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June 26, 2008

How NOT to make a girl like you

A friend told me this story last night and it was just so crazy that I had to share it.

Girl is out at the club, runs into a guy. He's feeling her, but she's not feeling him so much. He asks for her number, she says no. His response? Pull out a gun and ask her again.

Because that's totally how you win a woman over -- through threats of violence. My friend said she learned from that incident to be friendly to all potential suitors, even in your rejections, because you never know how they might act.

I agree, to an extent. You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and a lot of times, a guy can accept a smile and a "no" better than a head toss and a walk away. As my friend said last night, you can say no in a nice way that still leaves their pride in tact. But harassment is unacceptable, whether it's on the streets or in the club.*

____
* Surprise, surprise -- it wasn't in Baltimore. It was D.C.!



Posted by Maryann James at 2:00 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

June 23, 2008

Pick up of the week

My girls and I were walking to Ixia this weekend, dressed extra hot and cute. (Nonetheless, though we looked perfect, our vision is not; four out of the six of us were wearing glasses.) As we walked through the crowd over at the Pride epicenter (Charles and Eager), a woman threw out this gem:

"I see you girls with the glasses. Let's go read a book together."

So. Funny. It also didn't help that she was dressed in some colorful shorts and was posted up in the middle of the street with her gal pal.


Posted by Maryann James at 1:00 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

June 11, 2008

Cruel summer

I was walking down the street yesterday and a guy honked as I went past. As I walked to meet some friends last night for drinks, some guys on a garbage truck tried to holler at me. Last week, I got another horn honk from a guy driving past me on the street. 

What is it about hot weather that makes men act crazy? At this point, I hardly get annoyed anymore. And I understand, to a fault. It gets hot. Women wear less clothes. Men like what they see. It's a numbers game, so when they see what they like, they let the women know. And it actually gets them the girl sometimes.

But still. It's exhausting. I think I'm going to start catcalling men, honking at men, just to make myself feel better. Who's with me?

The above image is from indexed. Feel free to check out the comments on her blog, too.

Posted by Maryann James at 12:45 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

May 29, 2008

Bagging a Hillary hottie

One of last week's winners, Amadeo, has teamed up with another blogger, Breez, to come up with a possible scenario for seducing a Clinton-backer. I won't give it all away, but here's the beginning:

me: “Hey…let’s get together…and talk about how Hillary’s gonna win.”

me: “I’ll pour the wine…you talk about potential v.p.’s”

me: “You right, they are being sexist…another drink?”

me: “She’s worked hard for what she has and she really cares…I identify with that caring…are you comfortable?”

Breez:“Let me take your sweater”
(clinton supporters always wear sweaters. ALWAYS)

me: “It really hurt me to know that Bill cheated on her…how could he do that?”…(tear)

Regardless of your political affiliation, you've gotta admit it's so over the top that it's funny.

Inspired by them, I tried to think of some political pick-up lines:
+ "You're a Republican? I'm a Democrat. Let's build a bipartisan coalition over dinner."
+ "I wanna Barack your world." (Yeah, I stole that from a Valentine.)
+ "I don't need $600. You stimulate my economy."
Hee, I know they're lame. I'm sure you can come up with some better ones. Share them!

(Photo by Associated Press)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:45 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

May 6, 2008

Does this really work?

I'm checking my e-mail, chatting with friends this morning, and I receive this message through AIM (direct your eye to the red circle in the left-hand corner):


Continue reading "Does this really work?" »

Posted by Maryann James at 11:42 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

May 5, 2008

Pick-up of the week

As I walked to Brewer's Art the other night, I walked past a liquor store where three guys were posted up outside. I saw them way before I got there, so I had prepared myself for the onslaught.

As I walked past, one of the guys goes, "Hey Amelia*! How you doing? Hey Amelia! Hey Amelia!"

As he is repeating this girl's name, I give him a look that says, "Hey, that's not my name." But homeboy continues until I've nearly passed, then changes tactics: "You're not gonna stop and chat? I love your fro."

Now, did this guy truly think I was this girl (I hear there's a girl around town who looks like me), or was this the classic throw-out-a-random-name pick-up?

(Photo by ioneq at stock.xchng -- I like *his* fro.)


____
* I just threw out a random name; I can't remember what it was exactly.

Posted by Maryann James at 11:55 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

January 10, 2008

Step out from the pack

A Frenchwoman at Sex and Moxie asks why American men don't flirt as much as Europeans. Moxie responds that it's not that American men are less flirty, it's just that in big cities, they have too many choices.

