The first edition of the re-launched Sun Magazine takes a look at 10 local physicians and surgeons who are up-and-coming stars in their fields. You'll get a chance to chat with two of them Monday and Tuesday on this blog.

Monday at noon: Dr. Frank Dawson, pediatric sports medicine specialist at Franklin Square Hospital Center (also a team physician for Morgan State and part of the team of physicians that treats the Ravens) will discuss sports injuries.

Tuesday at noon: Dr. Kate Puttgen, pediatric dermatologist at Johns Hopkins Children's Center, will discuss all things skin: itchy eczema, acne, moles and more.

So come back to CharmCityMoms on Monday and Tuesday and you'll be able to submit your questions.

Posted by Hanah Cho at 3:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Reader Becky posed a question about teaching toddlers how to swim.

In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics last month released new guidelines that revised its earlier recommendation against swimming lessons for children under 4. The group now says it's open to classes for younger children as new drowning risks -- such as inflatable pools-- have emerged in recent years.

In the past, the AAP advised against swimming lessons for children ages 1 to 3 because there was little evidence that lessons prevented drowning or resulted in better swim skills, and there was a concern parents would become less vigilant about supervising a child who had learned some swimming skills.

But new evidence shows that children ages 1 to 4 may be less likely to drown if they have had formal swimming instruction. The studies are small, and they don’t define what type of lessons work best, so the AAP is not recommending mandatory swim lessons for all children ages 1 to 4 at this time. Instead, the new guidance recommends that parents should decide whether to enroll an individual child in swim lessons based on the child’s frequency of exposure to water, emotional development, physical abilities, and certain health concerns related to pool water infections and pool chemicals. (Emphasis added.)

The group points out that not every child will be ready to learn how to swim at the same age. It does not recommend formal programs for infants younger than 1.

I've always been scared of the water, probably because I don't know how to swim. So, it's important that my baby, J., learns how to swim at an early age.

Take the survey below:

Posted by Hanah Cho at 12:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Child Safety, The Monday Consult
        

Today's Monday Consult will be a crowdsourced answer to one of those situations you never envision facing when you first have a baby.

Namely: Is it wrong to let your child wear mismatched shoes to school? As in, the left sneaker is blue and black; and the right sneaker has a Transformers theme.

My first-grader is certainly big enough to put on his own shoes, and lately has become fond of wearing them this way. One day, I didn't even notice until he'd gotten home.

The more I try to dissuade him, the more he wants to do it. So I'm wondering:

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
        

Today's Monday Consult brings a warning from the American Academy of Pediatrics' HealthyChildren.org website. Paraphrased, it is: Don't let your guard down with your kids this Memorial Day weekend.

The website reported on a recent study published in the journal Pediatrics that found holidays pose a risk of injury to children. And not just holiday-related injuries -- like fireworks injuries on the Fourth of July, for example. The authors reported that "everyday injuries" such as fractures, strains and sprains, and abrasions were common, possible because parents aren't as vigilant during celebrations.

Memorial Day was the second-most dangerous holiday studied (after Labor Day), and kids under 5 seemed to be the most at risk of injury.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:58 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Health, School's Out, The Monday Consult
        

In our Picture of Health live chat on weight loss last week, Concerned Mom asked:

My daughter is 2 years old and overweight. We try to feed her healthy food, but she refuses to eat anything that doesn't look like a chicken nugget. How can I instill healthy eating habits when she is so picky?

It's a perfect subject for our Monday Consult, particularly in light of the enduring controversy over how to properly feed our kids. (Witness the recent battles over the new chocolate formula.)

Dr. Lawrence Cheskin, director of the Johns Hopkins Weight Management Center, answered the question this way:

Continue reading "Toddler eating wisdom" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
        

The tragic death of UVA lacrosse player and Cockeysville native Yeardley Love has also raised many questions about the safety of students on campus. Our reporters Scott Calvert and Tricia Bishop explored the issue in this story yesterday.

The piece looked at what campuses do and don't do to keep up to date on their students' scrapes with the law, and included quotes from an organization called Security on Campus, Inc.

The story left me wondering what parents could tell their kids about how to stay safe, especially when they might be living on campuses miles away. The organization's website had these tips for our Monday Consult:

--Know your surroundings and trust your instincts.
--Keep phone numbers of campus safety in your cell for emergencies.
--Lock your door. Do not loan your key to friends.
--Do not accept drinks (alcoholic or otherwise) from others. Remember that alcohol is the #1 date-rape drug.
--When you go out, let someone know where you're going and when you plan to be back.
--Do not prop doors.
--Use caution when posting personal information on Facebook, MySpace, and other social networking sites.

For more information, go to the organization's website.

One more angle on this is the role alcohol may have played in the events leading up to Love's death. Read editorial writer Peter Jensen's perspective here, and discuss with your college students.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

With another big crib recall last week, new and expecting moms must be wondering -- how in the world do I buy and put together a crib that keeps my baby safe?

For today's Monday Consult, I'm going to pass along some crib tips from the On Safety blog of the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission. (Read the full post here.)

--The CPSC is developing new crib safety guidelines, in part to deal with increasing problems with drop-side cribs. The agency doesn't say there are problems with all such cribs, but writes: "In general, cribs with drop sides have a tendency to be less structurally sound than cribs with fixed sides and are more susceptible to problems from use, being moved, storage and assembly."

--Before you do use or buy a crib, check the agency's recall list.

--Make sure that you check that all hardware is tight and secure and that a drop side is on its track.

--Don't try to repair a broken crib yourself. Stop using the crib and call the manufacturer and the CPSC, the blog advises. If the baby is less than 6 months old, she can sleep in a bassinet; older babies can sleep in an approved play yard.

--"Every time you change the sheets, make sure there are no gaps larger than two fingers between the sides of the crib and the mattress," the blog says.

--No matter what kind of crib your baby is sleeping in, keep out extra bedding such as pillows, thick quilts, or anything plush. All are suffocation risks, the blog says.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Today's Monday Consult is in answer to KMT, who wrote:

My 8 month old has her 3rd ear infection in 3 months. I'm concerned we're going down a road toward ear tube surgery. When does that become a discussion item with the pediatrician? What can be done to prevent infant ear infections? I believe they're fairly common. Thanks.

I got this reply from Mercy Medical Center family practice physician Dr. Thomas Vento:

Continue reading "Ear infections: When to consider tubes?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
        

You'll remember that I promised an expert's viewpoint on Mommy's question last week, in which she described an uncomfortable situation with a friend who she felt was too physical in disciplining his child. Our poll on the subject yielded some interesting responses.

Patricia Cronin, executive director of the Family Tree, a local child-abuse prevention organization, wrote the following advice:

Continue reading "When a kid gets hit -- an expert's view" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

What happens when a big brother meets new baby sister? Today's Monday Consult is an in-the-trenches report from guest blogger Oren Miller -- also known as A Blogger and a Father -- whose new baby girl arrived just about a week ago:

On Thursday morning, we drove to St. Joseph Hospital. My wife had to get a bunch of shots and transfusions and then lie down and wait for doctors to open up her belly. I had to make sure the battery for the camera was full. I brought the charger just in case. Always the extra mile with me, you know?

Once the surgery was over and everything was fine, we were ready to face the difficult issue of our two-year-old son. Being a stay-at-home dad, I felt my boy has gotten used to having a doting, loving, quick-to-respond, I-was-his-and-he-was-mine father. And everything has been going so well. And everything was going to change.

A couple of hours later, the boy was brought over to visit his sister. Remember all those times we pointed at Mommy's belly and said, "Baby sister?" or "Baby Madeline?" Well, here she was! She wasn't in Mommy's belly anymore! She was here, ready for you to kiss her and love her and--

One look at his sister sleeping in the bassinet, and the boy ran for the door, screaming, "Granny's house! Granny's house!"

We've ruined everything... Our boy hated his sister. He hated his mother. And he hated his father. He's been betrayed. We've failed him. What were we thinking?!...

Continue reading "When big brother meets new baby" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's Monday Consult time. Today's question comes from Kathy:

Lately my (just turned) 4 year old has been saying that he is "not normal". When I ask him why he thinks he is not normal, he says it is because he doesn't like to play the same games that other kids in his daycare group like to play. He's a bright kid, with a very vivid imagination, and I think he might be ready to play games that others aren't ready for yet. I don't want him to feel weird or abnormal, but I don't want to stifle him either. It nearly broke my heart the other day when he was playing with cars and I said "Hey, you know, you do too play normal games; playing with cars is very normal" and he perked up and said "Thanks!" like he'd just received a present.
Got any suggestions?

Columbia psychologist Brad Sachs agreed to give Kathy some advice. (If you haven't read his great post for us on how to tell your kids you've been laid off, you must go back and check it out.)

Here's his answer to this one:

Continue reading "Preschooler says he's not "normal"" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kathy, for her interesting question on how to answer a 4-year-old who says he is "not normal" just because he doesn't like to play the same games as other kids in his daycare group.

She wins a copy of Jan Brett's pretty book "The Easter Egg," and an answer to her question in an upcoming Monday Consult.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to ask more parenting questions for the Monday Consult. Just in time for Easter, you can win a copy of Jan Brett's book "The Easter Egg" if your comment is selected at random from the questions. (If you don't celebrate Easter, we'll work out another cool book prize.)

Leave a question in the comments by Wednesday morning, and I'll announce a winner later that day. Look for answers to the winning question and more on future Mondays.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Wildlife Week starts next week, but the weekend's tantalizing warm weather makes me think this is a great subject for today's Monday Consult. The National Wildlife Federation offers these tips for city kids to enjoy Wildlife Week:

--Take a walk in your neighborhood and take your time, get to know the birds and animals that call your neighborhood home. What are they doing this time of year, what are they eating? Can you see any bird nests?
--Check out any local trees near your house. Touch the bark, examine the leaves, smell the acorns and seeds.
--Look for insects and spiders and other creepy crawlies.
--Take photos or draw pictures of your wildlife neighbors. Put them into a collage.
--Visit a local nature center.
--Put some treats out for the birds.
--Join a community garden.

(Photo by me)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to think about signing kids up for summer camp, if you haven't already. Eve Eifler, of the Baltimore service Tips on Trips and Camps, has these pointers on "myths and facts" about camps for our Monday Consult. (Note: It's mostly about overnight camps, but some of her advice can apply to day camps, too):

Myth: “Overnight camp is only for the rich.”

Fact: The truth is that there is a camp out there to fit every budget. And, if you plan ahead, you can take advantage of early enrollment discounts and financial aid. Applying early, it is possible to get a 20-50 percent discount off of camp tuition, based on need. Private camps tend to be more expensive, so contact camps run by your local county government or agencies like the Campfire Boys and Girls, the Jewish Federation, Boys Scouts and Girl Scouts, the Jewish Community Center, and the Salvation Army. Lastly, inquire about shorter sessions and discounts for multiple children from one family.

