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May 31, 2008

Sex and the City movie, briefly.

I saw The Movie today. I dragged a few of my girlfriends with me; all of us were a bit reluctant, but we trudged on. I tried to get some guys to come, but even the prospect of a movie theater with a full bar couldn't sway them. Wimps, I say!

Anyhoo, I'm still trying to wrap my mind around my many problems with the movie, but here's my quick and dirty impression (if you care about spoilers and haven't seen it, don't read any further):


1. Empowered women, my booty. Aren't these women too old to be tripping around town in skimpy silly outfits, high high heels and botoxed faces? Charlotte, dear Charlotte was walking around in high heels in her ninth month! These women were lounging around with bathing suits and high heels. What fantasy world is this? And I do understand a love of dresses -- I'm convinced it's the best for summer wear -- I only saw one schlubby outfit and/or pair of pants in the whole freaking movie. I really don't understand why men avoided this movie; between the skimpy clothes and sex scenes, there's plenty of eye candy.

2. Where's the love? I've gotta mine for relationship fodder in this movie, because this bloated monstrosity seemed to be all about consumption -- dresses, penthouse apartments, husbands, gay guy friends, children (Charlotte's child, adopted from China, is dressed up and toted around like her own personal doll), dogs and drinks. I'm sad to say that when I left the movie, I had a strong desire to get a drink and to go shopping. Yes, I'm weak.

3. Am I out of touch? When we left the theater, I noticed quite a few women with tissues, dabbing noses and eyes. Before the movie started, I heard one girl say to her friends, "If they charged me $80 for a ticket, I still would have come." I want to know from those who saw the movie or want to see it: What am I missing? Why is this a big deal?

4. And the screaming! Don't get me started on the screaming.

More discussion tomorrow -- I'm working on a tandem post with one of my pals who saw the movie with me. As for now, I think I may see if I can procure that drink I was hankering for earlier.

(Photo courtesy of AP/New Line Cinema)

Posted by Maryann James at 9:31 PM | | Comments (5)
                    

May 30, 2008

Yes, Carrie, I caved in.

I'm going to go see Sex and the City tomorrow. However, I'm trying my darndest not to make a big girlie outing of it. Like mimi, I'm planning the reality check outing.

I'm already prepared for it to bite -- our critic gave it a C- -- but I'll blog about it tomorrow from my non-movie critic/pro-relationship reality perspective.

Feel free to share your Sex and the City plans and/or give me your thoughts on the movie!



(Tribune file photo / May 25, 2008)

Posted by Maryann James at 4:10 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

Smalltimore pros and cons

I grew up in a small small town. In fact, it's unfair to even qualify it as a city -- it's a county. With 6,000 people, everybody knows everybody. And, in a place where my grandfather's grandparents lived, it's likely that you're related to most of them. We used to joke that you had to check out the family of someone before you asked them out -- you could be related.

I treasure my rural upbringing, but I hightailed it out of there as soon as I could, for the bright lights of ... Baltimore. (With a few stops in between.) And, funnily enough, it seems that the small-town situations are hard to escape. I still see the same people, and though the town's a lot bigger than my hometown, everybody still knows everybody. Or at least knows somebody who knows somebody else.

That can be good or bad for romantic encounters. So, here are my five good and bad things about Smalltimore:
Good/Bad: We're all connected. So even if you don't like the one you're with, you can likely find someone better through the one you're with. From Amadeo:

As a life long resident I am connected to everyone. If you don't know me, we may be related.

This has helped me to avoid some women. If a certain friend of mine dated him I can' t go there. He's a weirdo so I think they must be looney by association.

In High school a girl introduced me to friend over the phone..I talked to the friend who introduced me to 3 other girls I ended up dating. Later in life I dated my friend from school. 4 dates...all connected by the same friend. I might owe her money or something.

Good: You can check references. In a bigger city, sleazeballs can hide. Here, if someone does some dirt, you can find out about it.

Bad: It's hard to escape your exes. Whether it's at neighborhood spots or through other people, their gonna come back to haunt you. Be sure not to burn too many bridges. From BaltAmour reader Cat:
I dated a guy and then met his best friend turns out he was a guy I dated three years earlier!
Also met a guy through an online site and was speaking about him to my friend who had met him on another site and another friend of hers and met him too! Same thing happened again with another guy.
Good/Bad: You have to keep a good memory. Just as your exes are more likely to reappear, so are bad dates, good dates and so-so ones. And if you don't remember them, it can come back to haunt you.

