Liz Atwood has her own take on Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign this Tween Tuesday:

While I haven’t seen Sasha and Malia in a while, I was surprised when Michelle Obama said last week that her daughters’ pediatrician had advised her to keep an eye on the girls’ body mass index because “something was getting off balance.” Certainly neither girl looks fat and you would think that with the White House swimming pool, the bowling alley and the new swing set the girls would be getting plenty of exercise.

I think we parents of tweens walk a fine line when it comes to watching our kids’ weight. Our children are just becoming conscious of body image. I fear if we’re too critical, we could undermine their self-esteem. At the same time, we want them to eat healthfully and get sufficient exercise.

When our children are infants, we agonize over everything we feed them, starting with pressure to breastfeed for the first year. Then there are the debates over when to introduce solid foods and we ever so carefully start with the rice cereal and then the orange vegetables and the green. We never could imagine that in 10 years, the only orange vegetable they’ll eat is a Doritos chip.

That’s how it has turned out in my house at least. Although I imagine boys tend to be less worried about their bodies than girls, the boys, too, think about their appearance. My 13-year-old has just joined a gym and he wants to build his muscles and trim his waist. But it’s still a struggle to get him to eat properly. He’ll skip dinner and then eat a bag of chips.

It’s very hard to regulate everything a tween eats. I try to buy healthful foods and set a good example, but of course the boys eat foods outside the home, and I’m not so adamant that I never buy chips and soda. The key is keeping a proper balance.

What are your thoughts on helping your children manage their weight without giving them a complex?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

Update: The Guttmacher Institute is the correct name of the group involved in this report -- it changed its name in 2005. I've made the change below.

Speaking of "The Pregnancy Pact," a new report based on data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the Guttmacher Institute says teen pregnancy is on the rise again. According to this story about the report in the Washington Post, teen pregnancy in the U.S. rose 3 percent between 2005 and 2006 -- the first jump since 1990.

The numbers are renewing debate over the best way to keep teens from getting pregnant -- programs that teach contraception, abstinence, or some mixture of the two.

How will you talk to your daughters and sons about this?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

Miley Cyrus, who got plenty of criticism last year for possible pole dancing and other antics at odds with her Disney image, is speaking out about "negativity" toward her.

She tells Harper's Bazaar that while it is her job to be a role model, "my job isn't to be a parent." She says it is unfair for people to expect her to tell kids how to act, because she is still figuring that out for herself.

Hmm. I thought showing (maybe not telling) kids how to act would be the job of....a role model.

(Getty Images photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday: 

I've come to the conclusion I watched too many Campbell's Soup commercials while growing up in the 1970s. Do you remember the ones where the kids are out playing in the snow and Mom heats up a bowl of delicious Campbell's soup, calls the kids in to eat and the rosy-faced smiling children say, "Thanks, Mom!"

Mmm Mmm good.

That is not the way it was at my house as we coped with the Blizzard of 2009 and the first snow day of the year. Have kids changed or what? My boys lazily got out of bed and instead of throwing on their snow pants and boots, they headed for the Xbox and settled down to play video games. After about an hour of watching them lounge around, I couldn't take it any more. Don't you want to go out and play in the snow? I asked. Don't you want to go sledding?

The boys looked at me like I was crazy and declared that they hate sledding. I put my foot down. "You're not going to play video games all day," I told them. They grumbled as they put on their boots, coats and snow pants and headed out to build a snow fort.

Meanwhile, I made hot chocolate from scratch and heated up a batch of homemade chili. Barely an hour later they came inside covered in snow. The younger one complained that the older brother had pushed his face in the snow and he was cold. The older one declared he was "done" with playing in the snow.

I gathered up the wet clothes and offered them a steaming hot cup of chocolate. No thanks, they said, and poured themselves a couple glasses of soda.

"How about chili?" I asked. No. Not hungry. They headed back to the TV and turned on the Xbox.

Mmm Mmm good.

Photo: At least some kids like the snow. Lacy Bollinger, 9, of Towson, sleds down a hill behind Stoneleigh Elementary School on Saturday afternoon. Baltimore Sun photo by Jerry Jackson.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

It's Tween Tuesday with Liz Atwood:

I'm searching for advent calendar -- the kind where each day from Dec. 1 to Dec. 24 you open a number and find a piece of chocolate candy. 

The Giant where I have bought them in the past isn't carrying them this year, they tell me. I have a felt one, which has you pull out a little ornament each day, but the 8-year-old wants a calendar with chocolate. "It has the best chocolate in the world," he declared the other day.

