"Kate Plus 8" is moving closer to, um, reality with the news today that the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry has approved work permits for the eight Gosselin children to appear on a new reality show with their no-longer-Dancing-With-The-Stars mom.

Does this mean I've got to watch the show and live-blog it....alone? As Kate Plus 2?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out the archives of John & Kate Plus 2 Watch Jon & Kate Plus 8. Featuring John, my husband, who is thankfully still with me.

AFP/Getty Images photo

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We've taken a vacation from watching this train wreck of a show, but we had to come back to witness the finale.

The show opens with Kate saying she "only saw the good" in doing a reality show with her kids. "This is a very bittersweet goodbye."

And here's Jon, in a trashy t-shirt, saying "I gotta stop being a kid."

Kate S.: "Couldn't he dress up for this?"

John: "Hey, that's one of his good t-shirts."

He says living in New York is great, because "it's like I'm working again."

Kate S.: "Except he's....not."

Kate up and says she doesn't envision Jon and his girlfriend Hailey having a future.

Jon is preparing a lemonade stand with the kids to raise money for the fire company. Cara and Mady are acting up, but the crowning blow is when one of them says they like doing things better with Mommy. Jon replies that their signs are "going in the trash can."

Kate S.: "Wow!"

John: "We're going to sell lemonade and like it, darn it!"

John: "You know what I'm really upset about? No more Sonic commercials."

After a few groupies come to ogle Jon, nobody's really buying lemonade. So the kids entertain themselves by watching the ladder truck in action.

John: "So what's with the 'Lies, Lies, Lies,' shirt he's wearing? Is he trying to make a statement?"

John: "They keep saying the same things again and again."

The kids are going on a walk with Kate, and all complaining loudly. But all is well when a gentleman friend appears with a truck full of hay.

More screaming children.

John: "Too much reality!"

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Tonight's is a Q&A episode of John & Kate Plus 2 Watch Jon & Kate Plus 8.

No dialogue tonight. Just a synopsis of some of the more interesting questions, and Kate's answers:

The first question is: “What happened to the dogs?”
She explains that things were falling through the cracks and the dogs were suffering.
“Never when I got them did I have the intention of giving them back.”

“Are they gone forever? I’m hoping not.”

Does she regret renewing her vows with Jon in Hawaii, just a year ago? Surprisingly, no. “At that time, I knew that I meant it.”

How much sleep do you get in a night? Right now, she says, 4 to 5 hours on average.

Does she ever flip out? Sure, often. “I’m getting better and getting the understanding and the patience, too. I find myself asking them, what are you really upset about?

She says more often than not, it’s “the issues. The family issues.”

What is the worst thing she has ever read about herself? She acknowledges reading lots of bad things, including that she was having an affair. (Rolls her eyes, makes a disparaging sound, doesn’t say yes or no.)
Because of all the people trying to get things from them, she says, “I have a feeling I am raising kids who are going to scrutinize people inside, outside and upside down. And that’s not a bad thing.”

“They’re not suffering from this.” All their experiences are “life lessons.” If the kids don’t want to be on camera at any particular time, they can go in their rooms, which are off limits.

Her reaction to the Halloween Kate wig? “I hear it’s back-ordered to the end of time.”
“I think that it’s great that people can laugh at us or with us.”

She wears heels to look taller and thinner, and because she doesn’t “feel dressed” without heels on.

Does she see herself getting married again? “Do you really think now is the time to be asking me that?“
“I just know it’s going to have to be someone with a lot of patience, character, strength…wow…and wisdom to take us on.”

She says there are a full time babysitter and several part-time babysitters around pretty much all the time because with that many kids, it’s about safety. Cue the footage of kids wailing and wailing on each other. Do we have to see this? We get it.

She says they’ve had lots of opportunities for great trips.
That she did the show originally “for the memories…and it became our income.“ So all eight kids could go to college. “It will not be touched” except for that, she says.

She says that she is still a saver and a coupon clipper.

What are her career goals? “I would love to be in a movie at some point.”

Is the fact that she always wants everything to be clean a problem? Kate says the only problem lately is that, given the unraveling family situation, she isn’t organized enough.

The show, she says, is "really reality." "We plan events," but don't stage, she says. And the kids aren't forced to do anything.

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Tonight, on John & Kate Plus 2 Watch Jon & Kate Plus 8:

Where would the Gosselins be without a trip? Kate's going to Florida with the little girls while the boys do "destructive man stuff."

Kate S.: "They're going to Butterfly World! Do you think Sam would like that?"

John: "I guess we should mention for disclosure's sake that we have raised butterflies in our home."

