« December 2007 | Main | February 2008 »

January 31, 2008

Nothing says love like wine.

I haven't quite responded to the flood of comments about Susan K.'s Valentine's Day problem because, well, you guys did such an awesome job. If you haven't looked, check it out.

But I'll enter my suggestion: A wine tasting. There's a Big, Bad, and Very, Very Red wine tasting at Bin 604 on Feb. 7. It's $29. You can go dutch for a a low-key outing, it's not a big fattening dinner, and hey! Red wine is good for your heart!

For those who've been together a little longer, there's also a more expensive tasting at Cinghiale. Monday night, they're having an Italian wine and cheeses tasting. It's $49 and they recommend making a reservation. The Monday Night Flights -- they hold a tasting every Monday -- are also a good choice for an anti-Valentine's Day outing: A friend and I took another dear friend to one for her birthday a few months ago. We all "learned" a lot about wine and subsequently got a little sauced (We're good students).

And, if you notice, none of these outings are actually ON Valentine's Day, so no holiday pressure!

Also! Susan K -- I'd love to hear how your Valentine's Day turns out.

Posted by Maryann James at 2:00 PM | | Comments (3)
                    

Help me help him



Dear friend Sam Sessa of Midnight Sun fame is looking for folks with good florist stories -- a florist who gave someone comfort during a loss, people who successfully (or unsuccessfully) said "I'm sorry" with a bouquet, or even engagement arrangements.

If you have some funny, interesting or poignant flower stories, e-mail him.

Thanks!

Posted by Maryann James at 1:08 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

Since I'm no longer an eligible editor ...

... check out this other woman's foray into speed dating. Check out the guy with the weird obsession with wrinkles.

And I'm warning you now: the theme music will get stuck in your head.

Posted by Maryann James at 11:00 AM | | Comments (0)
                    

January 30, 2008

Speaking of choreplay...

I just happened to run across this book online that seems to go nicely with the word of the week:


(Photo from amazon.com)

It is full of images of men doing chores or other activities, accompanied with phrases like, "Oooh look. The NFL playoffs are today. I'm sure we'll have no trouble parking at the crafts fair."

Posted by Maryann James at 12:30 PM | | Comments (6)
                    

Will you be my Valentine?

I'm just warning you, it's gonna get pretty pink around here. Valentine's Day is the Super Bowl of Love (yes, I typed that -- no snide comments, you!), and since this is a go-to place for love and relationships, I really have no choice but to do it up.

To start off, here's some loverly Valentines that are different than your usual "I Choo-Choo-Choose You." Just click on the photos to get to their respective sites:



For the indecisive:




With options ranging from "I have a crush on you" to "I love you" to "You're OK," you can send a valentine to one you're not sure about or to multiple people you have varying levels of affection for.

$4.50 for singles, $14 for six.

(Photo from Paper + Cup)




For zombie lovers:


 
For the zombie-slayer in your life. Even when it comes to you.


$3.50 each + $1.50 shipping. Only four are left! (A 10-pack is available for $15.


(Photo from tinaseamonster)




For the wanna-be spy:






No, it's not a drug vial. It's a small tube, and a piece of paper with a simple design and space to write your own Valentine's Day message.

It's $3.50 each.

(Photo from Poketo)





For the medical student:




Scientific, detailed, literal representation of your heart, with nice schmoopy details.


$4 each.


(Photo from Armato Design)







And fine -- an "awwwww" Valentine:





It's almost as bad as Ralph's valentine to Lisa, but it is kinda cute.


Set of 3 for $8.

(Photo from spaceoddities)

Posted by Maryann James at 11:53 AM | | Comments (3)
                    

Can the computer find your match better than you can?

A story from yesterday's New York Times discusses the growing scientific validity of computer-assisted matchmaking, aka the efforts by Web sites such as eHarmony, Chemistry and Perfectmatch.com.
As the matchmakers compete for customers — and denigrate each other’s methodology — the battle has intrigued academic researchers who study the mating game. On the one hand, they are skeptical, because the algorithms and the results have not been published for peer review. But they also realize that these online companies give scientists a remarkable opportunity to gather enormous amounts of data and test their theories in the field. EHarmony says more than 19 million people have filled out its questionnaire.
There's a nice little bit at the bottom about how people who pick their mates online are less likely to find success than those who use computer-assisted matchmakers. Check it out.

