Merry Christmas and 'I approved this message': The Swamp
The Swamp
Posted December 17, 2007 7:59 PM
The Swamp

by Rick Pearson

DES MOINES—It may be one of Iowa's first ever TV ads that wish people a Merry Christmas and then ends with the federally required disclaimer: "I approved this message."

Mike Huckabee, the former Arkansas governor, and Mitt Romney, the former Massachusetts governor, are renewing their TV air war with each candidate putting up new ads to promote their campaigns.

Huckabee's is done in a Christmas-card like setting, in front of a decorated tree, the candidate wearing a red sweater and "Silent Night" playing in the background. Romney's ad attacks Huckabee's record in Arkansas on crime issues.

In his ad, Huckabee, a Baptist minister whose surge in the polls has relied heavily on backing from Christian conservatives, notes that at a time of heavy political commercials, "sometimes it's nice to pull aside from all of that and just remember that what really matters is the celebration of the birth of Christ."

"I hope that you and your family will have a magnificent Christmas season and on behalf of all of us, God Bless and Merry Christmas," Huckabee says, then adds the disclaimer, "I'm Mike Huckabee and I approved this message."

Romney, meanwhile, launched its second consecutive TV ad that takes on Huckabee's record as Arkansas governor. The first dealt with tuition policies for children of undocumented immigrants in Arkansas. The latest ad contends Huckabee reduced penalties for manufacturing methamphetamines and granted more clemencies than the three previous Arkansas governors combined—1,033 pardons and commutations, including 12 convicted murderers.

On the other hand, the ad notes Romney did not pardon anyone during his tenure as Massachusetts governor.

Huckabee's campaign noted that even with reductions in meth penalties, Arkansas law was still tougher than Massachusetts law. It also said that by law, all crimes are eligible for a clemency review.

Huckabee said he took seriously his obligation to review clemency petitions and denied 88 percent of the applications.

"Nevertheless," the campaign said, "we want to wish Gov. Romney, his family and his staff a very Merry Christmas."

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Merry Christmas, Willard Mitt!

Appearing on Meet the Press yesterday, Republican/Droid Party candidate Mitt Romney spoke out of so many sides of his metallic mouth that he sounded like a creepy calliope. As a public service let's distill the hour into bite-size pieces and puts them into the giant throbbing translation tube:

-"When I said last week that 'freedom requires religion,' I was quoting John Adams. So it's all his fault and he has been dismissed from the campaign."

-"I hate discrimination, but I supported my church 100 percent when they discriminated against blacks until 1978. Trust brain is super-advanced so I can do that."

-"I support abstinence-only education in schools. Even thought it's been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that it doesn't work, it still seems like it should, doesn’t it?"

-"Every embryo needs a decent Christian burial."

-"No guns for the crazies! Oh no, I just lost half of my supporters by saying that, didn't I..."

-"Look Tim, I used to be a Jedi until I was seduced by the dark side. Cut me some slack here. I mean, you try saying 'no' when someone's standing over you with lightning bolts shooting out of his fingers. But to answer your question, yes, Bob Jones and I had a pleasant meeting."

-"Let me correct something, Tim. I did not have a pink house! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! That would be, like, so gay!" (Perhaps someone should tell that to Brad Pitt.)

-"A fee is not a tax. And when I become president I plan to dig us out of our financial hole by charging fees on the owners of those highway signs that say things like, McDonald's---Next Exit. Two billion bucks per, baby."

-"The Brady Bill has been revised several times. Mostly by Satan."

-"When I promised to be even more liberal than Ted Kennedy on abortion and gay rights back in 1994, I was speaking as a conservative Republican."

-"Iraq is a mess, but don't you dare say that George Bush is arrogant and has a bunker mentality. Can we go to a commercial? I think I need a battery change."

You know Rob Sherman won't vote for this guy...

I don't think Romney is being well served by his advisers. Every headline I read seams to indicate Romney attacks Huckabee. One of Mike Huckabee's main strengths with voters is that he is perceived to be a nice guy. His Christmas advertisement further builds up his image. Romney's strategy makes him look like an attack dog. People want to vote for what they perceive to be a likable person. That's why Hillary is in such trouble lately. Romney is simply reinforcing Mike Huckabee's strength by attacking his weaknesses.

Look what I found in my junk mail the other day! And just when we all thought the War on Christmas was lost, or won, or whatever...

* * * * *

Dear (Occupant),

Well, the war on Xmas continues. At the October planning session at the Bethlehem PA, Holiday Inn, participants reviewed past successes and mapped out future strategy.

Past Successes;
1. Created the image of an immortal elf called 'Santa Claus' Note the close phonetic similarity to 'Satan Claws!!'

2. Made people think they owed it to Jesus to go into debt over their heads buying landfill junk.

3. Had the 'reason for the season' start at the mall before Halloween.

4. Created in the minds of people an obligation to the 'bottom line' of huge international retail corporations and report it all as if it's part of a great Xmas season.

5. Vilified the word 'holiday'. Christmas needs to be exclusive!

6. Infiltrated the whole season with Pagan symbols and traditions like 'Christmas trees'.

7. Started a new shopping 'tradition' called 'Black Friday' thus bringing out the worst in adults and endangering children in stampedes and crushes.

8. Publicized above fist fights, assaults, tramplings, fist fights etc. Scheduled several throughout the 'holiday season'.

9. Created in the minds of parents the idea they can control their children's behavior by bribing them with Christmas gifts. This may be the most successfully destructive victory to date. (See Santa Claus is Coming to Town.)