Kate S.: "And for the record, we let them go in a lovely place. But it wasn't Florida."

John: "Hopefully, they're still alive...."

There are also parrots at Butterfly World.

Meanwhile, Jon and the boys -- oh, and the older twins -- are back home, and Jon is trying to put together some colossal rocket thingie.

John: "So I'm not supposed to notice this, but is separation making Jon get fatter?"

Kate S.: "Why are you not supposed to notice?"

John: "He's getting this huge gut!"

John: "You know what else I've noticed? As the marital strife has grown on this show, the Sonic commercials have disappeared. Coincidence? I think not."

Back to the little girls, who are holding nectar for the birds. One of the birds has bitten Kate.

Kate S.: "Oh, how cute, that she's having eight birds line her arms."

Says she's "very much into symbolism."

Kate S: "Next, she is forced to confront disgusting insects."

John: "Is this a metaphor for Jon?"

The rocket is set off, uninspiringly.

Kate is impressed that the little girls have no fear of the bugs. One walks around holding one!

Kate S.: "Sorry, but Kate is protesting a little too much."

John: "She's totally being a girl."

Kate S.: "Hey!"

Jon gets the rocket to go higher this time, and pronounces the results "awesome."

Kate G: "I love how old they're getting, that they can just torture me" with the bugs.

Kate S: "Excellent! Get used to it. The torture doesn't end."

Oh no. They aren't taking a hot air balloon ride now, in Florida. Not after balloon boy...

John: "I would never do that."

Kate S.: "Neither would I."

One girl says: "Not fun! At all!" Hot air balloons are, it turns out, hot.

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Tonight on John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8, the six little Gosselins head off to school.

Kate S: "Junior kindergarten?"

But first shoe shopping. Kate G.: "There will be no tie shoes in this house." (Until they can tie them themselves quickly.)

Victory! Kate G. finds the very lunchbox that goes with the bookbags she just got! "I'm gonna cry...."

Kate S.: "Uh oh, paparrazzi!"

Kate G. talk about all the support she feels, especially when she travels.

John: "She must not read your blog."

John: "Now she's making homemade organic snacks. I better get started on our organic snacks for Sam and Leah!"

At this point in her own home, Kate S. starts nodding off. John helpfully suggests that she "walk around" at the commercial break to keep her observational skills sharp and defeat typos.

Uh-oh! On the first day of school, the kids are up at 5:30 a.m.

She says the kids were very eager to get on the school bus.

Kate S.: "I bet they were."

Jon shows up unexpectedly to see the kids off. At least, she says, the two of them want to rally together for big kids events.

When she got on the bus, Kate G. was planning to ride all the way to school, but says this idea was voted down because the paparazzi might follow and pose a hazard.

Kate S.: "Hmm; commercial lead-in refers to the last remaining Jon & Kate episodes. Does this mean the show is for sure ending?"

John: "Sounds ominous."

Now Kate is back home, alone, while the kids are at school. "Crazy," she says. "Really crazy."

She goes up to get Mady and Cara's laundry and is 'horrified' at the state of it.

Kate S.: "Does she never go up there?"

And now it's time for her to pick up the kids already. "Not much of a break," she says.

Kate S: "Isn't that always the way?"

Kate G. muses that the children are "getting too big."

John: "You can always have more!"

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Tonight's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 is called "Time to Organize!" At the John & Kate Plus 2 household, I am watching and blogging while simultaneously trying to eat dinner after another late evening at work; hemming a pair of kids' pants; and doing the dishes.

So I can't imagine what the Gosselins have to organize. Other than, of course, their bills...

Kate G. says her long hope has been to organize the basement, but last winter, "things fell apart" and it didn't happen.

Kate S.: "Um, yeah, I'd say they did fall apart."

A professional organizer has come to the rescue.

John: "We need her! Maybe if we let someone film us, they'll give us an organizer."

Kate S: "But we'd have to get organized for that."

Kate says there is a "Jon box" that she's not sure what to do with.

John: "Make a bonfire! A Jon-fire!"

(He says this while snipping the ends off fresh green beans for our, um, can we call it dinner after 9 p.m.? I tell him I admire his dedication. There will not be a John-fire here.)

Back to the show. They're going to put things on shelves. Including, kid you not, the "vomit bucket."

Kate S.: " Ohhhkaaaayyyy -- so much for that 'dinner.' "

Kate S.: "Now she's trying to throw away their stuffed animals."

John: "Their stuffed buddies? What kind of a witch is she?"

Kate S: "Oh, now she's lying about it."

Now they have found an old milestone calendar and are reading and reminiscing. Sad.

