New and veteran parents alike are inundated with do's and don't's from medical professionals, other moms and dads, in-laws, friends, the list goes on and on.

The latest comes from the American Academy of Pediatrics, whose doctors are urging again that parents should limit television watching for infants and toddlers under 2. According to the New York Times:

Video screen time provides no educational benefits for children under age 2 and leaves less room for activities that do, like interacting with other people and playing, the group said.

The recommendation, announced at the group’s annual convention in Boston, is less stringent than its first such warning, in 1999, which called on parents of young children to all but ban television watching for children under 2 and to fill out a “media history” for doctor’s office visits. But it also makes clear that there is no such thing as an educational program for such young children, and that leaving the TV on as background noise, as many households do, distracts both children and adults.

Jake, who's now 22 months old, has his favorite shows: Phineas and Ferb, Diego and Dora. We try to limit his television watching to about an hour a day but I'll admit it: it would be impractical for me to turn the television and computer off entirely.

Every family is different. What rules have you set on television watching or any other uses of computers and hand-held devices like smartphones and iPads?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

The cover of the latest New York magazine shows a naked woman, strategically holding her pregnant belly.

That image has been done before ala Demi Moore's infamous Vanity Fair cover. But what's jarring is that the woman looks like a grandmother. The tagline reads: Is she just too old for this?

The article is long but I highly recommend it. It touches upon some issues we've discussed here.

When are you too old to have a baby? Why are women delaying parenthood? Is there ageism involved? Does biology determine our maternal fate?

Has reproductive technology helped women or opened a Pandora's box so to speak? Are older pregnancies only available for women with the financial means?

Here are some interesting facts that the author Lisa Miller points out:

The age of first motherhood is rising all over the West. In Italy, Germany, and Great Britain, it’s 30. In the U.S., it’s gone up to 25 from 21 since 1970, and in New York State, it’s even higher, at 27. But among the extremely middle-aged, births aren’t just inching up. They are booming. In 2008, the most recent year for which detailed data are available, about 8,000 babies were born to women 45 or older, more than double the number in 1997, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Five hundred and forty-one of these were born to women age 50 or older -- a 375 percent increase. In adoption, the story is the same. Nearly a quarter of adopted children in the U.S. have parents more than 45 years older than they are.

The baby-having drive in this set is so strong it’s recessionproof. Since 2008, birthrates among women overall have declined 4 percent, as families put childbearing on hold while they ride out hard times. But among women over 40, birthrates have increased. Among women ages 45 to 49, they’ve risen 17 percent.

Almost all my friends had their first child in their early- to mid-30s. So, I think many women can relate to the rationale offered by the older mothers interviewed in the story: They wanted to get settled in their careers, be financially stable, find the right man first, etc. Even now, at 33, I am still trying to figure things out: career, family, marriage, where to live, whether to buy a house, on and on.

But I have to admit that it was a little off-putting to read about women in their 50s getting pregnant because of reproductive technologies that make that possible.

I think of my parents who are approaching their 70s and wonder how long they'll be able to see Jake grow up. Imagine becoming a parent in your 50s and you'll be nearly 70 by the time your first child is off to college. Older parents in the article acknowledge that they may not be around when their children are adults based on the math.

The author addresses the arguments against old parents:

They rest on the assertion that people above a certain externally imposed cutoff should not have children because it is not natural—and nature is a historically terrible arbiter of personal choice. American states used to legislate against interracial couples on the basis that miscegenation was “unnatural.” Some conservatives continue to fight gay marriage and gay parenthood on the grounds that homosexuality is “unnatural.” Broad-minded people see these critiques for what they are: bias and personal distaste hiding behind an idea of natural law. And yet some of these same broad-minded people still feel comfortable using chronological age to sort the suitable potential parents from the unsuitable. That’s because those judgments, and the backlash they’re fueling, are a product of ageism, the last form of prejudice acceptable in the liberal sphere. Sitting so ostentatiously on the boundary between “youth” and “age,” 50-year-olds threaten an image we hold of good parents (i.e., the handsome, glossy-haired ones depicted in the house-paint ads). By acting young when they’re supposed to be old, they cause discomfort for the people around them. Parents like Kate Garros have felt this all too acutely. “If you don’t meet people’s expectations of what a mother looks like, they can’t hack it,” she told me.

Perhaps, at the end of the day, we should accept individual choice. If you have the means and could conceive when you feel you are ready and you happen to be in your 50s, well, then congratulations?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Expecting, Parenting in general
        

Are you buying less diapers or trading down to cut costs?

A recent story by the Wall Street Journal points out that the volume of diapers sold in the U.S. fell 1 percent in the four weeks ending Sept. 4 from a year earlier.

Here's an excerpt:

Dollar sales fell nearly 3 percent, indicating parents are both cutting back and trading down to cheaper private labels.

Dollar sales of diapers in the four weeks fell 4 percent at Huggies maker Kimberly-Clark Corp. Procter & Gamble, maker of Pampers and Luvs, saw dollar sales drop 2.5 percent. Even generics were down, with sales of private-label diapers slipping 0.5 percent.

Consumer Edge Research analyst Javier Escalante says "this has never happened in this country before -- this is a very rare circumstance," and adds that the fact that people are having fewer babies is itself a strong indicator that the economy is influencing parental behavior. "That's a huge decision," says Escalante.

The WSJ makes an interesting connection between slowing diaper sales and the uptick in diaper rash ointment purchases. Analysts and pediatricians tell the paper that "the higher sales likely reflect either less frequent changes or a shift to lower quality diapers."