So, even though it's already Dec. 8, I'm still searching for the right kind of advent calendar because as parents, it seems we always want to give the kids their holiday wishes.

It's interesting what holiday traditions children hold fast to and which they let go of as they grow. The community sing-along and arrival of Santa Claus have been forgotten. My kids are happy to let me put up the lights and decorate the tree. Who would have thought the candy advent calendar would be one of those traditions we continue?

Perhaps my son inherits my Christmas wishes. For nearly 30 years my mother gave me a calendar towel at Christmas, and after she died I bought one for myself to keep the tradition alive. I can imagine that when my son is my age, I'll still be searching for the chocolate advent calendars.

What holiday traditions do your tweens refuse to let go of as the years pass? Are you developing new ways of celebrating as they grow older?

Photo: Mark DuFrene/Contra Costa Times/MCT

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

Liz Atwood is taking this Tween Tuesday off, so Kate's here to talk about holiday gifts for tweens:

What to get a tween?

It's not an easy question. Their very nature means they're poised between the childish and the grown-up. Some believe in Santa. Some don't. Some know in their heads that there's no Santa, but in their hearts they want to believe.

On my 8-year-old daughter's list, for example, there's a Polly Pocket toy along with "the truth."

You could just give them cash, but that tends to make the grandparents sad.

So here's my list of five reliable gifts for tweens that are NOT video games. I'd love for readers to add to it:

Continue reading "Gifts for tweens" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

Liz Atwood is back with Tween Tuesday: 

These shorter late-autumn days are a headache when it comes to making sure my energetic sons get the exercise they need. By the time they get home from school, they have only an hour or so to play outside before it gets dark.

They often try to bring their games inside. I have to constantly tell them not to throw the football in the house and I’m tired of coming home each evening to find the livingroom furniture rearranged to make room for their ad hoc soccer matches. I’ve already lost one vase due to an errant kick. The older boy tried to tape it back together with packing tape, but the younger brother snitched on him and I soon found out.

Some parents are discovering that yoga is good exercise for kids, CNN reports. I’m looking forward to basketball season to help my kids work through their energy. Do you have other solutions?

Photo: Megan O'Malley, an eighth grader at Bonnie Branch Middle School introduces students to the yoga position, prayer mudra, during Wellness Day at Bonnie Branch Middle School last year.

Baltimore Sun photo courtesy of Shannon Lee Zirkle.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

Liz Atwood writes about stress this Tween Tuesday: 

The economy is still in the doldrums and the holidays are approaching. It’s the perfect formula  for stress. And the kids are not immune.

For the first time the American Psychological Association's annual stress survey included kids 8 to 17, and it found that kids are more worried than their parents think they are.

Nearly half (45 percent) of teens ages 13-17 said that they worried more this year, but only 28 percent of parents think their teen’s stress increased. While a quarter (26 percent) of tweens ages 8-12 said they worried more this year, only 17 percent of parents believed their tween’s stress had increased.

Similarly, only 2-5 percent of parents rate their child’s stress as extreme (an 8, 9 or 10 on a 10-point scale) when 14 percent of tweens and 28 percent of teens say they worry a lot or a great deal.

“It’s clear that parents do not fully appreciate the impact that stress is having on their kids,” says Dr. Mary Alvord, public education director for the Maryland Psychological Association in a press release. “What we’re seeing with stress is in line with existing research about parents’ perception of their kids’ engagement in risky behaviors. Parents often underreport drug use, depression and sexual activity in their children. Now it appears the same may be true for stress.”

Other findings in the recent study include:

• Nearly 30 percent of youth worried about their family having enough money
• 44 percent of children report feeling worried about doing well in school 
• 17 percent of children report concerns related to getting into a college
•  36 percent of children report stress-related headaches
•  44 percent of children reported stress-related sleep difficulties

The Maryland Psychological Association reminds parents to make time to listen to children’s concerns and to be aware of any changes in behavior. There may be a lot more going on inside their heads than we think.

I know my stress level has increased as I wrestle with job demands and the kids' activities. And I have no doubt the kids are feeling it.

What about yours?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

It's Tween Tuesday: 

Sometimes I feel like I'm living out a Smothers Brothers comedy routine. Remember in the show how Tommy would always tell Dick, "Mom always liked you best."

My sympathies to Mrs. Smothers.

How do you avoid playing favorites?

The other day, my older son wanted to go clothes shopping, so we piled into the van and drove to the Mall in Columbia to look for shirts and hoodies. We spent hours walking around and ended up with one shirt (and I thought girls were hard to please). But my problem wasn't just in finding clothes the older one liked. It was dealing with the younger one who also wanted to buy clothes.

