What's my flirting motivation?
The other night, while out with friends the other night, we got into a somewhat heated conversation about flirting.
It started because I mentioned that Boyfriend is a Flirty McSmiley, to which he begged ignorance. He's just a friendly guy, he said. Ignorance or no, his friendly behavior -- mostly to people in the service industry -- comes off as flirty, I said, which I find hilarious to watch. (He swears he's not a smoothie, but it's so funny to watch him pour on the charm.)
But then the tables were turned, which is when it got interesting: Sure, he may flirt to smooth the edges with the lady at the front desk or the waitress who's serving his food, but it's still low-grade compared to women, the men of the group said. What about women? Women are way more confusing, because they flirt for a number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with the man you're flirting with. Among the reasons:
+ She wants to feel cute and attractive.
+ She thinks the guy seems interesting and just wants to pass the time.
+ She thinks the guys seems interesting (in a romantic way) and wants to find out more about him.
Isn't that dishonest? the guys argued. When men purposely flirt, they have a (romantic, sexual, whatever) goal in mind. With women, it's rarely clear and sometimes downright unfair/dishonest, they said. What about women who flirt just to get a free drink? The women argued that it's not unfair; flirting, regardless of the reason, is supposed to be about fun. If it leads somewhere, then bonus. Women flirt for many different reasons outside of the base reaction of "he's cute," "she's cute." Recognize.
I thought the conversation was funny, because (a) I'd never thought about flirting motivations before and (b) it showed the clear difference in most male/female thought processes: For men, there has to be a reason, a goal, a direction. For women, an action is influenced by emotion and feeling.*
Either way, I was curious about what you all thought. Why do you flirt? And is flirting without a romantic goal dishonest?
_________
* This is not to say that
1. Men only flirt to have sex.
2. That women are emotional creatures incapable of logical thought.
I am simply talking in broad strokes in order to make a point/spark a conversation.
Comments
I know that I can shamelessly flirt to get something that I want - never maliciously though. I would never use my powers for evil - only good!
I don't think I am dishonest about it. If I go to a bar, I always go on the assumption that I will be paying for my own drinks. If I meet someone there and he wants to buy me a drink, why is that dishonest? I have bought men drinks too, never under the assumption that he should be the next BF. If he accepts and has no intention of taking it farther, does that make him dishonest? I don't think so.
Posted by: Susan K | May 9, 2008 11:40 AM
I'm in sales so I flirt because I'm in sales, lol. But I agree a little about flirting to feel attractive. I do sometimes order to get the guy's attention. I'm engaged so I don't do get it to get guys but so they can listen to what I have to say.
Posted by: Teedah | May 12, 2008 9:08 AM
From a man's perspective I think we see women who flirt as a 'come on' and then when we find it was just 'for fun', as women would say, we feel betrayed because we were given false signals.
Posted by: BRussell11 | May 15, 2008 2:31 PM