If you keep reading, you'll discover the fine print:

Still, there are reasons to approach the data cautiously. The U.S. birth rate has declined since 2007, and it isn't clear how much of the drop in diaper buying is due to penny pinching and how much results from fewer kids. Changing technology -- more absorbent diapers, for example -- also make comparisons difficult. Finally, the cohort being surveyed is always changing because parents buy diapers for a few years and then move on.

Okay. Given that the data seems squishy and the reasons for the sales decline unclear, does the story seem odd to you?

Maybe I missed it, but the story doesn't mention that parents are using cloth diapers, which could account for lesser sales.

What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Parenting in general
        

With the 10th anniversary of 9-11 quickly approaching, I have been thinking about how I would tell Jake about that horrible day when he is old enough to understand.

That day changed every facet of our lives, but Jake and other children who were yet to be born or too young to remember won't know a life before 9-11 when family members could walk us to airline departure gates and say goodbyes there; when there was no such thing as homeland security; and the twin towers dotted New York's skyline.

I don't want Jake to view 9-11 as just a history lesson though I'm sure my generation saw Pearl Harbor, the assassination of president Kennedy and the Vietnam War as just that.

If you have older kids, how have you broached this subject? What would you like to tell you kids?
What have you told them already?

The National Association of School Psychologists has developed tips for parents, educators and others to help children deal with the 10th anniversary of the terrorist attacks.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I read a story in passing awhile ago about mothers who are saving their placentas and eating them. I didn't take it seriously until I recently ran across New York Magazine's extensive look at the practice.

The author interviewed a half dozen mothers who say eating placenta could starve off postpartum depression, improve their moods and help with breastfeeding. There is a growing number of placenta specialists who prepare placentas for eating by transforming them into pills or other forms.

Besides the gross factor for some mothers, the science doesn't appear clear. The article notes:

In 1930, the researchers Otto Tinklepaugh and Carl Hartman described a female macaque monkey eating her placenta. “After licking the afterbirth, she begins the grueling task … of consuming this tough fibrous mass,” they wrote. “Holding the organ in her hands, she bites and tears at it with her teeth.” Tinklepaugh and Hartman could not determine the precise reason why macaques—and virtually every other land mammal—eat their own placenta. To this day, the reasons remain unclear.

Mark Kristal, a behavioral neuroscientist at the University of Buffalo, is the country’s leading (and quite possibly only) authority on placentophagia, the practice of placenta consumption. He has been researching the phenomenon for twenty years, and concludes that it must offer “a fundamental biological advantage” to all mammals. What this advantage is, he writes in one of his papers, “is still a mystery … in fact, a double mystery. We are not sure either of the immediate causes … nor are we sure of the consequences of the behavior.” But placentas have carried a special spiritual significance in some cultures. In ancient Egypt, it had its own hieroglyph, and the Ibo tribe in Nigeria and Ghana treats the placenta like a child’s dead twin. In traditional Chinese medicine, small doses of human placenta are sometimes dried, mixed with herbs, and ingested to alleviate, among other things, impotence and lactation conditions. And in modern medicine, doctors often bank umbilical-cord blood to treat genetic diseases with harvested stem cells.

The article also points out that there is few laws governing a patient's access to her placenta. Only three states -- Hawaii, New York and Nevada -- have guidelines on allowing women to take placentas home.

It's a fascinating topic and the article, while long, is worth checking out. What do you think of this practice?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Jake's not quite old enough -- yet -- to nag me for cookies, ice cream and other sweets when we are grocery shopping.

Researchers at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health have examined how mothers copy with the nagging when it comes to junk food.

My colleagues at Picture of Health wrote about the study:

The results, published in the August issue of the Journal of Children and Media, found 64 mothers of children ages 3 to 5 listed three categories of nagging: juvenile nagging, nagging to test boundaries and manipulative nagging.

The mothers cited 10 strategies for dealing with the nagging: giving in, yelling, ignoring, distracting, staying calm and consistent, avoiding the commercial environment, negotiating and setting rules, allowing alternative items, explaining the reasoning behind choices, and limiting commercial exposure.

A little over a third of the mothers suggested the best method was limiting commercial exposure and another third suggested explaining the reasons for making or not making certain purchases. Giving in was not considered a good strategy.

Do you have a surefire way to curtail nagging? What strategies work for you?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I'm back after a great overseas vacation.

While Mr. Charm City Moms and I had a great time, we could not wait to get back to see our little boy.

He wasn't exactly thrilled to see us, though. He was hesitant and confused when he first saw us. It took a little bit of time for him to warm up to us.

While he was an absolute angel with grandma Kathy -- no tantrums, no crying and no resistance during bed time -- Jake has been acting up since we've returned.

It has been difficult to put him to bed. And practically everything out of his mouth has been, "No!"

I'm thinking it's a mix of separation anxiety and a little anger that we left him for so long.

Have you seen something similar after a long absence?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Source: The Breast Milk Baby

The only dolls that I really played with growing up were Barbie. Today, there are so many different kinds; you could even customize a doll to look like your girl.

Add "The Breast Milk Baby" to the list as Berjuan Toys is working to make the toy available at retailers in the U.S., according to a company news release. Here's how the doll works, according to the company:

The Breast Milk Baby simulates the breast-feeding process by including a fashionable halter-top that a young girl can put on like a vest and when she brings the Breast Milk Baby doll’s mouth up to the pretty flower decoration on the vest the doll makes a soft, suckling sound. The two flowers on the halter are positioned where the nipples would be and when the mouth of the doll is brought close to the embedded sensors in the flower, the baby makes motions and suckling sounds.

The company says it has sold "millions" of these dolls in Europe. It acknowledges the criticism that has already been tossed at the company: That it sexualizes young girls at an early age.

