The Rev. Jason Poling is pastor of New Hope Community Church in Pikesville.

Things Clergy Would Appreciate You Taking Note Of

(a.k.a. Things We’d Like To Say But Don’t Because It Would Be Awkward)

In Good Faith readers may be aware that October is Clergy Appreciation Month. (One of my colleagues was surprised to hear this news; evidently at her synagogue every month is clergy appreciation month.) So I thought it might be useful to make readers aware of some things that we robed types would appreciate … specifically, things we have a hard time letting you know that we’d appreciate because it would be awkward to say so personally.

The following posts are the result of inquiries to dozens of clergypersons of various faiths, male and female, in various positions, from congregations of various sizes. They were assured of anonymity; if you think one came from your spiritual leader, the polite thing would be to chalk that up to coincidence and take heed nonetheless.

Part I: Boundaries

· Respect the reasonable boundaries we need to place around our own home and family life. Don’t call our cell late at night, or our home phone any time, unless it’s an absolute pastoral emergency. If you aren’t sure if it’s an emergency, it isn’t.

· Don’t tell us we “absolutely have to” read a certain book/see a certain movie/visit a certain museum. If we did everything we were told we had to do, we’d never get anything else done. Tell us what you experienced and what you liked about it, and let us decide whether it’s a must-see.

· If we inquire after somebody’s health, please don’t feel the need to provide exhaustive detail. We have not yet encountered the scenario where we have a pastoral need to know how many centimeters an expectant mother is dilated, or the percentage she is effaced.

· We have also not yet encountered the scenario where we have a pastoral need to view a surgical scar.