An open letter to Dana White and Jens Pulver:

Dear Dana and Jens,

I watched last night's final two episodes of TUF 5 with keen interest.  I've enjoyed this fifth season of TUF quite a bit.  As exciting as the UFC lightweight division is inside the Octagon, TUF 5 proved that these guys know how to have fun outside the arena too.

Last night in episodes 11 and 12 we saw a fruit war at the house, we saw a drunk Cole Miller get the back of his head shaved, and we saw Karo Parisyan in a verbal confrontation with Nate Diaz.

We also saw Manny Gumbaryan defeat Joe Lauzon via unanimous decision after controlling Lauzon on the ground for three rounds.  We then saw Diaz work some beautiful technical moves on the ground to choke out Gray Maynard in the second round of their fight.  Both fights set up what should be a very exciting finals match between Gumbaryan (Parisyan's cousin) and Diaz.

But, what really intrigued me last night was the ping-pong match between coaches Jens Pulver and BJ Penn.  And, I have to say, much like GSP, "I am not impressed."  

I grew up with a ping-pong table in my basement and played almost every night for 10 years.  I think I could come into the Ultimate Ping-Pong Championships (UPPC) and run the table. 

Dana, much like you've brought in some of the best fighters from throughout the world to compete in UFC, you need to shore up UPPC's ranks as well.  Jens is an admirable champ, but his number one contender is Penn.  Bring me in.  Give me a warm-up match just to introduce me to the billions of ping-pong fans (they're mostly in Asia, but that's an untapped UFC market -- think of all the UFC-UPPC cross-promotions we could do).  But, let's be careful.  My warm-up opponent could get lucky and upset me, squandering all the marketing dollars that would go into promotion of a match between Pulver and Mohapatra. 

So, instead I suggest you just give me an immediate title shot.  Fans will learn to love me once I have the title.  I don't have Quinton Jackson's personality but I am definitely more interesting than drying paint or growing grass.

Let's talk ground rules for this match.  No elbows, knees, foot stomps...or illegal serves. Let's make it a best-of-five match, each set up to 21, win by two. 

I've even got a catchy name for the event: "UPPC 1: The Writer vs. The Fighter."  We can do a whole Spike TV documentary centered around my training as well as Jens' training.  And to Spike TV, I will show up for the weigh-ins.  We can donate the pay-per-view proceeds as well as live gate receipts to charity or if we agree, all the money can go to you, me, and Jens.

And, I'll also go out on a limb and make a bold prediction for our match.  Borrowing from Rampage, "I'm gonna whoop Jens' butt...in ping pong."

Dana, let's make this happen.  I've already begun training. 

Sincerely,

Pramit Mohapatra