But the younger one has a closet so crammed full of clothes it would be hard to squeeze another T-shirt in there. Very few of these items were bought for him. Most are hand-me-downs from his brother and a neighbor's older boys. They are perfectly good clothes and my younger son doesn't complain about wearing them, but he wanted something new.

Lately, this has gone beyond the desire for new clothes. He now wants a new house because he has the smallest bedroom. While older brother has a full-size bed in a room with a large closet and two windows, the younger brother has a twin bed in a room half the size.

I try to be fair to my kids, but I can't change their birth order. The older one has the bigger room because the younger one wasn't even born when we moved into the house. He gets new clothes because when he outgrows the old ones there are no hand-me-downs to give him.

What's a Mom to do? As a younger child myself, I try to be sensitive to the needs of the younger boy. At the same time, it seems ridiculous to throw out good clothes and impossible to give him a room that will be the same size as his brother's.

Should I rotate the rooms? Should I give the big room to the younger one when the big brother leaves home for college in a few years? I can't figure out how to be fair.

Photo: Baltimore Sun archives.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

A few days ago, my mother-in-law, who lives with us, became ill. She’s better, but still isn’t up to her usual bustling self, and I’ve been trying to tell my kids they are going to have to do more to help out because grandma isn’t feeling well.

Usually my mother-in-law is overly indulgent with the kids, asking them every 15 minutes if they are hungry, carrying food to them in the family room, picking up their clothes off the floor and walking them to the video game store. To see that grandma isn’t up to these tasks now has been a difficult lesson for the kids to absorb.

I’ve been reading about how to teach empathy to children. I came across some good advice online. Among the ideas are common-sense suggestions such as teaching politeness and talking about feelings.

We do that, and at times, my kids have been terrific in showing empathy toward others. I was proud when my younger son volunteered to team up with one of the less popular boys for a Cub Scout activity. In school, when a buddy was being mean to another child, he told him so. Likewise, I was proud of my older son who recently helped a elderly woman with her groceries when he saw her struggling to get them in the car.

At home, they aren’t always so nice. The one who saw that an old woman needed help at the grocery store, is oblivious to me when I’m trying to carry my grocery bags in the house. The one who stood up for a kid in school thinks nothing of calling his brother and me names. And neither will volunteer to help out with chores around the house.

Some kids are naturally sensitive. Others, such as my sons, tend to be oblivious to the feelings of family members. I’m constantly reminding my boys to be considerate—toward each other, toward me and toward grandma. But still they haven’t been able to quite “get it” when it comes to showing empathy at home.

Perhaps empathy at home develops over time. But on those days when I’m stretched to my limit, I sure wish my kids would acquire it a bit faster.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

Here is Liz Atwood with Tween &*%& Tuesday:  

There was a time when my son refused to play with any child who used a four-letter word. That, however, was before middle school, where it seems like cussing is cool. Soon he not only was using profane words, but teaching them to his younger brother. And ever since I’ve been waging a war against four-letter words.

I try hard to watch my own mouth, and on those occasions when I slip, my kids are quick to point out the error of my ways. For the most part, they do not curse when I’m around, but they let the words fly to each other if they think I’m not listening. This includes not only the old-standbys, but the more recent and ubiquitous use of the word gay for everything the tween deems inferior.

I know many parents are waging this battle. We’ve explained that the words make people uncomfortable, show bad manners and a lack of imagination to say something smarter when one is upset. I’ve tried the usual punishments, too, including the old-fashioned soap treatment, which was no more effective than the kinder, gentler lectures.

I’ve been searching the Internet for advice. Some experts recommend ignoring profanity on the theory that kids use the words because they are powerful and generate a response. Others advise parents to use reason and logic, pointing out to the kids that they may lose friends if they don’t stop talking like a sailor. These approaches seem fine for younger children, but I’m not sure they work so well with the tween, who is accustomed to hearing profanity in movies, on TV, in school, and yes, at home. Tweens are going to hear bad words and know what they mean. The question is how to keep them from repeating them.

Have you found a way to clean up the gutter mouth?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

It's Tween Tuesday -- and tweens are often headed to overnight camp in summer. Here's Liz Atwood's take on that: 

"The first time I sent my older son to overnight camp he was 10 years old. He had never spent the night away from home. In fact, the one sleepover he had been invited to ended at 11 p.m. when he called us to come get him because didn't want to sleep in someone else's house.