Good: It makes for good entertainment. Take this story from wisegirl:
Ok. Ready for this? I started dating my neighbor after both of our marriages ended. His ended because his wife was cheating with a man who also cheated with the same neighbor's sister. After neighbor's sister and neighbor's brother in law split up and neighbor and I split up, because I suspected that he had more than a casual friendship with the ex-wife of the man that his wife was cheating on him with, I had a brief fling with neighbor's ex-brother in law. After all that, I dated a good friend of neighbor's ex-brother-in-law, who dumped me because he was likely still hung up on his ex-girlfriend, who he was still living with and I went to high school with.
Confused? Here's a graphical representation.



So kids, unless you want to move or date in another city -- and gas is expensive nowadays; that's not a cheap option -- you must keep this lesson in mind: Dating and relationships in Baltimore is like a great karmic experiment. What goes around comes around. Do good and good will come back to you. :)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:36 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

May 29, 2008

Bagging a Hillary hottie

One of last week's winners, Amadeo, has teamed up with another blogger, Breez, to come up with a possible scenario for seducing a Clinton-backer. I won't give it all away, but here's the beginning:

me: “Hey…let’s get together…and talk about how Hillary’s gonna win.”

me: “I’ll pour the wine…you talk about potential v.p.’s”

me: “You right, they are being sexist…another drink?”

me: “She’s worked hard for what she has and she really cares…I identify with that caring…are you comfortable?”

Breez:“Let me take your sweater”
(clinton supporters always wear sweaters. ALWAYS)

me: “It really hurt me to know that Bill cheated on her…how could he do that?”…(tear)

Regardless of your political affiliation, you've gotta admit it's so over the top that it's funny.

Inspired by them, I tried to think of some political pick-up lines:
+ "You're a Republican? I'm a Democrat. Let's build a bipartisan coalition over dinner."
+ "I wanna Barack your world." (Yeah, I stole that from a Valentine.)
+ "I don't need $600. You stimulate my economy."
Hee, I know they're lame. I'm sure you can come up with some better ones. Share them!

(Photo by Associated Press)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:45 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

A Wii saved my love life

Boyfriend and I recently agreed to stimulate the economy with a Wii. We'd been plotting on it for months; the prospect of "free" money made the plans that more real.

It's here, it's awesome. I kick Boyfriend's booty in bowling most of the time, though he has focused a bit more since I whomped him in our first game. Like in real life, I'm horrible at baseball. He tried to teach me how to perfect my swing. We team up our racers to fight the computer in Mario Kart. We reminisce over the retro games you can download on Wii.

Which has me thinking -- is it true that the couple that plays together stays together?



Rachel Shukert at Salon says yes. According to her, she was wandering into fake-hate territory with her husband. She'd lost her husband to Nazi-killing video games and noise-canceling headphones.

And then he brought home Rock Band.

Now they're going on tours, getting invited to play at fake Rock N Roll Hall of Fames, and, for once, her husband is the first to put down the controller and say, "Let's go to bed." 

I love it.

The cliche is the slubby video-gaming boyfriend/husband and the exasperated girlfriend/wife who wants him to pay attention to her. But has anyone turned it around and actually bonded over video games?

(Photo courtesy of Nintendo)

Posted by Maryann James at 12:42 PM | | Comments (7)
                    

May 28, 2008

On sex and rejection

In the past couple of days, I ran across two Web sites about sexual experiences, one thoughtful, one funny.

The first, The Virginity Project, is a blog run by a woman from California, who collects people's how-I-lost-my-virginity stories. At first I thought it was interesting how religion was a part of many of the stories on the blog, but it makes sense -- hellfire and damnation is probably one of the only things that could possibly make hormonal teenagers pause about doing the do.

Religious influences aside, it's an interesting indirect commentary on how such a big deal is made of virginity, when in reality, many first-time experiences are not as huge of a deal. (There are exceptions, of course.)

I found the second site, How Not to Get Laid, from the previous site. There are lots of good stories on people not getting any loving, from the woman who tried to do a striptease for her husband and ended up injuring him, to the woman who had to deal with dirty baby talk.


Posted by Maryann James at 3:00 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

Eddie the Love Bug

The New York Daily News published a story Friday about a man who loves cars.