Berjuan Toys feels otherwise.

Dennis Lewis, the U.S. representative for Berjuan, says in the release that "the Breast Milk Baby lets young girls imitate mothers in a natural, caring way. Acting just like ‘mommy,‘ girls can learn another natural nurturing skill about taking care of a baby. Just like changing, bathing, swaddling, singing, rocking to sleep, and cuddling for a healthy baby."

Would girls be interested in having a doll that can "breastfeed"? on some attachment made to look like a breast from what I could tell from the picture?

Not every parent agrees on what toy is appropriate for their child. Would you buy one if your child asked for one?

Updated July 20: Check out this video.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (37)
Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Parenting in general
        

A Pennsylvania restaurant has banned children under six from the establishment because of noise issues.

According to a local broadcast report, Mike Vuick, owner of McDain's Restaurant and Golf Center in Monroeville informed his customers of this new policy via email:

Beginning July 16, 2011, McDain's Restaurant will no longer admit children under six years of age. We feel that McDain's is not a place for young children. Their volume can't be controlled and many, many times, they have disturbed other customers.

For the most part, I don't have a problem with the ban. It's his right as a private business owner.

But as a parent, I'm a little peeved. It's not like we want our kids to have tantrums or crying bursts while eating out. It happens.

I have no idea whether McDain's is a casual dining place or a white glove restaurant. But if parents are regularly bringing children under six for noise to be an issue, I assume McDain's is not a fancy dining place.

Plus, I don't think most parents would take a young child to a fancy restaurant.

Do you agree with the restaurant's decision? Where should restaurants draw the line?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 9:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: On the Web, Parenting in general
        

How much did your parents' divorce frame how you approach your own marriage and being a parent?

Writer Susan Gregory Thomas explores how Generation X has been so deeply affected by divorce in her essay.

"Whatever happens, we're never going to get divorced." Over the course of 16 years, I said that often to my husband, especially after our children were born. Apparently, much of my generation feels at least roughly the same way: Divorce rates, which peaked around 1980, are now at their lowest level since 1970. In fact, the often-cited statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce was true only in the 1970s—in other words, our parents' marriages.

Not ours. According to U.S. Census data released this May, 77% of couples who married since 1990 have reached their 10-year anniversaries. We're also marrying later in life, if at all. The average marrying age in 1950 was 23 for men and 20 for women; in 2009, it was 28 for men and 26 for women.

Thomas makes some interesting observations based on data and her own personal experience. She argues that given that her age cohort -- those born between 1965 and 1980 -- is pouring "everything that we have into giving our children" stable homes, something that her generation did not have.

Of course, this is the generation of parents that have been accused of being too involved and hovering above their children even when they become adults -- the so-called helicopter parents.

I won't give away the ending, but you could guess what happens with Thomas.

Given that Thomas' outlook on marriage was so influenced by her experience as latchkey kid, how much of your parents' marriage/divorce affect your own marriage?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Divorce, Parenting in general
        

Here's a number of interesting and insightful stories on parenting around the web:

National Public Radio's All Thing Considered began a series of reports this week exploring childbirth and parenting practices around the globe. Stories, audio and blogs explore issues from Africa, Asia and Europe.

A parent and therapist Lori Gottlieb explores how our obsession with raising happy kids may have the opposite effect. Check out her thoughtful article here.

On a sobering note, three top news organizations, NPR, ProPublica and Frontline, examined child death cases and found that forensic pathologists often misdiagnose the cause of death. As a result, innocent parents and caretakers have gone to jail. The full story is here.

Feel free to comment on any of these stories or pertaining issues.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Child Safety, On the Web, Parenting in general
        

I was so proud when Eric and I trained Jake to go to sleep around 8 p.m. without much crying, anxiety and tantrums.

But that all changed in April when our vacation disrupted Jake's sleep routine. When we got back, Jake started going to sleep later and later. A sleep-derived baby is a cranky baby, which means mom and dad are cranky, too.

Things got worse over the weekend on a short trip to visit family in New York. Ever since we returned, Jake has been -- how do I say this nicely? -- defiant. I mean full-on tantrum, crying in his crib, hyperventilating.

The first night, we let him cry for 10 minutes knowing that nothing was wrong except for the fact that he didn't want to go to sleep. I would have let him cry for longer, but Eric disagreed. So we resorted to the dreaded let's-put-him-to-sleep-in-the-car route.

Round one went to Jake.

Well, the second night didn't go much better. Jake won that round, too.

I think we need to put our foot down and let him know who's boss. I'm proposing that we let him cry for 15 minutes tonight and see if he blinks first.

Jake is just about to turn 18 months and well into the terrible twos. As soon as he gets an inkling that it's his bedtime, he starts whimpering and saying no.

Is it normal for a toddler's sleeping routine to go awry? What sleeping routines and methods have worked to put your restless toddler to sleep?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 11:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Do you know May is National Foster Care Month?.

Please welcome guest blogger Kyla Liggett-Creel, who has been a foster mom for four years. Kyla works at University of Maryland, Baltimore's Center for Infant Studies and School of Social Work.

Take it away Kyla.

My husband and I became foster parents by accident. Several years ago, we were intent on adding another child to our family – we have a son – and thought that we would want to adopt a child. As we were doing our research and after we contacted the social workers at the Baltimore County Department of Social Services to see if we would qualify to adopt a child from them, we became intrigued by the option of becoming foster parents.

Being a foster parent isn’t for everybody. Foster parents are just like regular parents, but you don’t have full custody of the child. This may seem disquieting to some, but it was intriguing to us because we realized we could have a positive impact on many more children.