Posted by Maryann James at 10:06 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

January 29, 2008

V-Day problem

Yesterday, Susan K. asked this about Valentine's Day:
I'm not into the V-Day thing either. Just starting dating a new guy (2-3 weeks) and just DREAD the whole "what would you like for V-Day (and/or) what would you like to do for V-Day" conversation. My answer pretty much goes like this "I don't like cards, it's too early for jewelry, don't want to go to dinner with a zillion other couples and a 'limited menu', watching my weight so I don't want chocolates, flowers are nice but how can you justify spending $100 on something that you'd spend $40 on 2 weeks before or 2 weeks after V-Day?" And that's just him asking me what I want - that doesn't include me thinking I HAVE to do something for him because he may do something for me. My cash flow is very low, so my dilema is how do you get out of V-Day without seeming like a V-Day/love Scrooge?
I think men are hard to shop for around Valentine's Day to start out with. Add in low cash flow and a new relationship, and it's even harder. Any suggestions?

Posted by Maryann James at 11:12 AM | | Comments (14)
                    

Word of the week

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Dancing Monkey around to keep me abreast of the latest words.

From urbandictionary.com:
Choreplay: When a woman is turned on by the sight of her husband/boyfriend/partner doing regular household chores that she would normally be doing.

"Last night, it was all about choreplay. I was all 'OH YEAH, fold that laundry. Oh yes, just like that! In half and, then in half again. OHHH'"
Hee. I can totally feel that definition, though it's more like the other way in my house. Does it work the other way? Do clean-y men get turned on by women doing chores they usually don't do? Or is it just anything? :)

Posted by Maryann James at 10:42 AM | | Comments (3)
                    

January 28, 2008

Meet Me Monday: Danielle Banzon

Danielle, originally a Jersey girl, said she prefers Baltimore to where she grew up.

"People are so much nicer here," she says. "People are so rude [there]. Like you could walk out in the street here and people will stop. There, forget it, you'd be dead. Step one foot off the curb."

Her family still lives in New Jersey, but she doesn't see herself making a return any time soon.

"My mom wants me to move back, but I don't think I could go back," she says. "It's so different from being here."


Danielle BanzonName, age, status:
Danielle Banzon, 21, in a relationship

Where she calls home:
Bel Air.
I lived down 39th Street. I miss living in the city. It's so quiet. There's nothing to do in Harford County. It drives me nuts. I want be back here all the time.

Where she grew up:
She moved here from Monmouth County, N.J., when she was 18.

She originally was a student at Loyola. But she decided she wanted to be a nurse, a bit of a problem considering Loyola doesn't have a nursing program.
"I had met my boyfriend here, so I decided I wanted to stay here and not go back to New Jersey. That's how I wound up here."

How does she make a living?
She just started her first semester at the University of Baltimore, studying psychology.
"I already have an associate's degree in psychology. I wanted to go to nursing school, so I took all these science classes to go to nursing school, and I meet all the requirements and everything, but there's waiting lists everywhere.  And I need to do something else with my life, so I thought, OK, I'll do the psychology thing for now."

On living together:
"I lived on campus at school my first semester, but I had real bad roommates, so I decided to move out in December. I had my own apartment, and he still was in the dorms. So, it took about three days before he decided I'm living with you. And he slowly brought his stuff over. So we've kinda been living together since the start. I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing or not.
"We're fine, we get along well, and we don't have any problems. First we were living in a studio, so we were on top of each other. Every time you turn around, he's right there. And like the bathroom is so tiny, you'd get claustrophobic when you shut the bathroom door. There was no privacy.
"Now we live in a two bedroom, which is nice. He can go in the other room and I can go in the other room."