I mean, really loves cars. The man, a Washington state resident named Edward Smith, says that though he has had relationships with women in the past, he is not attracted to humans -- just cars. Smith, who is in a British documentary on mechaphilia that airs tonight across the pond, claims to have had sex with more than 1,000 vehicles -- and one helicopter.

But it's not just about sex for some of them. He's currently in a relationship with a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, and has had other girlfriends -- a 1969 Volkswagen Beetle and a 1973 Opal GT named Cinnamon.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend," he told the Telegraph. "I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

(Image by ba1969 at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:45 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

You really turn my pages

We've talked about judging a date by his book collection before, but Miss Nancy over at Read Street mentions the flirting fake-out:
For instance, a couple of weeks ago, I was standing in line at Chipotle (no, they're not paying me for product placement, but maybe they should -- in burritos) and I noticed the guy behind me had one of my favorite books in his hand. So I blurted out, "Hey, great book!" And the guy gives me an "are you seriously hitting on me with that line" look. I turned back to my burrito in shame.
Personal interaction is so hard sometimes. Sometimes you really are interested in their book or their shoes or their magazine, not them. Anyhoo, she's taking calls for other book-related slip-ups. Surely she's not the only one -- go share your stories over there and enjoy the book-themed love song.

And I'll take the rest -- anyone experienced the flirting fake-out before?

Posted by Maryann James at 12:12 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

May 27, 2008

The Show That Shall Not Be Named


(Photo courtesy of New Line Cinema, HBO Films)


When I first started this blog and column, I couldn't keep track of all the people who, when I described the blog, would say, "You'll be like Sex and the City!"

Except for my oldest youngest sister, who instead said, "You'll be like Carrie in Sex and the City, but better!" :)

I bring this up because the movie is coming out this week, and though I am resisting any measure of excitement about this film, I feel beholden to at least mention it.
Yes, I watched the show. Yes, I think it was a funny -- the episode with Charlotte and the horrible kisser makes me laugh every time: "He raped my face!" -- but I refuse to put too much stock into considering that even for New York, the show was ridiculously unreal. Just look at Carrie's shoes and outfits! What journalist makes enough money to afford all that?!

Sexagenarian in the City, who actually lives in NYC, sums it up best:

In one sequence, Carrie is reading ‘Cinderella’ to a four-year-old girl, and as she closes the book, she says, “You know that this is just a fairytale, right, sweetheart? Things don’t always happen like that in real life. I just think you should know that now.”

And the little girl, gesturing toward the book, commands, “Again!”

To which Carrie responds, “And another one bites the dust.”

* * *

It’s possible that Sex and the City is the dating bloggers’ ‘Cinderella’, the fairy-tale notion that we’re all leggy, stylish, and white. For ‘fairytale,’ substitute ‘movie’: “Things don’t always happen like that in real life.”

Word. Anyhoo, that's just my view. What's your take on Sex and the City? True to life, ridiculous fluff, or somewhere in between? And guys, don't be shy -- I know y'all have seen the show it too. :)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:28 PM | | Comments (5)
                    

Little big city

I met winning BaltAmour commenter CS yesterday, so she could receive her Sheryl Crow tickets in a timely fashion.

I immediately liked her because one, she was as wee as me and she showed fabulous taste in glasses (cute green frames). We chatted for a little bit, in which we discussed dating in Smalltimore. I was reeling a bit from my weekend Smalltimore experience (I got hit on in a Hampden grocery store by the same borderline creepy late-40s man who has hit on me at least once -- perhaps twice -- before), so I perhaps was a little down on the city's small scene.

However, CS dropped a bit of knowledge that kinda brightened my outlook:
Sure, you run the risk of running into people who have dated people you have dated, she said, but you can also, if you're interested in someone, there's also a good liklihood that you can find someone who can give you the dirt on them before you decide to date them.

I like how she thinks.

So, for this week's Friday Five, I'm collecting your Smalltimore stories. Have you met someone through Baltimore's crazy interconnectedness? Found out something grody about a beau? Or can you play 3 degrees of separation between all of your Baltimore pals?

I'll post my favorites on Friday.

