With all this talk about "green" houses, "green" cars and other environmentally friendly practices and doo-dads, freelance writer Amy Linn decided to extend the trend to people's love lives.
It's a pretty funny/cute idea. Check it out.
Some of the highlights:
+ Save water by sharing a shower with your sweetie. + Use bed sheets made from organic materials.
And the ultimate: + Family planning. Fewer people means less stress on the planet. :)
That's what a Sunday article about singles and real estate seems to suggest.
Lack of romantic attachment seems to afford a measure of financial freedom for some of the city's singles, from bachelors in their mid-30s such as Christian S. Johansson to divorcees such as Lorraine Jacobs, who can afford swanky harbor-view condos that they can decorate as they wish. (Sidenote: I enjoy the word divorcee. It seems to denote a bit of glamour, danger and freedom that few words do. I'm crazy, I know.)
According to a study by the 2007 National Association of Realtors, which is quoted in the article, some 32 percent of homes were sold to single women in Baltimore, and single men made up 9 percent.
It's not a huge surprise; as people delay settling down, it makes sense that people wouldn't want to have to wait for Mr. or Mrs. Right to own their own place. And if you don't have the girlfriend tax, logic would follow that you'd have more money to spend on your digs.
Still, it brings up some interesting issues, one of which is: When you do meet that special someone, do you give up your wonderful all-about-you digs, or do you make room for the new person?
Inspired by the Museum of Broken Relationships, I thought it would be neat if we shared our stories, created our own virtual museum, right here at BaltAmour. In the sense of fairness, I'll post something too (I'll take photos tonight and post mine tomorrow).
As a refresher, the museum accepts artifacts from previous relationships, along with a brief story/descriptor. Objects range from a broken garden gnome that was thrown at an ex's car, to a glass horse, given as a gift, that now holds the memory of a happier time.
BaltAmour reader Eve kinda got the ball rolling last week.
If you had to contribute one thing, what would it be?
For this week's Friday Five, let's take a step back. Since we listed date places last week, let's talk about places to meet people. You can't have a date place if you don't have a date, right?
So, folks, give me your suggestions for places to meet people. Bars (yawn) are fine, but try to think out of the box. Places where people aren't expecting to be hit on. I'll share my five favorites (or five categories, if there are an abundance of suggestions) on Friday.
After much debate, and a bit of head-scratching, here is the list of date places in Baltimore. There are no rankings this week, just five categories. I also decided to take the approach of "great places for the first few dates," which keeps down the price factor (nothing listed is more than the price of a full dinner for two at a mid-level restaurants -- around $50)* and the commitment factor.
So, no restaurants, no super-expensive outings, just places that hopefully spark conversation and/or the mood.
The animal-friendly outing. Check out the new baby elephant, the trouble-making monkeys and all the other animals by spending a day at the Maryland Zoo in Baltimore. IMO, it's a little low on ambiance, but there's plenty to see and do, and tickets are $11 until the end of April. For dog-lovers out for a low-key first date, you can also try a pet date at Canton Dog Park or any of the other dog-friendly spots in the city, such as the west side of Mount Vernon Park.
The beautiful view! BaltAmour reader suggested a trip on the Martha Lewis in Havre de Grace. If it worked for him, it can work for you! Nothing like the bay breeze and gorgeous views on a sunset cruise ($25) to put you in a romantic state of mind. Just be sure that your date doesn't get seasick; pack some non-drowsy Dramamine in case. You can also take the touristy option and try a tour from the Inner Harbor on the Prince Charming ($16). For land-lubbers, Cylburn Arboretum, Rawlings Conservatory at Druid Hill Park are great choices; pack a picnic and head to Federal Hill or Fort McHenry.