Favorite neighborhood:
She says Fells Point is nice, though her favorite spot is the aquarium.
"We go there all the time. ... I'm kind of a little kid at heart."

Good place to take someone out:
We really like to go to Sabatino's a lot. And usually we like to go for walks in the Inner Harbor. Quiet places. You can go to the club with your friends or, but when you're alone, you want it to be quiet."

Worst date:
"We went out for Valentine's Day ... I guess it was our second Valentine's Day? We went to this restaurant in Little Italy and the food was horrible. It was cold and it didn't taste really great, and then we got into a fight on the way home."

Best date:
"Probably the first time we went to the aquarium together. I really really wanted a stuffed dolphin so bad and he didn't -- it was 20 bucks -- he didn't want to buy it, it's stupid, you don't really want it, and I sleep with it every night."

Her ideal mate:
"Smart. Funny. Always makes me laugh. Knows me better than anyone else. I guess that's it. I kinda describes [my boyfriend], I guess."

Deal-breakers:
"When they break promises. Lying. Not really meaning what they say."

What's the best thing about being in a relationship?
"Not really having any independence."

Worst thing?
"Always having someone there, never being alone."

If he could date anyone in history?
Shakespeare.
"I find his works to be interesting, but often I don't understand them. I think he'd probably be a romantic person and it'd be very cool to get to know him. I think he'd be an interesting person to meet. Minus the tights, maybe."

Posted by Maryann James at 1:20 PM | | Comments (4)
                    

The dating game

Indiana at the Dog's Name offers an idea for a second date that includes a somewhat clever strategy for getting a third date with someone without specifically having to ask:
A great second date is playing some "pool" (or snooker) at a nice bar, some relaxed drinks and a little competition. The idea is to up the stakes and make a bet on the outcome of the game...

...and then lose.

The bet: That the loser has to cook the winner dinner on the following Friday/Saturday.
If I was the one rigging the game, that'd be easy for me. I'm supremely awful at pool. And I'd totally fall for it.

It also makes me wonder -- surely Indiana isn't the only one who has thought of clever dating strategies. I've always stumbled and blundered my way through dating, always too preoccupied with whether I was engaging or smelled nice or that I didn't chew too loudly to focus on any kind of strategy. But how about you? Any of y'all have some clever tricks up your sleeve?

Posted by Maryann James at 10:56 AM | | Comments (9)
                    

V-Day preparations



I roll my eyes at Valentine's Day. I always have. Even when I was with someone, I never wanted to buy into all the big hullabaloo.

That said, this year, as a service to all of you who do believe in the holiday, I've been on high alert. And I had no idea how much stuff people put out for a mostly commercially manufactured holiday! It's amazing.

Which brings me to my question(s) of the morning -- What's your position on Valentine's Day? What are you planning (as a singleton or committed) for the big sloppy lovey dovey holiday?

Posted by Maryann James at 10:02 AM | | Comments (9)
                    

January 25, 2008

Five move-in must-haves

Peaceful cohabitation is possible without spurring knock-down drag-out fights about chewing too loud or not putting dishes in the dishwasher the right way.

But the environment has to be right. So here are the top five things -- offered by you and judged by me -- that you need to have a happy home with your honey:


5. An effective note-taking plan for phone calls. As JTK says, "If Sam Sessa called, I need to know ASAP."

4. Jack Daniels. Nothing else needs to be said. (from Catherinette.)

3. Separate bathrooms. The women know. Take Susan K: "Separate bathrooms is a must though - that doesn't mean he CAN'T use my bathroom, he just needs to realize that it's mine and if he doesn't like the long blonde hairs in the sink and all over the floor, he can use the 'other bathroom' otherwise designated 'the boy's bathroom'!!!"

2. A dual-tuner DVR (or TiVo). Catherinette bought up the idea of separate TVs, but PhillyPhile took it a step further: "One, so it can record a show while my partner watched another and two so I can pause TV while they talk. There is nothing more bothersome than a person who wants to have life/relationship discussions during the Wire."

1. Space! Like Amadeo says, we all need room to do our geeky stuff to ourselves. PhillyPhile's man-cave (or woman-cave) sounds perfect.

