Evangelical concern for Jon and Kate
Ginger Kolbaba has a message for Jon and Kate Gosselin: “Please don’t do what you’re doing.”
“For too long I’ve watched Christian couples live self-centered lives, pursuing their own desires, talking about following Christ and the principles of our faith, but not actually living them out,” writes Kolbaba, who edits Today’s Christian Woman and Marriage Partnership.
“When life gets difficult — as it does for every couple — they throw in the towel, acting helpless, showing to the world that when the apostle Paul said, ‘We are more than conquerors through Christ,’ he didn’t actually mean it.
“For too long I’ve watched Christians show to those outside our faith that Christianity, in fact, doesn’t strengthen us or make us any different from people who don’t follow Jesus. Instead I hear couples say, ‘The kids will be better off to have calm. It’s not good for them to see us arguing. Everything will be just fine. We’re doing this for the kids. It’s all for the good of the kids.’
“It’s rubbish. Kate (and Jon), who’s in control of the peace and calm of the kids? You are. You have the responsibility to bring calm into your family. But the good news is that God brings the grace and power to help you do that, through his Word, through prayer, through the community of believers, and through good old-fashioned determination.”
The Gosselins, the Christian family at the center of the TLC show Jon and Kate Plus Eight, announced plans this week to divorce after 10 years of marriage. Kolbaba is one of several Evangelicals taking a personal interest in their marriage.
“Outside of adultery or abuse, divorce is a lack of faith in God, a broken promise to Him and one's spouse, and is selfishness between two people especially when children are involved,” Rick Garner writes at jonandkateprayers.com. He says he has never seen the show, but started the Web site to discourage gossip about the Gosselins, encourage prayer for them, and provide resources for strengthening marriages.
“Sadly, the divorce rate among professing Christians is as high as that of unbelievers,” Garner writes. “Why? Because we allow the world to dictate our wants and desires. We listen to gossip and lies. We cave to lust and other distractions. We ignore the promise we made before God and our spouse to always stand by their side.”
Christianity Today blogger Lynn Roush took a similar line weeks ago.
“Our fleshly thinking is actually stubborn, selfish, unkind, merciless, and vengeful,” the Christian counselor wrote at the Christianity Today blog her-meneutics. “With no one to tell us otherwise, we are headed down a path of destruction in our relationships.
“So what’s the answer to these very familiar marital disputes?” Roush asked. “The intervening grace of God’s Word and his redemptive work in our lives. Usually this is only found within the contexts of relationships with other believers who have access to our hearts to help us see where God’s truth intersects with our daily lives. I’m only guessing here, but it seems that Jon and Kate’s marriage is a reflection of where each is spiritually. Could it be that the pressures and stresses of fame and attention have pulled them away from their greatest love: Christ? Perhaps they have dropped church out of their busy schedules, and with that, a group of other Christians who knows them, is aware of their struggles, and helps to keep them accountable? Or has confessing to the TV camera replaced the biblical wisdom of ‘confess[ing] your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.’ “
Her at In Good Faith, the Rev. Jason Poling, who counsels couples in his role as pastor of New Hope Community Church in Pikesville, wrote of the challenge of holding together a marriage while starring in a reality show that draws the scrutiny of millions of viewers – and many more tabloid readers – every week.
“My hope, and indeed my prayer,” Poling wrote after the show's season premiere, ”is that the Gosselins will be able to seek the help they need to work through the challenges they face in their marriage: to own their own failings, to ask and offer forgiveness, to commit together to rebuilding on firm foundations of trust, grace, love, fidelity, acceptance and kindness. Not simply painting over the corroded spots, but doing the hard work of stripping and sanding and patching and priming so that real restoration can take place.”
Comments
You are delusional. Jon & Kate used the Christian population to gain UNTAXED funding. Jon wrote about it in his blog in 2005.
They were using the congregations to generate income. And they will do it again if you let them.
Posted by: mb | June 26, 2009 12:39 PM
With the last comment...I don't think the writer of this column is delusional. It is true that only in realizing that this couple needs to refocus their minds on what is really important in life and full repentance and dependance on the Lord is the only to heal this broken relationship. Children aren't looking for lots of money, big houses, fame and etc...if the lifestyle of their parents don't seek that kind of living. Children model the actions of their parents. I know this for a fact raising my own children.
Jon and Kate have fooled many of us, but no one call fool the Lord. So with that in mind, all we can do is pray for them and pray that the spirit of the Lord can move their hearts to bring their relationship to were it was in the beginning. All these "things" they have now...won't last! Look at the King of Pop....gone at 50 years old! No one earth ever saw that coming.