The museum option. Museums are always a great idea: there's plenty to talk about, and you get an idea of what a person likes, loves and hates. There's plenty to see in the city, beyond the usuals (the Walters, BMA, AVAM): the B&O Museum ($14), the Museum of Industry ($10), the Tattoo Museum (just don't get any work done while you're there) and Reginald F. Lewis Museum of Maryland African American Culture ($8) are all options. The usuals also have surprises too, from interactive activities (see Shiny Happy Things on May 17) to regular (free) film screenings on Thursday nights. For the active lifestyle. Catch a game at Camden Yards, or go out and play yourselves: there's tubing and canoeing at Gunpowder Falls (comfort in a bathing suit is a must), rock-climbing at Rocks State Park in Bel Air, hiking at Robert E. Lee Park and, for established couples, you can learn how to paddle through the Canton Kayak Club ($125-$135).
Drinks and desserts. Alternatives to the coffee date: Get a sweet treat or a nice drink instead. Get a slice of pie (and coffee, if you must) at Dangerously Delicious pies in Federal Hill, gelato at Pitango in Fells Point (a personal favorite) and cupcake happy hour at Baltimore Cupcake Company in Locust Point. For drinks, the 13th Floor at the Belvedere has a nice view, and Club Charles, between Mount Vernon and Station North, with its red decor, can lend a little bit of "mood lighting" for those who want a more low-key (and cheaper) place to catch a drink. (Cupcake photo, Nanine Hartzenbusch/Sun Photographer)
____ *Hey, I tried -- some places/activities could end up being more, but the base price for most is less than $50 for two people.
I received a nice little present in my inbox last night, and I figured I'd share this with you all: If you're bored and wanting to try something other than the same old bar, Cinghiale is having a free Matteo Corregglia wine tasting tonight (in Enoteca, the wine bar part of the restaurant). From the e-mail:
In Piedmont, noble wine land, north from the renowned Langhe there is an interesting wine area which is called Roero and recently it is getting more and more successful and esteemed. The area owes its fame to a young vintner, talented and of genial intuitions, as well as being convinced of the potentiality of the wines of his land: Matteo Correggiia. In little more than ten years Matteo Correggia was successful in leaving an indelible sign in the history of the Piedmont's enology: his wines.
So why not go over to Harbor East tonight, between 5 p.m. and 7 p.m., try some free wine, mingle with the nice wine-tasters, perhaps learn something new and maybe meet someone new, too?
Also, while we're mentioning Cinghiale (no, they are not paying me, though I would happily take free food), they are starting what I think is a lovely idea -- and another non-bar way to meet people -- Sunday night dinner. For $29, you get three courses (antipasti, pasta and dessert). One catch: there is one seating. Doors open at 5:30, service starts at 6. You bring your friends, other people bring their friends and family, everyone has a good time over wine and food.
On a related note, I noticed a trend, at least in two Baltimore bloggers' posts this week: Newmie and Catherinette both mentioned, in part or in whole, the idea of jinxing a relationship. As if mentioning the possibility of happiness out loud (or even in your head) will put asunder all of the love potential, leaving you miserable, alone and (still) superstitious.
I thought I was the only one -- or at most, one of the few crazies -- who thought this way. Apparently not. Whenever I start seeing someone new or meet someone who seems promising, I'm wont to say, "But I'm not going to talk too much/gush/tell you everything about them including their shoe size and favorite color in the fourth grade because I don't want to jinx it."
Where does this silliness come from? Excuse me for getting all self-help on y'all for a minute, but do you think it's a way for us to have some illusion of control over the uncertainty that is connecting with another person?
Baltimore-based blogger Newmie revealed yesterday that she has been casually seeing a guy for the past few months. ("Casually" = He's exclusive, she is not beholden to be so.) He's considerate, gainfully employed, thoughtful, emotionally available and happy being exclusive to only her. But Newmie said she's having trouble making the jump.
Why?
Because he's not her type. And by type, we mean a tall, athletic, booty-calling jerk-face. Newmie says she knows that the right, healthy thing to do is to take up with nice guy, but she can't let the idea of the guy (she thinks) she can fix out of her head. Her question:
Is the person you are with, the type of person you imagined yourself ending up with? Does there come a point in life when you finally realize that what you need to make you happy is staring you in the face, you’re just too scared to make the leap?