Future Strategy;

1. Find ways to keep Bill O'Reilly talking about 'the war on Christmas'.

2. Move up the start date from before Halloween to before Labor Day.

3. Increase the number and intensity of the store stampedes. (Include some gun fire for God's sake! (Duh! No-brainer in America!))

4. Eliminate 'Turkey Day' entirely. It's proven NOT to be money maker. It's just in the way. A real marketing and merchandizing dog, (A day off shopping?! Get real.)

5. Make Xmas only a half day off. By noon most people know what they don't want to keep, and may trade up when they return the item.

6. More flaming hair at those Xmas Eve candlelight services.

7. Associate Xmas Eve with 'Evil' or the Biblical 'Eve' or 'Evil-oution'. (This one is still highly conceptual and Marketing is still working out the kinks.)

8. Create 'Christmas Purity Police'.

9. Create a 'Landfill Day' tradition on 12/26 similar to 'Boxing Day' in Canada and the UK, except instead of giving unwanted gifts to the needy, people will proceed directly to the landfill and toss them away. This creates a small post Xmas buying push without 'returns', and doesn't enable the undeserving poor among us.

Well, as you can see we have had some successes but huge challenges remain, so lets get cracking kids! And remember to register now for the post holiday debriefing in Nazareth, PA. on 6 June! (Oh, If only it were still 2006! ;^)

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Luci Fur
War on Xmas Fund

Aw shucks, you suppose Mike got a nice little puppy from the pound as a Christmas present for his son?

Huckabee's Christmas commercial, gag me with a spoon! This guy would make Elmer Gantry blush. Sick about all those self serving political commercials? Well here's another one disguised as a Christmas card.

Nice cutting and pasting there, John E. Too many big words in "your post" for it to be from you.

And C Morris, Luci Fur is your mom, right?

Thank you Mike for these wonderful Christmas greetings.
Even though I am not "Christian", I believe Mike Huckabee can unite this country and I hope he will be come the next president of the United States. Merry Christmas.
Joachim Schneider

Romney's advisors? or maybe its just a biased news media? Romney had illegals mow his lawn...or Huckabee released a rapist (and alleged murderer) that killed a mother. I'll give you a guess on which one got more articles. Where Romney talks about issues important to the campaign...such as immigration, crime, foreign policy, the economy...huckabee says he stayed at a "Holiday Inn Express" and uses Christ as to why he should be elected leader of the free world. Huckabees usage of the cross (watch it again), Christian leader, Christmas, etc. is really disgusting to me as a Christian, and needs to stop. Using Christ as a political tool is wrong and Huckabust needs to stop it. You think he just wants to wish everyone a Merry Christmas...ummmm...NO. he is politicizing it, saying again loud and clear...i am a Christian, don't look at my record, don't worry about...I am a Christian, that is all that Jimmy Carter, and Bill CLinton weren't self-proclaimed Christians either...come on people wake up. Look at his record and see how Christian he is, beyond abortion and marriage. How about Ethics?

I think every candidate ought to use Christmas as a way to pander to voters. Huckalberry panders to his religious base. Rudy can have one with children sleeping but having visions of 9/11. Tancredo can have illegals stealing a Christmas tree, Mitt and Rudy has the twelve wives of Christmas. Someone please wake-up Fred again...will ya!

Is Mike Huckabee running for President or Ayatollah?

Nicely done.

It's o.k. to say Merry Christmas in this country.

He reminded us that Christmas is not just about shopping.

Merry Christmas

MikeHuck should know that anyone who drags a big green pine tree into his house is celebrating a very ancient northern European holiday called 'Yule', (which has absolutely nothing to do with a carpenter from the middle east).

And C Morris, Luci Fur is your mom, right?

Posted by: John D | December 17, 2007 10:53 PM

Peace on earth, and good will to men right scumbag.

Huckabee makes me want to PUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the problem here is . . . what? The words printed on my calendar for December 25 say "Christmas Day."

-"When I said last week that 'freedom requires religion,' I was quoting John Adams. So it's all his fault and he has been dismissed from the campaign."

"The United States of America have exhibited, perhaps, the first example of governments erected on the simple principles of nature; and if men are now sufficiently enlightened to disabuse themselves of artifice, imposture, hypocrisy, and superstition, they will consider this event as an era in their history. Although the detail of the formation of the American governments is at present little known or regarded either in Europe or in America, it may hereafter become an object of curiosity. It will never be pretended that any persons employed in that service had interviews with the gods, or were in any degree under the influence of Heaven, more than those at work upon ships or houses, or laboring in merchandise or agriculture; it will forever be acknowledged that these governments were contrived merely by the use of reason and the senses."
-- John Adams

"The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity."
-John Adams

"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?"
-- John Adams, letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, December 27, 1816

"I almost shudder at the thought of alluding to the most fatal example of the abuses of grief which the history of mankind has preserved -- the Cross. Consider what calamities that engine of grief has produced!"
-- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson

"This would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it!!!"
-- John Adams, letter to Thomas Jefferson


Attention America haters, Republican haters, haters of life, haters of anything good in the world and especially Huckabee haters. Get all your hate out of your system. Because your probably looking at your next President.

John D,

Yeah, but just remember, my mom could whip your dad's ass, if he is still with us.
(Luci is 81)

GWB and others do that too I have noted. Hillary Thrillary had one like it also.

Because your probably looking at your next President.

Posted by: Paul Jaeger | December 18, 2007 2:50 PM

Dream on.

Is anyone else annoyed that none of the polls give 2nd/3rd choice numbers/cross-tabs? I support Romney and have a lot of respect for Mike Huckabee and Ron Paul, followed by John McCain and Fred Thompson.

I tried to get a poll like that commissioned for Wyoming (January 5th), but I do not personally have the $6,000 to pay for it.

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