Posted by: IP | June 26, 2009 1:47 PM
If you think praying to "the Lord" can save them, can' t you also blame him for letting this happen?
Maybe it is his intention for a greater plan?
Maybe everyone else should stop meddling in his work!
Posted by: Dale | June 26, 2009 2:39 PM
They don't care about God or even the privacy of their own children. They sold both for fame and fortune and will continue to do so for as long as they are allowed.
The kids are mere props used in Kate's vision of fame. Anyone who doesn't know this has not done the research. She has been marketing these children since conception. And her early marketing strategy was to use various churches for as much money as possible.
Scripture will not save these kids. I'm not even sure the legal system can. And J&K will each write a book and the tragedy will continue.
Restore that.
Posted by: mb | June 26, 2009 3:53 PM
You guys are horrible. Raising a family of multiples (meaning twins or higher order) has its own challenges that most people can never fathom. Yeah, they aired their dirty laundry on the fencepost for all to see. But until you walk a mile in their shoes, you have no right to be so extremely judgemental.
I'm a mom of triplets, and I can only begin to understand the trials and tribulations Jon and Kate are going through to raise eight children from two births! Try comparing it to running a daycare business, 24/7. Do you want to come home from work and treat your spouse and kids like a business? It's not that there aren't good moments, but it also isn't your typical family lifestyle.
So, please, unless you have a family that even remotely compares with theirs - bugger off.
Posted by: Lori | June 26, 2009 4:17 PM
Jon after I got the new about you guys going thru divorce i was shock. Me and my wife or soon be x-wife, we used to watch your show.
I always thought that you guys make such a good team, it's amaze me how you two agree on things for the children and manage to have some time for you two.
Anyway, I'm going thru divorce too and I got married around the same time you did. You know I decide to created a blog call couple vs couple in divorce to see who finalize their marriage first.
Here's a link to it
http://jonandkatedivorce.wordpress.com/
Posted by: SaBinh | June 26, 2009 5:21 PM
Praise God! Thank you for writing this article. It is exactly what needs to be said. I have and will continue to pray that Christ will be their focus. It's comforting to know that God is still in control, even in their situation.
Posted by: Kathryn | June 26, 2009 7:06 PM
i'd say they are the PERFECT example of a "christian couple". Hypocritical, judgmental, adulterous, fake and "holier than thou." please spare me the whining about examples of "christians"...you bible thumpers are pathetic...
Posted by: kg | June 26, 2009 8:00 PM
PUH-LEASE - it's you "christians" who keep forking out money to see these people speak. not surprising - everything else you idiots do is pure hypocricy. jon and kate fit right in...
Posted by: ml | June 26, 2009 8:03 PM
First Clay Aiken fooled, and used thousands and thousands of christians, now Jon and Kate. Saying you're a christian, going to church, hanging scripture on your kitchen cabinets, does not make you a follower of Christ. We are pandered to by celebrities and politicians. Only God is not fooled.
Posted by: singingnewyorker | June 26, 2009 8:21 PM
There is no spoon.
Posted by: Neo | June 27, 2009 12:22 AM
We are all capable of having the same thing happen to us. Never say that would never happen to me. Money and fame can change anyone and this is a sad situation. Instead of criticizing, I will pray for God to change the hearts of Jon and Kate, as only he can do.
Posted by: beverly coupe | June 27, 2009 12:31 AM
I think Jon and Kate should just stop being selfish,think about the kids for a moment.....get out of the spotlight and sort themselves out.At least that is what marriage is about the good time and the very bad ones you stick together,that's what family does.i'm so sad for those kids.
Posted by: lucy dixon | June 27, 2009 4:48 AM
Christians are not perfect, but as a community, we are required to support and keep one another accountable by telling the truth in love. Some truths are hard to hear. There is a difference between discernment and judgment. Angry, emotional personal attacks and name-calling do not add to discussion, whether one agrees with the views of Christians or not. If we see a brother or sister headed in the wrong direction, of course we will speak up. Jon and Kate made a promise before God. Perhaps money and fame have blinded them. We only seek to help them find their way back to Christ again. By doing so, we are not trying to be "holier than thou". We know that the temptations of the world are hard to resist. That's why it takes a community to support.
Posted by: Christian | June 27, 2009 9:32 AM
Kate has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. You people can pray till the end of the world, but it won't do Kate any good.
She has a documented history of using people until they no longer suit her perposes. She won't change and she is damaging her children.
She has a personality disorder. Look it up. She damages everyone she comes in contact with.