My gut reaction is to say this guy, though good on paper, is probably not for her. Just because someone is good for you doesn't mean they're a match. However, given Newmie's issues on the subject -- good boy vs. bad boy -- I'd say the situation takes some deeper examination: Are you really caught up in the boy and just using the "bad boy" situation as an excuse to be scared to make a commitment? Or is your brain telling you that this is good for you, when the rest of you isn't in it?
For what it's worth, I am currently with someone I didn't imagine myself with. Boyfriend was a pleasant surprise, and yes, at some point, I had to decide whether my narrow views of what I wanted (funnily enough, it was gender -- my own) were going to define my life, or whether I was going to make a big scary leap and go for it. As a wise person once asked me, "Does the possible benefit outweigh the possible risk?"
What do you think? (Photo by sofi73 at stock.xchng)
I know (think?) he was joking, but perhaps to jump-start the suggestions, we should define what a date is. Perhaps the date is a vanishing art, as Susan K suggests, and we all need a little refresher on what it is.
Date (DAY-t) n. An outing with someone you're romantically interested in, with the goal of learning more about them and/or to spending time alone with each other. Dates are not group outings (see: Group date) or trips to the other person's house. In order to qualify as a date, there must be interaction in a public place.
SO! Where should daters go in Baltimore? Amadeo stole my thunder -- he suggested Cylburn Arboretum; I was going to suggest the Conservatory at Druid Hill Park. They're both free, there's pretty flora ... they're especially good choices for springtime and good first-date places, as you don't have to shell out a lot of dough for some ambiance.
I took the Myers Briggs personality test on Facebook the other night, and as I'm sharing the analysis with Boyfriend, we stopped at one particular sentence:
INFJs enjoy sharing activities like a regular 'date,' revisiting the place where they first met their mates, or doing other symbolic things that help to continue and confirm the existence of the bond that they feel for their partner.
Yes. I like going on dates. It's a little cheesy, but I think it's nice to put on nice clothes and go out to eat, maybe to a movie, maybe for a walk. One of my favorite dates with Boyfriend has been the after-dinner date: I had a craving for gelato, so we went to Pitango in Fells Point and walked at the pier in Fells.
I want to know what YOU think about dates in Baltimore. What is the best place to take someone on a date in our fair city?
Two Croatians, who broke up after being together for four years, have started a Museum of Broken Relationships. Olinka Vistika, one half of the team, said they got the idea when they broke up.
"When we were deciding to split up, every time people do that, it's connected to something ugly, something awkward," she said on NPR's Weekend Edition. "So we didn't like that way of dealing with our own past, which was once really beautiful. We got this idea, maybe, it would be a great idea to have a museum where you could store your emotional heritage."
One exhibit, a Murano glass horse from Venice, Italy, was contributed by a woman from Maribor. She tells this lovely story of the day she and her husband visited Venice and he gave her this horse (shown at left). Though the marriage dissolved, she still has this sweet memory to hold on to.
BaltAmour reader dancing monkey tipped me on to this museum. "It almost seems like that would be the most ultimate, wonderful catharsis, to get over [the relationship]," she said. "It's the place for the things that are special and meaningful, yet not in your house, and you don't have to see them everyday."
I agree. I have a box of keepsakes from old relationships sitting in storage, such as love notes written on scrap pieces of card stock by my architecture-major girlfriend. Perhaps it would be good to share them in a public space.
What would you contribute to the Museum of Broken Relationships?
It's not the best-written article, but the information is interesting: According to CNN, romance fraud -- internet scams through romantic encounters -- is a growing segment of crime.
In one story, a woman met a man online, frequently exchanging e-mails. He said he lived in California, the article says, and built roads in Uganda. He first asked her to send him some new boots. Then $500 for his workers. Then $500 more. At that, she got suspicious, found a site on romance scams, and found his picture.
A lot of protection against romance scams simply rely on your use of common sense, as the match.com people suggest. Unless it's a charitable organization, sending money to someone you don't know will only be funding the Foundation for Crafty Con-Artists. But if you're low on common sense, there's RomanceScams.org and this lovely tip from them:
If their spelling is horrible, they use emoticons heavily and they appear to be available at unusual hours for your time zone, they may be scamming you.