And then Kate G. reveals that her true love is....the labelmaker.

John: "And to think they've had them at Staples all these years."

Kate G. reveals that more than ever, she needs the kids to help her. One of their jobs is "toilet paper dispersal." They're in charge of restocking the many bathrooms with extra rolls.

Back to the basement...

Kate S.: "Whoa. Is that a whole big rack with just their winter coats?"

The kids break out their old costumes, and this is one of the most genuinely cute moments I've seen on the show.

But it doesn't last.

John: "This is getting more and more mundane."

Kate: "Oh, they're keeping a box of their wedding memories..."

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On this episode, Kate G. takes the little girls to a tea room, with a pink teapot.

The older girls stay with Jon, who buys them earrings. And himself some.

John: "Daddy and daughter matching earrings. That's so '80s."

The little girls all choose the pink tea and put a big sugar cube in their cups.

Kate S.: "The poor producer who has to ask them what kind of tea they drank."

John: "He's thinking, 'I was going to do "60 Minutes"!'

Kate G. talks about how nervous she was trusting the girls with all that glass.

John: "Sam would've broken something in the first five minutes."

Now they are making bracelets at a craft store. And John is nudging Kate S. awake because she's falling asleep on the couch...

Meanwhile, Jon and Cara and Mady make a bonfire from tabloids.

Kate S.: "How cute. Is this over yet?"

Ice cream for the little girls. The big girls make Father's Day cards. As the credits roll, Kate G. starts belatedly talking about the importance of individual trips.

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Tonight's Gosselins episode is called "Farm to Table." Kate G. reveals one downside of moving to their nice new house is that they have moved away from "my produce guy, Henry."

Now they are going to visit Henry, a member of the first Amish family "I have known personally." She is happy Henry has agreed to filming because the Amish don't like cameras. (His face won't be shown.)

John (sighs): "Women in shorts."

Kate: "Those crookneck squash were pretty cool."

There are lots of too-much-in-unison-to-be-believed "yays" at the corn and eggplant. Then the kids start bickering, and Kate tells them to "stop your obnoxiousness."

Now they are visiting a playground they used to go to.

John: "Castle park!"

Now they are shucking corn. Kate G. lets us in on what we all know...that it's generally "safer" for babysitters to be constantly around.

Kate: Interesting that she admitted about the babysitters.

John: Can't live without them. Except that she's probably not sleeping with them.

Kate: !!!!

While Kate cooks up her nutritious meal, the kids bicker over a selection of instruments.

John: Wonder what the camerapeople do when one of the kids is hitting the other over the head with a drumstick?

Kate: Film it!

Next: Family game night.

Kate: Oh, and here's a commercial for Monopoly!

John: I bet in the next segment, they'll go to Olive Garden.

But no, they are eating the homemade chicken cacciatore. The kids say: "Jesus made it, Henry grew it, Mommy cooked it, and we ate it!"

Kate reflects on her single status, that it is "starting to feel that the pity party is gone."

Then Cara keeps saying her foot is injured. Finally, Kate up and calls the doctor. The pediatrician says they can take her right now.

Kate: Oh, look at them flossing!

Gator Golf looks fun. But they play Pictureka and Mady has a bit of a meltdown. And then the doctor calls about Cara's foot, which has a bruise and swelling and needs x-rays. At 8:22 p.m. "Anything I can do to stretch the night to make the next day shorter, I do," says Kate.

As it turned out, she was fine. "We don't have time for a cast, do we, Cara?"

Kate: "So what do we think about her doing everything while she has custody?"

John: "Obviously she thinks he can't do anything. No trust. But that's a typical mom reaction."

Kate: "Hey! I trust a lot to you!"

John: "Good!"

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Kate S. here. I'm alone to watch Jon & Kate Plus 8. All alone, like Kate G. must be. My John is at a meeting. Yeah, right, you say.

Well, I am hoping not to learn otherwise from US magazine soon....

Kate G. is grilling for the first time. "It's summer, we have to grill, and I've got to figure it out." She's overwhelmed. She has to "run the world," and admits she's lonely at night.

I actually feel for her. I can't imagine taking care of two kids by myself, much less eight.

But I think she's putting too much pressure on herself. "I've gotta do everything big and make memories," she said. (A good way to drive yourself permanently cranky and make bad memories, I'd think.)

And my John is home! From the "meeting"!

John: "That chicken would not pass muster on Top Chef."

Now the "audio guy," Alex, is setting up a movie on the lawn for the kids. But Alex has no DVD.

Now here comes a popcorn machine.

John: "Popcorn machine. Good God. More excess for the Gosselin family. How can these kids ever be genuinely surprised at anything? It's all there."