"Naturally, it was with some trepidation that we packed him up for that first camp in western Maryland. The staff prohibited parents and kids from talking to each other over the phone except in an emergency, although the kids were given access to e-mail. I wrote him every day, but he didn't respond. Midway through the week, I asked another family whose son was at the camp to find out if my son was all right. Turns out he was fine.

"That doesn't mean he wasn't homesick. He later confided to me that the first two nights, he cried. He said that while he liked the camp activities, he hated sleeping in a strange place. He complained about sleeping in a cabin full of other boys, he didn't like the practical jokes the counselors pulled, and he didn't like the rowdiness that is bound to happen with 15 kids sleeping together.

"But the following year, he again went to an overnight camp. That time, he called the second day and said he hated it. But I urged him to stick it out and at the end of the week, he said it was the best camp he had ever attended.

"Since then, he's gone on weekend camping trips with his Scout troop and each time, he has had a good time.

"This is the time of year many parents of tweens are getting ready to send their kids off to overnight camp. Some kids will love it; some will hate it. The American Camp Association reports that 96 percent of kids who spend two or more weeks away from home will be homesick at least one day. The organization has lots of tips to help get your child ready for camp and suggestions for how to cope with homesickness. The most important tip, the organization says, is to avoid making a deal that you'll pick the child up if he's homesick.

"In a couple of weeks, I'll again be packing up my older son for camp, this time a weeklong trip in Virginia. Will he like it? Will he complain about the food or the bed? Will he find the other boys too rowdy? Will he be teased? Will he get bitten by mosquitoes or ticks? I don't know. But as he grows older, we both are becoming more confident in his ability to get along away from home."

Photo courtesy of American Camp Association

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

It's Tuesday, so here's Liz Atwood: 

My middle schooler had been out of school on summer break less than two hours on Friday when he called me and asked for the TV code that I had put in place to keep him from watching too much television. "You can't say I have to do my homework now," he argued.

The Smart Television Alliance, a group working to improve what kids watch on TV, reports that kids TV viewership jumps 150 percent during the summer months. This year, with tight family budgets meaning fewer trips and kids' camps, the group expects more kids will be vegging out in front of the TV.

The organization's Web site, smarttelevisionalliance.org, offers tips for how to take control of the TV and suggests good programs for the kids to watch.

What's your solution to summer TV sloth?

Photo by David Hobby, Baltimore Sun.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood's latest Tween Tuesday: 

For many kids, this is the last week of school. I don't know about you, but I'm glad. While I worry that my tweens are going to be bored this summer (they have just a couple camps lined up, and the rest of the summer will be spent with grandma) I'm very happy that starting next week I won't have to pack lunches, check homework, or plead with my kids to get out of bed.

I know summer brings its own challenges -- new schedules and new routines. I'm afraid that in a couple weeks, the kids will complain they're bored. And a bored tween is not a good thing. I still have a three-foot hole in the back yard that's now filled with water because my boys were bored one Saturday and decided they were going to dig a tunnel to the neighbors.

But for now, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to enjoy the idea that I get a bit of a break as well.

How about you? Are you looking forward to summer vacation? Any good ideas for how to keep the kids from getting bored if they aren't in camp?

Photo: Kids play in Monhegan Island, Maine. (AP)

Posted by Liz Atwood at 7:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday: 

I went to church on Mother’s Day and enjoyed hearing all the nice things the minister had to say about moms. But one thing he said got me wondering if I’m really such a good mom after all.

He told the story of how a mother goose protects her goslings, defending them from all danger. Drawing the comparison to human moms, he talked of mothers who defend their children no matter what.

I’d like to think I would lay down my life for my children, but when it comes to defending them when they may be wrong, I’m afraid I don’t pass the best mom test.

Take for example parent-teacher conferences. I have a great respect for the job teachers do and if my children make bad grades, I am more likely to assume that they haven’t done the work they needed to do rather than fault the teacher for not doing a good enough job teaching. Or take altercations with other kids. While I note that the other kids may be at fault, I raise the possibility that my sons have done something to contribute to the problem. I ask them to examine their own words and actions to see whether they might be to blame.

Now I’m wondering if I should be a stronger advocate for my children. After all, if mom doesn’t have your back, who does?

How do you handle these situations when your child runs into conflict? Is your instinct like that of the mother goose to rush to defend her young? Or are you more like an impartial judge, trying to determine who is at fault and mete out the punishment accordingly?

Photo: Statue in Virginia City, Nev. Courtesy AP.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Teens
        

Depite Miley Cyrus’ controversial photos in Vanity Fair last year, and last month’s uproar over a new tween Dora the Explorer whom some thought looked like a streetwalker, the latest trend in tween fashion is modesty, The Los Angeles Times reports.