(Photo by crazysanman, edited by me)

Posted by Maryann James at 1:08 PM | | Comments (4)
                    

May 23, 2008

What women say when you're not around

Catherinette of Bridget Jones has Nothing on Me cracks me up:
  • Foxy: Have you told him we have been making fun of his name all day?  Because I am sure he will not be at all weirded out by that or anything:
  • Me: He wouldn’t be weirded out by that because I told him that I was already naming our kids and picking out china patterns.  I wonder why it’s taking him so long to respond to my email…?
  • Foxy: Oh my gosh - well he’s probably booking the church and buying the diamond that’s all.
  • Me: Right.  We don’t want to rush things so we’ll probably wait until our 3rd date to introduce our parents to one another.
  • Foxy: Good plan - you don’t want to seem to eager.
  • Me: That would be wrong.
  • Foxy: So wrong.
  • Me: And yet it feels so right.
Hee. It's so funny! So true! So wrong!


Posted by Maryann James at 11:04 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

It's not me, it's you Friday Five

When it comes to deal-breakers, there are the bits that are super-particular to personality.

As y'all know, I can't STAND loud chewing. You get the glare if you slurp, sip, chomp or smack. If you don't get the hint, it's possible that could be be a deal-breaker for me.

But that's just me. There are other deal-breakers that are more universal. Though the behavior is specific to the person, the reason behind the goodbye is relatable to almost everyone: You just don't listen. You can't compromise. You obviously have issues with right and wrong.

But who wants the broad lesson? Here are the gritty details:

 

Love me, not your pet:
When you know I'm allergic yet you "cat sit" for a friend...then keep the cat...then tell me to go get allergy medicine. That cat ain't keeping you warm at night honey...it doesn't have the body mass.

Toilet up, ears closed:
About those toilet seats: I was seeing someone who made the up/down pronouncement and I chose - through great self-restraint - not to "hear" what he'd said. I don't know whether it was the lack of response or because he believed this to be a truly witty remark, but he kept repeating it. Not, like, everyday, but right then and there, over and over. Finally, forced to actually listen to him, I realized that he was, in fact, a moron. We were done within weeks, when I found an easier reason to explain.
(But we know it was really about the toilet seats.)

Stalk much?
I didn't really dump her because she was never a girlfriend, just someone I went out with a couple times... but one time when she was over and I left my room for a bit, she went through my trash (fairly sure because things on recent receipts from the week suddenly came up in conversation), looked at my CD collection to figure out what I liked and then name dropped some of "her favorites" (which I seriously doubt) asking if I liked them (pretty obvious when she brought up bands like unrest, ride, gaudi, pale saints, etc.), then pretended for a bit that we could possibly be related and how "that would be weird". I stopped calling and hoped to never run into her again. So basically crazy women who snoop and then pretend to have more of a connection than they do are a deal breaker for me.

Focus on your punishment. Not mine.
Deal breaker: Going to jail. And then still calling me every night while on work release.

Do people think stalking is the new hot?
Google stalking to the point of sending things to me at my work (we hadn't discussed it or met yet (or ever as it turned out) unexpectedly. EEEWWWWW.

Though it was a close call, the award for the deal-breaker challenge, it goes to the Google-stalking victim, mhs. Not only for the Google story, but for the other ones I didn't even get to highlight: fetishes, realness and issues, oh my!


(Photo by CraigPJ at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 10:05 AM | | Comments (3)
                    

May 22, 2008

Anti-weddingstravaganza, pro-Venn diagram

Why I'm against big weddings, enclosed in a neat little Venn diagram. Oh, perfection:

The picture is from one of my favorite blogs, indexed.

Posted by Maryann James at 5:00 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

Cultural exchange?



I was working over on the features copy desk for the first half of this week, which means it was my job to edit the singles listings that are posted exclusively online. I filed away a couple services/groups for later discussion, but this listing, a fairly new one to The Sun, I believe, caught my eye:

Single Japanese and American Men Group meets at 11 a.m. on fourth Sundays for fellowship and cultural exchange at Baltimore restaurants. 443-824-6856 or j-globe.com/singles.

