May 9, 2008

Thanks, Mom!

I was talking about love, relationships, parents and their influence on the first two last night with co-workers. And as we talked meddlesome parents, I shared what my mother said to me a few years ago (I'm paraphrasing, but the spirit is true):

"I won't tell you who not to date. I'll let you make your own mistakes and I'll be there to pick up the pieces, if necessary."

The hands-off approach can be a little harsh, but in the grand scheme of things, I think it's the best approach. You have to push the bird out of the nest sometime. (And sometimes more than once.)

So, in that spirit or momular wisdom, here's the best five bits of mom-related love advice:

Continue reading "Thanks, Mom!" »

Posted by Maryann James at 12:30 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

No more 'Talk Sex'

According to the Associated Press, Sunday's airing of Oxygen's Talk Sex, a late-night call-in talk show about, well, sex, will be the last one.

I can't say I was a regular watcher, but it was a fun show to stumble upon around midnight. Septagenarian Sue Johanson -- I was hoping she was in her 60s, so I could say "sexagenarian," but alas, she's 77 (!) -- is a great joy to watch, and I learned a lot more about sex from her than I did my own grandmother (and thankfully so).

One of the things Johanson says she's gonna miss about the show: "I'm going to miss playing with sex toys."


Posted by Maryann James at 11:30 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

A bit of Friday fun

I got an e-mail from BaltAmour reader Lisa yesterday:
I read your blog quite often and even though it doesn't really fall into the recent categories, though this might be of interest to you. Everyone who has passed it on to me thought it was great. The Dating Persona Test one is pretty good.
The test is through OK Cupid, but you don't have to join to take it. It's pretty interesting, apart from a not-so-nice suggestion to those who have STDs (it's a link to eHarmony). According to the test, I'm The Sudden Departure, a Random Brutal Love Master (the picture at right is of my exact opposite, The Intern):

Continue reading "A bit of Friday fun" »

Posted by Maryann James at 10:55 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

What's my flirting motivation?

The other night, while out with friends the other night, we got into a somewhat heated conversation about flirting.

It started because I mentioned that Boyfriend is a Flirty McSmiley, to which he begged ignorance. He's just a friendly guy, he said. Ignorance or no, his friendly behavior -- mostly to people in the service industry -- comes off as flirty, I said, which I find hilarious to watch. (He swears he's not a smoothie, but it's so funny to watch him pour on the charm.)

But then the tables were turned, which is when it got interesting: Sure, he may flirt to smooth the edges with the lady at the front desk or the waitress who's serving his food, but it's still low-grade compared to women, the men of the group said. What about women? Women are way more confusing, because they flirt for a number of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with the man you're flirting with. Among the reasons:

Continue reading "What's my flirting motivation?" »

Posted by Maryann James at 10:21 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

May 8, 2008

A shy pioneer

Mildred Loving and her husband, Richard, in 1965.
(Associated Press)

We had a small mention of it in The Sun on Tuesday, but I realized this morning that I could give it better play on here: Mildred Loving, one half of the couple behind Loving vs. Virginia, the case that struck down laws against interracial marriage, died Friday. She was 68.

I will not eulogize her on this site, I'll leave it to the L.A. Times. However, I will advocate, as Anica did last year, Loving Day, which is June 12. Forty years ago last year, people were finally able to legally love (and marry) whoever they chose, thanks to Mildred and Richard Loving.




Posted by Maryann James at 12:13 PM | | Comments (0)
                    

May 7, 2008

Break-up victory

The other day, I read a post that struck a nerve. Newmie, over at The World According to Newmie, wrote (with a bit of colorful language) about running into an ex. In their brief encounter, she remembered all the reasons they broke up and left wondering why she was so silly to love him in the first place.

It made me smile, because I've been there. Heck, we've all been there.

Single Maryann, for the most part, is a piner (read: scaredy cat). I was particularly good at this in college, where I would dream and sigh and, well, pine, for someone who (sometimes) had no idea I was into them. When I finally would reveal myself, it often ended up disastrously, mainly because silly Maryann had built up the relationship before it happened. (And because, the other person sometimes, believe it or not, didn't like me in that way.)

At any rate, I treasure those moments when I can see someone I used to *die* over and can now see them without the glow of infatuation, just as a regular person who is not worth flinging myself over a bridge for. Those "Why did I think you were the best thing since sliced bread" moments are priceless.

I try not to think about people who have those moments over me. :)

But how about you? Anyone have break-up victory stories?