In the new Hannah Montana movie out this Friday, there’s not a micro-mini or belly button to be seen, the paper reports. The article quotes Gloria Baume, fashion director of Teen Vogue, as saying tweens are moving away from Britney Spears and finding their fashon inspiration in demurely dressed stars of High School Musical and Nickelodeon's iCarly. Fashion experts say the tweens really do care what their parents think of the way they dress! 

Mothers of tween girls (and boys) are rejoicing.

But is it really true? Is your tween daughter opting for more modest look in her spring wardrobe?

Photo: Miley Cyrus look in Hannah Montana: The Movie. By Sam Emerson / Disney Enterprises Inc.

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday: 

Can anything get on your nerves more than the kids arguing? In my house the boys argue over the TV remote, over who is copying whom and who said which offensive thing first. And hardly a day goes by without that well-worn children’s complaint: "You love him more than me."

One father who had had enough of the arguing was George Vraney, who came up with a way to settle the disputes. He gave one of his daughters a "referee coin." Then when a conflict arose, the child with the coin could have her way. But if she had her way, she had to give the coin to her sister. Or, she could keep the coin and save her turn for a more important conflict.

Now one of those daughters, Jennifer Vraney, has developed the Pocket Referee. It’s a coin a bit larger than a quarter with a picture of a referee on one side and a treasure box on the other. You can find out how to get one here.

Of course there’s nothing magic about the coin itself, but I think it’s a pretty nifty way to settle disputes.

What do you think? Do you have other tricks?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

Liz Atwood's Tween Tuesday subject is boys: 

Is it just me, or does it seem when it comes to what’s going on in the tween world, it’s mostly about the girls?

Do a Google search of tween boys, you get 1.43 million hits. Search Google for tween girls and you come up with 2.06 million hits.

Allykatzz.com, a social networking site for tween girls, is joining with Carnival Cruise Lines to offer a mother-tween daughter cruise in August. The site and its parent company, AK Tweens, a research arm focusing on tween girls, are organizing a summit in Washington in October to "examine the minds, motivation and lives of tween girls, giving them a platform to share their thoughts and opinions on a wide range of subjects, and giving marketers, policy makers and parents a more thorough understanding of this enigmatic and highly influential demographic."

AK Tweens founder Denise Restauri says: "The influence tween girls have on nearly all aspects of consumer culture is only now starting to be fully realized and understood."

I can do without the marketing to tween boys, but when it comes to learning what tweens think, I hate for the boys to be left out of the picture.

Maybe that is changing a bit. Disney, which for years has focused its shows and music on the tween girl market, recently launched Disney XD, a "boy-focused" cable brand that includes TV and a Web site with themes of adventure, accomplishment, gaming, music and sports. My nearly tween son is still into Sponge Bob. My nearly teen son has moved on to crime dramas. We'll have to check this channel out and see if there's programming for both.

But I’m curious what you think. When it comes to entertainment and public discourse, are tween boys getting their due?

Photo: Kelly Blatz as "Charlie Landers," right, and David Lambert as "Jason Landers" on Disney XD's "Aaron Stone." (Disney)

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday: 

Summer vacation is still nearly four months away, but it’s already time to think about summer camp, as we reported yesterday. There are so many options for families to choose from: computer camp, art camp, sports camp, space camp, and on and on. The price variables are just as great, ranging from about $100 a week for day camp at the YMCA to nearly $1,000 a week for some overnight camps.

Throw in the whims and emotions of your typical tween, and you’ve got a challenge to come up with a camp that makes everyone happy.

So what are you going to do? Are you making your camp choice now to take advantage of the early-bird rate? Are you waiting until the last minute to see how your budget looks and what your tween wants to do? And do you have any suggestions for affordable camps tweens will enjoy? (That last question is for me).

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday: 

When my son was a toddler, he was painfully truthful. It was impossible to play hide and seek with him because when he was hiding and I’d come looking, I’d say, “Where can you be?” And he would pop out from behind the curtains or underneath the bed, and declare: “I’m here!” No matter how many times I tried to explain that the idea was to stay hidden, he would always want to let me know where he was.

Now that toddler has turned into a tween, and his never-failing honesty has begun to slip. Usually, it’s over small matters – straightening his room, walking the dog, finishing his homework. But it’s nevertheless upsetting to see that the son whom I’d always thought completely honest has learned how to lie.