Kate S.: "What is that on Kate's head?"

The kids fall asleep and Kate has to lug the boys up to bed. When she has trouble lifting Colin, she says she realizes she's a single mom. Then she's shown packing up and leaving for Jon's turn.

"I don't like wondering what they're doing. I don't like wondering if they're happy."

John: "We miss the kids when we're at work, and we know we're going to see them every day. Can you imagine this? I come out of work with a spring in my step because I'm going to pick them up."

Kate: "Awww!!!"

Jon is taking the kids fishing with all the kids except Mady, who has gone shopping with her grandmother. The kids are scared, crying, cranky. Jon says he's taking his kids fishing no matter what, and that they have to face their fears. One of the kids says she wants to watch TV.

Kate: "Sounds familiar."

Now they're making pizzas.

Kate: "Oooh, grilled pizza. That looks good."

Kate: "Jon actually seems smarter this week."

John: "He's talking, for once."

Now they're fishing again?

John: "Fishing abuse! Fish, and you vil like eet!"

Kate: "But I think they do like it..."

Leah catches a fish. Jon says the second location "rocked."

John: "They're having fish sticks tonight!"

Then one of the boys gets hit in the head with a fish and is traumatized.

Jon says being alone is really stressful and bittersweet. He says they're calling him and he says "I'm on Park Avenue, I'm on Broadway..."

John: "Or in a bar."

Kate: "Or in a 'meeting'!"

John: "At church and soccer. Let's make that clear."

Kate: "Watch out. The paparazzi will soon be there."

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apparently not on tonight. So sad. See you next time for our recap.

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Tonight on John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate takes her boys out west, to Wyoming.She even wades into a chicken coop in high heels.

Kate S.: I feel that she's wearing inappropriate shoes on purpose.

John: So she can complain about girly girl moments?

Kate S.: Yes.

Meanwhile, Jon is home with the girls. They are catching bugs. Jon altruistically reminds them that all the bugs and worms should "return to nature" at the end.

Kate is back out west, riding ATVs with th e little guys.

Jon: "Kate is not wearing a helmet. Obama got so much grief, she should get grief."

Kate S.: "I agree."

Kate has changed from heels to boots, with a cowboy hat thrown in. But she belies her obsessive-girly ways by telling the head cowboy that "screaming is like breathing to me."

Meanwhile, there is a gratuitous close-up of horse poop.

John: "Highlight of the trip!"

Jon takes the little girls to the dentist. Now there's a fun job. Leah has two cavities, and Alexis is jealous because she only has one. Jon thinks that's funny.

Kate S.: I love that Jon thinks cavities are 'hilarious.'

Back out west, Kate mentions this trip has been 'paparrazzi-free,' which means "everything in the world." And the boys have adopted a cat who seems to be living in their cowboy hats. Uh-oh, now the cat is running away.

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Here John & Kate Plus 2 were all ready to get back on the Gosselin bandwagon, and there's a repeat. Catch our recap next time there's a new episode.

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Tonight, "Beach and Kitchen Reveal" on Jon & Kate Plus 8. At our house: a raging thunderstorm.

The ktichen renovation isn't finished, and Kate is still at the beach, making bacon and eggs for her kids in a garguantuan ... kitchen. She claims she feeds her kids bacon or sausage only about twice a year.

Kate S.: "Uh-oh; they're saying they miss Daddy."

Our cable goes out. Yikes! Comes back on to show Kate snuggling one of the little girls; we're not sure which one.

Kate S.: "That's really cute. It's the most affectionate I've ever seen her with one of the kids."

Kate talks about how this was her first vacation as a soon-to-be-separated mom, and how she made "all of the decisions."

John: "She was the sole one making the decisions before!'

As they go to commercial, Kate announces the kids are going to "paint themselves with pudding."

John: "She's giving up control!"

Cara and Mady, the older twins, are into performing lately, Kate G. says. They are also kind of bossing around the little ones.

Back at the homestead...

John: "Apparently their design team can't measure."

One of the contractors seems to be describing the renovation as "total disaster" on the phone to someone. But then he says they'll be out of there in a few days.

At the beach and lacking paintbrushes, Kate hatches the plan for the kids to paint themselves with pudding. Chocolate pudding. Hilarity ensues.

John: "You can lick your kids!"

Kate S.: "Disgusting. But this actually does look fun."

John: "There goes your security deposit on the place."

Jon is shown wearing a T-shirt with the words blocked out -- "A non-sponsor?" asks our John -- and discusses his earring wearing. It is not a mid-life crisis, he says.