Myth: “Only I know what is best for my child.”

Fact: It is tempting for us (especially if we are former campers) to re-create our own camp experience for our child. While the saying “Mother knows best” is true in most circumstances, some input from your child is the best approach when choosing a camp. Involving the child in the camp research may produce unexpected results. Maybe you think an all-boys camp is the best place for your son, but he may want the opportunity to make friends with girls in a relaxed setting. You may think your daughter wants to be at a camp that specializes in art and drama because that is what she enjoys, but maybe she wants to improve her tennis game this summer. Ask your child: do you want to build on your existing strengths and interests this summer or try something new? Be open to the unexpected!

Myth: “If I send my child to camp with a friend, it will make her more comfortable.”

Fact: What outwardly seems to provide a safety net has its pitfalls. A friend can sometimes act as a barrier to your child’s making new friends. All too often, one of the campers has a difficult time. The other child then feels responsible for the friend, which can be extremely burdensome. In addition, your child may choose his activities based upon his friends’ interests, rather than his own. It is important to weigh the comfort of going with a friend with the possible drawbacks. If going with a friend is the only way your child will try camp, it might be worth it. Just prepare your child with possible scenarios and provide him with the problem-solving strategies.

Myth: “A specialty camp – rather than a traditional camp – is the best place for my child.”

Fact: Specialty sports camps focus on teaching technical skills, not necessarily life skills. A child goes to this type of program to work on the skills for one sport (or for the art form, or for drama, etc.), rather than to be part of a community found in a traditional camp. Parents should not make the mistake of thinking a specialty camp will necessarily provide counselors to take care of a homesick child. The coaches and instructors are there to teach skills, not to help your child to make a friend. Therefore, I usually recommend younger kids attend these programs with a friend.

Myth: “A 1-week session is the best way to ease into an overnight camp experience.”

Fact: Sometimes it is the parent who sets a child up for an overnight camping failure by offering things like “I will pick you up if you are unhappy,” or “Let’s just try this camp for one week to see how it goes.” Kids need a chance to feel homesick and get through it with the help of counselors and individual coping mechanisms to feel successful about a camp experience. One week barely gives a child a chance to find their way around a camp, much less feel the tinge of missing Mom and Dad (or the family dog). A two to four week introductory session allows the child to be immersed in the daily routine of a new and safe place, build friendships that will carry over until the next summer, and feel the success of doing something totally on their own. Do the research right and feel comfortable with letting go!

Myth: “My son plays sports all year long, so I want to give him a break from the routine.”

Fact: While it is a nice break for some kids to fish and hike at camp, others just want to play ball! I advise parents to look for a camp that can provide the sports that the child likes, plus some new challenges that the parents might want for their child. Summer sports are far different than sports during the school year. There is less of an emphasis on winning. A child who can’t make the select baseball or soccer team at home may shine in a camp environment. There are no “helicopter parents” hovering over their kids or yelling on the sidelines. One camp director told me that at the beginning of each session, the campers focus much more heavily on the sports because this is how they are comfortable socializing. Yet, by the middle to end of the session, the kids are much more comfortable to take risks – both athletically and socially. Whether it is up to bat or on the boat, these camps hire counselors who serve as role models to teach qualities like good sportsmanship, teamwork, and learning to lose gracefully.


(Photo: Prospective campers and their families visit Camp Milldale in Reisterstown. Here, camp director Dori Zvili talks about water activities with the lake behind her. By Baltimore Sun photographer Barbara Haddock Taylor.)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

We're trying something new today -- crowdsourcing the Monday Consult.

Instead of asking an expert to answer a parenting question, I'm making you the experts once a month. (I mean, when it comes to parenting, doesn't everybody -- parent or not -- think they're an expert in how to raise kids?)

Weigh in on the question in the poll below. I may even run the crowd's answer by an expert later to see how well the advice matches up.

Here's this week's parenting dilemma:

You've signed your child up for swimming lessons. Swimming is something he always liked to do. But the new class is a bit hard for him. He hates going and wants to quit before most of the lessons have been taken.

As a parent, you strongly feel the lessons will be good for his health, and that in the end he'll appreciate having had them. You also don't want to waste the money you spent. And yet, you hate seeing your kid so unhappy. You don't want to turn him off to the sport.

What do you do?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Today's Consult comes from a new report on "Chasing the College Acceptance Letter" published by the Center for Public Education, an initiative of the National School Boards Association. It has some interesting tidbits and tips for parents and students:

The good news it reports is that students today actually have the same chance of getting into college today that they did a decade ago, and top applicants have a slightly better chance than they did of getting into a highly competitive college.

Here are a few pieces of advice from the report:

•"Having the right credentials to get into college doesn’t necessarily mean straight A’s. It just means students should earn decent grades, take college-preparatory courses, and perform well on their college entrance exams. Students who fulfill the above credentials should be able to get into a competitive, four-year college, even if it isn’t their dream college."

•"Taking more rigorous courses, especially in math and science, gives an applicant a better chance of getting into a competitive college than does raising his or her GPA. For instance, lower-achieving students could increase their chances by over 10 percent if they simply took trigonometry instead of stopping math at algebra II. Higher college entrance exam scores also increase a student’s chances."

•"In general, all applicants had slightly higher grades in 2004 than in 1992, but the higher GPAs did not increase their chances of getting into college; more rigorous courses and better scores on college entrance exams did."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

The Monday Consult is back! Tigress asked:

How do you make sure kids are helping around the house doing age appropriate chores? What's reasonable? Kiddo is quick to tell me what others do or don't do. I respond "they don't have the privilege to live under this roof," but I really do wonder.

I asked Dianne DeSantis to think about this one. She is a parent coach who runs parenting classes for MindCare in Baltimore:

Continue reading "How to get kids to do their chores" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Today's Consult goes out to all of you with kids home today. You get to learn how to build what is apparently a Baltimore tradition -- the snow fort.

I've lived here 15 years, but never heard of this tradition until my neighbor John started piling up the snow he was digging out from around his car. He made the walls curve with an open back, and stacked some snowballs inside.

Then he built another one, and invited our kids over to play with his son. What fun they had!

Here's how to build a snow fort from ehow.com.

Later, John built a tunnel through the fort -- good for escaping the fort while snowballs are flying. But he cautioned that the tunnel should be big enough and the snow pack above it light enough that the snow wouldn't hurt a child if it collapsed.

File photo by Baltimore Sun photographer David Hobby

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Betsy, for her question about her toddler's verbal skills. She wins the beautiful Williams-Sonoma book. Congratulations, Betsy, and look for an answer to your question on an upcoming Monday.

Thanks to everyone else who chimed in, as well -- I'm looking for experts to answer your questions, too.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to replenish questions for the Monday Consult.

What do you want to know about parenting? Submit your question in the comments below. Be sure to leave your e-mail in the appropriate box; it won't be published, but I'll need it to get in touch with you if you win.

Our prize is a good one -- the book "Holiday Entertaining" from Williams-Sonoma, which has great-looking tips and recipes.

Bonus points for holiday-related parenting questions.

I'll pick a winner sometime Tuesday. Good luck!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Julie asked recently:

"How do you teach a young child (6 year old) how to save his money for larger purchases instead of spending it at the dollar store every time he gets a buck?"

Here are some tips on the subject that the folks at DisneyFamilyFun sent me a while ago:

Continue reading "Teaching a 6-year-old to save" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A few weeks ago, Christina asked about how to handle controlling and overbearing parent volunteers. I put the question to Patrice Beverly, outreach manager for Volunteer Maryland, an Americorps program of the governor's office which works with many volunteers and nonprofits across the state.

Here's her reply:

Continue reading "School volunteers with an attitude" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

PMom e-mailed me this question for the Monday Consult:

"I have a 3 yr old daughter who doesn't want to wear clothes with full sleeves in fall or different clothes. We have tried giving her candy, have taken her sleeveless outside. It's (an) everyday struggle to get her clothed."...

Local parenting coach Molly Brown Koch, who has advised us before on sibling wrestling matches, sent this answer:

"Some children simply do not adapt to change as quickly as we'd like them to. Sometimes it's just a matter of timing and they need some help in accepting "change" of any kind. So introducing new foods, new books, new toys might help her learn to adapt to all things new.

"There's also no way to know what her clothes mean to her. Is it a security issue? Then it helps to reassure her of her place in the family. Has there been a change in the family, a loss, moving away, new relatives, etc. Does she need comforting? Does she have difficulty making little decisions (what to eat, what to play with, etc.)? Then she may need more opportunities to make little decisions for her life rather than having someone make the decisions for her.

"But one thing is clear: taking her favorite clothes away, or insisting she wear other clothes, may backfire and make the clothes more important (and precious) than before. And finally, laying out different outfits and having her decide which one she'd like to try one day might take the pressure off her to 'change immediately.' Many children tend to cling to favorite clothes. Eventually they all outgrow it."

Photo: Getty Images

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

While I wait for experts to answer some questions for the Monday Consult, today's Consult is on a question lots of folks have around this time of year. How can my family make the holidays more meaningful by helping someone else?

The folks at Volunteerspot.com, a web site that organizes volunteers, sent these ideas. They all sound pretty easy to do -- a must during this busy season.

--Stuff new, warm socks with water bottles and granola bars to give to the homeless.

--Gather gently used children’s books and DVDs for kids in the hospital or military families.

--Rake leaves or shovel snow for an elderly neighbor.

--Decorate reusable grocery bags for the food pantry (deliver them full, even better).

--Sign up the whole family to participate in a fun-run or 5K for a cause you care about.

--Pick up litter and scrub graffiti at your local park.

--Host a hot chocolate or cider stand and donate the proceeds to a local charity.

If you have other projects to suggest, please add them in the comments.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Christina wins the "Waddle" book for her question about parent volunteering. Congratulations! And look for an answer to the question soon on Mondays.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to give away a prize for questions for the Monday Consult. This week, you can win a copy of "Waddle," one of those cool "scanimation" books, by Rufus Butler Seder.

The rules are as usual: Ask a parenting question that an expert can answer for a future Monday Consult. Make sure to leave your e-mail address in the appropriate space of the comment form so that I can get in touch if you're the lucky winner.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Sara wrote:

How to deal with ornery teenager while younger kids are home too? He curses, does not listen, and is not fun to be with. I see my younger kids 10, 8, 5 and 2 copying his behavior and words, help!

I asked Bonnie Compton, a parenting coach who has advised us on when a child is old enough for a cell phone, to tackle this one. Here's her answer:

Continue reading "A teenager's bad example" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Stu, our Halloween contest winner, wanted to know:

"How much candy should I allow my 5- and 8-year-old to eat? What should be my percentage of their take?"

(Stu assured me that he was just as serious about getting the answer to the second question as the first, by the way.)

I asked Judith Feola Gordon, a registered dietitian in Carroll County who is a spokeswoman for the Maryland Dietetic Association, to give us some guidance.