Over the course of 4 years, we have fostered 8 children. They have varied in age and personalities. As a matter of fact, one of our first children was a baby who had a stroke in utero and was born drug addicted. We spent a significant amount of time in the early months taking her to physicians and therapists, but it has all been worth it. After 15 months, she was reunified with her biological family and while she still needs special attention, she has turned into a beautiful young girl.

Under normal circumstances, we would never have a chance to touch lives in the way we have. There are many children – both young and old – who need some one to care for them, even on a temporary basis. My husband and I have been deeply moved by becoming foster parents and we hope others who read this would consider becoming foster parents, too.

For more information, please check out this page.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 9:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I eat McDonald's chicken nuggets and fries here and there.

Here's the thing: I'm okay with Jake having fast food once in awhile. Everything in moderation, I say.

When I was growing up, my parents took me and my sister to a fast-food restaurant once a week. As children of Korean immigrants, having American food, or for that matter, fast food, every week was a treat.

That being said, I will hold off buying a Happy Meal or any type of fast food for Jake as long as I can or until Jake asks for one -- and I will at times say yes.

My colleague Andrea Walker at Picture of Health writes that health advocates from around the country have launched a campaign to stop Ronald McDonald from making kids fat.

The group of 550 people have taken out full-page ads challenging McDonald's to stop marketing junk food to kids. They've also written a letter to the corporation. Check out here who signed on in Maryland.

We have had plenty of discussions on this blog about how much responsibility corporations should have when it comes to kid's eating habits.

Many parents believe that they are responsible for establishing healthy eating habits, but they also feel that marketers should curtail excessive advertising toward children.

In a perfect world, kids listen to their parents, and parents are the main influencer of their kids' lives. But we all know that marketing and advertisements can be very effective.

What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Food and Recipes, Health, Parenting in general
        

Do your children have nicknames for their grandparents?

The New York Times reports that grandparents don't want to called Grandma or Grandpa because they sound old.

Resistant to being called anything that makes them sound old, baby-boomer grandparents have taken to accepting toddlers’ neologisms and ethnic variations or, better yet, naming themselves.

There's even a website and a book to find the perfect new name to call Gram.

Grandparents seeking help finding just the right appellation can choose from trendy, playful, international or traditional options at Grandparents.com. They can also turn to “The New Grandparents Name Book, a Lighthearted Guide to Picking the Perfect Grandparent Name” (ArtStone Press). Written by the mother and daughter team Lin Wellford, 59, and Skye Pifer, 35, it offers 700 unstodgy options, like G-mom, Doodad, Popsi, Bubba and “Sonoma and Napa for a more sophisticated set.”

Share some nicknames and their origins here.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

My husband and I watched in fascination as many young people gathered in front of the White House late last night after news of Osama bin Laden's death reached them via phone, Twitter and other social media.

I was in my early 20s when 9-11 happened. It was a defining moment in my young adulthood.

For many of the 20-somethings that I saw last night on TV, it was a defining moment of their childhood. They were in middle school or younger when the terrorist attacks happened.

As our toddler slept, I thought about the ordeal of parents of the 9-11 generation who had to explain what happened to their young ones.

Today, parents will be telling their children about the death of Osama bin Laden and his connection to the terrorist attacks almost 10 years ago.

How are you approaching the news with your kids? Are they asking questions about bin Laden?
How much are you revealing or holding back?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 12:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

In this J. Crew marketing feature, executive Jenna Lyons is shown painting the toes of her son. And that apparently has caused a controversy among commentators and parents, who are accusing the retailer of contributing to a culture that encourages gender identity confusion, according to Fox News.  

Continue reading "A boy, pink nail polish and oh my?" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

My younger sister had the first of three children when she was 23!

I was in my early 30s when I had Jake. And since my husband and I want more children, I could be well into my late 30s and early 40s when I am lucky enough to conceive again. Which means I'll be in my 50s by the time high school graduation rolls around.

In contrast, my sister will only be 40 when her oldest son goes off to college and only a few years older than that when the rest of her children leave the nest.

E. and I were married for almost five years before we felt ready to have kids for a myriad of reasons: financial stability, lifestyle, career, etc. In general, women are waiting longer to have children as demographic trends have shown in the last decade.

Occasionally, I have wondered why we waited to have children especially given the (mostly) joys of parenthood.

Would I be a different kind of parent if I had kids when I was in my mid- to late-20s? What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Parents on average give themselves a B- when it comes to serving as financial role models for their children, according to a new survey by Baltimore's T. Rowe Price Group.

More than a third of parents gave themselves a C or lower for instilling saving and spending habits.

The survey, which polled 1,008 moms and dads of children ages 8 to 14, also found that:

-- 86 percent of parents feel they should have primary responsibility for teaching financial literacy to their children.

-- Parents give themselves a B grade for their personal knowledge about money.

-- Only 28 percent of parents say they are very prepared to discuss basic financial information such as setting goals, saving, spending and diversification.

-- Parents say it's easier to discuss drugs and alcohol with their kids than family finances.

Here are some tips from Price's Stuart Ritter, a financial planner and a father of three:

Continue reading "Kids and money" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Putting aside past issues I've had with clothier Abercrombie & Fitch, it's hard to believe that the retailer is marketing a push-up bikini top for young girls.

Abc News reports parents are upset about the product that was originally called "push up triangle." In response to public outcry, Abc News says Abercrombie renamed the swim top to "striped triangle" on its online stores. Padding remains, the news organization notes.