Meanwhile, Kate says she is amazed at how "adjustable" her children have become.

Kate S.: "Do you think Jon is having a midlife crisis?"

John: "Midlife, no. Crisis, yes."

The kids and Kate visit a snake museum, freaking Kate out.

John: "She's doing things she's never done before."

Kate: "What do you think of that?"

John: "Well, I think there are lots of things she needs to try, and to work on. Holding a snake is not one of them."

Kate says she is trying not to feel sorry for herself. Jon says it was good that they were away -- "especially Kate."

Kate S.: "Ouch."

The kids and Kate pull up in a bus and the kitchen is....beautiful. So much for the disaster. "Holy cow, it's like a different room."

Kate S.: "I want that kitchen."

John: "You can have it in heaven."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:36 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Now that Jon & Kate Plus 8 are back in their post-separation reality show, will you keep watching? (John & Kate will, but that's their job.)

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Tonight, the reality show Jon & Kate Plus 8 returned to TLC for the first time since Jon & Kate announced their intention to divorce in June. And it looks like at least some of them are headed to the beach. And remodeling the humongous kitchen. In a double episode.

Kate S.: "Just like any old divorce."

John: "Another freebie."

Flash back to January of this year, when Kate says they were "having problems" but not to the point of no return in their marriage. The people who are helping remodel the kitchen stop by to find out what Jon & Kate want in a kitchen.

John: "You mean like, who's in it? Take out the slacker dude!"

Kate S.: "FUNCTION!" says her notebook. That's what she wants in a kitchen."

Kate S.: "Did she just tell the designers to remove the flowers because they were 'distracting and ugly'?"

Kate G. says she's not quite sure how she will survive the chaos of the renovation. "I didn't know then that I would go away," she says rather dramatically.

John: "It's hard to empathize with a hardship imposed on you by a contractor. Especially when houses are being foreclosed..."

John: "So this is the show that shows why they got divorced. It started with the cabinets."

Kate S: "Wow. That is an army of kids."

John: "I think there's a lot more crying we don't see."

Kate S.: "Are you talking about the kids?"

John: (As Kate tearfully announces she can't take the renovation any more, and they're going to the beach) "Oh, now she's crying!"

Jon says the kids and Kate had to sneak out to the beach at 4 a.m. to avoid the paparazzi.

Kate S.: "The beach house looks just like...their house."

The kids frolic on the sand and water.

Kate S.: "Wouldn't you go crazy trying to watch all of them around the water?"

John: "I guess you give up some of that."

John: "Sonic!"

Kate S.: "A new Sonic commercial."

As they go to another commercial, Jon says the cabinet construction is, like, "super-dangerous." Kate and kids lounge by the pool.

Kate S.: "So how would you watch 8 kids at the beach?"

John: "With bodyguards, handlers, and many camera people. Oh, you mean someone normal?"

John: "I think you'd have to rely on their good sense, and only intervene in extreme emergency. So you can't get nervous about the borderline cases."

Jon talks about the weirdness of waking up in an empty house, and the irony of being bored by it. Well, he doesn't say "irony."

Next week's preview shows one of the contractors saying "somehow, the dimensions were off."

Kate S.: "You've got that right."

Second episode -- Kate's first official turn alone with the kids under the custody arrangement. She says her new mantra is that she will do things she has never done before.

The kids are going camping.

John: "We need to camp. In the backyard."

Kate S.: "I'm with you. That way the bathroom's close."

The kids seem skeptical that she can set up a tent. They say Daddy knows everything about that.

Kate S.: "Boy, that's low. Geez, where are they if even the girls think the girl can't do it?"

Kate finally erects the hugest tent we've ever seen. She admits that the PAs -- production assistants? -- put up the other one.

Kate S: "Can the production assistants put up our tent?"

John: "Maybe if we ask them nicely."

The campout includes a swim in their giant pool.

Kate S: "Eeeww! Drinking pool water."

Kate S: "At least I feel like I'm seeing more of the kids now. And less sniveling."

Kate G. hands out high-falutin' granola bars.

John: "She's trying to improve on s'mores? I don't think so."

Kate S: "Meanwhile, looks like they're burning the marshmallows."

Quote of the night: Kate G.: "I don't really get the principles of fire, because I'm not, like, a pyromaniac." But redemption comes when she gets a fire of sorts going, smoky though it is.

John: "Man, what will happen when you've got Jon & Kate Plus Adolescents? It's going to be ugly...I'm seeing more and more attitude."

Kate says she slept in a tent with the sextuplets, and Cara and Mady were fine in their own tents. They slept with the help of battery operated ceiling fans and decorated with light sticks.