I think those are red flags for more than possibly scammy behavior ...
Finally, after two weeks of waiting, the most romantic movie scenes, as suggested by you, my readers. I picked a mix of conventional and non-conventional scenes and tried to stay as impartial as possible. One theme that seems to run through all of these scenes, is sacrifice, whether it's pride, personal comfort or life. Apparently sacrifice for another person is romantic.
5. Love Actually. The whole movie is a love fest, "romance mixed with love that wasn't just the romantic sort," as Amadeo said, but I picked this scene with Colin Firth and Lucia Moniz for two reasons: (a) Learning another language for the sole purpose of declaring your love is a very sweet gesture; and (b) the idea of the two of them working out, when they barely can communicate, literally requires a great leap of faith. And that's what love requires, right?
4. As Good As It Gets. "I don't care how overplayed it gets and how hokey it may be, the 'I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth' soliloquy is money," JTK wrote. AMEN brother. I actually hadn't seen this movie in a while. Thanks to YouTube, I was reminded how *awesome* this scene is. Jack Nicholson's character is far from ideal in many ways -- behavior, appearance, etc. -- that the words that come out of his mouth are pure gems. From anyone else, they'd be just a pick-up line.
3. Stranger than Fiction. Kudos to Miz Motormouth! This is far from the grand overture of Love Actually, but no less sweet. The "flours" is such a sweet and original idea! Add to that Will Ferrell's character's obvious discomfort, and you have a wonderfully sweet and romantic scene. Like in Love Actually, he makes a sacrifice -- in this case, overcoming his discomfort -- to show his love.
2. Chasing Amy. This movie is a great love story. I watched it for the first time in a long time a few months ago, and despite a few melodramatic moments (Joey Lauren Adams splashing in a puddle of water comes to mind), this movie is actually a pretty good, real romantic movie. This is the penultimate scene in the movie (good looking out, JTK), when Silent Bob breaks down the way we let our pride mess up good love. (Headphones for this clip, folks, there is a bit of language.)
1. The Abyss. If it were completely my list, I would probably put The Cooler scene here, but we've already been over that. Instead, I will highlight the drowning scene from The Abyss. "The depth of their love for each other is so profound -- and it gets me every time," Michelle writes.
A few days ago, I said that your life is over once you have kids. BaltAmour reader Mary took umbrage with this. "Your life is over? Maybe it's just beginning," she wrote.
Well, perhaps it's a matter of emphasis. When you have children, your life isn't over. Your life is over. Even after you have children, people grow and learn and become new people, etc. but even still, your life is never solely your own anymore. Having children ties your life to another in a way no other thing can, even, I dare say, marriage. You can divorce your husband much easier than you can divorce your children. (Granny seems to agree.)
That said, it seemed most of the other commenters were pro-other people's children (aside from Amadeo, who seems to want to have the next Jackson 5). And as a result, it raised up another issue: Not having children at all.
See everyone says that...."You'll change your mind, someday you'll want kids". They assume because I'm female, I was born with that maternal instinct. Not so much. I came to the conclusion when I was 23 that I didn't want kids. I'm now 32. Still haven't changed my mind. I'm not even certain I'd ever get married.
I'm still undecided on the kids issue, but C Hughes' comment seemed to nicely coincide with a post on Sex & Moxie this week about a woman who says her decision to not have kids is affecting her relationship prospects. When she mentions it, she writes, "Men seem surprised when I tell them this. I know it's the reason why some never call for a second date."
Is a woman who doesn't want to have kids a turn-off for long-term relationship seekers? (Surely that answer is no.) And beyond that, when and how do you bring it up to potential mates?
Last week, BaltAmour reader Newmie made a point about hook-ups that I've also heard from a fair amount of men, her first date rule:
It boils down to this: You like someone you could see as more than a one-nighter, don't sleep with them on the first date/hangout/whatever. If you do, that tells Mr./Ms. Wonderful that if you slept with them on the first date, you have clearly slept with OTHER people on the first date, making you a HO and automatically disqualifying you as long-term relationship material.