Abercrombie is known as pushing the envelope and creating controversial ads. Abc News notes:

It's hardly the first time the racy company has strayed into controversial territory. A few years ago, Abercrombie offered thongs for the 10-year-old set with the words "wink, wink" stitched on the front. The company's advertisements have also raised concerns over the years for being too revealing.

And Abercrombie isn't alone. Earlier this year, Wal-Mart was criticized for its plans to introduce a line of make-up products directed at girls aged 8 to 12.

Would you buy a padded swim top for your pre-teen girl? What do you think of retailers going after the tweens market with more grown-up and potentially sexier ads and products?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Young Americans value being a parent over being married.

That's according to a new study by the Pew Research Center.

Among so-called Millennials, who are between 18- and 29-years-old, 52 percent said being a good parent is "one of the most important things" in life. In contrast, only 30 percent said the same thing about having a successful marriage.

In contrast, among the same age cohort in 1997, 42 percent said being a good parent was important, while 35 percent felt the same about marriage.

The results are not surprising, given changing attitudes and norms about marriage, parenthood and families among younger generations. No longer is marriage a must-do prelude to having children.

Here's what Pew concludes:

In many—but not all—respects, these attitudinal changes mirror behavioral changes. Young adults today are slower to marry than were their counterparts in older generations. Just 22% of Millennials are currently married. Back when Gen Xers were the same age that Millennials are now, some three-in-ten of them were married, as were more than four-in-ten Baby Boomers and more than half of the members of the Silent Generation (ages 65 and older).

What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Americans view single motherhood as detrimental to society, according to a new survey.

What's interesting is that the poll found that Americans are accepting or at least tolerant of other type of nontraditional families, such as same-sex couples with kids, unmarried parents and childless women, reports The Washington Post.

The poll asked 2,700 people on their opinions on seven types of families: unmarried parents raising children; gay couples raising children; single mothers; partners living together outside of marriage; working mothers; interracial marriage; and women who never bear children. According to the Post:

Roughly a third said the trends have no impact on society or are positive. People who were positive about the changing family were overwhelmingly women, Hispanics and East Coast residents who rarely if ever attend religious services.

Another third considered most of the changes harmful to society. The only trends they accepted were interracial marriage and fewer women having children. People who were unhappy with the trajectory tended to be older, white Republicans who are married and religiously observant. They also were more likely to be from the Midwest or South.

The third group tended to accept all the changes except for single motherhood. Virtually all said the growing prevalence of mothers who have no male partners around to help them raise children is bad for society. This group tended to be young, Democratic or independent, and more heavily minority.

What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 4:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Disney is coming to a maternity ward near you.

The New York Times reports that the company is marketing Disney Baby at hospitals in the U.S.

In this new venture, the company gains access to the maternity hospitals through a company called Our365, a business that sells bedside baby pictures. Our365 pays hospitals for exclusive access, and companies like Disney pay Our365 to promote their own products. Our365 also has Fisher-Price and Procter & Gamble as clients. It is unclear whether mothers know of Our365’s financial ties to these companies.

I delivered at Howard County hospital, and I bought pictures through Our365 and since then, I've been getting emails promoting various products.

It's a smart move for Disney, but I'm not sure how I feel about this practice. The story notes that some hospitals have banned the practice, citing privacy concerns for one.

The marketing can leave a strong mark. The gift bag that I received included free samples of baby formula Enfamil, so when J. transitioned to formula, Enfamil was our family's go-to brand.

In recent years, Disney has had to fight criticism of its Baby Einstein videos and toys for babies and toddlers over its advertising claims that those products can make kids smarter.

What do you think of Disney's most recent push into the newborn market?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

when the baby is crying at night?

The answer: Moms are more than twice as likely to get up at night than dads, according to a study in the journal Social Forces.

When I was breastfeeding, I mainly took on the night shift. But now, my husband is much quicker in getting up at night.

What about you?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Child Care, Parenting in general
        

We know about the health benefits of breast feeding. But would you share your breast milk with other mothers? And would you feed another women's breast milk to your baby?

Some women are doing exactly that. Read about it and take this poll at the Picture of Health blog.

Share your stories here, and let us know about your experience.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 11:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Health, Parenting in general
        

The doctor tells you that a fever is the body's way to fight off an infection or illness. But when your baby has a fever, logic goes out the window and you get the baby Tylenol or Motrin out and start fretting.

It was reassuring to read in The New York Times that many parents have a similar fear about fever in children and that fever in most cases don't cause harm. Dr. Perri Klass sums it up nicely:

As a pediatrician, I know fever is a signal that the immune system is working well. And as a parent, I know there is something primal and frightening about a feverish child in the night.

I can't count the times I've called J.'s pediatrician, sounding frantic about his fever. My concerns are compounded by the fact that I'm wary about giving J. too much medicine. Dr. Klass points to a study by The Journal of the American Medical Association, which found that many over-the-counter medications for children are not clearly labeled and some do not provide proper dosing instruments.

Add that to a parent's worries, and it can keep you up at nights.

Fever can indeed be scary, and any fever in an infant younger than 3 months is cause for major concern because of the risk of serious bacterial infections. But in general, in older children who do not look very distressed, fever is positive evidence of an active immune system, revved up and helping an array of immunological processes work more effectively.

Of course, that may not be reassuring to a parent whose child’s temperature is spiking at midnight. (Fevers tend to go up in the late afternoon and evening, as do normal body temperatures.)

J. has been through several bouts of fever, and with every new case, I'm a little more sane.

What has your experience been like? Do you still freak out every time your kid has a fever?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Health, Parenting in general
        

The humongous Mega Millions jackpot -- now at $330 million -- got me thinking about whether money would change me as a parent.