John: "I get the sense she's spending more time with her kids than she has in a long time."

Kate S.: "That's probably true."

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For those of you who have asked for the return of the sideshow known as John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8 -- it's baaaack. Tonight.

We'll be watching and posting our running dialogue right after the 9 p.m. episode of the TLC show. According to our David Zurawik, the resumed show will offer a "relatable" look at a family while it's breaking up.

I'm not sure I'll be able to relate to keeping my eight kids in the public eye as they watch their parents split up and date other people. But maybe that's just me.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)
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People.com now quotes a source close to Kate Gosselin who says the reality TV star is not moving to Maryland, after all. (Radar.com reported yesterday that she was,and the blogosphere, including this blog, picked it up.) So I can take back my questions (at least for now) about why a divorcing parent would live so far from her kids.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 3:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
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Our David Zurawik reports that Kate Gosselin may be moving to Maryland. She reportedly toured some condos in Rockville, which also happens to be the town where her, cough, bodyguard lives.

Not super close to the family compound in Wernersville, Pa., where the divorcing celebrity couple have said the Plus 8 part of the family will continue to live. Jon, meanwhile, has reportedly looked for a new pad in New York.

This all brings up many questions, but the one I'm interested in is: When parents break up, how close should they live to the kids, even on the days they don't have custody?

What if there's an emergency, and the other parent needs to pick up custody on a given day? What if there's an important performance, or something else that comes up? What about just creating a sense that even though the parents are apart, they're both close by if needed?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
        

After their big divorce announcement last week, Jon & Kate Plus 8 are on hiatus, with a recap show scheduled for tonight. In the meantime, USMagazine.com reports, they're planning a media blackout to focus on their family.

In that spirit, John & Kate Plus 2 will also take a J&K-watching break to focus on their family. OK, maybe just on the laundry to start.

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Tonight, after we've already learned that Jon and Kate Gosselin have started divorce proceedings, John and Kate Plus Two watched the "big announcement" episode.

Jon says he's clearing the land for the kids to receive a present of "crooked houses" himself because he'll take "any excuse to get on the tractor and knock down trees. It's a man thing."

John: "What I really want is a sit-down mower."

Kate: "It's sad, she looks very lukewarm about it."

John: "She's depressed....Jon just wants to be a dude. Hanging out with the bikers and the truckers, using heavy machinery."

John: "They are at war."

Kate: "So who's right?"

John: "It's a substitute for what they're supposed to be dealing with. They're just focusing their attention on anything like that. Somebody's got to win. That's what I mean about, they're at war. No negotiation. No communication."

Kate: "But that give-and-take is hard in any marriage, isn't it?"

John: "But did you see give-and-take there? She said she'd risk World War III....This is kind of a side thing they're using to get at each other."

Kate: "15 percent off Jon and Kate DVDs....yeowch."

John: "Are the kids wearing Crooked House T-shirts?"

Scene: Jon says that whatever their problems, they're 'there for the kids,' through crooked houses, etc.

Kate S.: "But are they really there for them? Do they think the kids can't tell?"

John: "The problem for her is, wasn't he staying at home with them?"

Kate S.: "I guess she has help. Or maybe she won't be able to travel."

John: "So they get all these free things. Do you think someone could have given them some counseling? What attempts did they make to salvage this marriage?"

Kate: "So do you think whatever he or she has done, that they should try that?"

John: "Certainly it isn't good to fight in front of your kids, and some marriages probably should be ended. But is (ending it) the first thing you do?"

Kate: "Is there any way we can know how much of this was the fame itself, and how much is just two different people?"

John: "I think the fame created a lot of stress. Plus they couldn't deal with their problems in a normal way. How can you be normal when you're stalked by the paparazzi and you're in the tabloids, and in blogs."

Kate S.: "Like this one..."

John: "You wonder how much spanking TLC decided not to show."

Kate S.: "Boy, it's like Enchanted Forest!"

The interviewer points out that Jon and Kate are in different houses, "like a shell game." Kate talks about how Jon won't discuss anything with her.

Kate S.: "TLC is really milking this in an unpleasant way."

Jon talks about how the crooked house guys did delivery and assembly all in one day.

Kate S.: "Could this be more of a commercial?"

Jon says their relationship "is our deal" and that he was too passive. But Kate claims this would have played out had the world been watching or not. They both say they have been dealing with this for 7-8 months. They go to commercial still not saying what they're going to do.

Kate S.: "Oh, this is ridiculous."

John: "It's profoundly sad."

Kate S.:"Yes, it is sad. But I just kind of think it's sick that they're playing it this way for drama. They're participating in it."

