Guest Dad Joe Burris writes about a less-than-shining example for his sports-loving daughter:

When my 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso recently asked permission to play girls ice hockey, she was surprised at how readily I approved. That wasn’t the case among some other parents, she said. Yet while I did have some concerns about the sport’s physical nature, I could see her passion and interest and decided to allow her to give it a try.

“Just remember to protect yourself should you get checked,” I said.

“What does it mean to get checked?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

I’ve thought back to that moment often recently in wake of the controversy surrounding University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert, who has been suspended for rough play during a recent tournament game between New Mexico and Brigham Young.

Among Lambert’s most violent actions that day was grabbing an opposing player by the pony tail and pulling her to the ground with a force that could have caused a whiplash.

Taped footage of the incident has drawn millions of hits on video-sharing Web sites, featured on ABC’s Good Morning America and ESPN’s SportsCenter. It has been the talk of chat rooms and message boards everywhere.

One of the concerns I have about coverage of the Lambert incident is that it is by far the most attention given to a women’s team sport in a long, long time. In the absence of it, few of us would know -- and even fewer would care -- about Lambert or either team involved.

And that means that for plenty of young girls interested in playing sports, this might have been the first time they’ve seen women’s soccer in the mainstream media.

Imagine trying to get your son interested in playing baseball, and the first game he watches on television is Game 3 of the 2003 American League Championship Series, where the two teams staged one of Major League Baseball’s ugliest brawls ever.

What Lambert did on the field that day was despicable (she has since apologized) regardless of gender. The same could be said for the recent actions of University of Florida football player Brandon Spikes, who was caught trying to gouge the eyes of an opposing player during Florida’s contest against the University of Georgia.

The difference is that the Spikes incident barely stands out amid the plethora to time devoted to college football. The same goes for the 2003 ALCS with baseball coverage. Lambert’s incident stands alone.

I hope that there are enough girls playing sports -- particularly soccer -- to know that most have a physical side, and that the Lambert incident was an aberration.

They also should know that unless another player allows her emotions to get the best of her, women’s soccer probably won’t garner more national attention any time soon.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Sports
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes today about how for a family guy, the toilet inevitably becomes "the potty":

A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were visiting a department store when she decided to try on a garment.

“Okay,” I said, while walking out of the store, “I got to go to the potty.”

I stood momentarily red faced, wondering if any of the other customers in the store had heard me.

Potty -- now there’s a word you rarely hear from anyone who doesn’t have kids. I scarcely uttered it before we had any. Now, in nearly 13 years of parenting, it has become one of the most used in my vocabulary.

I have had some of the most memorable experiences taking my kids to the potty. I’ve learned that there are many filling stations just off Interstate 95 in North Carolina that have some of the most disgusting looking bathrooms I’ve ever seen. But when your kid’s got to go, you’ve got to stop.

I still recall the first time I took my older daughter Nyaniso (now 12) to a crowded men’s room. And I remember taking my younger Onalenna (now 3) to an empty ladies’ room; the receptionist at the pediatrician’s office gave me the ladies’ key, and it was too late to return for the other.

A while back, Onalenna struggled with me closing myself off from her and the rest of the world when I went to the bathroom.

“Daddy, what are you doing in there?”

“I’m going potty, Sweetie.”

“Can I come in with you?”

“Er, are you sure about that?”

Unbeknownst to me, Onalenna often observed my bathroom traits. And now when she goes, she takes reading materials with her. Most are books that we’ve read to her at nighttime; she’s heard them so often that she now recites them. Sometimes she takes magazines or other periodicals.

The thing is, the bathroom has become, for her, best reading room outside of the local library. She’ll go in and sit and sit and sit and sit and sit.

At times, you would think she’s thumbing through the Christmas edition of “War and Peace.”

“Sweetie, what are you doing in there?”

“I’m reading on the potty.”

Before we had kids, I worried about potty training, having heard of trying accounts from friends. As it turns out, both of our children transitioned well from diapers. Yet both have had their share of difficult moments during potty time, and it is amazing how much they recall.