Here's what she says about those treats:

Continue reading "How much candy should a kid eat on Halloween?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A reader e-mailed with this question:

"My 13-year-old is now old enough to babysit my younger child (under 8). Should I pay him to sit? How about if there is meal prep or bedtime involved, when I go out for an evening work event, as opposed to 'look after your brother while I run to the grocery store'?"

I asked Barb Miller of Sitters Connect, a local company that helps parents meet college aged sitters and college aged sitters meet parents, to weigh in. Here's what she wrote back:

Continue reading "Paying your child to babysit" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's that time, moms and dads, to win a prize just for asking a parenting question for the Monday Consult. This time, I want your Halloween-related questions to use as that holiday approaches.

As always, please include your e-mail address in the appropriate comment field so that I can get in touch about your prize.

This week's giveaway is a new young adult novel, "Tombstone Tea," by Joanne Dahme. It looks appropriately creepy....

The contest runs through Monday morning, when I will pick a winner at random. Good luck!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Normally I don't take unsolicited Consults out of my e-mail box, but this list of tips on how to help a disorganized child spoke to me. And I'm sure it will to many of you, since organization has become such a point of emphasis so early in school these days.

This primer is from clinical psychologists Joyce Cooper-Kahn and Laurie Dietzel, authors of the book "Late, Lost, and Unprepared: A Parents' Guide to Helping Children with
Executive Functioning." Here they are...

Continue reading "Six tips for helping a disorganized child" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

When I looked back at questions still unanswered for the Monday Consult, I remembered that Theresa Finnigin had asked for tips about traveling with kids. And so, in her recent Toddler Thursday, had Sarah K.K.

Jamie Pearson, publisher of the family travel website Travel Savvy Mom, came up with these tips for us:

"As long as you do your best to anticipate your child’s hunger, fatigue, boredom, and ear pain, most of your fellow passengers will bear you no ill will. If things start to go badly, you can defuse the situation by saying, “Things are about to get ugly over here, can I buy you a drink?”

"Here are a few other tricks I’ve learned over the years:

--With enough milk, pacifiers, and board books, infants can be great traveling companions. Bring twice as many diapers as you think you’ll need. If it’s okay with your pediatrician, consider giving them a dose of Tylenol thirty minutes before landing.

--Always carry on a car seat for your toddler, and strap him in. If possible, have one parent sit in front of him so that seat kicking isn’t an issue. Load your digital camera or smart phone up with pictures to distract him when he gets cranky, pack a few new toys, and hope for the best.

--Preschoolers are old enough for movies, so bring a portable DVD player (or your laptop) and splurge for an extra battery. Don’t count on the seatback entertainment system being available and appropriate, even on very long flights.

--Grade school-aged children can also watch movies, and have enough dexterity for craft projects. Fill their backpacks with pipe cleaners, sketch pads, activity books, Mad Libs, and chapter books—you might even be able to watch a movie yourself!

--No matter what your kids’ ages, bring plenty of familiar food, lollipops (which help both with ear pain and excessive talking), and good headphones. Good luck!

Associated Press photo of image from Delta Airlines

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kara wrote that her boys, 3 and 4, "wrestle and roll around all afternoon. How much wrestling is too much?"

Here's what local parenting coach Molly Brown Koch, who last advised us on temperamental toddlers, had to say:

"We say "boys will be boys," without realizing exactly what it means. Boys wrestle. It's a boy thing. While mothers see it as aggression, others, like pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, see it as an outlet for their natural aggression. (Just think what would happen if they did not have an outlet for it.) Dr. Brazelton advises parents to let them have at it as long as no one gets hurt.

"On the other hand, wrestling all afternoon may be somewhat excessive. If they are wrestling because they are bored, or can't think of anything else to do, parents could be very helpful in finding another physical outlet for them. They'd use up considerable energy by running, jumping on a trampoline, hiking, climbing, riding bikes, hitting a punching bag, skating, swimming, shooting baskets, etc., and any one of these activities would provide the boys with a little variety in their lives."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Terri Peters wrote:

"Our 16-month-old son has recently learned how to pull down his pants, loosen his diaper and put his hands down the front of it. At home, we've joked that this is just 'part of being a boy,' but he has started to do it in public - at parties, in the childcare at our gym, etc."

With him being at such a young age, we're not sure how to correct this behavior, or if we should even be correcting it at this stage. Any advice would be appreciated!"

I consulted Dr. Daniel Levy, an Owings Mills pediatrician who's advised us about swine flu, jogging strollers, and how to help a teething baby. Here's his answer:

Continue reading "Hands in his pants" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Last week, Kayris described watching a child (not her own) have a meltdown in public, and how she wondered what to do. In light of the man who slapped a child to "shut her up" in a Georgia store recently, I thought it was a pretty timely question.

Here's what our expert, clinical psychologist Amy Keefer of Kennedy Krieger Institute's Center for Autism & Related Disorders, had to say:

Continue reading "What to do when kids (of others) act out in public" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kayris, who wrote in asking whether to intervene -- and how -- when you see another parent's child having an outburst in public. In light of last week's story about a toddler being slapped by a stranger in Wal-Mart and the comments that followed, it's a timely question.

Congratulations, and thanks to the other commenters for their questions. Look for answers in our weekly Monday Consult.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

The Monday Consult is taking a Labor Day break. Since we're all on holiday, it's the perfect time to sit back, ask a parenting question, and win a prize.

Today's offering is the Play-Doh Burger Builder, which looks like fun. (Just don't let your kids eat the "burgers" they make if you win.)

Just leave a question about parenting that an expert can answer in the comments, and be sure to include your e-mail address (which won't be published) so I can get in touch with you. I'll choose a winner at random on Tuesday.

Even if your question doesn't win the prize, it may very well be answered in a future Monday Consult.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Continue reading "The Monday Consult: ADHD and School" »

Posted by Joe Burris at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Hey Charm City Moms readers: We’d like to know what concerns you most about the back-to-school season.

You're invited to take part in the Monday Consult by submitting a question that we will pose to an area educator.

If your question is chosen, you will win a prize courtesy of Charm City Moms -- a pink-and-dotted soft lunch box.

Submit your questions today!

Posted by Joe Burris at 11:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

This week's consult, which usually falls on Monday, comes on Tuesday. The question is courtesy of Julia McCready: What is the best way to lobby for more recess and multisensory education at my child's school?

For the answer, I contacted Kara E. B. Calder, spokesperson for Baltimore County public schools. "There are a number of ways that parents can engage with the school system to both learn more about what is happening at the schools in their communities and to communicate to the school system their questions and concerns," Calder said. In Baltimore County, for example, Calder encourages communicating directly with the Board of Education via the board's administrative assistant.

There's also an opportunity for public comment from students, parents and members of the community at board business meetings. Calder also pointed to the Baltimore County public schools Web site's new parents/families page, which offers a wealth of research, study and learning resources, as well as information on joining advocacy and stakeholder groups such as education advisory councils. Members of the advisory council advise the board on issues that affect students, families and the community.

Posted by Joe Burris at 5:24 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

The Monday Consult is tackling back to school issues for the rest of August. Recently, Wendy Burt-Thomas asked:

"How do I get my 4-year-old daughter back on an early sleep schedule to start preschool?"

It just so happens that we had a Consult on this last year. But since back to school comes along at the end of every summer, I think it's worth repeating.

--National Sleep Foundation experts say you should start to transition kids to their school sleep and wake-up times about ten days to two weeks before the start of school.

--This site has a video with interviews with several sleep experts, including Jodi Mindell, author of who has written several books on children's sleep. Most important, they say, is having a bedtime routine (which hopefully you've kept up for the summer, albeit at a later hour) that helps kids relax and get ready for sleep. Reading a story right before sleep helps with that, and may help soothe children who are anxious about the start o of a new school year.

--When you set your schedule, make sure kids are getting enough sleep. The National Sleep Foundation says school-aged children should get 10 to 11 hours a night on school nights, and adolescents should get 9.

--This site from Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio, says it's important to set limits with your kids about how many stories you'll read and what time the lights must be turned off. The site also advises against television, video games, and other screen-centered activities close to bedtime.

--Kim West, the "Sleep Lady" from Annapolis, e-mailed me some of the same tips, along with an important extra: If a child is just starting school, "plan on a snack when they get home and early bedtimes for the first 6 weeks of school. It’s a big adjustment!"

I've found that in the last few days before school, it helps to add a morning "trial run" to the schedule so that the kids not only wake up at the right time, but practice getting their things together and breakfast eaten by the time you'll have to leave. That way, you can figure out where the kinks in the system are, and adjust wake-up time if necessary.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

The rest of this month, the Monday Consult is here to help your family get ready to go back to school.

Today's answer goes out to CRM, who wrote:

As the school year approaches, there will be a new set of students in my son's class. There are some children who may misbehave periodically and others that have some more serious issues. How do I teach my child when he needs to complain/report to a teacher/administrator regarding another students behavior and when to ignore it and not be overly sensitive?

I called Robin Townsend, principal of Elmer Wolfe Elementary School in Union Bridge (Carroll County), for guidance. Here are some of the tips that came out of our conversation:

Continue reading "The Monday Consult: Handling new classmates" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to replenish the well of questions for the Monday Consult. So ask your parenting questions in the comments section, and you'll be entered to win a really cute, pink patterned backpack.

Include your e-mail when you post, of course, so I can get in contact with you if you win. I'll announce the winner by the end of the day Wednesday.

And because the Back to School season has begun, I'm looking in particular for questions about easing your child back into school, navigating new teachers, and whatever else you're wondering about.

Ask away...

(AP Photo/Danny Johnston)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 3:47 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's August. Argh. The back-to-school readiness cannot be put off much longer. Here's one aspect of it I hadn't thought of, but that makes a good Monday Consult subject: Getting your school uniforms in shape.

The folks at Angie's List have several tips for those of you who'll need to make sure school uniforms fit just right before classes start:

Check specifications: "It’s important to check with the school to find out exactly what the uniform policy entails. You want to make sure all the alterations follow those guidelines."

Start early: "One of the common complaints we see on Angie’s List in the alterations category is that clothes are not altered in time. Don’t wait until a week before school starts to get those clothes fitted properly because they might have a back to school rush. Keep in mind shops may also be busy this time of year with wedding alterations."

Rely on professionals: "If you’re not a savvy seamstress, you run the risk of ruining those newly purchased clothes. Instead, have the alterations done at a reputable company."

Shop around: "Prices are fairly consistent across the board, but it's quality that makes the difference. Look for company recommendations from family and friends or check out independent ratings."

Trust is a must: "Alteration companies rarely offer refunds to unhappy customers. It is up to you to find a place that you trust to leave your clothes, whether it’s for one day or one week."

Photo by Amy Davis/Baltimore Sun

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Maria asked:
"How big does a kid have to be to sit in a car's front seat? There are lots of opinions out there ranging from 12 years old, to 16. What is the height and weight we should be looking for to make this transition?"

