Now that we’ve had our fun with the presidential candidates – and shown them for the dogs they are -- we can move on to a more serious discussion of the election.
Today, we present the “The Animal Lovers' Voting Guide,” a look at the candidates from the perspective of an animal lover.
Should you have come across this entry while trying to find the "Dog Lovers' Guide to the Presidential Election," our saucy and irreverent portrayal of the candidates as dogs, finish reading this serious stuff, then click here.
(Socks, former first cat, AP photo)
In this series, we'll ponder which candidate is the friendliest to animals, both domesticated and wild. We'll speculate about who's most likely to take in a stray and who's most likely to blow away a quail, who's most likely to save a species and who's most likely to endanger one.
Today, for starters, we’ll look not at their records, but inside their homes – and in one case atop their car -- to see what, if any, animals the candidates live with, how they treat them, and who could go on to become, in 2009, First Dog, First Cat, First Turtle, etc.
For how a candidate treats his dog (if he or she even has one) might be a strong indicator of how he or she will treat not just us poor lowly voters, but the non-voting animals with whom we share the world.
The undisputed winner in the pets-at-home category is John McCain, who has 22 pets; the loser is Barack Obama, who has none, but who -- it should be pointed out -- has promised his children that, win or lose, once the campaign is over, they will get one.
So what he lacks in pets, he makes up for in being responsible enough to know that amid a run for the country's highest office is not a good time to bring a pet into one's young family.
His opponent in the Democratic race, Hillary Clinton, is down to one dog now, a Labrador named Seamus. Of the Clintons' White House pets, Buddy passed on, and Socks was given to White House Secretary Betty Currie when the Clintons left office. While some at the time criticized Hillary Clinton for "dumping" Socks, that act, like Obama not having a dog, might also have been the more responsible choice, especially considering both she and Bill are allergic to cats.
Republican Mike Huckabee has three dogs -- Jet, his 9-year-old black Lab, Toby, a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, and Sonic, a 2-year-old Shih Tzu named after the fast food burger joint.
His dogs accompanied him on his campaign trips to Iowa, where all escaped injury when his campaign bus was involved in an accident, and then on to South Carolina.
Republican Mitt Romney, who withdrew from the race last week, "lost" his most recent family dog, a Weimaraner named Marley, as dozens of media outlets and bloggers have reported. For the record, Marley wasn't misplaced, and he didn't runaway, but died of natural causes.
On the Romney family blog -- assuming it, unlike his candidacy, is still functioning -- his wife Ann defends the family for transporting their Irish Setter, Seamus, in a crate atop their station wagon during a 12-hour drive to Canada on vacation in 1989.
"Mitt and I love our dogs. Seamus was our first -- an Irish setter. When I wasn't at home, Mitt let him sleep on the bed. And usually when he was riding in the car, his head was out the window. Seamus lived to a ripe old age, basking in the affection of a large family ..."
There are allegations of mistreating animals in Huckabee's family, as well. His son David, 17 at the time, was fired from his job as a camp counselor, according to published reports, after he and another counselor hung and killed a dog in 1998. Subsequently, there were reports that Huckabee took steps to assure the matter was investigated. No charges were filed.
On the Republican side --as far as family pets go -- one candidate stands far above the rest when it comes to animals. The McCain family has Sam the English springer spaniel, Coco the mutt, two turtles named Cuff and Link, Oreo the black and white cat, a ferret, three parakeets and 13 saltwater fish. In the past, it has also harbored two mini-Dobermans, two snakes, one rabbit, a hamster, a mouse, an iguana and a gecko.
While none of the candidates seem to be riding their pets' coattails in the 2008 election, pets -- and dogs in particular -- have played a huge role in presidential history.
Franklin D. Roosevelt’s Scottish terrier, Fala, helped swing the election of 1944. When critics charged that FDR had sent a Navy destroyer to the Aleutian Islands to bring home his pet, accidentally left behind. FDR countered with this remark: “These Republican leaders have not been content with attacks on me, or my wife, or on my sons. No, not content with that, they now include my little dog, Fala.”
Richard Nixon successfully played the dog card in the 1952 election, when, as a vice presidential candidate he defended himself against charges of accepting illegal campaign contributions by referring to his cocker spaniel, Checkers. The speech led Eisenhower to keep him on the ticket.
A few years back, I tracked down the couple that gave Checkers to Nixon, and they told me their story. You can read it here.
We'll close part one with the words of Harry S. Truman, which helps explain why politicians so often have pets: "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog."
(Tomorrow: A look at how the candidates have voted on animal issues.)