John: " I would love to know what the filmmakers think. They've been watching this train wreck in front of them. Do they want to avert their gaze?"

At 9:43, Jon finally says "Kate and I have decided to separate." Kate says she knows it's necessary because her goal is "peace for the kids." She says kids will remain in the house and that she and Jon will share custody and will live in the house during their time with the kids to maintain stability.

Kate: "That's how a lot of people are handing divorce now. I have to respect that arrangement. Then again....this also allows the show to go on."

They start to show scenes from the beginning episodes of the show.

John: "Now the rock video."

And then, indeed, Jon says the show will go on and they'll both be involved. Kate says what worries her the most is how the kids will see they've failed, and they are another statistic. And that she's afraid of being alone.

Kate S.: "Wow. I don't know what to say. How are they going to tell the kids? And are we going to see that?"

John: "Good question. And that'll be a hard one to watch."

Last scene: family goes to brunch on Mother's Day. Kate talks about the way they used to work together on the simplest thing, like walking eight kids into a restaurant in the rain.

John: "He's parked in the handicapped spot."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)
Categories: John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8
        

People.com reports that Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus 8 have filed for divorce.

If so, I'm really sad for all their kids, and will post tonight on the details as they come out on the "special announcement" show. Watch our Reality Check and Z on TV blogs for more.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8
        

My friend Sarah Kelber at Reality Check has news that Monday's episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 will be a one-hour special with an "announcement" on the state of the couple's frayed relationship. Judge what it will be for yourself:

John and Kate Plus 2 will watch and converse about the show; look for our post afterward.

By the way, here's a belated answer to Bucky's question about the show's ratings.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8
        

Tonight Jon & Kate Plus 8 finished their two-part crossover series with the stars of "American Chopper." John & Kate Plus 2 did not watch the first part. They learn that the "American Chopper" guys are here to help Jon design a bike of his own because….well, just because he’s Jon.

Kate G. talks on the couch about watching "American Chopper."
Kate S.: “Do you think Kate really watched "American Chopper?”
John: “In ‘days gone by.’ At least she gets to stretch out on the couch now that Jon’s not in the picture.”
Biker Paul Senior is impressed with Jon’s interest in the bike being built for him. The Gosselin children, meanwhile, aren’t much of a focus of the show.
Kate S. “So what do you think is going on with the kids lately?”
John: “They’re raising themselves. As long as Jon and Kate are having fun.”
Kate S: “That is what it’s all about, right?”
Kate G. talks about how much fun it was to have the bikers around to help entertain the kids. “I’d keep ‘em if I could,” she says.
John: “They’re thinking, ‘Why are we here?’” And why were the biker guys riding away in a minivan?”
Jon is seen at the bikers’ shop to help finish work on his new bike. He says as soon as he got there “they put me to work right away.” He is then seen being wheeled around on a cart. He gets some friendly shoves from Paul Senior.
Kate S.: “Even when they’re apart, Jon gets hit.”
Jon muses that this is the first time in a long time that he’s gotten to do guy things, and complains about living in a house with six women (and three sons).
Kate S.: “So do you feel you have a need to do guy things? Like that?”
John: “No. ‘Cause raising a family’s a guy thing.”
Kate S: “Yeah, right.”
John: “I think you need time to do your own thing, but it’s not necessarily building a chopper.”
Kate S.: “What would you do, if you had these limitless resources?”
John: “Follow Springsteen.”
Kate S. “That won’t work, because I’m coming too.”
Kate G. thinks the pink scooter the American Chopper guys made for her is a “mess.”
Kate S.: “At least she’s donating it to charity.”
Biker Mikey and Kate G. go to the spa.
Kate S. “Again, I ask, where are the children?”
John: “Being taken care of by their army of nannies. I guess the kids just aren’t that interesting.”
Kate S.: “I wouldn’t say this was.”
John: “Thing is, daily life isn’t all that interesting. You’ve got to manufacture things.”
Kate G. is seen taking her pink scooter to donate to the Ronald McDonald house, along with the kids in matching outfits.
Kate S.” Oh, there are the kids!”
Kate G. admonishes the kids about the horn one more time. Then she makes a point of telling the Ronald McDonald employee that she rode the scooter.
John: “She actually rode it, so it’s gone up 10 percent in value.”
Jon G. sums up the episode by saying, “I built the bike, I built relationships…”
John: “That’s the problem. He’s building too many relationships.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (39)
        

