Not being big on formalities, I consider it an achievement to have gotten through nearly 55 years of life only having to wear a tuxedo four times.

Half of those times were to get married. All of those times, they were rentals. (The tuxedos, I mean).

Now, though, another tuxedo occasion is coming up -- the Baltimore County Humane Society's Black Tie and Tails Gala, Saturday, June 7.

It is pretty much the social event of the season for the doggie crowd, and proceeds from it go to care for the animals at the Humane Society. I really should go.

But I dread the idea of going to the tuxedo place -- something about all that fussing and measuring, not to mention the thought of spending lots of money for rental clothing.

So if you have a tuxedo, and you're definitely not going, and your waist is a good 36 inches, and your height about 5 foot 9, and the only six-packs you've ever looked down and seen have been in your refrigerator, and you don't mind a relatively clean, drug and disease free stranger wearing your clothes, drop me an email.

Since it's a dog-friendly event, the tux will probably accumulate some dog hairs, but otherwise I promise to treat it well, to give it a good home for a few days, and to try and appear dashing in it, though I know I will never be as handsome as my dog. 

The Humane Society of Baltimore County's Black Tie and Tails Gala will be held at The Grand Lodge in Hunt Valley from 6:30 p.m. to 11 p.m. Tickets are $150 each. It features a gourmet dinner, open bar, live music, silent auction, best-dressed pet contest and more. To purchase tickets online, visit the HSBC website: www.baltimorehumane.org.