I won't delve into that. What caught my attention was her solution: Make yourself more approachable, a tip I've heard many times from dating experts and that isn't without its merits. In addition to the usual make contact, don't hang out in bars if you want to meet people, blah blah blah, been there done that, she addressed the girls' night pitfall:
Don't close yourself off in a corner or with a group. Don't go out with groups in general if you want to mingle and meet people. It's too easy to stay to your pack and not move. Make yourself accessible.
I will have to agree! Men have often told me the pack is the kiss of death. Even if you're interested in a particularly striking gazelle, it's hard to pick her out if she's deeply entrenched in the herd. Women can be intimidating. Especially in large groups.

Anyone care to back me up or knock me down?

Photo courtesy of caz777 at stock.xchng

Posted by Maryann James at 11:47 AM | | Comments (3)
                    

December 20, 2007

The journalist approach

The other day, as I was walking the streets, looking for people to talk to about dating issues, I had an epiphany.

Every day, reporters, writers and broadcasters put themselves out there for their stories. You often face rejection -- because people are busy, they don't want to talk about that topic, they don't trust the media -- but you persevere, and sometimes you end up having some pretty cool conversations with people and having some really cool experiences. As a reporter, even if you've been rejected the last 10 times, you have to get back up, dust yourself off, believe that you will get the story and try until you're successful.

It's kinda like dating. You're gonna meet some duds, you're gonna face some rejection, but you just have to believe that you will meet someone you connect with and try until you're successful.

Does it sound like I'm on to something here?

Posted by Maryann James at 11:29 AM | | Comments (0)
                    

November 23, 2007

More games

My friend M sent me a link to this article from MSN dating and personals about the "Chemistry-and-Run."

"I've been a victim," she said.

The Chemistry-and-Run, for the uninitiated, is when you meet someone, you totally seem to make a connection, and yet, at the end of the night, there's no follow-through. No date, no nothing.

So what do you do? According to Denver-based dating coach Jennifer Oikle, you use tactics to cajole the guy into knowing your interested and therefore encourage him to ask you out.

The reasons for the Chemistry-and-Run are pretty reasonable, but I have a quibble with the solution. Instead of throwing compliments to show that you're interested or dropping hints about where he can take you out, why not just ask him out yourself?

I missed the original Sadie Hawkins Day (Nov. 10), so let's just go ahead and make the next day you meet a promising person Sadie Hawkins Day. Think of it as a floating holiday.

Posted by Maryann James at 7:08 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

November 16, 2007

A note and a consolation

mmm. beer.If you hadn't noticed the past two weeks, I am suspending the Guilty Pleasure Fridays. It perhaps will be an occasional series, but no more guilty pleasures every Friday. I've already been weaning you off of it, right?

So, as a consolation prize, here's a beer. Or rather, talk of it.

What does a drink say about a woman? A few weeks ago, Sam de Brito of the Sydney Morning News wrote a treatise on women who drink beer. They're more down-to earth. They're more wallet-friendly. It's a sign of good breeding. (The Dog's Name also has a pretty good take on beer-drinking women.)

Now, I'm not sure if beer-drinking women are such a rarity in the U.S. as it seems to have been in Australia. It seems more women drink beer around here than anything else. But perhaps it's a Baltimore thing. Here in Baltimore, we're REAL women. Screw the fancy, high-maintenance drinks. Give us a Natty Boh.

And while we're on the subject of judging women for their drinks, I'd argue that men probably get harsher judgment. If you're a guy and you're in a bar with an apple martini, you're so not getting lucky tonight.

Photo courtesy of mythsclub.com


Posted by Maryann James at 12:04 PM | | Comments (3)
                    

November 14, 2007

Girls like this; boys like that

In the same vein as yesterday's post on gender stereotypes, Maureen Dowd and Slate have been rehashing a study published last year, where an economist, Ray Fisman, conducted an experiment using speed dating, only to find that men place higher value on beauty (no big surprise there) and, while they value an intelligent woman, they don't want someone smarter than them. From Fisman's article in Slate:
When women were the ones choosing, the more intelligence and ambition the men had, the better. So, yes, the stereotypes appear to be true: We males are a gender of fragile egos in search of a pretty face and are threatened by brains or success that exceeds our own. Women, on the other hand, care more about how men think and perform, and they don't mind being outdone on those scores.
BaltAmour reader Phillyphile brought up a great point yesterday about how, even in gay and lesbian relationships, many people feel compelled to fit in "boy" and "girl" roles. However, while I certainly encountered plenty of women who tried to be the "man" in the relationship, issues of being smarter or more ambitious never seemed to be a problem. Then again, in my limited hetero experience, the issue of being smarter or more ambitious has never come up either.

What do you think? I'd love to hear all perspectives on this. Do you think it's true? Are men threatened by a highly intelligent woman? And does this issue hit across the board?

