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90210 recap: The enchanted what? Who comes up with these?

"That monkey had it in for me, man. I saw it in his EYES.

It's been a long few weeks, 90210 fans, but our favorite West Bev denizens are back, trying to escape the crushing, oppressive reality that permeates their dramatic little lives. And the best way to do that is with a margarita in Cabo San Lucas. Well, technically the best way is to simply complete the [alcoholic beverage] + [warm vacation spot with questionable drinking ages and drug laws] paradigm, and these kids definitely have that figured out.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the skate park
Despite her laid-back surfer 'tude and new penchant for herbal refreshment, Ivy is still something of a head case and seeks some distance from terminally ill Raj by heading to Mexico with Dixon and their pals. But when Dixon suggests surfing, Ivy goes looking for "drogas" from the hotel staff (It's "mota," Ivy. Or, as the staffer so sarcastically tells her "You're looking for POT").

Unfortunately, Ivy's score is laced with something and she gets a bad high, resulting in spilling the beans about her weed habit and Raj's leukemia. But Dixon is a good friend, and, oddly, really good at taking care of tweaking-out potheads. By the time Ivy is back stateside, she's ready to be with Raj for whatever time he has left.

Read on for no satisfying explanation of the episode title whatsoever!

Cuteness abounds
Two of the couples on the Cabo-bound private jet are vomit-inducingly adorable throughout the episode, though one does manage to be hilarious.

Annie acts exactly as we'd expect: Like a Type A nerd tourist on sunshine pills and Adderall, dragging poor Liam around in the scorching heat and making him pose for inane, contrived snapshots. But this backfires when some local market monkey bites Annie on the neck and she gets laid up at the hotel with a rabies shot. Fortunately, all is made well when thoughtful Liam turns up with a mariachi band and churros, which is probably the best cure for anti-viral-induced depression ever.

Meanwhile, Max and Naomi are carrying on their clandestine relationship under the guise of math tutelage... at least until Max discovers Naomi is really failing math. Since it turns out Max is something of a whiz kid in bed as well (hell yeah, "American Pie"-esque band geek shout out!), he uses that as a carrot to lead Naomi through functions and polynomials. This works brilliantly, but is probably not a good model for raising standardized test scores in schools.

Anyway, these two are adorable, and Naomi's similarity to the healthy-libidoed Samantha Jones grows with every sexualized one-liner. Sure, it's a stereotype, but she plays it with such gusto that we don't really mind.

What happens in Cabo...
...so does not stay in Cabo.

Teddy is still exploring his newly liberated sexuality when he runs into Tripp, an old friend from Exeter, and coincidentally, the first boy Teddy ever liked. Teddy is in luck, because when he comes out to his fellow WASP, the dude lays one on him right at the bar, and the two end up spending the night together. The afterglow is a bit spoiled in the morning when Teddy discovers Tripp has a boyfriend, but the two are in an open relationship. Ordinarily, this would be just fine with the free-wheeling playboy, but instead Teddy feels rejected and discovers that he is one of those "relationship guys." Meanwhile, he and Silver are developing a Will and Grace dynamic, as she continues to be his ex-girlfriend-current-best-friend-moral-support.

Why are people friends with Adrianna?
Though we can't entirely take Silver's side in this whole mess -- it's pretty messed up that she's making out all over the place with Navid in front of Ade -- Adrianna is extremely heinous. We knew this in season one, but we were hoping that was mostly a drug-addled craze. Apparently not.

After a scream-fest on the plane to rival any Jerry Springer episode, the two girls punk each other throughout the trip with nausea-producing tap water and fake sunscreen. This finally culminates in an all-out brawl poolside and Navid having to shoulder the blame for the whole mess. Ade asks Silver to break up with Navid, but Silver says no dice: She thinks she's falling in love with him. Ade seems unable to handle this, but shows up at Silver's house once the gang is back in California. The old friends share a friendly hug and all is forgiven.

Until Ade replaces Silver's bipolar meds with some other pills. Oops.

What did you guys think? Was yesterday's episode worth the wait? What exactly are in those pills? Will Naomi and Max be exposed as a couple? Will Silver and Navid ever slow down on the PDA? To the comments!

Notes n' Quotes

Max: I have prophylactics.

Liam: You scheduled time to relax...

Silver: I'm really glad you're getting back on that horse. Or, burro.

Liam: I'm not taking a photo with that overgrown tree rat.
Annie: It's adorable.
Liam: It's wearing people clothes! You know how I feel about animals wearing people clothes.

Naomi: We have to hurry, it's almost time for the fiesta.
Max: I'll show you a fiesta...

Final Thoughts

  • So, we've only been to Cabo once, but we're pretty sure it's mostly desert and chaparral, not jungle, Annie.
  • Silver looks like our Great Aunt Lottie from Sarasota in that sparkly caftan.
  • It's great that Max can rock the Casbah and all, but wasn't that kind of predictable in its seemingly non-predictability? You know what we mean.


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You stated "Seriously, though, WHY DO PEOPLE HANG OUT WITH ADRIANNA?" but apart from the pills thing, what she is doing to Silver is EXACTLY THE SAME THING that Naomi did to Annie except Naomi only THOUGHT that Annie slept with Liam. Silver has been continuously cheating with Navid. Just because Adrianna has done some bad things doesn't mean that she deserves to get cheated on.

I used to like Silver in Season 1 because she seemed independent but she's really just a follower and not as "independent" as she claimed to be in Season 1. I don't think she's any more of a "loyal friend" as the other girls because she's never good at believing her friends. What pissed me off about her was how quickly she abandoned Annie during the whole Naomi/Liam/Jen thing when her and Annie were supposedly closer friends. Then she didn't believe Naomi when she said Mr. Cannon actually raped her then when Annie told her that Emily was making things up. To be fair though none of the girls believed her.

It just makes me mad how she acts as if she's above everything and is a model citizen when she's just as bad as everyone else. I hope people can see that now and that's why I don't feel bad for her at all right now.

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