First of all, if you're reading this blog about sports but don't want to watch the Super Bowl, something's a little odd.

But, hey, we've seen Supes go bust before and it could be halftime and you're going to have all  that dip and wings left, so you gotta watch something. Or maybe you've just had it with that cutesy Tom Brady. Well, whatever -- we've done a little advance scouting to see what's on the tube if you opt out of the Big Game.

To begin with, the Super Bowl is on FOX, which probably will start its pregame coverage about -- well, it's probably already started.

Now, these days everyone's TV selections are different, so I'm going with what I get up here in north Baltimore County on the standard Comcast cable. Your results may differ a little.

So, what does the Worldwide Leader in Sports (that would be ESPN) do when it can't broadcast the biggest event on the sports calendar?

Well, this year it's throwing figure skating under the bus, like big time. You have your double salchows and your triple lutzes starting at 4:30 p.m. and going on to just about when they hand that Vince Lombardi Trophy to Robert Kraft. But figure skating is probably as good a choice as any. A few years ago, some network tried  to run poker up against the football game but somebody with three brain cells finally figured out that people who play cards for money are probably gambling on the Super Bowl.

OK, across the dial we're going to stick with competition-type stuff. Comcast Sports has the Lakers-Wizards starting  at 7 p.m., making a grab for a local basketball audience. At MASN, starting at 7 p.m., it's going with the Caribbean World Series (Seamheads, enjoy). ESPN2 has a string of World's Strongest Man competitions, I think being held at the Anderson's Fourth of July picnic, but don't quote me.

On NBC, there will be episodes of the Biggest Loser, which is about folks competing to lose weight. But in the spirit of contradictory dichotomy that we're so famous for in America, Spike TV is having a halftime eating contest featuring the legendary Joey Chestnut (above), a guy named Eater X and someone else scarfing down eggs and ham. 

The Food Channel has a series of competitions planned, including wedding cake baking, wedding cake decorating and an Iron Chef with New Yawker Bobby Flay against some chef from Chicago in a chocolate challenge.

Speed has a truck competition scheduled, the USHRA Monster Jam in St. Louis ("TURBO-CHARGED, CHASSIS-CRUSHING, GEAR-GRINDING, MUD-SPLATTERING, EARDRUM-SHATTERING MANIA!! YOU DON"T WANT TO MISS IT!!!").

And finally, Animal Planet has Puppy Bowl IV, which according to the description, features puppies cavorting "in a play area that looks like a football stadium." Now tell me, how do you have a loser in that one?

Photo credit: Associated Press