids are legal again.

Still, I recently checked out the blog and noticed that Maryland Championship Wrestling is putting on a big show July 31 in Dundalk (I mean, where else?). I tried to call Kevin today to find out who's going to win so I could post the results in advance and save you a trip, but -- apparently -- he and Peter Angelos aren't taking my calls anymore.

Who knows, maybe I'll show up and check it out for myself. Maybe even get a neck tattoo so I can blend in with the crowd.

Posted by Peter Schmuck at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (39)
Categories: MCW: The Schmuckdown, Schmuck being Schmuck