It's a good question. Remember when Britney Spears drove off from paparazzi with her baby on her lap?

At my request, Tracy Whitman, project coordinator for Maryland Kids in Safety Seats, wrote this reply:

"The Maryland Child Passenger Safety Law does not prohibit children from sitting in the front seat, with the exception of placing a rear-facing child in front of an active air bag. However, Kids In Safety Seats (KISS) suggests that parents follow the safety recommendation offered by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration. That is, to keep all children under age 13 in the back seat. Currently, there are no weight or height suggestions as to when a child can safely ride in the front seat.

"Because there is no law requiring children to ride in the rear seat, we (KISS) find parents stating that they allow young children to ride in the front seat as a reward for good behavior or it may be viewed as a "rite of passage," when in fact, allowing children under age 13 to ride in the front seat places them in danger.

"There are two main concerns. The first is that front end collisions are the most frequent type of crash. A child seated in the front seat during a crash is at higher risk of injury due to the crash forces. During a crash, there is a tremendous amount of energy generated. This energy is distributed through the crumple zones and vehicle frame, into the seatbelts and then into the body. Injury is cause by the transfer of energy into human tissue. Because adults are larger and stronger, they can typically absorb crash energy. However, because children are smaller and more fragile, they cannot absorb the energy like an adult. If a child is positioned in a vehicle closer to the crash energy, there is a greater chance that a young child may be injured. Simply keeping children in the back moves them further from the energy distribution, creating a safer environment.

"The second concern is air bags. Air bags are supplemental restraints because they are designed to be used with the adult seat belt, for adult protection. Prior to age 13, children have very different body structures. Bone density and muscle tone both have a role in how the body will absorb the energy created by a rapid air bag deployment. Around age 13, children have a body structure that more closely resembles an adult, thus allowing them to withstand the crash better than a younger child.

"A final item to consider before a child is allowed to ride in a front seat is correct seat belt fit. Correct fit is when a child is seated all the way back in the vehicle seat, his/her knees bend comfortably over the edge of the seat, the lap portion of the belt is siting on the hip/lower thigh bones, the shoulder belt crosses over the center of the chest and rests on the clavicle and the child can stay seated upright and "in position" for the entire ride.

"Care givers with questions should contact the Kids In Safety Seats Program at 800-370-SEAT. "

AP Photo of Britney Spears driving by Kevork Djansezian

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
        

Lila Shapiro-Cyr won last week's ask-a-question contest with this timely query:

"What do you think is an appropriate age for kids to begin having Harry Potter (book 1) read to them?"

It's a high-interest topic, given the release of the latest Harry Potter film and the wonderful possibilities of summer reading.

Deborah Taylor, the Pratt's School and Student Services Coordinator, and Selma Levi, children's librarian at the Central Library, prepared this answer:

"The Harry Potter books with their magic and humor are very attractive to children of all ages. However, like folklore and fairy tales, they are emotionally intense and probably are most appropriate for young people ages eight and up, both as read –aloud and self reading."

"Selma Levi, Head of the Central Library’s Children’s Department agrees that Rowling’s language and wordplay, especially in the first two books, make the books easy to read and understand but parents may find some of the imagery and circumstances in which Harry finds himself, a bit frightening for very young children. Each of the first two books builds to a very intense concluding episode. Parents should know how their child might react to a very high level of drama."

"From Book Three on, the books get increasingly dark and explore even more emotionally intense areas. Rowling always has plenty of humor providing balance and keeping the readers engaged, however, additions such as the Dementors and the escaped criminal Sirius Black will probably make this volume and the subsequent ones in the series more appropriate for readers ages ten and up."

(Associated Press photo of a scene from "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" by Peter Mountain/Warner Bros. Pictures)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Lila Shapiro-Cyr, for this timely question: "What do you think is an appropriate age for kids to begin having Harry Potter (book 1) read to them?"

She wins the Illustrated Atlas of Wildlife, and an answer to her question in the Monday Consult.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time to replenish our list of parenting question for the Monday Consult. This week's prize, for a lucky commenter under this post who asks a question about parenting that an expert can answer, is the beautiful Illustrated Atlas of Wildlife. Of course, the other prize is getting your question answered, next Monday or in the coming weeks.

I'll choose a comment at random and announce the winner tomorrow morning. As always, please leave your e-mail in the appropriate box when you comment. I won't share it, but I will need it to get in touch with you if you win the big prize.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

I recently read a very interesting Q&A in the Urbanite between Marc Steiner and local sex educator (and author) Deborah Roffman. Roffman talked about her work on sexuality education at the Park School, and about how kids whose parents talk with them frankly about sexuality tend to be more conservative in their behavior.

That was all fascinating, but as a parent of younger kids, I found myself wanting to know when to start talking to children about sex -- and what in the world to say. So I ask Roffman to write today's Monday Consult, and she graciously agreed. Here's her advice:

Continue reading "Telling young kids about sex" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

 PineappleBabble asked: "Why does my infant always nap so well at daycare and so poorly on the weekends?! Srsly - there must be a medical reason."

Kim West, the "Sleep Lady" of Severna Park, had some suggestions: 

"That is not an unusual comment! I find the answer is often twofold: First your baby is happy to see you and prefers spending time with you over napping. Pick connection time (touching, playing, nurturing) over errands and house cleaning -- do those things during nap time. Ask your daycare provider what time your baby naps, how long, and most importantly how they put him/her to sleep or back to sleep if she awakens from a short nap. If the daycare nap schedule is consistent and at reasonable times then aim for the same times at home. Include a soothing pre-nap ritual. Important side note - make sure your baby knows how to put him/herself to sleep independently at bedtime, which will help with naps."

(Photo courtesy of chimothy27's Flickr stream via Creative Commons)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

BBC Mom asked for help redirecting her 5-year-old's anger. "His instinct is to hit, but I'm having trouble coming up with an alternative that clicks with him -- blowing out a deep breath, saying, "Pickles!" or "I'm frustrated" -- none of that seems to stick," she wrote.

Susan Parks, director of Kennedy Krieger Institute's Behavior Management Clinic, sent this reply:

"Answering the question of how to re-direct a 5-year-old's "rage" may seem simple and straight forward on the surface, but in fact could be complicated depending on the severity and intensity of the behavior and how well-established the pattern.  Unlike "tantrums," which are developmentally typical among 2- and 3-year-olds (where a child becomes easily upset and show anger by crying and striking out) behavior labeled as "rage" may indicate a more intensive expression of anger and could even be associated with more severe mood dysregulation. 

"Developmentally, we would expect to see 4- and 5-year-olds beginning to exhibit better control of their emotions than younger toddlers.  Hence, "rage" episodes at age 5 that are intensive, lengthy, and include high rates of disruptive behavior (such as physical aggression, property destruction, hard crying and screaming) may require professional advice and counsel. 

"If on the other hand, such events are mild in nature (e.g. short lived, minor disruptions) parents should attempt to discern the underlying function or purpose of the behavior. Does the child want attention, access to preferred items or wish to escape from unwanted demands? The parent can then respond accordingly, ignoring disruptions fueled by attention, withholding tangibles in the face of disruptive behaviors, and preventing escape from directives following crying jags.

"Instead, caregivers should consistently remain calm, wait quietly until the child regains composure, specifically label and praise desired behavior, and redirect and attend to appropriate behavior or suitable alternatives (e.g. self-quieting, using words rather than lashing out physically). Physical aggression, specifically, may require other planned interventions (e.g. time-out) and may require consultation with a child mental health professional to assure the procedure is implemented appropriately."

Photo of child hiding her face courtesy of Mel B's photostream on Flickr via Creative Commons

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

MomofBeans asked: "How do you break a toddler of a biting habit, when she isn't doing it at home, but is doing it at daycare when other children get in her personal space or attempt to take a toy from her?"

I called Margo Sipes, executive director of Downtown Baltimore Child Care, who previously advised us on easing transitions from house to day care. Here's what she recommended:

--First, remember that biting, though distressing, is common among toddlers. "Toddlers are still very oral," she said. "They learn and solve problems through their mouths."

--Don't be surprised if biting happens in a center rather than at home, because the center is where peers are -- and where conflict naturally arises as young kids interact. "Oftentimes the biting happens because there is a conflict over toys or the teacher's lap or one square foot of space in the classroom."

--Have the child shadowed. The best way to solve the problem, Sipes said, is for an adult at the center to be in charge of "shadowing" the toddler -- being close by him as much as possible -- to gently intervene when a bite is about to happen. "Someone right there who can put their hand and redirect (the child) to a more socially acceptable response." It's important for the adult to validate the child's feelings, by saying something like, "I can see you want that toy. Tell him you want it. Say, 'Turn please?' Or, 'Play with this while you’re waiting.'"

--Don't punish. If you do, the child will learn only that he's "bad," but not how to be good, Sipes says. Instead, the center should work on validating feelings and teaching him better ways to express needs. Also, be low-key about the biting. A big reaction may prompt the child to see if he can get the same reaction by biting again.

--Be patient. Breaking the biting habit could take a while -- maybe 4 to 6 weeks, Sipes says.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Child Care, The Monday Consult
        

Today, as promised, we turn to contest winner Tigressreow's comment about helping a kid be more independent as he or she goes off to college. I asked Michele Borba to tackle the question. She's an educational psychologist, a Today contributor, and author of the upcoming The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries. 

Here's what she wrote:

"After all the test-taking, application filling, essay editing, campus touring, and acceptance-waiting, the big event is almost here: dropping your child off at college. But is your teen really ready to handle life away from home sweet home? 

"If you're suddenly realized that your same high school grad who passed those SATs with flying colors,can't change a light bulb or balance a checkbook, believe me you're not alone. Many parents are dealing with those same anxiety pangs. The good news is there are still a few weeks left before those final goodbyes. Here are four steps you can use to help your college bound teen really be ready to handle life solo style.

"Step 1. Identify “away from home” needs. Over the next days tune into your teen and determine which life skills he can and can't do without your help. Then create a list of what your teen needs to learn like changing a tire, making a doctor's appointment, using a microwave, paying a bill, using a fire extinguisher, writing down appointments, balancing a savings account, or doing laundry. Keep adding to that list.

"Step 2. Make a realistic plan. Next, look over that list and prioritize what your teen really needs to learn and what is realistic to teach in the time you have left. Get your teen involved by asking what she feels she lacks in the “handling life” department. Then use a calendar to create your teaching plan. Write a different life lesson you plan to review before your teen leaves home for each week. 

"Step 3. Teach skills for independence. Zero in on one area each week before those college doors open. The goal is to ensure mastery so your teen can do the task without you. First teach by going through the task together and explaining each step so that she knows what to do. Only use real life examples. For instance, if you're teaching her to write a check, go to the bank and set up a real checking account, then require her to use that checkbook from now until school starts. Finally supervise to ensure that she can handle the job solo.

