I recently met a girl, went on three dates, thought things were going OK, then she sent me a text message saying she couldn't talk to me anymore....BECAUSE HER THERAPIST TOLD HER NOT TO. I am not making this up. This is too good for this particular girl to make up so I have to take it at face value. So I was "broken up with" (if you can call it that after only three dates) not only via text message but by therapist as well. That's right, I was "blocked" by a therapist. A Heisman by proxy, if you will. I sent her a "what the heck" message back, never heard back. Amazing.

sorry but I have to respond to the last poster. kidynomite, you think you get the prize? sorry, I'm stealing away the championship. (guys always think they have the last word!!) how about a friend of mine who I helped concoct the most bizarre break-up plan. well, post-break-up plan. this guy who hadn't stopped calling, finally shows up at her work, and her co-worker tells her he's in the lobby. she calls me, "omg, what am i gonna do," and in 2 minutes we have the plan. she slips her back pillow that she uses on her office chair under her dress and goes out to meet him. he's like, "oooh, i see now why you haven't gotten back to me. .....uh, not mine is it?" after assuring him it wasn't, he wishes her luck and disappears, never to be seen again. and the idiot never realized the "baby bump" was way too big for like two months time!!!!

Uh, those are some good stories, but we're a little off topic? I think the point is: When is a face to face breakup appropriate or not? I think putting artificial time restraints on it is not a good way to think about it. I think it is case by case, that is, think abt what you feel about the person. If you respect them enough to say you're not interested, then you should have the courage to tell that person to their face. Especially if you sense that he/she is way more into you than you are into them. But then again if the other person is "whatever" about it, then I think ignoring/or calling is OK. So the bottom line is this: If you think the other person will be a little hurt, you need to respect that with a face to face, no matter how uncomfortable it might be. Otherwise, phoning in a breakup may be alrite. That's my 2 cents anyway

So KIDDYNOMITE - My question for you then is, would you rather that the woman (and her therapist) just not said anything to you at all? Or, if she had just never called again, would you be in want of an explanation?
Heisman by proxy, I love that.

TED J. - Your reasoning is so.... Mature!
Hmm... everything you're saying makes sense. I'm embarressed to say that it had not ocurred to me to think of it that way before.(as an issue of respect) If a person is going to be hurt, won't they be just as hurt whether I talk to them face to face or just ignore their calls? That's how I used to think of it...
Stay tuned, tho, I'm going to be making a post out of a long, thoughtful e-mail that another reader sent me on the topic.

I guess in one sense it's good I got an explanation, (even tho a totally wack explanation) on the other hand with an explanation like that i would have rather been ignored! But that's becuase I already know the explanation so i guess that logic doesn't work. Whatev, i guess.

ANICA- yes, as regards hurt, it's totally the ripping off the band-aid approach vs. slowly tugging at it... Personally, I'd rather just get it over with and move on!

For the record Anica, I always prefer the girl to be straight up with me, that way I don't look like the complete fool when I go all over town talking about how amazing that chick I met was (bet you can't tell this really happened recently). While I thought I went on the best first date of my life & a pretty high-ranking second date, apparently the magic 3rd date eluded me altogether. So as all of my friends find out I'm totally digging on someone, I find out that she totally not digging on me. The two call rule is a great rule for the most part, except for when you call your lame-o friend in Texas & he's "having issues" & doesn't call you back like he should, then you have to give him some slack of course. I'm sorry, what was I talking about?

Josh - with me, you get a "two-month rule".
If I don't hear from you after two months of me calling, then I think you're dead! : )
This of course, still does not stop me from callling again.

I have been on both sides of 'the fade away." Every time it happens to me I feel shocked, hurt, confused and say things like " I can't believe he never called back! That's so lame and I will never do it!" But then....when I'm on the otherside of things, it's just so much easier to fade away. As with all aspects of the human psyche, everything seems black and white until you're actuallly in the situation and blinded by all the gray.

The cold truth of the matter, in my opinion, is that it is never good to fade away. The other person always deserves an explanation because that is the right thing to do. But sometimes it's not THAT wrong to just...kind of....stop calling a little bit. Just a little bit though.