Poling: If we might have a word ... (continued again)
Jason Poling is pastor of New Hope Community Church in Pikesville.
Things Clergy Would Appreciate You Taking Note Of
(a.k.a. Things We’d Like To Say But Don’t Because It Would Be Awkward)
In Good Faith readers may be aware that October is Clergy Appreciation Month. (One of my colleagues was surprised to hear this news; evidently at her synagogue every month is clergy appreciation month.) So I thought it might be useful to make readers aware of some things that we robed types would appreciate…specifically, things we have a hard time letting you know that we’d appreciate because it would be awkward to say so personally.
The following posts are the result of inquiries to dozens of clergypersons of various faiths, male and female, in various positions, from congregations of various sizes. They were assured of anonymity; if you think one came from your spiritual leader, the polite thing would be to chalk that up to coincidence and take heed nonetheless.
Work
• Just because I’m not physically at my desk doesn’t mean I’m not working. If I’m meeting a congregant for coffee, that’s work. If I’m meeting a colleague for lunch, that’s work. If I’m at the library researching a sermon (sermons usually take 10 to 20 hours to prepare, by the way), that’s work. If I’m at a conference, that’s work, even if the conference is someplace you’d like to go on vacation. If I’m at a denominational meeting, that really is work.
• If you see me out somewhere during the week, it’s nice for you to say hello. But don’t get into a 20 minute conversation; just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m not doing something worthwhile that requires my attention. This goes for dropping by my office during the week too. When we run into you at the grocery store, please remember we went there to buy milk and we have to get it home; we might not be able to have a long conversation about your grandson right then and there.
• We want you to talk to us about our sermons. Call us, email us, invite us to talk about them over coffee. Ask questions, listen, tell us what you heard. Read the text beforehand and let us know the questions it raises for you. Challenge us if you think we missed something. Give us your honest feedback, both positive and negative. But please be sensitive about the timing. Directly before we preach is not a good time to tell us what you want us to talk about. And directly after is not a good time to offer negative feedback. Apart from that, please bear in mind that sermons are designed to start conversations, not end them.
• “Well, you only work one day a week: ”Not funny. Never was, never will be.
• If our tradition allows you to do things like offer a blessing or a prayer, we are not offended when you do that rather than turning to the “professional.” We are grateful for your acts of spiritual service. We are seldom the recipients of spiritual service; in almost every setting we’re the one providing it. This may be why we like restaurants so much — it’s somebody’s job to take care of us, rather than the other way around.
• If you’re involved with deciding our compensation, treat us the way you’d like to be treated rather than the way somebody once treated you. We didn’t go into this line of work to get rich. But most of us didn’t take a vow of poverty, either. We have the same kinds of goals for our families that you have for yours.
• Generally speaking, we receive honoraria for performing weddings because they involve work above and beyond our normal duties. This work, in fact, usually takes place during times we would otherwise be spending with our families — time that can be in short supply. Dinner at the reception does not constitute an honorarium. A stingy or absent honorarium check is especially galling when you’ve sprung for a lavish country club wedding for 300 guests.
Coming Thursday: Gifts
Comments
“Well, you only work one day a week”: Not funny. Never was, never will be.
That one used to drive me crazy! It's amazing how many people think *they* are the first person to think of that very original quip.
Posted by: Chris Skinner | October 22, 2010 9:45 AM