Channeling Scott Boras
Since agent Scott Boras was nice enough put out a prepared statement yesterday responding to the decision by the Angels to withdraw their offer for free agent Mark Teixeira, I thought the least I could do was translate it for you. Here's a between-the-lines look at what Scott (left) was really trying to say:
"Mark Teixeira enjoyed his time with the Angels and was an integral part of their success last season. His interest in returning to the club has been sincere, real and continues to be one of his earnest priorities throughout this offseason."
Translation: "Everyone knows that Mark wants to play on the East Coast, but he has an earnest and sincere desire to return to Anaheim for a three-game series in each of his 10 seasons with the Red Sox or Yankees."
"Clubs are very aware — in particular the Angels — participation in the free agent process does not signal lack of interest in signing with the club."
Translation: "The Angels have been around long enough to understand that a lack of interest from the player should not be interpreted as a lack of interest in them helping us drive up the price on other teams."
"Case in point, the Angels signed two great free-agent players who engaged in the mechanism, receiving and exchanging offers with multiple clubs, while negotiating with the Angels."
Translation: "C'mon. How many other agents use words like "mechanism" to describe this ridiculous process. I'm just totally in another league from all those other rubes."
"Therefore, we are assuming that reasons, other than Teixeira's interest in returning to the Angels, were the driving factor."
Translation: "In case anybody is interested, I have three mystery teams that will give Mark 12 years for $240 million right now. I just have to pick up the phone."