This month’s Scholastic Parent & Child magazine talks about why tweens lie and offers strategies for how to deal with it. Among the suggestions:

• Show the importance of honesty by being honest yourself
• Make it safe to tell the truth
• Try to find out why the child doesn’t want to be straight with you
• Preserve her autonomy and self esteem

 Do you find your tween lying or at least stretching the truth? What do you do?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

It’s already time to think about spring sports and summer camp. Which brings up the question of how much say tweens should have in the matter. I’ve adhered to the rule that once they start an activity, such as joining a sports team, they must stick with it for the season. “You’ve made a commitment,” I say. “People are counting on you.”

Sometimes that’s made for some less than enthusiastic play. When my tween was younger, he discovered early in the season he hated soccer. That meant I watched a good many games in which he walked around the field or stood in place while the ball passed by him.

Other parents have a different philosophy. Rather than forcing a child to do an activity he or she hates, it’s better to let him or her quit, they say.

Now that it’s time to sign up for spring sports and summer camp, I’m asking the kids what they want to do, but the truth is they don’t always know. Several times I’ve had the experience where they say in February they don’t want to play baseball, and then in April, when their friends are playing, they are sorry they didn’t sign up.

Last summer, my older son was furious when I signed him up for art camp. He thought he would be bored. But he loved it and can’t wait to go back. Last year, he was on the verge of quitting band; this year, he made the county honors band and says he intends to play through high school or even college.

So what do you do when it comes to enrolling the kids in extracurricular activities? Do you let them decide? Do you sign them up even if they don’t want to do it? Do you let them quit if they don’t like it?

(AP Photo/Jessica Hill)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Teens
        

The February issue of Family Circle magazine has an interesting article about how to cope when  growing tweens/teens rebuffs their parents' hugs and kisses. It's natural for kids to become more physically distant as their bodies grow and change and as they seek to become more independent, the article says. And while it is a phase the kids will eventually outgrow, there are alternative ways to stay close now, the article says. Among the suggestions: blowing kisses, playing physical games like touch football, giving them a shoulder rub or back scratch when they're on the computer.

My boys have different levels of tolerance for open affection. Ironically, the 12-year-old is more likely to give me a hug in public than the 7-year-old. This past weekend, however, I found a way of getting close that they both seemed to like or at least not mind. The article suggested sitting next to your kids on the sofa as you watch a favorite TV show. Sunday we sat together watching the Steelers and Ravens play, and both boys tolerated my touches and hugs as they cheered on the players.

Do you have other strategies for keeping kids close? As a mom of boys, I know just one side of the story. Do those of you with girls find it harder or easier to give your growing tween a hug?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

The holiday season is a peak time for kids to fly alone. Most airlines have unaccompanied minor programs for which parents pay fees ranging from $39 to $150 for the airlines to look after their children. These programs are typically for kids age 5-14 (kids under 5 are not allowed to fly alone.)

Nevertheless, mishaps occur. Flights are delayed. Connections missed. Occasionally, as happened in August at Dulles airport, a kid gets lost. You can read what Baltimore Sun travel editor Michelle Zimmerman-Deal wrote about it here. 

If you have kids who will be traveling alone, you might find this advice from Sheena Berg on www.blended-families.com helpful:

 1. There are no Department of Transportation rules about kids flying alone, and each airline has its own rules. Check with the airline when you book your ticket to find out its procedures.

2. Kids 12 years and older do not require unaccompanied minor procedures, but carriers will implement procedures at the request of parents and payment of the fee. However, if the parent refuses UM services, the airline expects that the child will be responsible for making his own alternative plans if the plane is delayed, diverted, or the flight canceled.

3. Book non-stop, early morning flights, and be prepared for delays due to weather, technical problems or cancellations. Avoid connecting flights with different airlines even though they may offer the cheapest fare.

4. Make sure your child and the pick up person have complete information: all flight numbers, dates, times, and airports of origin and arrival, proof of age of your child, and an airline emergency number to call in case of delays or changes. Always check whether you need a gate pass and photo ID to accompany your child to the gate and for the pick up at the other end.

 5. On day of flight, allow plenty of time to get to the airport to avoid the stress of rushing and cutting things tight. Stay at the gate area until the flight is in the air…sometimes planes are delayed, canceled or have to return to the gate.

You can read the full article here.

Any other thoughts or advice for parents with kids flying solo this season?

(AP photo)

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

(Photo by Baltimore Sun photographer Kim Hairston)

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

The school year is well under way and the first report cards are due soon. As the kids get older, I find it harder to keep up with their academic progress. This is especially true of my son in middle school, where the students are expected to be more responsible for their own learning. While I keep in regular contact with my second grader’s teacher and so find few surprises when the report card comes home, I am never sure what surprises (good or bad) await in the middle schooler’s report card. How many telling papers are stuffed far in the locker?