If I won the jackpot -- I could dream, can't I? -- for instance, what kind of parent would I become?

Even if you didn't win the lottery, what if you didn't have to worry about money? Would you parent differently?

Would you stay home with the kids? What kind of advantages would you provide your kids without creating a culture of privilege?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

It's official.

San Francisco has banned restaurants from offering toys in meals that are not nutritious. Tween Tuesday's Liz Atwood wrote about this earlier this week, which has generated a ton of opinions on whether the city government has gone too far.

Here's what the ban means, according to MarketWatch:

Starting Dec. 1, 2011, restaurants would be able to give away kid-friendly items only if the accompanying food and drink had less than 600 calories, with less than 35% of those total calories coming from fat. (The proposal makes exceptions for "good" fat that comes from nuts, seeds and such.) The meal’s sodium content has to be below 640 milligrams, and the portion of trans fat must be under 0.5 grams. The meal also must include at least a half cup of fruit and three-quarters of a cup of vegetables, although breakfast meals can contain fewer.

I haven't seen McDonald's response or how the fast-food joint plans to react to this ban.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Health, Parenting in general, Teens
        

Novelist Erica Jong's take on modern motherhood and attachment parenting has generated plenty of debate, including on this blog.

Check out the New York Times Motherlode blog, where supporters of attachment parenting respond to Jong's essay.

In turn, Jong responds.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Monday reads, Parenting in general
        

While 73 percent of Maryland mothers start out breast-feeding, many new moms don't continue for long, according to a new report card from the federal government.

My colleague, Meredith Cohn, explores in today's article on the reasons why the rates of breast-feeding at six months and a year and rates of exclusive breast-feeding at three and six months remain stagnant and low, according to the report card from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.  

But there are barriers, including lack of support for new mothers — in obstetricians' offices, in the hospitals where they give birth and in their offices when they return to work, according to Kim Knight, a lactation consultant and the president of the Maryland Breastfeeding Coalition, which offers support to new mothers.

Cohn reports area hospitals and workplaces such as GBMC and Under Armour offer support for moms to continue breast-feeding.

For any mom who has tried breast-feeding, it's not easy for a variety of reasons. Some moms can't or choose not to breast-feed for a number of reasons, too.

What barriers did you face in breast-feeding? What kind of support would you like to see at home, in the office and at hospitals? 

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Parenting in general
        

Being a stay-at-home parent is hard. What is like for the breadwinner who's also the mom?

CBS' The Early Show co-host Erica Hill talks about feeling guilty, letting go of control and adjusting to what's becoming an increasingly more common arrangement.

Of course, I didn't fully factor in the inevitable pangs of guilt and the frustration. The guilt wasn't new. I think every parent (especially moms) places an unnecessary amount of guilt on themselves when it comes to raising children: not home enough, not present enough while home, too distracted by the BlackBerry, not really interested in reading "Goodnight Moon" for the 347th time, not up for schlepping to the playground, too short-tempered... the list goes on and on.

Continue reading "Working mom as breadwinner" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Dads, Guilty-Mom polls, Marriage, Parenting in general, Work-life balance, Workplace
        

Baby J. has been sick for the past week, having developed a summer cold.

Every sniffle and cough have unnerved E. and me. Luckily, my mother-in-law (aka MIL) has helped us keep our sanity and get some rest since we ended up getting sick, too. 

Besides getting help from relatives or friends, what has helped you deal with a sick child?

For instance, is there a trick to using a nasal aspirator or another way to relieve a runny nose? (J. absolutely hates the aspirator.)  

Tell me your survival tip in handling a sick child, while keeping yourself together.

Photo: A cute sick moment: Baby J. blows a bubble with his runny nose.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 1:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I've moved enough times to know that I hate moving. But most of my moves occurred when I was an adult.

The New York Times reports on a new study that found moves in childhood may cause harm into adulthood.

... serial movers tended to report fewer “quality” social relationships. The more times people moved as children, the more likely they were to report lower “well-being” and “life satisfaction” as adults (two standard measures used to quantify that ineffable thing called “happiness”). And adults who had moved a lot were more likely to have died when researchers did follow-ups 10 years later.

Before you freak out, the researchers found that "moving troubles only certain personality types. Introverts and those scored as “neurotic” (moody, nervous or high strung, according to a series of questions that determine such labels) were adversely affected, while extroverts remained blissfully unmoved."

I've always heard children are more resilient than adults and can adapt more easily to change.

What do you think? How much did you take into consideration the impact on your children when considering a move?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 12:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I've been hearing and reading about how babies will start experiencing separation anxiety at around six months or so.

But I'm the one with separation anxiety right now. I've been in Paris for the last week, and it's been incredible  -- but I miss baby J. terribly, more than I thought I could.

Luckily, I've been keeping up with J. via Skype.

I've been surprised at how profound my yearning for J. has been during this trip. Is it because J. is still very young, and this is the first time I've been away from him since giving birth?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general, Travel
        

Baby J. met his young cousins, whose ages range from 2 to 6, for the first time this past weekend.

It was also the first time J. has "played" with other children -- though play involved J. licking and touching his cousins.

Since J.'s dad is taking care of him while we figure out a permanent childcare solution, J. has had very little interaction with other babies.

At six months old, should J. be playing with other babies? When is the appropriate time to host play dates?

Moms and dads, please chime in.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: Child Care, Parenting in general
        

More women are not having children, according to a recent Pew Research Center report.

Nearly one-in-five American women ends her childbearing years without having borne a child, compared with one-in-ten in the 1970s. The most educated women still are among the most likely never to have had a child. But in a notable exception to the overall rising trend, in 2008, 24% of women ages 40-44 with a master's, doctoral or professional degree had not had children, a decline from 31% in 1994.

