90210 recap: My New Years' resolution is not to kill anyone with a Bowie knife
The best thing about a soap-opera-y program like 90210 is that people very often get what they deserve...eventually. Happily enough, we got two instances of comeuppance before we even got our feet wet in that L.A. surf. Still others were denied some TLC, which we hope will be remedied in the future.
Revenge FAIL
We honestly had more faith in Cannon. Not that he would reform or anything crazy like that (we'll save that for season five), but that he was slightly more wily than someone who could be defeated by a manic obsession with female vanity and hairspray. HAIRSPRAY. True, Naomi's escape plan was truly inspired and she really is a natural at taking the reins in a situation, but Cannon managed to evade the LAPD and Scotland Yard. He should be better than this. It still was satisfying to see that sucker get knocked out with a...candle holder, we guess? Anyway, he was bleeding a lot, so: Win.
Read on for homosexuality joke snafus and PR fails!
Revenge success
So not that Adrianna's painful pull through the ringer was a good thing, but if we're being honest, we can't say that she didn't deserve it. We want Victor to be brought back down to earth with righteous fury, but we have to hand it to him for his absolute PR dominance over his ex-client. Because clearly, he's been around the block a few more times than our young Ade and she needs some schooling.
And we would have pitied Ade if she hadn't acted so atrociously. It was mostly her making Mick Jagger lips while practicing her "PSTD" story in the mirror that finally turned us off for good. It was a little low of the host to play "gotcha" journalism with a teenager, but she definitely was right in her assessment of Ade. Now if only Navid would build up some backbone and give her the heave-ho.
Damsel in distress is not your look
Personally, we've always liked Ivy because we relate to her "one of the boys" attitude. She doesn't take crap from anyone, she doesn't shy away from a challenge and she's never late because of an eyelash-curling fiasco. Granted, it's easier to leave the house au naturel with skin and a bone structure like that, but we digress.
Which is why it was so sad to see her give in to the demon of fear. We completely understand. After a particularly gnarly fall at snowboard camp we've never been able to tackle a rainbow rail with confidence, so we know what those misgivings are like. But this is Ivy. Ivy fears nothing, and she certainly wouldn't watch from the sidelines while her team eats it at a meet. We're sure the precise inner workings of her mind will come to the surface soon enough -- Dixon and Ivy shared more significant looks in this episode than these guys. So get over that brush with death, Ivy. We need you back up on the horse, er, surfboard.
Are we really having another Single White Female scare on The CW?
This is what we don't understand about the whole Anne/Liam/Charlie thing: Annie and Charlie were REALLY HAPPY before she suddenly cheated with Liam. They had excellent chemistry and were finally getting past the cutesy, nausea-inducing honeymoon stage, and then Annie was wooed by Matt Lanter's abs or whatever. Sigh. It's been a while since we were 16. In any case, we're glad Charlie and Liam have made up, because Charlie's motives actually seem legitimate and he's a very perceptive character, which is a nice change on this show.
We were also convinced that Annie was lying to Charlie about her cousin "Emily," so much so that were actually shocked when Emily showed up. And oh sweet fried funnel cakes, do we love this girl. She is hysterical. She dresses like a cross between a mall walker and Amy Poehler as Regina George's mom. She uses Ok! magazine to validate life choices. The only problem is she clearly has a penchant for mental instability (is that why her mom is in rehab? As a plot device to make her eventual insanity believable? Because we didn't know Kansas was that much of a hotbed for addiction and disjointed reality. Unless you're Dorothy Gale). We're really hoping the writers won't take the obsessive copycat character with violent tendencies route with Emily, but it's a pretty weak hope indeed.
It's hard to get out of that closet when your idiot friends are sitting in front of the door
Poor Teddy. This coming to terms with his sexuality thing is being thwarted at every turn. Just as he convinces Ian to be understanding, Navid goes and makes everyone feel uncomfortable with his weird flirty comments. Maybe it's just us, but we thought Navid was supposed to be the smart, sensitive one. Guess we pegged that wrong.
The worst came when Dixon confronted Teddy. Sure, Dix seemed a little nervous bringing the subject up, but we think that if Teddy honestly came out at that moment his friend would have found a way to understand. Maybe next week.
What did you guys think? Were you happy with the first episode after the break? Sorry to see Ade get squashed like a bug? Or filled with gleeful schadenfreude? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Ian: This place is like 3000 years old. It's probably the ghost of Betty Davis.
Dixon: Can two guys kiss on the mouth and not be gay?
Navid: Persian guys do. Especially if they're related. It's a cultural thing.
Annie: I'd be freaking out.
Dixon: You freak out over hairless dogs.
Renee: Whether or not you have PSTD is between you and your gynecologist. And Navid.
Emily: I've always wanted to know if those sales people are really as snobby as they were in "Pretty Woman."
Dixon: I'm just glad you didn't die or anything.
Ivy: Thank you, that's probably the nicest thing you've said to me in weeks.
Final Thoughts
- Is Abbie Cobb (Emily) related to Jennie Garth? Because they look a LOT alike.
- Liam's confused facial expressions upon meeting Emily are reason enough to keep her around.
- Once again, god bless Meredith Blake. No one else could play a ruthless L.A. publicist like the evil almost-step mom from "The Parent Trap". Except Katie Cassidy or Jeremy Piven, that is.