"Step 4. Start backing off. Once your teen knows how to do the task alone, then back off. No more rescuing. Instead, begin to teach another skills. Your new parenting mantra to follow is: “Never do for your child what he can do for himself.” This is also the time to slowly start expanding that curfew and his responsibilities.

"Of course, the real secret is not waiting until that move out day to teach these critical life lessons. So roll up your sleeves and start in. There's a wonderful Navaho proverb that says, “We raise our kids to leave us.” Turn these next weeks in parenting to achieve that goal."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Tigressreow, who wants to know how to coax a college-bound 18-year-old into greater independence. The question will be answered in an upcoming Monday Consult, and the commenter wins a copy of Dede Wilson's "The Birthday Cake Book."

Congratulations, and happy baking!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's that time again. Make a comment below that asks a question about parenting that you wish an expert could answer, and you'll be entered in a contest to win "The Birthday Cake Book" by Dede Wilson. It has 75 recipes to celebrate birthdays, including a "Hairy Caterpillar Cupcake Cake."

I'll choose a winner at random by noon tomorrow, and announce the lucky commenter here. But even if you don't win, your question may be answered in a future Monday Consult.

Good luck!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 4:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Today's question is one I didn't even know I had, until I read The Parking Lot Rules, a book by Tom Sturges, a California dad who coaches and mentors kids. The question is, what do you do when your kid is crying and in distress over what you think is a minor injury, especially in public? How do you help without making it too big a deal?

Here's his answer, the subject of today's Monday Consult: It's called "taking the pain away."

He describes a birthday party in which the birthday boy was hit by a swinging pinata stick. (Ah, pinatas. A subject for another day.) Sturges had the idea to help by getting all the kids to "take away" the boy's pain by taking it on themselves. He urged them all to lay hands on the boy's injured arm, and on the count of three, he said the "pain" would be shared among everyone. All the kids went along with this and began grabbing their arms. The birthday boy was so distracted and amused by this that he seemed to feel better.

"By taking a few minutes to take the pain away, we gave Cole a chance to be respected for his pain, to recover from his injury, to be the absolute center of attention for a little while, and to have everyone at the party care very much that he felt better," writes Sturges.

It's an interesting idea. Do you have other techniques that work? 

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Michelle, our contest winner, asked about feeding her 1-year-old daughter soy milk instead of cow's milk as she makes the transition from drinking formula.

Julie Yeh, a pediatrician at Greater Baltimore Medical Center, says it's OK. Here's her answer:

"It is traditionally recommended that infants are breastfed as long as possible, ideally until 1 year of age. When the time comes for the baby to be weaned off the breast, an iron-fortified formula is recommended until age 1. In an otherwise healthy infant, there is no advantage in using a soy-based formula vs. a cow's milk based formula.

"After 1 year of age, the recommendation is to introduce whole cow's milk. If there is a large concern for obesity or cardiovascular disease in either the infant or the family, then a low-fat milk can be substituted under the instruction of your pediatrician. If preferred, soy milk is a healthy alternative to cow's milk after 1 year of age and provides nearly equal amounts of calcium and is more iron rich.

"Soy milk is lower in fat content, which may be beneficial in those at risk for obesity. However, in infants in whom poor weight gain or nutrition is a concern, the use of soy milk under age 2 should be discussed with your doctor.

"Children who continue to demonstrate a cow's milk protein allergy after one year of age often do well with soy milk. Both whole milk and soy milk are not recommended under a year of age. After age 2, children can continue on either low fat cow's milk or soy milk. So, in this case, it is perfectly fine to use soy milk as an alternative to cow's milk, especially if there is adequate dairy intake through cheese and yogurt."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Since Memorial Day is coming up next weekend and swine flu is still on some of our minds, I thought I'd use some tips from the Mommy Docs for today's Consult.

They recommend that before you travel or even head to the beach with kids, you pack these three things:

--Hand sanitizer will help your kids keep their hands clean when there's no sink handy, the Docs say. But if it's available, scrubbing for at least 20 seconds with water and soap is the best way to clean your hands.

--Thermometer. The Docs say temperatures should always be taken rectally with a digital thermometer for infants under 3 months. For older kids, they recommend the Braun ThermoScan ear thermometer, which they say is very quick.

--Nasal aspirator. That's the little blue bulb that often comes home from the hospital with new moms. Keep it handy; babies have a hard time clearing their own noses and can use its gentle help, say the Docs. I've found it can help older children, too.

Have we left anything out that you find indispensable for travel?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Recently, Jim wrote:

My 6-year-old daughter is very outgoing with small groups of friends. However, put her in a situation with a larger group, even w/friends, and she gets shy to the point of tears.

For example, after dropping her off at a recent birthday party, with all friends she knew, she became completely overwhelmed. I had to come back with her stuffed bunny and spend a few moments helping her work her way back into the group.

By the end she had fun but never warmed up completely.

My wife finds this very concerning. We want to find activities for her this summer (day camp, etc) but past experiences have not worked as she clings to the counselor or won't even get out of the car?

Suggestions?

I asked Brad Sachs, a Columbia psychologist who recently gave us advice on how to tell your kids you've been laid off, to tackle this one. Here's his answer:

Continue reading "Helping a sometimes-shy 6-year-old -- The Monday Consult" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Now that we have official word of the first death from the swine flu in the U.S. -- and, unfortunately, the victim was a toddler -- I'm throwing in a special consult to answer Ilana Bittner's timely question about swine flu. She wanted to know how to help kids guard against it without scaring them or making them seem "antisocial to their friends."

Pediatrician Daniel Levy, who's given us advice before, wrote back the following to answer Ilana's question:

Continue reading "Swine flu death: How to prepare kids" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Health, The Monday Consult
        

Recently, Gracy Young asked: "My son (who, she says, is almost 2) begins to hold the food in his mouth while he is having supper or lunch." She says she can't make him swallow. "What can I do to help him eat?"

Pediatrician Charles Shubin says, in short: Don't help him eat.

Dr. Shubin, director of pediatrics at Mercy FamilyCare, a division of Family Health Centers of Baltimore, suspects that what's going on here is a classic battle over eating. The child doesn't want to eat what he's given, so he holds it in his mouth to resist and get attention. If the mom is pushing the boy to eat -- something many of us feel the need to do -- she should back off and simply provide him healthy foods to eat on a regular basis.

The boy will eat when he's hungry, Shubin says, especially if his parents hold firm in continuing to give him what they're eating, resist the temptation to put out junk food, and recognize that kids eat less regularly than adults. "Step one is to understand is as children pass their first birthday, growth slows by about 50 percent," he told me. "That means there's a significant drop in calorie need. We all notice kids eat more when they're growing. ...They also eat on a different basis. They eat when they're hungry."

If the boy is holding food in his mouth in the meantime, his parents should ignore that -- but one trick Shubin likes, to give him guidance, is for the parents to talk about him to each other, instead of directly to him. For example, they could say to each other: "If David doesn't like what's in his mouth, he doesn't have to swallow it. He can spit it into his napkin." Then, when he does eat nicely, they should praise him for his good behavior, without drawing attention to the bad.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

You'll remember that Jenn asked for help dealing with stares and intrusive comments she sometimes gets from both children and adults when her special-needs son acts out in public. For today's Consult, Mary Snyder-Vogel, a licensed clinical social worker who is assistant director of social work at Kennedy Krieger Institute, offers these tips:

"--Take a couple of deep breaths to steady yourself.

"--Try not to assume the worst about why a person is staring, meddling or giving advice. You could say: “My son has special needs and we are getting professional help. Please don’t make judgments about us. We are doing our best.”

"--Use the interaction as a 'teachable moment.' When stares or comments come from children (or adults), encourage them to ask questions. You could say: “I noticed that you were staring at my child. I know that sometimes people don’t know what to say, but do you have a question? I’d be happy to try to answer it.” Tell them a little bit about your son’s diagnosis.

"--Keep your sense of humor and concentrate on the positive gains your child makes. Tell everyone about them, even strangers. The more you can keep a positive perspective, the better you’ll feel.

"--Get to know other parents of children with special needs. Include them in your support network, share your experiences and learn other ways of coping with these situations."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

During the Passover seder, the youngest child at the table traditionally recites four questions about the rituals of the service. The rest of the year, though, parents often ask the questions.

I invited Donna Kane, a consultant on parenting, child development and adolescent issues for Jewish Community Services in Baltimore, to muse about what the Passover questions teach us about communication with our children year round. Here’s what she wrote:

“How often do you ask your child a question and hear, “I don’t know” as the response? I hope a lot of you are rolling your eyes in exasperated understanding, or are mumbling ‘all the time’ under your breath. I probably hear ‘I don’t know’ (from here on referred to as IDK) at least once a day. Sometimes my questions are conversational, so I accept the IDK. But there are other times when the answer is important and IDK is not acceptable. Whether your child is 4 years old or 20, there are times when it is reasonable to expect an answer.

“So now, with me anyway, the inner questioning begins. What does IDK mean? Does it mean: I don’t want to talk about it now, I don’t want to give you information, I felt uncomfortable asking my teacher the question, I forgot to ask, I asked and I forgot the answer? I admit there are times when I am too tired, distracted, and yes, even overwhelmed to pursue the meaning behind IDK.

 “Every year when the youngest in our family asks the Four Questions of Passover, I wonder what would happen at our seder table if I, with practiced indifference, just answered IDK. To be honest, chaos would most likely ensue, with all the children asking and answering the questions. But the emphasis here is on the questions.

“The seder offers an opportunity to teach children to ask -- to question and learn. What a wonderful teaching tool. Perhaps there is something in that approach for adults to learn from as well. Maybe we need not only to encourage our children to ask questions, but also to model for them how and when to ask a question.

"For example, how many of us have asked a question in anger or asked a question when our child (no matter what age) knows we already know the answer? And here is a scenario I am very guilty of: how many of us start asking questions as soon as our child walks in the door from school? My guess is that we all may be contributing to the IDK’s.

“Whether or not you celebrate Passover, you can use times like the seder, when families gather around the dinner table, as opportunities to ask questions and to engage in discussion. There is a lot for all of us to learn from this dialogue."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

OK, unfortunately I'm not giving away tickets to the White House Easter Egg Roll. But I do have a lovely coffee-table style book on animal migration -- great for engaging kids and researching school projects -- for a lucky commenter who submits a question for the Monday Consult.

If you're new to the blog, you may not know that each week I find an expert to answer one of your questions (this week, it was about no-gift birthday parties) and post the response on the blog (and in our You & Your Health section in the print newspaper).

I'll choose a comment that has a parenting question at random for the prize. Please include your e-mail address on the comment form when you post so that I can contact you in case you win. Don't worry; I won't share the e-mail address with anyone else.

Good luck!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:11 PM | Permalink | Comments (10)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A Twitter follower asks: "How (do you) encourage friends and family to give to charity in lieu of gifts at a kid party? We're racking our brains for a polite, workable way to do this. We hear people do both when asked, which doesn't solve the issue."