(Thanks to cifisher for the Dowd link.)

Posted by Maryann James at 11:28 AM | | Comments (6)
                    

October 25, 2007

And on the subject of pick-ups...

Arm Jerker J. over at Single is the New Relationship tried an experiment the other week: She womaned up and tried the "jab, bob and leave" technique -- hit on the guy, pique his interest, then leave.

Only one problem: she caved on the leaving part.

"What I hope we’ve learned here is that the real question isn’t who should ask out or approach who," she wrote. "— the real challenge is knowing what to do next once the first move is made."

I have more trouble with the start than the follow-through. Once you get me to talking and flirting, I'm good. You've just gotta push me out there. But for the sake of argument, what do you do after the hello? Has anyone had problems with stellar openers (and I'm not just talking about lines, I'm talking about the whole approach) and not-so-stellar follow-through? How do you get through it? 

photo courtesy of pick-up-lines.info

Posted by Maryann James at 4:29 PM | | Comments (7)
                    

Revisiting "The Game"

Wombat over at Kiss and Blog has spoken out about The Game.

You guys already know how I feel about this (and that I've talked to others who are in the pick-up scene). But it's nice to see a guy show disdain and give out some novel insight:

Two points to note about this whole sordid business.

The first is that these men have put, as the most important thing in their lives, sex with easily conned women.

The second is that these men have been brainwashed into thinking that they don't have sufficient intelligence to attract women without resorting to party tricks.

Both lead me to believe that the morale of men has reached a new low.

Guys in this world are so pathetic, so lame-brained that they can't think of something better to do with their time. No wonder women think we're dumb.

I'm done hitting the easy target. Well done, Wombat. 

Posted by Maryann James at 2:19 PM | | Comments (3)
                    

October 18, 2007

He loves the kids

My friend E told me this hilarious (and somewhat odd) encounter that she had in Mount Vernon a while back, but has been repeated at least one other time.

She met a guy, over by the monument, he asked if she played sports in college, presumably because she was looking kinda sporty that day and was wearing a T-shirt from her alma mater. E says the guy was kind of awkward, but friendly, so they chatted a little bit. Then, in the middle of the conversation, he goes, "I love children." E kind of navigates past that, finishes the convo and goes her own merry way.

She says she has had another similar experience, but was done more subtly, where the guy just weaved into the conversation, "Yeah, I think I'm great with kids."

I may not have these stories spot on, but the point is that, judging by their comments, these guys must think that E is looking for a baby maker. Which is clearly not the case. "Is it because I'm clearly not 21 anymore?" she joked. (She may not look 21, but she doesn't look like she's some woman with a ticking biological clock, either. She looks my age. Mid-twenties.)

Have any other women run into this? And has anyone volleyed this kind of line before?

Photo courtesy of travelingmillers.com 

Posted by Maryann James at 11:13 AM | | Comments (4)
                    

October 11, 2007

Worst pick-up of the week

Menfolk (and so-inclined women-folk), do not EVER use this pick-up technique, shared by Chicago blogger Wobbly*bits:

We were brunching last Sunday and a guy stopped her from walking back to our table to give her a drink, then gave me one too. Finally we join their table, I'm sitting next to one gentleman in particular, we're having a great time, laughing, he's touching my arm, putting his arm around me, looking into my eyes. Then he asks ME for HER number! He hadn't talked to her AT ALL.

I foolishly think that I have heard it all, and then someone proves me wrong.

Posted by Maryann James at 1:17 PM | | Comments (3)
                    

October 9, 2007

Random acts of flirtiness

My friend N called me on her way home the other night to tell me of a funny in-car encounter she had:

While waiting at a stop light, the guy in the car next to her honked his horn and flashed a sign that read, "You're smokin' hot!" 

When the light turned green, he went his way, she went hers, but the effect was lasting.

Has anyone else had a similar experience? Does anyone know this guy, or are you reading this, sign-flasher guy? (He had Virginia plates.) I'd love to talk to this guy to pick his brain and uncover his motivation for his drive-by compliments.

Posted by Maryann James at 12:08 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

October 2, 2007

In defense of Mystery

I unloaded my disdain for Mystery and his kind the other day, and BaltAmour reader James rose up in defense of the pick-up artist's methods:

Perhaps it is about having a connection, as you state. But the fact of the matter is that male/female social interaction in modern society is an absolute mess, for a variety of reasons I won't get into now. Both men and women have enormous barriers to meeting people, both barriers society puts up and barriers that the individual puts up.

The whole reason Mystery preaches these 'manipulative' tactics is because those barriers exist and people don't instinctively understand how to get past them. If you can't bring down those barriers naturally, bring them down with manipulation. Its all in the name of getting past the bull.