Posted by Maryann James at 1:04 PM | | Comments (1)
                    

TV Dinner

The referring post is about a year old, but I only heard about this recently, from a friend.

Lonely? Tired of dining alone? Dutch company Tilburgs CowBoys (I don't know, don't ask) has a solution: a DVD of dining companions that "eat" with you and strike up conversation. According to UberReview, you have six scenarios to choose from, including a "romantic evening."

I'm an only child, so I can't say I've ever had a desperate need to have someone to eat with, but really? Is there really a market for this? Seeing as Tilburgs CowBoys is an art company, maybe there's some deep commentary on society in this thing.

I'm just going to say it's weird.


Photo from UberReview

Posted by Maryann James at 7:30 AM | | Comments (8)
                    

January 24, 2008

First date warning signs

Photo by Tombre, from stock.xchng

Cali girl Jen wrote out a brief list of first date red flags. I was feeling her with point #1 (He says “we” at anytime), but after that, we split ways. Seems there's a lot of assumptions going on on the other coast. For example:
Either of the acronyms “WoW” (in reference to World of Warcraft) or “MMORPG” (Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games) escape his lips. If he uses both in the same sentence, run away fast. I have nothing against a man that plays these online games (that’s not totally true), but if he can’t contain his enthusiasm for his hobby, you can assume all of the following: he’s obsessed, he’s skipped a shower for an important battle/match, he’ll choose the game over sex at some point in the relationship, he’s already created a female character that is more buxom than any playboy centerfold, and he’ll blame you for infringing upon his mode of relaxation if you try to pull him away from the game for anything other than food.
Hey hey! We all talk about our hobbies on the first date. And just because he (or she) mentions such games, it doesn't mean they're obsessed. Of course, I have a soft spot for geeks.

NOW, if every other word is about the game or your date goes on about how WoW (or say, maybe, Dragon Ball Z) has changed their life, well then yes. Maybe it is time for the check.

Point 3:
He can’t decide which sports bar to take you to. Sports are great. Men who love sports are great. Sports on the first date, unless the date is the live sporting event, is not great; it signifies a man that isn’t willing to sacrifice his love of the game for a chance to really get to know you.

Maybe they have good burgers! Sports bar on a first date is not grounds for automatic rejection. If he spends the whole date yelling at the TV screen, then yes. He's outta there.

I kinda sorta agree with her last flag, that he needs a drink to have a good time. You don't want to be a Boozy Suzy (or Bud) on a first date. But a glass of wine, a pint of beer, is not bad! But perhaps I've been in Baltimore too long. More than one outsider has told me that Baltimore is a drinking town.

Posted by Maryann James at 3:44 PM | | Comments (8)
                    

Open call

I need your help.

Anyone willing to chat with me about interracial dating? Or about having a job that gets in the way of your love life? (i.e. you work nights and weekends, you can't talk about your job, etc. -- it can also be a case of your S.O. having the difficult job.)

If you're interested in helping out this lovely gal, e-mail me. 

Also, while I'm in the begging position, I'm also gearing up for Valentine's Day. (For the blog, silly.) If you have any suggestions on good V-Day dates (or non-dates), gifts and other related ish, holler at your girl.

Thanks!

Posted by Maryann James at 8:29 AM | | Comments (3)
                    

January 23, 2008

Gay couples no different than straight ones

For the past few days, my RSS reader has been crammed with posts about this study by five researchers at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.

They compared the relationships of committed homosexual couples (30 gay and 30 lesbian) with those of committed (and non-committed heterosexual pairs (50 engaged, 40 married and 109 exclusive daters).

And what did they find? (This should be no surprise if you read the title of this post)
Results indicated that individuals in committed same-sex relationships were generally not distinguishable from their committed heterosexual counterparts, with one exception — lesbians were especially effective at working together harmoniously in laboratory observations.
The lesbian bit was quite interesting. I don't know if my own experience mirrors that observation, but I've always been a contrary person. :)

The BHA Science Group blog also mentions another study, in which researchers found that more gay committed couples felt happier about their relationship than straight ones, possibly because they were under less pressure to stay together.