Posted by: mb | June 27, 2009 2:15 PM
Yes I have watched the Jon and Kate plus 8 on TLC.Yes it hard raising multiples expecially in the viewers eyes.I think greed took one over on The Gosselins.People do change over the years with money ,stress and challenging times of rasing children.My husband and I have been married for 32 years.It sure hasn't been easy but I didn't give up on our marriage.I have a strong faith in God and that has helped.I hold true to my wedding vows,"Till death do we part,in good times and in bad , in sickness and in health".Kate has changed and certainly not for the better with the greed of money.Isn't it in the bible that "money is the root of all evil" ? Sure money helps but how you choose to use it can produce evil.Give it a chance , Kate and Jon.What drew you together in the first place ? Maybe it will work and certainly don't say "for the sake of the kids".It will hurt them more. I am from a divorced family and in my marrriage that has made me strive even more to make it work.Go to a counselor and pray.God only gives us choices,but it is up to us on how we use those choices correctly.That I say us our fault. Amen to that.........
Posted by: marie simms | June 27, 2009 2:19 PM
Jon and Kate are just the same scammers as Jim and Tammy Fay Baker were.
Most of their millions came from bilking old ladies and naive young women into thinking they needed their money and that they are devout Christians.
They are millionaires now. All the love offerings sure came in handy.
Posted by: Carrin | June 27, 2009 2:25 PM
I feel sorry for everyone. Yes they may have got caught up with fame. But isn't it possible they also were used for ratings & to make money for the network. I doubt they will read this but if they remember their wedding day they will remember how much they were in love. Take that and contact Marriage Savers.com. It is a great christian marriage tool to bring you back to where you used to be.
Posted by: Charlene Bennett | June 27, 2009 5:21 PM
After decades of exposure and courtesy to Evangelical varieties of American "Christians," I cannot recall one who met even low-rung standards for honesty, faithfulness, morality, trustworthiness, humor, understanding, thoughtfulness, or ability to think and reason. On the contrary, they have shown themselves to be universal opponents of education, reason, thought, kindness, courtesy, and faithfulness outside their family units and their organizations. They do not have to keep their word to people, or recompense people for injuries because--in their minds--they are faithful to the "Lord" (i.e., tithe to someone). If one reminds any of them of a promise, a debt, an injury that requires repayment, the response will always be some version of "We know the Lord"--to them, a way of closing the door on anything that requires a civilized response. They have nothing to do with the real Church, so their expectations for themselves are unrealistic. They seem to be people without the courage or faith to face the difficulties of the world, but who don't want to live as saints.
Comparing these people to the Church, to real saints and the character for which they are remembered, ALWAYS exposes hypocrisy.
Posted by: M.A. C. | June 27, 2009 5:25 PM
I grew up in a relatively devout Protestant household, and still consider myself to be an avid Lutheran in my belief structure. A HUGE frustration of mine within the church is the ability to still rationalize away our own responsibility for our behaviors by just "focusing on God". We create so many constructs of what God supposedly wants, when in reality we just don't know. Attempting to hold God responsible for things that are purely in my control--how I act toward others--is dishonest not only to God, but allows me a way to ultimately rationalize my way out of responsibility for myself. Jon and Kate could have made their marriage work if they wanted to, and they don't.
It also goes far beyond marriage--I would never want Kate OR Jon as friends. My perception is that neither one of them wants to have a healthy relationship with any adult, in any circumstance.
Posted by: Laura | June 28, 2009 2:13 PM
I've been divorced. And, by the Grace of God, I am now happily remarried 10 years later, but divorce is never 'good' and typically the result of selfishness in both husband and wife. (sometimes only one, but rarely.) Though I did not desire my first marriage to end, I accept responsibility for the mistakes I made that contributed to it's demise. But it does take a full true decision on both sides that ANY problem is solvable, otherwise any marriage would be temporary, and therefore merely a fake marriage. If they accept that ANY problem can be solved withe hard work and real help from mentorship, then the marriage will not only survive but with flourish!!
I know from experiencing both.
All couples should watch "FireProof the movie" every year on their anniversary.
"Never Ever leave your partner behind."
-TDG
Posted by: Tim G | July 1, 2009 6:33 PM
Seems pretty clear that Jon needs to dump his anger: http://www.jonandkateprayers.com/2009/08/dump-your-anger-jon.html
Posted by: Rick Garner | August 27, 2009 2:09 AM
Why did Christian fans embrace Jon & Kate Plus 8 and behave badly online during the couple's divorce? Answer the challenge to shine or shred: http://www.jonandkateprayers.com/2010/03/will-you-shine-or-shred.html
Posted by: Rick Garner | March 22, 2010 11:54 PM