I sent the question to Bill Dougherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota, and one of the people behind Birthdays Without Pressure, a Web site (and group) that discusses how costs and expectations have gone up for children's birthday parties. (The site has ideas for simple birthday-party games and alternatives to gifts.)

Dougherty writes: "It doesn't work well to ask people to give to a charity in lieu of gifts--not for birthday parties. Here is what seems to work: Say in the invitations, and repeat when guests arrive with gifts, that you will give presents to a children's charity. That way, when people bring gifts, they know where they are going, and they don't have to do it themselves. They get to be generous to the birthday child and to the charity simultaneously."

He had another thought: "Consider present-free parties like the Obamas do (and other parents we've talked with). Children get plenty of presents from family. Why not make the friends' party just for fun. In that case, the parent can say "please, no gifts, and if you decide to bring one, we'll be donating it to charity."

"If gifts arrive, say thanks and move them out of view."

(Photo from Ron Chapple Stock)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

As spring approaches, I thought we'd do a fun Consult with the folks at McCormick & Co. on things you didn't know you could do with food coloring. Here are a few things kids 7-12 might enjoy creating. (McCormick, of course, recommends using McCormick Assorted Food Color):

--Funny Putty. Start with a cup of white glue in a plastic container. Add 1 cup liquid starch a little at a time, stirring constantly, along with any color of the food coloring, until the mixture is rubbery. Store in an airtight container.

--Homemade play dough. Combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 1 cup salt, 1 cup water and 1/4 cup cream of tartar with about 20 drops of food coloring in a medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly for about 5 minutes. Cool on wax paper, then knead slightly until dough is smooth. Store in an airtight container.

--Goofy Goo. Mix 2 tablespoons white glue with 2 tablespoons water in a paper cup. In another cup, mix together 1/4 cup water, 3/4 teaspoon borax laundry booster and about 10 drops food coloring. Spoon about 2 tablespoons of the borax mixture into the glue mixture and stir well.

--Water colors. Instant paint! Combine 1 tablespoon white vinegar with 2 teaspoons baking soda. Slowly add 1 tablespoon cornstarch and 1/4 cup glycerin. Pour 1 inch of the mixture into 6 to 8 paper cups and let dry overnight. Once they're dry, add the food coloring, making sure to use a lot, as the color isn't as deep when it dries. To use, dip a paint brush into some water, then into the paint.

We can talk about food dye and Easter eggs a little later. By the way, if you are interested in learning how to dye Easter eggs the natural way, check out this post from last year.

(Photo of play dough courtesy of McCormick & Co.)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Food and Recipes, The Monday Consult
        

A Twitter follower asks: "What do you do when you see your kids pick up your bad habits that you don't want them to have?" (That question could cover a lot of ground, so the follower agreed to narrow it down to something like biting your nails.)

I asked Molly Brown Koch, a local parent coach and author who has answered questions about kids using public bathrooms and about dealing with a young hitter, to tackle this one.

She wrote back that the solution -- and the adults may not like this -- is for the grownup and the child to have a talk and agree to kick their bad habit together. Even a child as young as 3, she says, can help brainstorm solutions if asked.

"Children are little 'strangers in a strange land,' they study us to find out how to be, what to  do, how to do it, and because they love us so much, we are their most important role models," Koch writes.  "If the child is old enough to understand, you can explain that you have been doing something for a long time and are ready to get it under control.  A brainstorming session about ways for you to stop the habit can be both enlightening and fun.  Let the child be part of the solution, and be partners in both your efforts to end the habit.

If it's not so easy for the child to give up the habit, don't point out his failures, Koch writes. "Nothing works as well as praising children for their efforts, for their persistence, for their strength of character, and celebrating with them when they succeed, day by day," she says.

It's appropriate to offer a reward to the child for finally kicking the habit -- but make it a special outing with you, Koch advises, rather than a toy.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you're considering parting ways with your pediatrician.

I asked Owings Mills pediatrician Dr. Daniel Levy, who's answered a number of our Consults, to give us some things to think about when the relationship isn't working. Here's his post:

"Most parents go to some trouble finding the "right doctor," for their child, but as hard as they try, sometimes things just don't work out.

There are lots of reasons why families switch the care of their kids to new pediatric practices in a community, but courtesy and humanity in going through the process will help tremendously. Regardless of your reason for leaving, remember that all pediatricians are hard-working, have given your family much of their care and expertise for free, and are usually compensated well below what they charge. More importantly, doctors for kids are always about what they think is best.

When you're weighing leaving a practice, here a few things to consider:

--Why are you leaving? Is it a personal disappointment, or was there a medical error? Was it your doctor's lack of caring or inattention to detail, or are you feeling guilty that you didn't follow through on good advice? Make sure you're clear, sleep on it, run it by trusted advisors, then act. Never make a hasty judgment.

--Let your doctor know why you're leaving. She/he can't profit from the experience without your communication.

--Be clear about what you want in a pediatric office, and make sure your needs are realistic.

--If your pediatrician has been conscientious, affable, knowledgeable and available, maybe she/he deserves a second chance. Talk it out with her, and let her know your concerns. Some of the best professional relationships are cemented that way. We're all busy, but the best of us are never too busy to listen. Your pediatrician is ready to help 24/7, and deserves your honesty and best intentions."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Sign of the times: A reader asked for help in telling her kids she'd been laid off. I asked Brad Sachs to respond. He's a psychologist in Columbia who's written books on parenting including The Good Enough Child, The Good Enough Teen, and When No One Understands.

He gives us six ways to approach a layoff with your family...

Continue reading "Laid off? How to tell the kids" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kayris asked how to go about researching kindergartens for her child. I consulted Richard E. Bavaria, senior vice president for education outreach for Bal timore-based Sylvan Learning and author of DrRickblog.com, a blog for educators and parents. He offers an equation: “A squared + C Squared = Good Choice. The As are ‘Atmosphere’ and ‘Adults.’ The Cs are ‘Curriculum’ and ‘Children.’

--Atmosphere: Visit the school, Bavaria writes. “Are you greeted warmly? Do the children appear to be enjoying themselves and learning? Are the children playing and learning together? Is there children’s art work on the walls? If the weather’s nice, are there kids out on the playground? Does the playground appear safe? Trust your Mommy and Daddy instincts – does the place “feel” right? Relax. If your child senses you’re stressed, she will be, too.”

--Adults. Does there seem to be a good teacher/ student ratio? Recommendations vary, Bavaria says, but a good rule of thumb is that there should be a teacher or a trained assistant for every three or four children. “Do these adults seem to be genuinely devoted to the children? Do they seem to like being there? Do they take an interest in each child? Do they read books to the children regularly, enthusiastically, and frequently? What do other parents say about the school? Does the school communicate regularly and concisely with parents?”

--Curriculum. Bavaria recommends looking for a good balance of academic and social skills. “Yes, you want kindergarten to be nurturing the “whole child,” but you also demand the beginnings of the 3 Rs,” he writes. “These earliest school days are when healthy attitudes and values about learning are set. Do there seem to be accommodations made for lots of different learning styles and levels of readiness? Are the kids learning in large groups, small groups, and individually? Is there a lot of reading going on?”

--Children. “Are the children the most important people in the room? Do the children seem to be happy, eager to learn, excited to be there? Do the activities inspire, challenge, and stretch their creativity, imaginations, and natural curiosity? When your child comes home, does he want to tell you excitedly what he’s done today and tell you he can’t wait to go back? That’s the ultimate recommendation.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Getting kids ready in the morning is often a struggle during the school year, but it's especially difficult this time of year -- when the kids (not to mention parents) would rather stay in their warm pajamas. All those hats, gloves and scarves have to be collected and put on, adding to the morning rush.

Today I'm passing on some advice from the Wondertime blog's expert advisory board, made up of family experts, who had some tips for taming morning madness:

--Make getting ready fun, if you can, by singing songs for each stage of the process. Or turn getting ready into a fun "race" that the kids can win. Have a pack of toys or books in the car to give the kids an incentive to make it out there and play on the way.

--Help each step along with a chart that reminds children of each thing they must accomplish (brushing teeth, packing backpacks, etc.) before they leave.

--Dial down the stress, including your own. The experts say that if adults seem rushed, kids will get the idea that that's the normal way of getting ready to go somewhere, and they'll naturally resist it.

--Stay focused. On the other hand, you (the adult) should make sure everyone does get out the door on time. Don't let kids dawdle, or they'll think they can do it every day.

Here's a tip that has worked for me recently: Let the kids come downstairs for breakfast in their pajamas and dress there. It lets them feel cozy longer, encourages them to eat more for breakfast, and -- most importantly -- gets them out of their rooms earlier than if they were dressing first.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A friend asked for an expert’s help in understanding night terrors in kids, what causes them, and what to do when they happen. Here’s what Dr. Julie Yeh, a pediatrician at Greater Baltimore Medical Center, wrote back when I asked for guidance:

"Night terrors are a common form of sleep disturbance that occurs during non-REM sleep in young children, usually between the ages of 2 and 6. Typically, the child will wake up very frightened and upset during the early part of the night - somewhere around one to four hours after falling asleep.

"Symptoms include screaming, crying, and sweating with a rapid heart rate. Often, parents are unable to wake the child up and the child will not have memory of the event in the morning.

"These episodes can last anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and can be distressing for parents, as the child is often inconsolable. (The parents) should offer comfort, safety and reassurance to their child knowing that he or she will come out of it on their own. Yeh says that though it’s natural for parents to want to wake children up while they’re having a night terror, it’s exactly what they shouldn’t try to do. "If night terrors occur on a regular basis, there may be some benefit to waking the child up before the time that he usually has one," she writes. "This may interrupt the sleep cycle and prevent the night terror."

What else can be done to prevent night terrors? "Night terrors can be exacerbated by sleep deprivation or poor bedtime routine, so it is important that children get enough rest and go to bed at the same time every night," Yeh writes. "Most children eventually outgrow night terrors, and medication is rarely necessary."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's time again to ask your questions about how to parent for the Monday Consult. I'll try to get an expert to weigh in on your most pressing concerns. Or, just something that's been bugging you.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kelly asked us for help with a familiar problem – getting a 2-year-old ready for a new sibling. I turned to Marian Edelman Borden, author of The Baffled Parent’s Guide to Sibling Rivalry.

Borden says that in the first few weeks after a new baby arrives, parents should expect both delightful moments when the kids interact beautifully, and moments that aren’t so pretty. It’s all normal. Here are some of her e-mailed suggestions:

 “Accept the inevitable. As much as you want to create an instant loving bond between your children, there will be times when your older one (and even tually your younger child) will be frustrated that he’s not the center of the universe or doesn’t have your full attention. That’s okay. Encourage him to verbalize his emotions, or help him with the words if he’s not able to put what he’s feeling into language. Compliment him when he’s been a big help or shown great patience.

