Life Unexpected recap: We're just thankful we're not these people
Yet again we have another CW show telling us in no uncertain terms that Thanksgiving is never, ever fun. Hell, at this point we'd settle for normal, or even catastrophe-free. No dice.
Right off the bat on Life Unexpected we're reminded that Baze and Emma are participating in a dangerous office relationship, Sam knows about Lux's secret and isn't afraid to milk that knowledge, and Tasha almost killed a guy. At least all the white of the over-abundant mashed potatoes sort of subdue the colorful autumnal palette of drama.
Never underestimate a blackmailer with nothing to lose
As if Lux didn't have enough to worry about,
Jordan Catalano Sam decides to use his blackmail material to get an A grade with Daniels. Besides, he says, Lux owes him for taking the blame for the insanity on Homecoming. Lux is flabbergasted at his villainy, and we are a little, too. We expected more from you, Doppelganger Jordan.
Awkward pulls up a seat at the table when a Math-invited Daniels shows up at Thanksgiving along with Emma and Sam. Unable to speak about Sam's treachery openly, Lux tries to convey the situation to Daniels through significant looks and turns-of-phrase, but to no avail. C'mon, Daniels, you're a lit teacher -- read between the lines.
Things get more out of hand when Sam nicks a Polaroid of Lux and Daniels on their island date, having a bit too much fun for a teacher and student. In exchange for the photo Sam doesn't just want the A, he wants a kiss from Lux. We knew the little JD had a crush!
Read on for more Thanksgiving disasters and one little miracle after the jump.
There's no pleasing some people
Baze is determined to play patriarch and have a big family Thanksgiving with his parents out of town. With his father out of the way, he manages to convince a wary Emma to join the party and bring Sam, but no sooner do the festivities begin than Mr. and Mrs. Bazile pop in the door with the party's 50th mashed potato contribution. Dude. NO ONE brings mashed potatoes to a Thanksgiving feast unless given specific instructions from the host. Otherwise EVERYONE would bring mashed potatoes. It's family feasting 101.
Baze hastily persuades Emma not to run screaming for the door and then makes the rounds telling his guests to zip it about their relationship. Unfortunately, Abby (who sucks as a person in this episode, but still could not have been more hilarious) has a mouth the size of the Snoopy balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade and lets the details on the tryst slip to Mr. Bazile himself. Mr. B Sr. gives his son an ultimatum: End it with Emma or get fired.
This leads to the most passive-aggressive-but-mostly-aggressive family dinner ever, which would have resulted in Baze throwing the carving knife ninja-style at his father's neck if Cate didn't interrupt with one of her classic freak-outs. Hey, they do serve a purpose!
After the meal Baze tells his dad to shove it -- he chooses Emma.
Cue bun-in-the-oven jokes that actually kind of fit the setting!
While preparing her sweet potato casserole, Cate is snapping at anything that comes within biting distance, including Baze, her mom, her sister and the call center employee at First Response. Turns out Cate is pregnant, and she doesn't consider it a bundle of joy at all. She wanted to try fixing her marriage herself first before resorting to having a baby fix it for her. After all, babies don't really have the proper motor skills to fix much of anything.
Laverne is overjoyed about another grandchild -- and the size of Cate's boobs -- while Abby just wants Cate to tell Ryan. As fate would have it, Cate is surprised to find Ryan at the party, as he was not supposed to be in attendance. She spends the afternoon being short with him and awkwardly covering up Abby's attempts at blurting out the secret, leaving Ryan more confused than ever. Meanwhile, Abby is being a bigger brat than we thought possible by glaring at Emma and blaming Cate for not telling her about "her ex's" new girlfriend. For a therapist (sort of), Abby is exceedingly delusional.
After getting prodded one too many times by her mother and sister and accidentally taking a swig of wine, Cate spits out her secret to the dinner table, as well as the mixture of saliva and Pinot that were swishing around in her mouth. Later on, Ryan says he wants to move home, but Cate is hesitant. She wants him to move home for her, not because he feels obligated. Finally, Laverne is the one who draws out some wisdom: Just because their reconciliation isn't happening in the right order, doesn't mean it won't turn out right in the end. Touche.
There's always room for a few more guests at the table
Ready to crack from Sam's pressure, Lux tells Tasha that she needs to confess her relationship with Daniels to Cate. Tasha doesn't think this is a good idea. What if, having no more secrets to hold over Lux's head, Sam uses Tasha's shovel story instead? Lux seems to agree, until she tells Cate that they need to talk. No time for that, however, they have more dinner guests! It's the Portland police. They can't stay for supper, but they will take something to go: A handcuffed Tasha, under arrest for assault. Okay, and maybe a slice of pumpkin pie.
What did you guys think of the episode? Are you happy Baze and Emma's relationship is finally out in the open? Wish the same could be said for Lux and Daniels? As impressed as we are with Math's Thanksgiving knowledge? To the comments!
Notes n' Quotes
Basile: Chip of the old block, isn't he?
Emma: No comment.
Baze: No offense, dad. There's something about snorkeling and turkey that seems gross...
Emma: What should I bring? And by bring I mean buy.
Lux: Baze is making a turkey the size of a toddler.
Tasha: Because that image makes me hungry...
Baze: Easy there, Mood Swing.
Cate: I know how to use a pregnancy test, I have been accidentally pregnant before... Why don't YOU use a condom?!?
Abby: I'm familiar with Baze's giant bird. It's not all that.
Abby: Omigod, you're pregnant.
Laverne: I knew your boobs looked big, I thought that was just a really great bra!
Cate: All I did was pee on a stick...four sticks.
Laverne: Like anyone is going to look you in the eye with those ginormous boobs!
Baze: It's like picking up the droppings of a Playboy bunny.
Baze: It wouldn't be Thanksgiving without my mom's famous...something from a store...
Lux: Just because Baze is making us pretend to date doesn't mean that we are.
Sam: Is this about the blackmail?
Lux: It isn't helping..
Math: Hey, you guys are missing the Bullwinkle balloon!
Mrs. Bazile: Nate, honey, are you okay?
Baze: Yeah, why?
Emma: Because you're carving that turkey like its "The Shining."
Ryan: It wasn't THE worst.
Cate: I spit on Thanksgiving, Ryan.
Cate: I'm like that plastic container.
Laverne: Cheap and disposable?