Since you asked...
Since one of my Facebook friends asked me to dig up my first-ever column for the Baltimore Sun -- from way back on Feb. 4, 1990 -- I figure the least I can do is also post it here, which is either a public service or just a way to post a really long item without actually doing any work.
This column was written at the request of sports editor Marty Kaiser soon after he hired me away from the Orange County Register (a decision he would come to regret). He thought an explanation of my odd name was necessary or the readers might think my arrival was just some kind of journalistic practical joke.
So, without further adieu, is that column, which you'll have to click once more to read:
BALTIMORE -- First of all, let's dispense with the obvious questions.
Yes, it is my real name. No, I never considered changing it. And yes, it's kind of tough to order a pizza over the phone, which is one of the reasons I moved to Baltimore instead of Chicago.
Pardon the first-person narrative. It won't happen again, but when you arrive in a new city with a name like Schmuck, it's usually a good idea to explain yourself.
I'm one of the thousands of Southern Californians who watched the Macy's Parade on Thanksgiving Day and decided to move to a colder climate. Baltimore seemed like the perfect spot, though it would be even better if it had a giant inflatable Bullwinkle for special occasions.
I left California because I could no longer tolerate a state that once turned down my request for a personalized license plate on the grounds that my surname is "obscene and offensive to public decency." True story. You can look it up. The Department of Motor Vehicles eventually relented, but it soon became obvious that there are better places to raise your kids than Southern California.
I realized that about the time my 5-year-old son started greeting me with "Hey, dude" instead of "Hi, Dad." There definitely are better places to cover baseball.
For 11 seasons, I watched the Los Angeles Dodgers and California Angels combine to draw nearly 6 million fans a year. But I also watched about 5 million of them head for the parking lots in the seventh inning. Even the night Jim Abbott pitched his first major-league shutout -- matched against Roger Clemens, no less -- it was just like clockwork. They came. They yawned. They conquered the urge to stay past 9 p.m.
Perhaps in an area that has nine major professional teams situated on the same 110-mile stretch of over-priced real estate, people can afford to be blase. Not so in Baltimore, where baseball is king and the Orioles are on the rebound. That's why I jumped at the opportunity to cover them for The Sun. Baseball always has had a special place in my family history, though no Schmuck ever made it to the big leagues (unless you count Reggie Jackson).
To my knowledge, no Schmuck ever even made it to the high school varsity. I certainly didn't. My father, as a teen-ager growing up in St. Louis, used to work on Dizzy Dean's car. That ought to count for something. My brother was a promising young player, but traded his baseball future for a surfboard in about 1965. Only in California.
I had no baseball talent whatsoever, so I did the next best thing. I gained 40 pounds and became a sports writer. What a country. There are certain advantages to having a strange name. No one ever forgets it, and even total strangers seem to know who I am whenever I do something stupid in traffic. My brother got so tired of the constant ribbing that he changed his name and moved to a small town in Central California. But don't be fooled. He's just another Schmuck.
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Comments
I remember Feb. 1990. It was my last winter in Maryland. And I was smart enough to wear shorts even in the snow, because I was moving to Hawaii and I thought I should get used to wearing shorts year round. I was 12.
Posted by: Chris in Hawaii | September 30, 2010 3:00 PM
that was great. thanks for sharing it.
brought a tear to my eye with this sentence -
Not so in Baltimore, where baseball is king and the Orioles are on the rebound.
we've been to the playoffs only twice in this time span.
Posted by: brandon | September 30, 2010 3:44 PM
Great article!!, so you were here before the Ravens & gils started liking me!
Posted by: Kevin In Iraq | September 30, 2010 4:12 PM
I had dinner last week with some folks from the SF bay area. The packed up and came east cuz they just couldn't take it anymore.
Thanks for writing intellegent and humorous articles and for being my only source for all things pro wrestling.
Posted by: Tim in NC | September 30, 2010 5:05 PM
Imagine my surprise when I moved here in 1999--a few years later I heard this Schmuck on WBAL--and knew right away it was the same Schmuck from the Register.
Anyway, I enjoyed Schmuck's coverage of the Angels (my dad did not; he would say that Schmuck is a Schmuck).
When we lived in the Riverside area, we would take trips to my in-laws in HB. I always grabbed their copy of the Register, and went right to sports to read Schmuck, Ostler, and company.
I think back to 1986. Jim Healy was making mischief on KMPC, Al Conan was calling the games; Schmuck was in the Register Building writing--and the Angels were High Atop the American League West.
I still check the Register online, to see how my Edison Chargers are doing. Makes me long for the good old days, before I unwittingly joined Schmuck in East Coast Exile.
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Pete's reply: Great walk down memory lane, with one slight correction. My friend Scott Ostler worked for the Times back then, but I'm sure you enjoyed reading him, too. I certainly did.
Posted by: logiopath | September 30, 2010 6:46 PM
You're too modest to say it, Peter, but "Schmuck" is the German word for "jewelry" or "adornment." It rhymes with "look" not "luck."
Anyway, at the risk of going over the top, I gotta say your name is appropriate since you have brought style and grace to the Sun for two decades now.
So If you ever decide to change your blog's name, why not go with "Die Schmuckerei." That means "The jewelry shop."
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Pete's reply: Thanks, my friend. I will consider it.
Posted by: rockvillejake | September 30, 2010 9:14 PM
Pete,
You have just the right mix of enthusiasm and reality and I really enjoy chatting with you from Phoenix on wbal.com.
Keep up the good work. So cals loss is ballmers gain.
Posted by: ballmer bruce | October 1, 2010 11:01 AM
Hey, I read that one. Great to see it 20 years later. Can we expect to see it again in 2030?
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Pete's reply: I hope you're able to see me in 2030.
Posted by: Oze | October 1, 2010 12:35 PM
Peter - I always enjoy your blogs and for some reason esp. like the non Orioles or Ravens done this or that ones. I esp liked the ones about your doing what needed to be done for your new best friend after losing your old best friend....and I don't mean Roch & ?? It says something about you that in spite of having to explain...your name...every damn time you use it...you kept it!! And yet your brother changed it!! Good for you..shows some fortitude and balls there! Best of luck and I hope your statement of "Orioles are now on the upswing"...is actually an acurate statement these 12 years or so later!!
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Pete's reply: Thanks very much. I hope so too.
Posted by: Shoreman | October 1, 2010 3:12 PM
Book it....
Can't wait to see AM's new FA crop/crap....
Then,
I can't wait to see you all spin his decisions like you always do....
Are only hope?
AM Moves Over - And Buck Takes Over
Posted by: wayne | October 1, 2010 6:16 PM
are grammar just plain sucks
how the hell old are you, 11?
tell me you speak and write english as a third or fourth language...
Posted by: areyouatleastassmartasafifthgrader | October 1, 2010 8:48 PM
Peter --
I never regretted the column. It is one of the best of all time.
--Marty
Posted by: Marty Kaiser | October 2, 2010 8:24 PM