Well, soon the truth will be told, but then what? I always wonder whether I should reward good grades with a monetary payment. Last year, my husband made our son an all or nothing offer: All "A"s would yield $100. Anything less would be $0. I made a different offer: $10 for every A, $5 for every B. Nothing for Cs or less. He accepted my terms, but I wasn’t happy with that arrangement, as I think our son earned too much for less than stellar report cards. This year, we haven’t made an agreement and I’m tempted not to. What do you think?

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

Here's the latest Tween Tuesday post from Liz Atwood:

The schools are closed today for Election Day, and the long presidential campaign is nearly over. In our house we’ve been debating the merits of the candidates for months, and the kids have gotten into it, asking me to explain the differences between Obama’s and McCain’s tax policies, talking about the vice presidential candidates, and discussing who we think would be the best president.

In some schools, tweens and teens have been studying the issues and holding mock elections. My 7-year-old's class is having a mock election, but interestingly, the kids have been instructed to keep their choices secret.

Have you and your tween been talking politics? What do you feel comfortable saying and not saying to your child about this election?

Baltimore Sun Staff photo/Doug Kapustin

Posted by Liz Atwood at 6:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

Today's Guest Dad is Bernie Kohn, investigations editor here at The Sun. He writes about how hard it is to communicate with your teenagers, often a challenging group for parents under any circumstances, when you're going through a divorce. And it sounds as if he could use the perspective of those of you who've been there, so feel free to chime in.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: A divorcing dad and his teenagers" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
        

Today's Tip Sheet comes courtesy of the site myfirstpaycheck.com, dedicated to helping young people find jobs. With our economy said to be in crisis these days, it can be quite a challenge for a teen to find an after-school job to help save for college and pay for expenses.

But it's not an insurmountable one, says Austin Lavin, the young man who founded the site with his sister. He sent these tips for teen job-seekers and their parents:

Continue reading "Tip Sheet Thursday: Help a teen find a job" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Teens
        

It's interesting to read our coverage of last night's Jonas Brothers show in Baltimore. Our critic Rashod Ollison didn't think much of their performance musically, but the screaming, young, female fans seemed to differ.

And why? In the words of one fan: "They're so hot."

Were you and/or your daughters (or sons) there? What did you think of the show?

(Photo of Jonas Brothers performing at 1st Mariner Arena by Sun photographer Ken Lam)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Teens
        

How strict are you when it comes to imposing rules on your dating teen? An associate professor at McDaniel College in Westminster has done a study that finds your rules may speak volumes about your own relationship.

Parents with healthier bonds tended to require teens to have curfews and check in about where they were going, but weren't overly controlling. And the teens, in turns, seemed to have healthier relationships.

A Wall Street Journal columnist discussed the study in this piece.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

Today's Guest Dad is probably well known to many of you; he's Sun columnist Kevin Cowherd, a father of three. Here's his post:

"What do they say about parenting that third child? You’d let him (or her) juggle chainsaws? But how do you feel about handing over the car keys?

"If it’s true that many parents are overly-cautious with their first child, loosen up considerably when the second comes along and adopt an oh-what-the-hell attitude with the third, that doesn’t necessarily hold true when the youngest gets his driver’s license. In fact, there's even more to worry about when every teen seems to be talking or texting on a cell.

"Our 16-year-old, Jamie, has been driving for five months. He’s a good driver and has his own car, generously handed down by his older brother. Still, my wife and I worry. And we grill him about his driving like he’s an al-Qaida operative.

"We want to know where he’s going at all times. We limit who he can have in the car with him. He has to call when he gets to his destination, and again when he’s leaving. One of us stays up until he’s home, and thank God the state mandates that new drivers can’t drive after midnight. We also told him if we ever see him driving and talking on his cell phone, we’ll take the keys away and he won’t drive again until he’s 35.

"Come to think of it, we’d be less stressed out if he was juggling chainsaws."

How are you monitoring your teen driver these days, and what rules have you put on his or her cell phone use when driving? Please tell us by posting a comment below. 

(Sun photo of Kevin Cowherd)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Teens
        

I was interested to read this story in the Wall Street Journal the other day about the Girl Scouts hiring a new marketing officer to update its image -- and compete with the trend of "non-joining" among adolescent girls. Among the changes to come: the green-skirt uniform for fourth-graders and up will be gone, replaced by a white shirt and khaki skirt or pants with the achievement-badge sash.

