90210: No, really. What the hell is a purse emergency?
This week's episode of 90210 was mercifully slower-paced than the last time we tuned in, and we still didn't go wanting for lack of drama or hilarity. See writers? You can take it down a notch. These kids are still in high school, after all.
Naomi finally gets enough confidence to file a complaint against Cannon, Silver and Navid completely nerd it up and poor Liam is a purse pony for Laura and her personally-designed handbags, which turns out to be a juicier gig than he anticipated.
Navid and Silver
Seeing as someone has to actually give a crap about their education over losing their virginity or DJing at an awards ceremony that celebrates being a lazy arse, Silver and Navid are planning to attend the "Achievement Awards," something akin to an honors society with more specific awards. The race is tight between Harper and Navid for the most venerated prize and we get some amazing type-A banter out of the struggle.
But Navid already has other problems. He has a new locker mate that he swears he recognizes, but just can't place her. When he tells her his name she's offended, claiming that they both know they know each other and she wants nothing to do with Navid. Um, ok? Don't worry, Navid, girls are crazy.
When Navid and Silver finally get to the ceremony they overhear Harper's dad harassing her about getting an award and getting into college. There's no need to worry about her, since she wins the top award, but it turns out later that Navid withdrew his name. He has supportive parents and great friends, he says, what does he need with a stupid award? At which point Silver calls him a great guy, makes doe eyes at him and we can almost smell the upcoming love triangle. It doesn't help that Adrianna is sticking with Vic, causing Navid to doubt any integrity she might have had. By the way, excellent imagery, writers, with Adrianna almost falling over from all her shopping bags while she tells Navid this.
Later, Silver and Navid head to the "Undies" or the alternative awards ceremony that celebrates being a bum. Navid sees the mystery girl grinding up on another student on the dance floor and he knows where he's seen her: In one of his dad's pornography films. Which means mystery girl was underage and --judging by her less than warm welcome to Navid -- unfairly exploited.
Read on for some unlikely partnerships and Google's amazing powers of investigation after the jump.
Dixon and Ivy
Dixon is trying like hell to make things better with Ivy, who is trying like hell to gouge Oscar's eyes out with a dirty melon-baller. Still unaware of Ivy's transgressions, Dixon suggests that they forget the last week ever happened, which suits Ivy just fine.
At the Undies, Dixon can sense that there's tension between the two old friends, but drops it when Ivy clearly isn't keen to talk about it. It all comes rushing out eventually when Dix brings up the virginity issue again. This time, Ivy can't brush the truth aside and tells Dixon she slept with Oscar. There's no blow-up, but it's clear Dixon doesn't take the news well. More proof that losing your virginity can ruin your life forever. Thanks, CW.
Liam, Teddy and Crazypants McGee
It's official that Liam is working for the craziest bird in Hollywood, and that includes Liza Minelli. After waking up to laura watching him sleep, Liam is forced to schlep her all over L.A. to get materials for her purse-design business, which apparently is very lucrative. Unfortunately, since this takes all day, Liam has to carry 346,987,659 handbags into the Undies, as well as pick up his award for "Least School Spirit" looking like the purse rack at Claire's.
But when Liam gets called outside for a "purse emergency" he learns why Laura is making so much money. She's selling drugs covertly in the lining of the bags, which we glean is a very dangerous business from the Latino thugs that are roughing her up. Yay, stereotypes!
Meanwhile, Teddy is smoking weed at the Undies to feel better about his sexual misgivings. Then he tries to drive home and gets yelled at by Dixon and Navid. That's about it. More on him in upcoming episodes with an alleged gay bar in the mix.
Naomi and Oscar
Naomi and Matthews finally go to the police department with Matthews' new information, but the officer says it will be a very tough fight: Naomi has wrongfully accused Cannon before and Matthews could have breathed fire from the alcohol fumes he was emitting that night. At least it gets Cannon suspended, though not without threatening Naomi in the middle of the school hallway, which no one seems to notice.
While Cannon is packing his things into his car, Oscar approaches him saying he had hoped to take his class, but it was full. Trying to bond with a fellow Brit, Oscar accuses Cannon of being from Dagenham, which is apparently an unforgivable offense. Oscar gets a brief taste of Cannon's threatening anger and backs off from the clearly unstable teacher.
Meanwhile, Oscar has fallen in love with Naomi after seeing her at her most gloriously bitchy. He attempts to pick her up at the Undies, asking her -- sickeningly -- if his accent is doing it for her. This backfires when she says it repulses her because it reminds her of Cannon, and Oscar lets slip that Cannon is clearly trying to hide where he's from. Naomi is all ears now, and the two escape to the computer lab to do some secret online sleuthing, where they discover that Cannon isn't Cannon at all: It's a fake name. And he has a warrant for his arrest for a previous sexual assault in East London. Armed with this information, Naomi goes straight to the authorities, who head straight to Cannon's, who apparently has headed straight out of town. At this point we're mirroring Naomi's concern: Cannon is gone, but this definitely isn't over.
What did you guys think of the episode? Did you like the slower pace? Is Oscar as bad as Ivy thinks he is? Are looking forward to seeing Teddy in a gay bar? To the comments, and beyond!
Notes n' Quotes
Dixon: Do I sound like I have laryngitis and can't do my history presentation?
Dixon: Damn, well do you have an extra history exam?
Navid: I don't tell any dumb jokes.
Dixon: Are you serious? How do you get a Kleenex to dance?
Navid: You put a little boogie in it!!
Harper: I still maintain that you stuffed the ballot boxes!
Naomi: You can use my pen, which, B.T.W. is worth more than your car.
Ian: Can you check the speakers? There's too much reverb on my mike and I'm afraid I sound like Katheriinneee Hepbuuurrrn!
Oscar: You don't have to play hard to get.
Naomi: Oh I'm not playing, I am hard to get.
Dixon: What the hell is a purse emergency?
- In what universe would the cops allow teenagers to follow them to an arrest of a sex offender?
- Why are the Undies being held on school grounds? Why would school officials allow this?
- Someone needs to burn Laura's hat.