I was confused at first -- it sounded as if it was a group for gay American and Japanese men to meet. So I checked out the Web site. It leads to meetjapanlady.com, a site for "Western men" to meet Japanese women. A picture of a couple -- a white man and Japanese woman -- was posted on the front with their story the day I looked at it. It's gone now, but there are still plenty of testimonials. Here's a bit of one from a man from Maryland:
In addition, if you are a Western man, I would highly recommend considering marrying a Japanese woman. As someone who has married a Japanese woman I feel very privileged to have met and married my wife. Every day I realize that she is a very special and lovely person. To marry a woman from abroad makes you uniquely aware of yourself more, of your own country and of her country. So your outlook is broadened. Furthermore, in traveling to Japan this past winter to get married, I experienced the Japanese culture for the first time, and their culture was so amazing to me. I love the Japanese respect for strangers and how the Japanese appreciate nature. I think we Americans could learn much from this culture. Also, I think the Japanese people are some of the most beautiful people in the world. When you bring your new Japanese bride back to the U.S. you can be most assured that she will readily adapt to our Western customs and way of life since Japan is a very wealthy Western country. This may not be so with women from many other poor countries.
I'm not so sure about the cultural exchange through marriage, along with the fact that I feel a little icky about matchmaking in such a specific way (American man, Japanese woman). Sure, people have preferences and they should be able to choose their mate in such a way, but at least give me the illusion that they're giving everyone a chance.

(Photo by bjearwicke at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 4:00 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

Deal-breaker stories


It's the last full day to get your stories in. I'll be judging them late tonight, so I'll give you until midnight to get them in.

The winner will get my last prize of the weeek, a pair of tickets to a concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion.

There's some pretty good ones already in the pile ... feel free to add to them. :)



(Photo by clsawyer at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 3:28 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

May 21, 2008

Strike a pose



While looking for a photo to go with the previous post, I ran across the Web site for The Secret Language of Sleep, a book that has been sitting on my outdated Amazon wish list for who knows how long. It's a humorous book that lists the different types of sleepers and which positions best suit each person and each couple.

Well, it turns out they have a quiz, which claims to help you find your sleeping pose. Somehow it has deemed me fit for the position called "The Colon" (pictured at left).

I'm curious to know which you are.

Posted by Maryann James at 5:43 PM | | Comments (5)
                    

Someone's sleeping in my bed

According to Sharon Hodde, a college minister in North Carolina, the latest trend among young devout Christians is to sleep in the same bed with the S.O., just no sex.
I can't count the number of dating talks I've attended in which some ambiguously intentioned young person asked, "How far is too far?" For many of us, we feel like we're doing pretty well as long as we're not going "all the way," so prior to that boundary almost anything goes.
Because of this mentality, a new trend in Christian dating has developed: sleeping together but not having sex. Countless Christian couples will share a bed for the night without doing the actual deed, and I've done it myself. And on some level, it would seem pretty innocent--all you're doing is sleeping together. That's not so bad, right?


Hodde says no. Though it seems innocent, it's a slippery slope. If you're sleeping in close quarters, the intimacy of sharing your bed with someone will eventually push the boundaries further and further until you're doing the dirty.

Even though I'm a grade-A heathen, I have to agree. I bring this topic up because I believe that this is not only a common occurrence among abstinence-minded folks, but also among couples who are simply trying to take it slow. I've heard a few stories in the past few months about couples sleeping together but not "sleeping together" -- heck, I've done it. It usually doesn't appease the need for intimacy; it fuels it.

What are your thoughts?

Posted by Maryann James at 5:04 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

May 20, 2008

We have one winner!

 

As of 7:15 p.m. last night, BaltAmour received its 1500th comment.


First and foremost, I'd like to thank God; I'd like to thank my mom and boyfriend, my manager, my stylist ...

Wait, wrong speech.

For serious, though, thank you for commenting and discussing and volunteering your stories and sticking with this lil 'ol blog. Keep it up. I'm greedy. I want more!

... and oh yeah, somebody won:
It was blog regular Amadeo, with his comment about breakup leave. He won a stylish baltimoresun.com T-shirt and a lust-worthy stainless steel travel mug, with which he can sip his Starbucks, for 10 cents less. :)

But it's not over! There's one more prize left -- two tickets to a big-name concert at Merriweather Post Pavilion on May 28. Whoops, I've said too much already. Give me your deal-breaker stories. Tell your friends!

(Photo by intuitives at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 12:28 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

Gifts! Glorious gifts!

I am seven comments away from the big 1,500!

My lovely Web goddesses have procured some wonderful gifts for me, and I'm drunk with power. So, I'll tell you what: I'll shell out two gifts this week.

The lovely 1,500th commenter will get a lovely prize, and the best deal-breaker story this week will also get a gift.

What do you stand to win? All I will say is there's some clothing, there's some drinkware and there's two tickets to a concert, courtesy of Merriweather Post Pavilion.

So, you have not ONE, but TWO chances to win this week! Get 'em started. :)

Posted by Maryann James at 11:37 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

May 19, 2008

Singles stimulation