I was glad to hear the Brownie uniform for younger girls will stay the same. I still remember how excited I was when I opened my first one. But I have to confess that once I became a Girl Scout, I didn't stay for long. And these days there's even more competition for a girl's time.

Has your daughter joined the Girl Scouts? Why, or why not?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Teens
        

This article on Insidehighered.com brings some good news for the parents of children ages 10 through 16. After years of demographics that allowed top colleges to be highly selective (and made students trying to get into them very anxious), the number of students applying to colleges is expected to take a dip starting next year and ending around 2014.

The report on which the article is based, by the Western Interstate Commission for Higher Education, projects "stable production" of students in Maryland -- between a loss of 5 percent and an increase of 5 percent.

Unfortunately for parents like me, whose kids are a little bit younger, the national pool of applicants is expected to climb back to peak levels by the 2017-2018 academic year. How does this news affect your thinking about -- and saving for -- college for your kids?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Teens
        

It hadn't occurred to me until recently that the inconveniences of having braces include not being able to eat a lot of things easily.

Hard foods. Sticky foods. Stuff that's difficult to brush away.

If you're dealing with these issues in your house, you might want to check out this link from the American Association of Orthodontists, which offers "braces-friendly recipes" from chefs like Chicago's Gale Gand.

That's her Chocolate-Baked Bananas Over Ice Cream at right. You can watch a video of Gand making the recipe here.

Just how painful, or not, has your experience with braces been? I'm sure parents with up-and-coming brace wearers (I may be included in this group) would love to hear how you've helped your children through it. Please tell us by commenting below.

(Photo courtesy of the American Association of Orthodontists)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
        

If you can't get your teenager off the Web, maybe you can at least get her to visit a cool site about books. With a name like Favorite Teenage Angstbooks, this one has a chance to hook your high-schooler.

It's written by a woman in her late 30s, but it has fun graphics and reviews of lots of good books about the teenage experience.

The site owner tells me she's taking a break from posting new content while she pursues some other projects, but there's enough there in the meantime to pique some -- gasp! -- offline interest in a book.

What's your opinion of this site? And what are other favorite sites for teenagers?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Books, On the Web, Teens
        

As promised, today is our first Charm City Moms Father's Day, which unlike the official holiday will happen every week instead of once a year. I'll invite guest dads to post and answer your questions.

 Today's G.D. is Andrew Ratner, Today editor of The Sun and a father of three. He also writes a column on blogs you'll want to check out in the Ideas section of the Sunday newspaper. Here's his post:

My wife and I have a daughter (a 17-year-old high school senior) and two sons (a 20-year-old college junior and an eighth-grader, 13.) Probably like many folks with teenagers and young adult children, I am amazed at how fast parenthood can shift from little-kid concerns (that seem like they'll last forever) to big-kid concerns (driving, dating, college, work, freedom).

One of the toughest things for a kid who reaches 15-16-17 is that the world asks them "what they want to be." It's an unfathomable question for many. We're at least a generation removed from teenagers knowing they could always work at, and retire from, the big local employer - the carmaker, the steel plant, the textile factory - and make good money. For today's teens, with more opportunities for college, the work world seems to offer greater potential for some adventure, but also greater risk, fewer guarantees.

My favorite speech at the Oscar ceremony Sunday night was by the animator Brad Bird, who won for Ratatouille, his second golden statue in three years. In a backhanded way, he thanked his junior-high guidance counselor who tried mightily to caution Bird about his desire to "make movies."

 "I only realized just recently that he gave me the perfect training for the movie business," Bird joked.

 I assume many listeners reacted to Bird's speech by thinking the educator was in the wrong: Never dampen a young person's dream. But I think the counselor gave voice to a tension parents feel as their kids approach college and beyond: Should you always be thankful that your children have a dream to follow, any dream, and encourage them unflinchingly to do so?

 Or should you provide the often-sobering wisdom and realism that you think is your obligation as a parent?

You could be well-intentioned in either case - but only one carries the risk of creating a lifelong resentment that may be revealed during your child's award acceptance speech someday.

(Photo of Brad Bird at the Oscars by Mark J. Terrill, Associated Press) 

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Teens
        

If you're the parent of a teenager, you'll want to check out the Sun's "Ask the Expert" feature today on mononucleosis, the dreaded "kissing disease."

When I was a teenager, it seemed that kids were coming down with mono left and right, and that they were out of school for long stretches at a time. That's how I remember it, anyway. I'm wondering if that's so true today.

Has your teenager had an experience with mono? How did you take care of him or her? And how did it affect the family?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Health, Teens