Posted by Maryann James at 2:34 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

Jumping the broom

Wombat of Kiss & Blog shares his wedding fantasy: elopement.

I'm all on board with his whole setup -- go somewhere romantic with only one other low-key, low-maintenance couple, no rush, no fuss -- except for point No. 6:
6. No gifts. Wedding Registries irk me. How presumptuous to list what we want you to buy us? Sheesh, I dislike that. If you don't know us well enough to buy something thoughtful, then forget about it. Eloping circumvents all that.
I'm sorry dog. I'm greedy. And I really wouldn't care if people stuck to the registry; it's just fun to go around a store and imagine all the things that you'd buy if you could.

I must say it's refreshing to hear a guy's wedding fantasy, when the image of the wedding-obsessed woman and the reluctant man is often crammed down our throats. Kudos, Wombat.

Posted by Maryann James at 12:20 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

Sleepy head

One of the hardest things about sharing my home (and bed) with someone is getting up. I'm a copy editor, so I usually work nights, but I usually try to get up at a reasonable hour during the day to blog for you guys and get other things done.

Opposite schedules work nicely as far as our space is concerned ... but when it comes to getting up in the morning?? Rough. Rough when Boyfriend gets up at a responsible hour (do I have to get up?), rougher when he doesn't and all I'm inclined to do is stay in bed all day. (And I'm just talking about sleep. We're not even getting to the naughty bits.) Like this morning.

But I'm up! I'm up! See? I think the only solution is to have a bed ejector that activates when your alarm goes off. Nothing like a face full of floor to get you up in the morning.


Photo by dlee from stock.xchng

Posted by Maryann James at 10:48 AM | | Comments (5)
                    

January 22, 2008

Movin' on in Top Five

Even if you love each other, living in the same space can be hard. But there are some things that can make it easier. Like ear plugs. Your own cardboard-box Fortress of Solitude. Tube socks and an extra fishing reel. (My friend refused to explain those last two, so don't ask.)

So, in that spirit, this week's top list* is: Necessities for Successful Cohabitation.

Even if you haven't experienced cohabitation, you surely have an idea. E-mail me or comment below. I'll post my favorites on Friday.




* Yes, it seems this is becoming a regular feature, but it's too soon. I don't know if I'm ready to make it official yet. If you think I should make this permanent, holler my way.

Posted by Maryann James at 2:30 PM | | Comments (7)
                    

Swayed by the subconscious

BaltAmour reader Charles Fischer sent me this e-mail a few days ago:
I was surfing the nytimes site and was catching up on the editorial columns and saw this article from yesterday by David Brooks. While he focuses on voting, I think the observations he brings up about decision-making are just as valid for dating. At least that's another way to read the column. (I added the hyperlink for blog purposes.)

The op-ed piece is really interesting, but it did seem to parallel discussions about choosing a mate. For example:

Each of us has an unconscious but consistent way of construing the world. Some of us light up when we see a candidate being intelligent, others when we see a candidate being friendly or sentimental. This is the mode we use every day to make sense of the world.

My own intuition is that this unconscious cognition is pretty effective. People are skilled at judging character. And through reading, thinking and close observation, they can educate their unconscious to make smarter and finer distinctions.
We all have our triggers, things that draw us to people, but those gestures and behaviors aren't necessarily a true representation of that person. A very basic example would be someone who smiles is seen as friendly but could really be a mean, cruel dalmatian-skinner. It's up to our experience and knowledge to use our triggers to our advantage and not our detriment.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Maryann James at 12:19 PM | | Comments (2)
                    

When people stop being polite and start getting real

Are you ready?
Photo from jynmeyer, stock.xchng

This week, I'm talking about that big step in a relationship: moving in.

A Chicagoan wrote in to Sex & Moxie about her move-in horror story -- relationship was great, she moved in, he started acting cold and distant, she made up a secret identity online and started talking to him about his relationship with her, they broke up. (Yeah, that middle part threw me for a loop, too.):