Avast, Matey, heave to
Given the rate at which print and electronic publications and publishing houses have been discarding their copy editors, it seemed only a matter of time until the last of us, stuffed and mounted, or perhaps mummified, would be put on display at the Smithsonian, along with Martha, the last passenger pigeon.
But walking around Fells Point’s Privateer Day with my daughter this afternoon, I caught a glimpse of a possible future for us.
In the 18th century (good times), nations that came up short on naval resources resorted to privateers, essentially pirates who were licensed to plunder and, at least officially, limited in their targets. For our beached copy editors, the role of privateer could open up fresh possibilities for employment.
Some official organization — a logical one being the American Copy Editors Society, perhaps at its forthcoming national conference in Minneapolis — would issue letters of marque authorizing copy-editing privateers to board offending publications, seize texts and deal with them appropriately.
Some technical details — the precise wording of the letter of marque, the design of the flag under which copy-editing privateers would operate — remain to be worked out. But a fleet could be operational in comparatively short order.
For those of you who imagine that your writing is pristine and that readers will long for unmediated contact with you: Heave to and prepare to be boarded.
Comments
Three questions:
1. Do we get to elect our own captains?
2. How will the plundered comma splices be divided up?
3. Can I have a hat? A big one?
Posted by: Brian White | April 18, 2009 8:21 PM
Three answers:
1. Yes.
2. Proportionately. Patrick O'Brian's Aubrey-Maturin novels are thorough on the subject of prize money.
3. Captains and lieutenants will wear bicorns, but lieutenants will have to wear them front-to-back.
Posted by: John McIntyre | April 18, 2009 8:31 PM
For inspirational purposes, look at the Monty Python short, The Crimson Permanent Assurance from The Meaning of Life:
http://tinyurl.com/2cgctn
Posted by: John McIntyre | April 18, 2009 9:21 PM
Then I'm in. I'll have to borrow my wife's cutlass, though.
The Aubrey-Maturin novels are great. I need to get back to reading that series. I think I have gotten through the first six.
Posted by: Brian White | April 18, 2009 10:03 PM
Does this mean we should start calling you "Admiral McIntyre"?
Posted by: Bucky | April 18, 2009 10:15 PM
Belay that.
Posted by: John McIntyre | April 18, 2009 10:21 PM
Should #2 be "proportionally" rather than "proportionately"? How are the two words used differently, if at all?
Somehow "proportionately" seems like it would be correct when referring to one of the shares ("her share was proportionate to her effort"), but in aggregate, they'd be assigned proportionally.
But I have no idea where or how I got that idea.
Posted by: jupiter | April 18, 2009 10:55 PM
I can see it now —
Emblazoned on the oriflamme banner:
The memento mori of our Jolie Roget;
The blood-curdling words of this motto:
The pen/is mightier than the sword.
Jon Awbrey, M&C (ret.)
Posted by: Jon Awbrey | April 19, 2009 1:06 AM
Re: "Captains and lieutenants will wear bicorns, but lieutenants will have to wear them front-to-back."
Will we be pronouncing it "leftenant"?
Posted by: Mike Livingston | April 19, 2009 10:05 PM
Here is a rough sketch for a flag design, intended more for getting the ball rolling than as a potential finalist. I really hope we'll see alternative and better designs from other YDS readers.
Posted by: Adrian Morgan | April 20, 2009 9:12 AM
Will you be training up a parrot? One of my grandsons has an excellent pirate book, Stinky Pete I think it's called, should you need a training manual.
Posted by: Eve | April 21, 2009 9:43 AM
Will you be boarding technical manuals too?
JEM: You wish.
Posted by: PCB Rob | April 21, 2009 1:10 PM
Yes, I do wish. It would make my job easier.
Posted by: PCB Rob | April 22, 2009 5:54 PM