The Pew Center points to several possible reasons why the childlessness rate among women are rising in general. They include less social pressure to bear children and more acceptance that having children is an individual choice.

Why do you think women are choosing not to bear children?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 1:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Expecting, Parenting in general
        

Do you favor one child over another?

A new study by Cornell University has found siblings who sense their moms favor one child over another displays depressive symptoms as middle-aged adults.

What's noteworthy is that ill effects of parental favoritism persists into adulthood:

"Perceived favoritism from one’s mother still matters to a child’s psychological well-being, even if they have been living for years outside the parental home and have started families of their own,” says [Karl] Pillemer, a professor in the Department of Human Development and associate dean in Cornell’s College of Human Ecology. “It doesn’t matter whether you are the chosen child or not, the perception of unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings." 

What do you think? Were you labeled the golden child or the black sleep in the family? What impact did that perception have on your self-image?

Please share your story.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 9:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Fans are buzzing today about Nintendo's announcement of its latest Pokemon games, Pokemon Black and Pokemon White.

My son doesn't even have a DS so far, but he's still obsessed with Pokemon. For him, the good old-fashioned trading cards are quite enough.

They've taken him -- and his Pokemon-obsessed friends -- into a world apart from me, and maybe that's the point. When I try to explain why math homework is important or force him to figure out what's 15 plus 5 by himself, I'm the one in control of the information. When he tries to explain the levels of damage and the characters and what the numbers in Pokemon mean, I'm the one in the dark. Yet he seems to know the rules instinctively.

I've tried to play Pokemon with him before. It never goes well. At some point during the game, my 9-year-old daughter, who's usually listening, yells out to Sam: "Are you taking advantage of Mom again?"

(Photo courtesy of Nintendo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

I'm spending some spring break time this week with my kids this week, so Kayris Wall of The Great Walls of Baltimore, a frequent commenter here, graciously helped me out with this thought-provoking guest post on living in the city with her family.

For more on the subject, check out this story I wrote on downtown families several years ago.

Here's Kayris:

Nearly ten years ago, my husband bought a house in the city. Two years later, when we got married, I moved in, and we've been here ever since. When we announced we were having a baby, it didn't take long for people to ask, "When are you moving?"

Many of our former neighbors bolted for the burbs when kids started to come along. We stayed.

Baby number one was easy. Our spare room became the nursery. City living provided ample opportunity for afternoon walks along the water, and we made sure to buy a stroller with plenty of basket room for groceries. With the bank, pediatrician, library and numerous restaurants within walking distance, it was easy to get my stuff done without having to get in the car.

A couple of years later, another baby came along and people asked, "Are you going to move now?" ....

Continue reading "Kids in the city -- stay or move?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Liz Atwood thinks about how we treat kids who haven't tried their best in competition this Tween Tuesday:

The Olympics are over, but I’m still thinking about competition and what it teaches our children. Recently, my son was involved in an academic competition and turned in a mediocre performance.

I knew he did not do his best because for the weeks leading up to the event, he had refused to study. It was his decision to sign up for the competition, but as the weeks passed, his enthusiasm waned. I repeatedly had to remind him to study, until at last, I too, gave up and decided to let him suffer the consequences of his lack of preparation.

On the day of the competition, my son seemed disinterested. Even when offered the chance to review questions during a break, he did not. Meanwhile, the members of the team who went on the win the competition seemed excited and happy to be there. During the break, they quizzed each other and celebrated each time one answered correctly.

When the competition ended, as is the custom these days, everyone received a medal for participation. Then ribbons were given out to the finalists. My son’s team placed about in the middle of the group. When it was over, he asked if we were going to lunch to “celebrate.” I said I saw nothing to celebrate because I knew he had not given his best effort. He accused me of being unsupportive.

I wonder about the messages we send our children about competition these days. At a time when everyone gets a trophy for participation and a ribbon for just showing up, are we downplaying the significance of winning?

For two weeks, we watched athletes from around the world compete, and we learned that no matter how nice they are or how compelling their stories, whether they’ve suffered adversity or overcame injustice, the only thing that mattered during the competition was whether they were the fastest, strongest or best at their sport at that moment.

Only three received medals in each event. Many athletes, who worked hard and dreamed big, went home with only memories.

So was I being unsupportive because I wouldn’t treat my son to lunch? I don’t think so. I want my children to know that it’s OK to try and fail, but it’s not OK to not try. Failing doesn’t make you a failure. But succeeding at something you’ve worked for does make you a success.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

At nearly 2 years old, Frances Quinn Hunter isn't "new," of course. But for the first time, former presidential candidate John Edwards has admitted he fathered the child during an affair with videographer Rielle Hunter.

According to the Associated Press story, it appears that Frances -- known as "Quinn" -- was conceived "during the middle of 2007." That would be close to July 2007, when Edwards and his wife, Elizabeth, renewed their wedding vows in honor of their 30th anniversary.

But the most interesting thing about today's story, to me at least, was this quote from Elizabeth Edwards, who reportedly urged her husband to acknowledge his paternity of the child. She has said that whether or not he fathered the child didn't matter to her..."that would be a part of John's life, but not a part of mine."

Wow. Would you see it that way?

(Associated Press photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

As more devastating images and stories emerge from the Haiti earthquake, children -- even those under, say, 10 -- are learning about the catastrophic loss of life. That naturally leads to hard questions for parents. How much should we tell them? Where is the line between honesty and too much information for children that young?

Take the poll, and then if you're inclined, share the story that's had me smiling all day -- of the Maryland aid workers pulled alive from the wreckage of the Hotel Montana in Port-au-Prince.