On tonight’s episode: Kitchen envy.
John thinks the opening scene is already anti-Jon, when Kate asks Jon if he even knows where the oven is.
John (to Kate G.): "Like you cook three meals a day."
Kate S.: "It's Emeril!
John: "So they're making chili mac for 8 kids? Can you imagine the aftermath? "
Kate S.: "Well, they're already talking about the bathroom."
John: "Don't light a match!"
Scene: The kids are snapping off the ends of fresh green beans.
Kate S.: "They're working with vegetables!"
John: "How would green bean casserole go over in our family?"
Kate S.: “Not. Well.”
Kate S.: “Now what do we think of Jon and Kate cooking together?”
John: “Probably the first time they've done it. Although it is a sin to have a kitchen like that and not be cooking in it constantly. That is the kitchen I want."
Kate S. "Are you saying our kitchen isn't good enough?"
John: “I’m saying you cannot have more than one person in there at a time. Especially with sharp knives.”
During a commercial break:
John: "Do we have any Sonics near us?"
Kate S.: "Why do you ask?"
John: “It just looks so...inviting.”
Kate S.: “I think the product placement is working.”
John: “We could go there and have witty conversations.”
Kate: "Is this your answer to the Obama date night?”
John: “In this economy? Yes.”
Scene: They show a "favorite moment" for the 100th episode.
Kate S.: “Are you kidding? A favorite moment is when a kid has an accident? How messed up is that?”
John: "I guess a lot of people liked it."
Scene: Back to the cooking...
John: "So they're doing a group dinner here. What are they missing?"
Kate S.: "I give up."
John: "Wine!"
Later:
John: "She hit Emeril! With a spatula!"
Kate: "You seem to think Emeril is some kind of god."
John: "There are issues with her hitting Jon. She may be a hitter. Let's hope she's not a biter."
Kate: "Hot sauce? Yikes."
John: “I see bad things coming.”
Kate S.: “Talk about your accidents...”
John: “I want to see if they actually eat this chili mac.”
Scene: The kids eat the chili mac.
John: “They like it. They even use their napkins. We're failures!”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:39 PM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8, Television
        

Tonight, John & Kate Plus 2 watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 -- again. Here's a partial recap of the John & Kate reaction to the Jon & Kate show (find a fuller account at Reality Check):

Scene: Jon is staying home with the kids, wearing a backwards baseball cap and serving a meal at a spotless table with tulips artfully arranged in the middle.

Kate S.: "What do you notice about their house?"

John: "That it's cleaner than ours."

Kate S: "And how does that make you feel?"

John: "It makes me feel inferior. Or like they have help."

Scene: Jon goes snowboarding away from home, albeit to help a disabled boy make it down a mountain, and the appointment just happened to land on Kate's birthday.

John: "You can miss your wife's birthday for a family emergency or a work trip that cannot be avoided, but not for a ski trip. He's just trying to stay out of the house while she's there."

Kate S: "For a work trip that cannot...be...avoided?"

Scene: After the kids are shown making surprise cakes for Kate at Baltimore's Charm City Cakes -- Kate G. lovingly says they "looked like a rainbow vomited" -- the Gosselins are shown being interviewed together! on the famous couch.

Kate S. "They're back together!"

John: "And they're looking at each other! All is well."

At the next commercial break:

Kate S.: "So have you learned anything about parenting so far?"

John: "No. Well -- do not use fertility drugs."

Kate S.: "They are looking much friendlier." (Notes the couple's bare feet almost touching on the coffee table in front of the interview couch.)

John: "They must have read the contract."

Scene: Jon says, apropos of nothing, that sometimes you'll see him interviewed separately from Kate this season. Sometimes they'll be in the chair together.

John: "So it means nothing."

Kate S.: "It's all a game."

John: "Yep."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (50)
Categories: John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8, Television
        

Last night John & Kate Plus 2 watched the first episode of the fifth season of Jon & Kate Plus 8.

Jon & Kate Plus 8 have a million-dollar home and so much fame that paparazzi trail them on family trips to Target.

John & Kate Plus 2 live in a modest 3-bedroom Colonial that is never as clean as Jon & Kate's fancy house. Trust me, no one wants to see John & Kate Plus 2 go to Target, because the camera crew will have to wait for hours while our two children choose which of the fine trinkets available in the dollar aisle they would like to take home. (They only get one each.)

Jon & Kate Plus 8 get tanning, tummy tucks and hair plugs. John & Kate Plus 2 -- at least the Kate in our couple -- could probably use that cosmetic help and more, but somehow, no one has offered it.

Do not feel sorry for John & Kate Plus 2, however. Today they are feeling far happier -- and luckier -- than they imagine Jon & Kate Plus 8 to be.

(Associated Press photo of Jon and Kate Gosselin)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:29 PM | Permalink | Comments (75)