And I'm not hating the game, I'm hating the player. Yes, it's great that men can regain confidence. And it's great that they can find a way through the bull and barriers and all that mess. My issue is the emphasis on the player characteristics. What's the point in learning how to get through women's defenses if you're just just going to be there for five seconds and bounce out?
 
With that kind of tactic, you just make it five billion times harder for the next guy.
 
However, according to Cherie Burbach (thanks for the link, lisa q.), most men just want to find the right girl. I'm still not so sure, at least in the context of Mystery's rules and The Game. I think that line may be part of their game, too.

Posted by Maryann James at 11:16 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

September 27, 2007

Artificial connection

After the debate with LA Lover over the supposed dearth of single women in Baltimore, a friend of mine suggested that I read The Game, partly because her boyfriend thought LA Lover's "20 percent of women are single" line came from that book.

I'm not nearly halfway through the book right now and I'm already disgusted and exhausted.

As it turns out, my reading of this book, which features an L.A. pick-up god, Mystery, coincides with the finale of VH1's Pick-up Artist, which also features Mr. Mystery.

I talked to our reality show guru, Sarah Kickler Kelber, about the show and the book, and it seems we both had the same problem with Mystery's whole approach: The methods that he teaches are not about really connecting with a woman, it's all about manipulation.

You've gotta wear a piece of outrageous clothing to catch women's eyes. Ignore the attractive woman in a group and pay attention to the ugly chicks and the men in the group. When you do talk to the pretty woman, throw out a neg -- an insult wrapped in a compliment -- to bring down her self-esteem just a bit. And through it all, the target is the kiss-close.

It's great that these bits give nerdy guys confidence. But methods like Mystery's can hardly ever lead to a string of empty encounters. Is that what dating is really supposed to be about? Perhaps I'm naive, but aren't hook-ups still about some sort of connection?

 

Posted by Maryann James at 11:15 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

September 26, 2007

Sarah! Jessica! Katie!

My friend M was telling me last night about one of her uncles, a swinging bachelor type, who used to (and presumably still does) employ a pick-up technique that was absolutely outrageous: If he saw a woman who wanted to talk to -- and as it often happens, was with a gaggle of other women -- he'd yell out a string of common girls' names until one of them turned around.

She says he says it works.

I SWEAR I've seen that before. On TV. But never in real life.

Posted by Maryann James at 11:04 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

September 19, 2007

Yar me maties!

In honor of National Talk Like a Pirate Day, here's a list of pirate-y pick-up lines, from talklikeapirate.com.

I'm a fan of No. 10 ("Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?"), but I must say I'm a little disappointed there's not a single one with a mention of booty.

Too obvious?

I DARE someone to go out tonight and throw out some piratey lines. Bonus points if you have an eye patch. Extra bonus points if you come away with a good story and send it my way.

(Thanks to dancing monkey for the link.)

Posted by Maryann James at 4:36 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

September 14, 2007

What I meant was ...

One of the biggest games people play is not saying what they mean. Blogger Indiana over at The Dog's Name gives the classic example of saying "I'm fine" when you're really not. Or most pick-up lines -- "What's your sign?" really means "Can I talk to you?"

Indiana bemoans that us humans talk in doublespeak. Why can't yes mean yes and no mean no? 

According to Steven Pinker at Time, it's all about saving face. Whether it's a diplomatic matter or a romantic one, Pinker says that doublespeak helps us say things that otherwise aren't acceptable to say. Like the proposition:

In an episode of Seinfeld, George is asked by his date if he would like to come up for coffee. He declines, explaining that caffeine keeps him up at night. Later he slaps his forehead: "'Coffee' doesn't mean coffee! 'Coffee' means sex!" The moment is funny, but it's also a reminder of just how carefully romantic partners must always tread. Make too blatant a request, as in Tootsie, and the hearer is offended; too subtle, as in Seinfeld, and it can go over the hearer's head.

Now, I'm sure that many of you are reading this, thinking, "I don't play games. I say what I mean." But I'm almost certain that that isn't true 100 percent of the time. I chatted with two women this week about fighting with your S.O., and though they were two level-headed women with good, adult ideas for resolving conflict, the two -- one single, one married -- still admitted that innuendo, silent treatments and double-speak are still part of how we interact with each other.

Sure, in an ideal world, it would be nice to say exactly what we mean all of the time. But our language is too pliable and emotions too puzzling to be direct 100 percent of the time.

What do you think?

Posted by Maryann James at 1:00 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

May 9, 2007

Some levity

A funny bit relating to last week's topic, courtesy of The Onion (warning: this is an R-rated piece; thar be some naughty language ahead).

Posted by Maryann James at 11:24 AM | | Comments (3)