Hey it may have been your first, first date hookup, but it doesn't matter. The damage is done. In their mind...it's okay to go sleep with a slut, it's another thing to bring one home to meet their mom.
It's unfair and it's wrong but it's true! I once had a conversation with a guy who told me that women who start a relationship on a sexual level cannot upgrade to a long-term relationship. And he said he and his friends have had similar conversations!
In last week's post about widows and widowers, BaltAmour reader Granny posted this story:
A couple of years ago, I accepted a blind date with a widower because the friends who set it up SWORE to me that after 7 years widowed, he was "ready". We met at Red Brick Station in White Marsh where he jumped right into the details of his wife's death and life without her. He cried. Really. Tears ran down his face and dripped off his chin. For the entire meal. The poor waitress wanted to help. I kept waving her off. I skipped dessert and coffee. ("Wow! Is it 7:30 already? Got an early morning!") He called a couple days later to ask me out again! Did he honestly think that I wanted to repeat that experience???
I think this highlights two BIG date no-nos -- and this can qualify for any kind of break-up. 1. Make sure you're ready to date again before you go out. If you still go into crying jags thinking of your ex-girlfriend's stuffed bunny, perhaps you need to sit this date out. Or: Go talk to a professional. That's what they're there for -- to help us heal and find unseen paths through emotional trauma. 2. DON'T talk about former relationships on a first date. Or, more accurately, don't go into major details. "Sam and I had a good and bad times. We were together for five years." STOP.
Also, in response to Mary's comment, for those who are interested, here's a link to a New York Timesstory about finding love after a spouse's death, involving, incidentally, a former Sun colleague.
On this blog, I have to publish every comment that gets posted by you, my lovely readers. Thanks to interwebs access on my phone, I pretty much can do this anywhere, though oftentimes I only have time to read, post and go back to whatever "responsible" thing I'm doing.
So, today I will play comment catch-up with a series of posts on highlights from my readers in the past week.
To put in your last-minute romantic movie entries by tomorrow night. I'll give the final Top 5 list on Friday.
And speaking of Top 5, I'm curious about what you think. What would you like to see on Baltamour? What would be a good top 5? What topics would you like me to tackle (or revisit)? What would you like to see more or less of?
Remember, honesty is the key to a good relationship. :)
Here is an example of why money is one of the top issues one should discuss before moving in: Girl moves to live in with boy, girl has trouble finding job, boy in debt freaks out, girl's feelings get hurt, both question relationship.
This reminds me of a chat I had with Toni Coleman of consum-mate.com when I was writing a column about moving in. From the situation cited above from Moxie in the City, it appears they didn't have the finances talk before they moved in, a big no-no, according to Toni. Especially finances.
Looking over my notes from our interview, I notice I typed FINANCES in the middle of a passage about the pre-move-in talk. Money is such a sensitive issue for some people, but if you're going to share quarters, you're going to be sharing financial responsibilities. So you must come clean. That includes debt.
"Let's say one makes twice what the other makes and there's this present expectation of splitting 50/50. Let's talk about it. Are we going to share according to what we earn?" she said. "... Even though you're all in love and everything's hunky dory and you don't want to touch the Pandora's box, you need to raise it."
So, the next question would be: How do you have the talk?
With all this talk about "green" houses, "green" cars and other environmentally friendly practices and doo-dads, freelance writer Amy Linn decided to extend the trend to people's love lives.
On a related note, I noticed a trend, at least in two Baltimore bloggers' posts this week: 
Baltimore-based blogger Newmie 
That's what BaltAmour reader Jay 
Two Croatians, who broke up after being together for four years, have started a 
It's not the best-written 
A few days ago, I said that your life is over once you have kids. BaltAmour reader Mary took umbrage with this. "Your life is over? Maybe it's just beginning," she wrote.
Last week, BaltAmour reader 
Here