(Photo by ademkader at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 11:08 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

May 6, 2008

Does this really work?

I'm checking my e-mail, chatting with friends this morning, and I receive this message through AIM (direct your eye to the red circle in the left-hand corner):


Continue reading "Does this really work?" »

Posted by Maryann James at 11:42 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

This week's five

In honor of upcoming Mother's Day -- don't forget your gifts!! -- I figured I'd honor moms. What's the best (or worst) love advice mom (or mother figure) has given you?

For Smokey Robinson, it was "You better shop around." For me, the most memorable was, "Don't get married too young!" (My mother got married in college and was divorced by 32.)

How bout you? What's the smartest, funniest, craziest love advice your mother has ever given you?




(Photo by barunpatro at stock.xchng)

Posted by Maryann James at 10:36 AM | | Comments (9)
                    

May 5, 2008

Are outgoing girls out?

I'm cribbing off of iVillage today because the answers surprised me, and, well, I wanted to check back on their work.

In the Love section, they asked two guys, one described as "A Career Man," and another described as "Life of the Party," whether men prefer shy and reserved women or outgoing women.

Though Life of the Party hemmed and hawed, he basically said that men prefer shy girls. Men like the challenge, they both said.

Is this true? Sure, personality and looks count, too, but given two identical women, apart from their introversion/extroversion, does the introverted woman get the guy?

Posted by Maryann James at 12:40 PM | | Comments (6)
                    

Pick-up of the week

As I walked to Brewer's Art the other night, I walked past a liquor store where three guys were posted up outside. I saw them way before I got there, so I had prepared myself for the onslaught.

As I walked past, one of the guys goes, "Hey Amelia*! How you doing? Hey Amelia! Hey Amelia!"

As he is repeating this girl's name, I give him a look that says, "Hey, that's not my name." But homeboy continues until I've nearly passed, then changes tactics: "You're not gonna stop and chat? I love your fro."

Now, did this guy truly think I was this girl (I hear there's a girl around town who looks like me), or was this the classic throw-out-a-random-name pick-up?

(Photo by ioneq at stock.xchng -- I like *his* fro.)


____
* I just threw out a random name; I can't remember what it was exactly.

Posted by Maryann James at 11:55 AM | | Comments (1)
                    

Is monogamy dead?

According to Marguerite Fields, a junior at Marlboro College in Vermont, monogamy is a rare bird these days for college students. In her essay, she details the string of men she's been involved with, from those she was just interested in, to the men she messed around with, to dates -- but never boyfriends. According to Fields, the lines are so fuzzy these days that people shy away from THE line into Boyfriend.

It's an interesting idea, which leads to some funny stories:

So, a few days after the chat with my mom, when I found myself downtown drinking tea with my friend Steven, I asked him what he thought about dating. He has a long-term girlfriend, and I was curious how he viewed their relationship.

“The main thing,” he said, “is I don’t mind if she sleeps with other people. I mean, she’s not my property, right? I’m just glad I get to hang out with her. Spend time with her. Because that’s all we really have, you know? I don’t want her to be mine, and I don’t want to be anybody’s.”

I sucked my teeth and looked over at the next table, where two men sat opposite each other. One looked over his shoulder and gave me a closed-mouth grin.

Steven explained that it’s not a question of faithfulness but of expectation. He can’t be expected not to want to sleep with other people, so he can’t expect her to think differently. They are both young and living in New York, and as everyone in New York knows, there’s the possibility of meeting anyone, everywhere, all the time.

I'm sorry, this is crazy to me. When I was in college, though there were plenty of swinging singles who preferred to stay that way -- especially men, who had their pick at a school where they were outnumbered by at least 2:1 -- but there were also plenty of people who were willing to stick with one guy or girl. And that didn't mean just until they saw someone else who caught their eye.

Of course, perhaps my perspective is a little skewed. At that point, I was dating mostly women (I know the old lesbian joke: "What does a lesbian bring on a second date?" "A U-Haul.") and perhaps much has changed in the four years I've been out of school. (At least one person in Baltimore seems to agree with the fuzzy logic on monogamy.)

Am I old and out of touch? Is monogamy passe among college kids? (Or even older folks?)
 





Posted by Maryann James at 11:03 AM | | Comments (2)
                    

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Maryann James, an (often) single twenty-something and Sun copy editor, is on the prowl for the best stories from Baltimore's dating scene.

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