When it comes to our plea for pet jokes, it's not exactly raining cats and dogs. (Hence, no danger of stepping in a poodle.) But we could use more.

So, in an attempt to pick up the pace, and add to our collection, I offer this one, from the Nevada Appeal, which attributes it to one Jo Ann Gardner:

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female poodle.

The three males fall all over themselves, slobbering and hoping for a favorable glance from her. She notices this and decides that the first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' in an imaginative and intelligent sentence, can have her affections.

The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"'How childish," says the poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."

The tall, shiny golden retriever steps up and says, "Um, I HATE liver and cheese."

"Pitiful," says the poodle.

She then turns to the last, and smallest, of the three -- a chihuahua. He gives her a sly wink, turns to the golden retriever and the lab and says ...

"Liver alone ... cheese mine."

*

(If you have a dog or cat joke, original or not, send it in as a comment, and we'll add it to our list)

Posted by John Woestendiek at 8:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
                    

Our first cat joke has arrived, courtesy of Mary Schmidt.

Remember, we are trying to gather 100 or more dog and cat jokes and riddles for a worthy cause -- that worthy cause being laughing. (The rest of our plan can be read here.)

Feel free to send them via the comment button, or in an email to mutts@baltsun.com. We aren't requiring they be original -- no pedigree is necessary -- so any of those that float around the Internet, in our view, are cut- and paste- and send-able.

Here's Mary's cat tale:

Once there was a really good cat who died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met him and told him that because he had been a good cat on Earth he could have anything he wanted.

To which the cat replied, "The pillow is wonderful and those meals on wheels are terrific!"

(To check the rest of our joke collection, click here.)

Posted by John Woestendiek at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
                    

Adding to our dog humor collection, reader Anne Madison, after pondering its lack of political correctness and deciding what the heck, sent in the following:

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He lies awake all night wondering if there's a dog.

(To check the rest our joke collection, click here.)

Posted by John Woestendiek at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
                    

The first to chime in regarding our search for dog (and cat) humor was devoted Mutts reader and commenter Mary Schmidt, who passes along this joke.

(Remember, they don't have to be original -- just funny. Besides, one of the benefits of growing older -- and I refer here to myself, by no means you, or Mary -- is that not only does one get to re-read excellent books, but one can enjoy anew jokes one heard months ago and movies and TV shows that one saw last year, assuming one remembers where the remote is. One can also say "one" and get away with it.)

Here's Mary's offering:

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

"The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."

(To check the rest of our joke collection click here.)

Posted by John Woestendiek at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
                    

We're starting a new category today -- (if you haven't checked out our handy categories, they're down in the rail to the right) -- and we're calling it "The Funny Bone."

Usually, when we say we, I mean me, or Ace and me, but this time I mean we as in me and you, dear blog reader.

The Funny Bone will be where we store our dog jokes (and cat ones, too), but I'm thinking it could be more than that -- it could be a cooperative effort in which we gather jokes, pick the best ones, put them in a book and market it, with proceeds going to a worthy animal cause.

Send your nominees to me -- either through comments posted here, or an email (mutts@baltsun.com). I'll post the best jokes on the blog. When we get up to 100 or so we'll make our book. Maybe we could find a philanthropic printer. Maybe we could find an illustrator. Maybe we could find someone to distribute it to pet shops. Maybe we could find someone to do any math that will be involved.

If you have any skills you'd like to lend (for free) to the project, let me know. Meantime, send in those dog jokes. I'll get us started with this one:

John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a secluded mountain area of West Virginia (West Virginians, feel free to insert Kentucky; Kentuckians, feel free to insert Tennessee; etc.)

"COLDWATER!" he yelled. "GO LAY DOWN!"

Posted by John Woestendiek at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)