 “Hunger and fatigue are your enemies. Often sibling rivalry isn’t the product of deep-seated emotions, but of just being tired and hungry. Try to make sure your older one stays on his nap schedule and eats regular, healthy meals. Take the time for yourself to eat healthy meals, and sleep when you can.

 “Big brothers and big sisters are still pretty little. Your older child may regress – asking for a bottle, waking up in the night, having toileting accidents – as he figures out his new life as a sibling. Dig deep and have the patience (and definitely a sense of humor). Don’t insist that he be the “big” boy all the time. This too will pass.

 “Schedule some one-on-one time every day with your older one. As hard as it is -- and there are days when you can’t see how it’s possible to eke out another waking minute -- be sure to spend a little time when it’s just the two of you. When the baby is sleeping, read to your older child instead of doing another load of laundry. Or if you’re going to do the wash, have him help you fold the clothing.

 “Get organized and plan ahead. To reduce your older one’s frustrations, think through how to cope with daily tasks. For example, when you feed the baby, have a basket of books and quiet toys that you use to keep your older child engaged and close by. Prepare a snack and drink for the big brother so he can keep you company. (Make one for yourself too!).”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Kate Dino asked for guidance on how to handle situations in which kids are regularly exposed to “less than desirable behavior” from adults. “Seriously, how do you talk to them about the fact that Grandma's a racist or Daddy's got a drinking problem?” she asked.

I asked Bonnie Compton, who runs a parent coaching business in Ellicott City called Parenting Partners, to tackle this one. Here’s what she e-mailed back:

“Just as a parent would prohibit children from watching an inappropriate TV show or movie, it is important to monitor and set limits around your child's time spent with family members who may exhibit inappropriate behavior.

“As a parent coach and child therapist, I often remind parents that it is important to be pro-active rather than reactive. By recognizing that a family member is capable of exhibiting undesirable behavior and to avoid the negative consequences of that behavior, you will want to control the encounter. If you allow your child to maintain a relationship with that particular relative, there are several things that you can do:

 “Plan structured activities for your child and family member. Make sure that the activity is fairly short, about 1-2 hours long, and either be present with your child during the visit or ask another responsible adult to monitor the activity.

 “Speak with the family member in advance and share with them your expectations for the visit, such as no racist comments, no drinking both before or during the visit, etc. Explain that if these behaviors occur during the visit, that you will end the visit and reschedule at another time.

 “Before your child visits with the relative, explain in language appropriate to his developmental level that sometimes people make mistakes or have difficulty behaving appropriately. Remind your child that it is your job as his parent to teach responsible behavior and keep him safe, and that if you or the child feel uncomfortable during the visit, you will (both) leave.

 “If you feel that your family member's behavior is out of control and it is unsafe for your child to be around them, then you need to make the decision either to confront your relative about their behavior and/or keep the child away from the relative. This may mean that you have to remove yourself and child from your living situation, or prohibit any visits with the relative. This is a difficult decision to make, but again it is your responsibility as a parent to keep your child safe.

“It is often helpful to talk with a therapist as you deal with life stressors and try to examine difficult family relationships.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

I'm looking for parenting questions that an expert can answer for upcoming Monday consults. What's been on your mind?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A while ago, blog reader Michelle asked for help for a teething baby. I asked Dr. Daniel Levy, a pediatrician who chairs the oral health task force of the Maryland chapter of the American Academy of Pediatrics, for his tips. (In the past, he's advised us on jogging strollers and how to handle a 4-year-old who thinks Motrin is a treat.)

Here’s what he wrote back:

“Teething, or the eruption of the first (deciduous, or "milk," teeth) commonly occurs in infants in the period between 4 months and 18 months, with the average around 6-12 months. The bottom two teeth (lower incisors) tend to erupt first, followed by the middle or lateral upper incisors.

“This phenomenon may be accompanied by mild pain at the site of eruption. Typically, small pits form in the gums... followed by swelling , and then the appearance of teeth. Occasionally, an eruption cyst forms at the point of eruption, looking like a blood blister.

“Babies vary in the pain they experience, but most of the discomfort may be relieved with acetaminophen drops or ibuprofen drops. Anything cold helps as well. Teething rings, frozen and stale bagels, cold carrots, etc. make life more bearable for baby.

“We discourage topical teething remedies that can be purchased over-the-counter, because they may retard the gag reflex if used excessively. As an alternative, try mixing a teaspoon of Benadryl liquid with an ounce of Maalox, chill the concoction, and dab it on the gums for relief.

Levy also wrote that “the notion that fever is associated with teething is an old wives' tale!”

“Don't forget, as soon as teeth erupt, they should be brushed twice daily with an infant tooth brush and a tiny dab of children's toothpaste,” he wrote. “A first dental appointment should be arranged at 1 year of age.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

The fresh start of a new year is a good opportunity to review your family’s emergency plans. What should your kids be expected to do in a disaster? How do you prepare them without scaring them?

The American Academy of Pediatrics has an excellent family-friendly guide to preparing for disasters. Here's the full menu of resources, including lists of emergency supplies to keep on hand. Meanwhile, here are some pointers on how to prepare your child for emergencies:

--“Tell children that a disaster is something that could hurt people or cause damage,” the organization’s site says. “Explain that nature sometimes provides ‘too much of a good thing’-- fire, rain, and wind.”

--Teach kids how to call for help and when to use each emergency number.

--Designate a family contact who lives outside your town and instruct your child to call that person if you’re separated.

--Teach children to keep personal identification with them at all times.

--Every six months, go over your family disaster plan (including two escape routes from each room) and quiz children on it.

(Photo by Baltimore Sun photographer Kenneth Lam)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Let's talk tangles. They're the down side of having a child with long hair -- and getting them out is painful and time-consuming, for parents and kids.

That said, after casting about for advice for my own family, I've finally found some that work to share with you. The tips come from Liz Muller, a hair stylist in Hollywood, Fla., who shared her methods on expertvillage.com. (I added a couple of my own tips in parentheses and at the end.):

--Use a wide-toothed comb, ideally one that rolls. If you don't have a comb, try a paddle brush, which is good for smoothing the hair. (Detangling sprays can help, too.)

--Start combing from the bottom and work your way up. (This seems counterintuitive until you do it, and realize that it makes getting out the snags at the top a lot easier.

--Hold the hair firmly as you work, away from the head, to keep the child from feeling pain. (Sometimes I forget just how firmly you need to grasp the hair with one hand as you comb it out with the other. My daughter doesn't hesitate to remind me.)

--Work with small sections of the hair at a time. You'll do a more thorough job. 

--If your daughter twists her hair in her sleep, take the time to braid it at night. This has worked wonders for us, and you'll make up the time in the morning, when the hair brushes out much more easily. It'll also have a nice little wave.

 Here's a video of Muller demonstrating her techniques:

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

With Hanukkah under way and Christmas coming on Thursday, Baltomommie asked if it's really necessary to have her children write thank-you notes for holiday gifts, or whether they can just dictate their thanks or call.  "I want well-mannered children who express their appreciation, but the thank you notes are always a struggle!"

Joan Grayson Cohen, a licensed clinical social worker at Jewish Community Services who last advised us on talking to strangers, says thank-you notes teach important lessons. "These include being gracious about receiving gifts and valuing the gesture of gift giving," she wrote in an e-mail. "Writing thank you notes also teaches children to think beyond themselves and to make the giver feel appreciated. Taking a little time to express thanks teaches the protocols of civility and consideration, which can be transferred to other situations later in life, such as writing a note after a job interview."

Fortunately, Cohen offered us some tips about writing those notes that should make this act of appreciation more fun for everyone:

--Choose a method appropriate to your child’s age. Younger children who can’t write might draw a picture. They can dictate their thanks and Mom or Dad can write down their words. What a wonderful opportunity this is to begin teaching your child to write his or her name!

--Find alternatives to writing. A children who can write but for whom writing is difficult (or who is resisting) can design his or her own stationery; cut out a picture of the gift from a magazine or the box and tape it in the note; and/or draw or paint the gift in the thank you note.

--Make the task manageable. Don’t be a perfectionist about grammar and spelling. The thank you is more meaningful when it looks like it comes from the child. Brief notes are fine. If a child receives many gifts, space out the notes by writing a few each day.

--Consider e-mail. Be open to different methods of expressing thanks. Today e-mail is acceptable.

--Share the thanks you've received. Give your child positive models by sharing appreciative notes you have received, showing how much the thanks means to someone else.

--Plan ahead. Purchase thank you cards with your child before the holidays (there's still a little time). This will set up the expectation that notes will be written for gifts received – another way to minimize the conflict.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

A local father who reads the blog asked me to get an answer to this question: "How do we get our 3-year-old out of our bed?"

West writes that when you do move a child out of your bed, you must be completely consistent. "You mustn’t cave in and take him into your bed sometimes, not even when it's almost morning, or you are going to confuse him," she writes.

If a child has been in your bed for months or years, here's how West suggests you help him sleep in his own room:

-Daytime acclimation to his room if he rarely spends time in it. Play in there, get him changed in there, re-decorate it, talk up how great it is to have your own room and how safe and cozy it is. You may even share what your room was like when you were a child.

-Have him start napping in his room.

-You could decide to co-sleep with him for a few nights in his room, West says, but this is not necessary.

-Have a family meeting. Tell your son that it is now time for him to go to bed and sleep all night in his own room. He may be shocked if he has never had to do that. Explain to him that you will stay with him as he learns how to put himself to sleep. Remind him that when he gets up you will return him to his bed and stay with him until he goes back to sleep. Most of all, tell him how proud of himself he will be. Tell him about other people he knows who sleep in their own bed all night long—older cousins, grandparents, when you were little, etc.

-Create a sticker chart with "sleep manners" -- the behaviors you expect -- such as, "lies quietly in bed," "puts self to sleep with out Daddy lying down next to you," and so on.

-Then pick your first night. Review the manners at bedtime (and the next morning). Have a comforting bedtime routine, kisses and lights out. Sit by the child's bed and offer verbal and physical reassurance, but do not lie down with him. Stay there, engaging very little until he is asleep. Each time he wakes, quietly return him to his bed, remind him that it is not time to wake up, and sit by his bed. Move your chair every 3 days. The next position is in the room but by the door, then in the hall but still in view and then out of view.

There's more on the subject in West's book, Good Night Sleep Tight.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

It's that time again. I'm trying to get a few Monday Consults going for next few weeks to cut down on my own holiday insanity, and I'd like to have some topical questions to answer.

What's on your mind, parenting-wise, that we haven't covered?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

You may have missed Kayris' good question, buried as it was under the Baked Ziti recipe. She asked:

I found out today that my 2-year-old will most likely need eye surgery and an MRI before that. Any suggestions for making it easier for a child so young, and any suggestions to get ME through having to see my child under general anesthesia?

