How Ravens beat Brady, Pats
1. Every Ravens kickoff an onside kick, and recovered by the Ravens.
2. If No. 1 fails and the Patriots get ball once in a while, then Ray Lewis must yell random stuff in Tom Brady's face on every play: "Y'all trippin' on Swiss cheese . . . Hey, batter-batter-batter-swing-batter-batter-batter . . . . Ray love Rachel Ray. You love Rachel Ray? Ray love Rachel Ray. . . . What is the frequency, Kenneth? What is the frequency?" Real edgy stuff like that.
3. If No. 1 and No. 2 fail, and Patriots move the ball, then one of ththe SmartVision video screens -- the one facing Brady -- must be switched to a channel showing continuous hot video and stills of Bridget Moynahan and Gisele Bundchen.
4. Brian Billick calls an unpredictable offensive game -- like pass plays that have potential to go for more than five yards.
5. Clandestine transmission of heavy breathing to Gisele Bundchen in Brady's helmet radio.
6. Make Kelly Gregg an eligible receiver.
7. Pregame team meeting at the St. Jude Shrine, 308 N. Paca Street.
8. Ravens watch and listen to this movie clip before the big game. This'll get 'em psyched.
I got nothing else. Good luck, fair Ravens. And how thou pleasest, God, dispose the night!
Comments
It looked like they followed the even numbered tips. Gregg declared himself eligible each time Brady dropped back, and this was as inspired a Ravens team as we have seen since the last trout stocking in Deer Creek.
My second favorite, after 2, had to be number 1. If they had only done it once, it would have secured Billick's role in history as a true football visionary. Or a hockey puck.
Numbers 3 and 5 sounds more like the things the Pats would do, i.e., winning football with electronics.
God, it appears, helped them that helped themselves, again.
Posted by: Bruce Robinson | December 5, 2007 4:09 PM