Unfortunately, it's one of the few bits of good news in this tragedy.

Loucene Bichotte, 6, is fed by his mother while recovering from a head wound caused by the earthquake in Port-au-Prince. (AP Photo/Lynne Sladky)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:37 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris with Father's Day Friday:

Late last year I wrote a post about driving in the HOV-2 lane with my 3-year-old daughter. I received a few responses from readers who said that though I had another passenger in the car, I should not have been driving in the lane.

They said that the purpose of high-occupancy-vehicles lanes is to reduce the number of cars on the road by making drivers share rides, and since my 3-year old can’t drive, we were not fulfilling that purpose.

I was taken aback by the comments, so much so that I decided to research the topic on the Web -- and I found out that it is indeed a hot one.

Motorists who share the same sentiments as those who wrote me go so far as to say that they should be able to count their pets as HOV passengers, since dogs and cats are no less occupants than children.

Others, meanwhile, say that while the purpose of the lanes is to reduce cars on the road, the requirements are only that at least two persons be present in the vehicle. They say that traffic would bog down if law enforcement checked to see whether everyone in the car had a license.

I then posed the question on Facebook, and a former colleague at the Nashville Tennessean became incensed that I would even bring it up.

“You've obviously never driven with 3 children before!” she said. “It's definitely a high [volume] occupancy vehicle. It probably is against the spirit of the HOV lane, but not against the law.”

What’s your opinion?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

With Joe Burris not Guest-Dadding today, what else can we talk about but Tiger Woods?

One thing missing in the ubiquitous coverage of Woods' car crash on his own property and his admissions that he's made "transgressions" against his family is this angle: Woods is the father of two very young children, one of whom -- baby Charlie -- was just born in February.

It seems to me particularly shocking to cheat on a woman who's so recently given birth to your child. And yet, young children undeniably strain a marriage -- even when you have all the help in the world available to you as parents, as Tiger and Elin Woods must.

Author Gary Neuman, a marriage counselor who's written a book called "The Truth About Cheating," says that for most men, cheating is not about sex, but loneliness in their marriages and "not enough attention" at home. And lots of fathers report feeling lonely or at least a bit displaced when a new baby enters the picture.

That's no excuse, of course. But it is interesting.

(Getty Images photo of the Woods family)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (88)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

The New York Times today has a very interesting piece about how screaming at your kids is the new spanking.

In other words, most of today's parents would do anything not to spank their kids. But every so often, they lose it and yell, or speak harshly, when a kid won't put on his shoes or draws on the walls or pulls his sister's hair.

I have to admit I'm guilty of this every now and again. Underline the guilty part: It makes me feel terrible. I make a point of apologizing to the child about raising my voice, though I also make clear that if what they were doing was wrong, I'm not apologizing for correcting their behavior.

As the story says, most shouters wouldn't dream of screaming when they're angry at a co-worker, or even at a spouse. What is it about children that makes us think it is OK, even when we don't actively mean it, to yell at them?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

Who knows whether the balloon boy story that captivated the nation yesterday was a cruel hoax. I'm glad there was no boy the age of my son hurtling across the skies of Colorado in a homemade balloon after all, and that he was safe in his attic the entire time.

Still, something about the story haunts me.

The thing is, one day my little boy is going to get in a helium balloon. He's going to climb in on purpose, pull up the tether, and fly away.

I might even be on the ground, powerless to stop him, calling him back. And he'll probably look at me coolly with those deep blue eyes, uttering not a sound in reply.

In other words, one day or another, he's going to leave me. He's going to fly away. I probably won't think he's ready. I'll probably be worried sick.

I'll probably roam the ground underneath, trying, absurdly, to catch him if he falls. Trying to find him a soft place to land.

It'll be the wrong thing for me to do when it happens, probably. I'll have to trust the wind that takes him, and hope that his father and I have taught him how to have an adventure the right way.

I'll be powerless. I'll be frantic. I'll hope against hope.

One difference? Nobody will be watching the drama of this balloon boy but my family.

They'll be too busy trying to catch their own.

(Associated Press photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Parenting in general
        

New parents are often shocked at how often complete strangers feel free to come right up and touch a tiny baby, without asking if it's OK to do so.

Even the common cold can turn dangerous for a new baby, much less swine flu. That means all the touching can drive a germ-phobic parent right up the wall.

One, a mom named Tara Williamson, decided to make the sign you see on the right, which you can hook right on to a stroller. And now she's selling them, for $7.95 apiece. (There's even one in Spanish.)

Of course, you could make one yourself for free. Or just summon your courage and tell the stranger (or, let's be honest, overly touchy acquaintance/relative/friend) to wash up first.

But something about the official-looking nature of this sign may be the ticket. It's passive-aggressive messaging at its finest, isn't it? Because after reading it, even with clean hands, who would dare to approach the baby?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
        

Good morning, Charm City Mom readers!

I'm pinch hitting for my editor, Kate Shatzkin, for a couple of weeks, although many of her blog posts will still appear during the day. I recently came across an interesting forum post on Parenting.com.

It asked dads to describe fatherhood in six words.

For me the answer is conditional.

On most days, the six words that come to mind are the old Peace Corps motto: "The toughest job you'll ever love."

Often, at the end of a day, all I can think of is: "Time to go to bed, Sweetie."

Then there are times when one of my daughters will plop in my lap, put her head on my shoulder and give me a hug.

I think of all the things I've asked God for, and look down at her.

"This is surely God's greatest answer."

What would your six words be, moms or dads?

Posted by Joe Burris at 9:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: Parenting in general