Our hearts go out to her and the family, obviously; this is going to be hard to endure no matter what advice we can give. I sent her question to Dr. Michael Crocetti, director of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins Bayview Medical Center. Here are his thoughts:

"Having surgery or a medical procedure that requires sedation can be scary and very anxiety provoking for the child and parents. Fortunately, doctors, nurses, and other hospital staff that specialize in pediatric sedation and anesthesia are experts at easing anxiety and going through each step of the process until you feel as comfortable as possible.

"Also, most pediatric centers decorate their rooms and procedure suites in a warm, family-friendly way."

Hospital staff, he says, usually take the age of the child as a cue for how they should work with the family. "Most 2-year-olds have anxiety around strangers and new environments, so for them it's all about surrounding them with familiar things - a special blanket, toy, book, etc.," Crocetti writes.

And even though mom and dad may be extremely nervous about watching their child go through surgery (I would be!), Crocetti writes that it's all the more important to stay calm at a time like this. "Parents should try and appear calm and collected with their children, which I know can be tough, but children can sense your anxiety," he writes.

"Parents are usually allowed to go into the procedure area or operating room with the child. How far the parent goes is dependent on their comfort level and how calm and matter of fact they can keep themselves. Usually children are sedated in a gradual fashion with medications that first make them sleepy followed by stronger medications that put them fully asleep. The parents usually are asked to leave the room once the child is asleep."

The good thing, Crocetti writes, is that kids really won't remember anything from the time they fall asleep until they wake back up after surgery.

Do any of you who've gone through this have advice to share?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

If you’re a parent of a kindergartener or first-grader, you might have noticed some backwards or transposed letters as your child learns to read and write. Some of this is normal, but how would you know if your child had dyslexia?

Susan Schapiro, an educational consultant with offices in Towson and Bel Air who has studied identification and treatment of dyslexia for years, says that if you’re worried, you should pay attention to the following signs. It’s not unusual for a child to exhibit one or two of these signs, but three or more – especially if there is a family history of dyslexia – warrant follow-up with a professional:

Delayed speech

Mixing up sounds in multi-syllabic words (“aminal” for animal, “bisghetti” for spaghetti)

Difficulty learning the alphabet

Difficulty learning the names and/or sounds of letters

Reversing letters, such as a d for b

Difficulty learning to read

Reversing words, such as tip for pit

Inserting or leaving out letters, such as could for cold

Reading a word on one page, but failing to recognize it on another

Slow, labored, inaccurate oral reading

Misreading or omitting common short words

Becoming very tired after reading for only a short time

Poor reading comprehension unless read to

Misreading function words such as to, the, are, of

Difficulty with spelling. The child may be able to memorize words on a spelling test, but can not spell the same words the next day.

Schapiro cautions that you shouldn’t wait too long to seek help if your child is struggling to read on grade level. “Research shows that the longer a child struggles with reading, the harder it will be for that child to catch up.” Resources can be found on her Web site: getsettoread.com.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Momof2 asked: "Now that toy catalogues are filling our mailbox and (ahem) Sunday Sun, how to deal with the gimme, gimme, gimmes? I don't think I can stand listening to all the things my kids want for the next 5-6 weeks until xmas!!!"

I asked Allison Pugh -- assistant professor of sociology at the University of Virginia and author of the soon-to-be-published book Longing and Belonging: Parents, Children and Consumer Culture -- to respond. Here's her post:

"There are different kinds of 'gimmes,' and each kind really takes a different kind of parenting strategy to handle successfully. For all of these, of course, a sustained "no" campaign will work. If parents found it that simple, then they would not be asking for advice, and we would not see polling reporting that 4 out of 5 parents think that America's materialistic society produces 'over-commercialized children.'

"Some 'gimmes' come from exposure to advertising, and it is not just the toy catalogues and Sunday papers that are targeting children. Television is a big conduit for ads -- kids spend more time watching TV annually than they spend in school. The Internet, cereal giveaways, marketing in schools -- these have all become commercial superhighways into children's brains. So the first step to handling this kind of "gimme" is to close down some of those highways, or at least bring them down to one lane. That means try to reduce kids' exposure to marketing techniques, enforce some of those house rules limiting television and Internet time, and try and get the catalogs into the recycling bin before the children get to them.

"Another kind of 'gimme' involves the things -- the toys, games, movies and the like -- that kids think they have to have to be 'normal' when they are with other kids. It is not that children are trying to be better than their peers -- more often they just want to belong to their social group. Kids want to be visible in their worlds, and to do so they have to be able to participate in the conversation at school or in the neighborhood, the conversation about what kind of lunchbox they have or have they seen the latest movie or played that Wii game. Many of the most urgent, persistent 'gimmes' stem from children's desire to be able to join in when a certain topic of conversation comes up, and parents seem to find these kind of requests -- for belonging, for social citizenship, for being "the same as my friends" -- the most difficult to withstand.

"In the short term, parents can try to ascertain what sort of goods carry the most social bang for the buck and restrict their purchases to just those items. They can also work with other parents to build little communities of agreement abstaining from certain purchases, or movies, or practices like party bags, so that "deprived" children do not feel different. But in the long term, parents' best shot is to try to head off some of these gimmes before they happen, by making difference not quite so scary. If parents take steps to celebrate difference, in themselves, in the family, among friends, in schools, children may see that they can belong in their social world even if they are different.

"Then they might not fall victim to what I came to see as the tyranny of sameness, stemming from their longing to belong."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:53 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Families all over are talking about the quest to pick the right dog for president-elect Barack Obama’s family. Because daughter Malia is allergic, there’s a lot of talk about the Obamas getting a “hypoallergenic” dog.

But one local allergy expert preaches caution.

“The current talk about ‘hypoallergenic’ dogs . . . can lead to negative outcomes if they perpetuate a myth and create unfounded expectations,” Dr. Alvin Sanico, medical director of the Asthma Sinus Allergy Program at Greater Baltimore Medical Center, wrote to me.

“The fact is that all dogs and cats produce allergens that can be found in their dander and saliva, regardless of their breed and the length of their hair, or lack thereof,” wrote Sanico, who is also an assistant professor of medicine at the Johns Hopkins Division of Allergy and Clinical Immunology. “Some may produce more - or less - allergens than others simply because of their individual nature. Based on this premise, it wouldn't really matter if the Obamas choose a "mutt" over the various breeds that pet pundits now suggest.”

For example, voters in an American Kennel Club poll suggested a poodle would be the best breed for the Obamas. But Sanico cites a study published in the journal Allergy that found levels of an allergenic protein can vary widely within the same breed, and that poodles, for example, can shed relatively high amounts of it. The study concluded there was really no such thing as a hypoallergenic breed.

So how is a family – “first” or otherwise – to choose a pet, if avoiding pets isn't an option? “Before the choice of a dog is finalized, a trial period would be advisable to test whether exposure (to the chosen dog) triggers significant symptoms,” Sanico writes. “Control of allergy and asthma need to be optimized and maintained with appropriate medications. Allergen immunotherapy may be considered, with the understanding that it would take several months before desensitization can be achieved. With the right strategy, the pet can provide joyful companionship instead of consternation.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

We need more parenting questions for the Monday Consult. Please post them below, or we'll all just be stuck with the questions I come up with. Yours are more interesting.

By the way, I'm hearing reports that readers are having problems commenting. If you're getting a message that you've posted too many comments -- and you're a real person with a real comment, not a spammer -- please ignore that and keep trying. It's not you; it's us, and a glitch in our system.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:20 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

Your infant has been crying -- a lot. That's what babies do. But how do you know if your baby actually has colic? I asked Dr. Charles Shubin, director of pediatrics at Mercy FamilyCare, a division of Family Health Centers of Baltimore, to provide today's Consult.

Colic, Shubin explained, is not a defined medical disease but a diagnosis that's made when doctors and parents have ruled out other reasons for a baby's discomfort. But here are some of the signs he said might lead you to talk to your pediatrician about colic: Your baby is 1 to 4 months of age; she cries for long periods at a time, after you've tried feeding her, burping her and changing her to help; and the extended crying has something of a daytime pattern that often occurs in the late afternoon and early evening. "They cry continuously or a lot, or they're not well consolable," Shubin said.

What can you do if the doctor can't find a physical cause of discomfort and says your child does have colic? Shubin says some parents have had success swaddling the baby -- wrapping her tightly in a blanket like a burrito, which you might have done when she was first born. Vibrating baby chairs and swings might also calm the baby, but Shubin cautions that you shouldn't prop the infant on top of a clothes dryer -- the vibrations might be soothing, but the baby could fall off.

The good news is that time is on a parent's side. Most babies stop extended crying at about the time they learn to sleep through the night, around 4 months, Shubin said. If yours is still crying for hours every day much beyond that, it's time to talk to your doctor again.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Babies and Toddlers, Expecting, The Monday Consult
        

I know there's a lot going on today, but what better time than the day of an historic election to ponder all aspects of your family's future -- including the parenting questions you'd like to have an expert answer here on this blog?

Post your questions in the comments below. The sooner you ask, the sooner I can get to work on an answer.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 4:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: The Monday Consult
        

CKisMom wanted advice on nighttime potty training for her 3 1/2 year old, who uses the bathroom by himself during the day but still needs a pull-up at night. He doesn't drink much before bed and uses the bathroom before lights out, but isn't staying dry.

Dr. Katherine Hopkins, a pediatrician with Box Hill Pediatrics in Abingdon, says it's actually common for kids to wet the bed until they're as old as 7. "If there is a family history of bedwetting, then a later age for night-time control is common," she wrote to me. "The first step in the pursuit of over-night dryness is to evaluate the child’s evening routine. Late dinners, after-school activities with a large drink bottle and bed-time snacks will contribute to the volume of fluid heading to the bladder overnight. Encourage plain water rather than sugary drinks or milk in the evening. Use a smaller glass." (But don't over-restrict water from a child who has reason to be thirsty from physical activity.) "Be sure your child empties his/her bladder just before going to sleep."

If those steps don't work, your child is likely just a heavy sleeper whose need to get to the bathroom isn't waking him up. When he's 7 to 9 years old, you can try intervening with an alarm that attaches to the child's underwear and sounds at the first sign of urine. Because the child may not hear that, Hopkins recommends a parent sleep in the room with the child at first.

"Once the alarm sounds, the parent jumps up, wakes the child (trying to stop the urine flow) gets the child to the bathroom, change the towel on the sheets (which was placed there at the beginning of the night to make clean-up quick) and all go back to sleep till the next alarm," she wrote. "This process usually takes a good 3 to 4 weeks, so you have to be patient and committed!" Eventually, the child should either get up to use the bathroom during the night on his own, or stay dry.

Hopkins recommends consulting your own pediatrician about which alarm is right for you, particularly if your child has other health issues. And if the alarm strategy fails, you might want to talk to the doctor about medication, especially if the child is avoiding camp or sleep-overs because of embarrassment.

By the way, she says daytime wetting or stooling accidents and constipation can be a sign of a more serious medical condition and need to be addressed by a pediatrician sooner rather than later.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: The Monday Consult