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The lawyer's accident

The latest joke of the week:
Posted by John McIntyre at 1:53 PM | | Comments (6)


Funny! Here's my favorite lawyer joke: A group of terrorists takes a planeload of lawyers hostage and threatens to release one every hour if its demands aren't met

Mr. John E. 'Mac'

(As opposed to former tennis bad-boy, Johnny Mac)

That was a pretty fair-to-middling lawyer joke, as lawyer jokes go. Your dramatic acting out of the jocular tale was an exquisite display of your fine thespian bent, worthy of a nomination for the fictive Golden 'Glob' award for best performance by a harried, mild-mannered, bespectacled, bow-tied, veteran metropolitan 'newspaper factory' editorial staff working-stiff, who has recently returned to his cozy 'cube' after almost a fortnight-long absence, cavorting in the wintery U.K. w/ his accommodating spouse, Kathleen. (Quite the multi-faceted awards category, no?)

Hmm..... the moral of that particular joke has to be, in a nut shell----never, ever, trust a one-armed lawyer, especially one driving a Jaguar w/ a missing driver's side door, evincing a panicky, desperate gaze, all the while imploring, "Where's my Rolex, where's my Rolex?"

Should have been wearing a Timex, I'd say.

Remember the old commercial plug, "Timex---Takes a licking, and keeps on ticking." ? (Wow! Now I'm really dating myself. Ugh!) That one even preceded the Energizer Bunny, another familiar symbol of longevity. HA!

Sadly no high-profile lawyer worth his exorbitant hourly rate would be caught dead, (or alive , for that matter) actually wearing a Timex time piece. Just too pedestrian, compared to a Rolex, or Bulgari. Now, some lawyers I've known might try to get away sporting one of those Asian Rolex, or Cartier facsimile knock-offs, but the real McCoy always trumps the good fakes.

(Apologies to any for-real one-armed lawyers out there in the blogosphere. No offense intended. Being an amputee, in reality, is no laughing matter, attorney, or otherwise. But tell that to the folks over at "Family Guy", or "South Park", where mutilations, and such, are almost de rigueur TV fare. Just sayin'.)


My favorite lawyer joke (told to me by a lawyer): How can you tell the difference
between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer? Answer: there are skid marks in front of the snake.

A good one. Reminds me of this joke: What did the future lawyer say when he came home from school and found his family's home burnt to the ground? "My homework!"

Good to have you back in the saddle again, John.

May we submit jokes to you for possible performance? If so, to where should we send them?

I don't tell lawyer jokes any more. I have too much respect for lawyers (no, really!), so I never tell lawyer jokes like this one:

A guy stops into a bar, and it's clear he's just had a bad experience with a lawyer, because he's ranting at no one in particular: "Dammit, I hate lawyers! They are such a$$holes! Every last one of them! A$$holes!"

The guy on the next stool says, "Hey pal, watch it; I resent that."

"Oh, I'm sorry; are you a lawyer?"

"No, I'm an a$$hole."

You will never catch me telling lawyer jokes like that!

"The men of Whee were frequently mistaken for Neanderthals, a confusion which the latter deeply resented." — Bored of the Rings

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About John McIntyre
John McIntyre, mild-mannered editor for a great metropolitan newspaper, has fussed over writers’ work, to sporadic expressions of gratitude, for thirty years. He is The Sun’s night content production manager and former head of its copy desk. He also teaches editing at Loyola University Maryland. A former president of the American Copy Editors Society, a native of Kentucky, a graduate of Michigan State and Syracuse, and a moderate prescriptivist, he writes about language, journalism, and arbitrarily chosen topics. If you are inspired by a spirit of contradiction, comment on the posts or write to him at
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