Last year, while we were seated in a doctor’s office, Onalenna walked over to a baby crying frantically nearby.

“Aww, poor baby,” she said. “Are you constipated?”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris tells us about his daughters' unusual opportunities for traveling abroad -- and how it shapes their view of the world:

When I was a youngster, I marveled at taking a trip to the Canada side of Niagara Falls. The wonder of being in another country and the opportunity to see different things fascinated me, even if it was just across the border.

Yet my Canada trip pales in comparison with my daughters’ travels thus far.

As I write this, Nyaniso (12) and Onalenna (3) are with their mother in Istanbul, Turkey.

My wife is a priest of South African descent whose work takes her around the world. Anytime she heads to a land we know we’re not likely to visit anytime soon, we try to make it possible for our daughters to go. Two years ago, they traveled with her to Singapore, last year they went to Shropshire, England.

Most of the trips occur during the summer, but the Turkey trip is one of few that have happened during the school year. Each time, we sit down with Nyaniso’s teachers and principal to make sure she keeps pace with the class lessons. This time, she’s turned the trek into a school project, complete with a video she’s shooting.

Both of my daughters have been to their mother’s homeland much of their lives, and Nyaniso lived there at age 5. Onalenna won’t remember much about her travels at this age, but we plan to continue both of their visits to foreign lands.

It’s interesting to hear about such places from a child’s perspective; they couldn’t wait to tell me about the exotic flavors of ice cream offered in Singapore. Unlike their father -- and many Americans -- their initial perceptions about these faraway places haven’t come from news reports or Hollywood films.

I’m anxious to see how their first-hand experiences shape the way they see the world as adults. Already for Nyaniso, it’s made for some interesting conversations among kids her age.

A few years ago, she commented to friends how she couldn’t wait to go back to South Africa.

They questioned why she would want to set foot in Africa, saying it’s nothing but a mangy jungle full of crime and people dying from starvation.

“No it’s not,” she replied.

“Yes it is,” they said.

She then drew silent stares when she asked, “How do you know?”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

From the growing ranks of the sick, Guest Dad Joe Burris writes today about how hard it is to cope with the after-effects of flu while still being a daddy:

A few weeks ago, I felt as if I was coming down with an ailment. Now, I can’t seem to get up from it.

What began as seasonal flu has gravitated to bronchitis, which means I’ve become a walking cough machine. I’ve also become anxiety ridden, worried that my ailment will spread to my family.

This has been without question my most frantic and fearful year for flu illnesses. Normally, I rarely think about it. But this year’s flu outbreak often makes a parent feel helpless.

My 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso just got over seasonal flu; my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna attends a school where two H1N1 cases have been confirmed. I now fret over every cough, and with me being sick, I’ve mostly isolated myself from the rest of my family.

This has not been easy. Already, working more than an hour from home, I miss out on many family gatherings. Still, better safe than sorry; embraces and kisses are at a premium.

Oddly enough, Onalenna (who has also insisted that she doesn’t want my germs), has made it easy to cope with. She has taken to blowing kisses to me from across the room. She blows them until she’s certain they reach me with the same effect as a warm embrace.

At a time when my ailment sometimes keeps me up all night, it’s as soothing as a hot bowl of chicken soup.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest blogger Oren Miller of A Blogger and a Father takes the Father's Day Friday reins today with a thought-provoking post:

I recently read a blog post from a new father who admitted, to his shame and horror, that he didn't love his newborn son. It takes guts and self-awareness to realize something like that, let alone to admit it in public. And indeed, I can't think of anyone else who's ever said that. I know I didn't say it when I felt that way because I was terrified of the way I was feeling, and I was terrified of being judged if I told others about it.

No one tells you there's a chance you will not love your newborn. In all the classes we took, we saw the happy family leaving the hospital and riding into the sunset with their bundle of joy, so how come this guy wasn't a bundle of joy?

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: When you're not in love with your baby" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here with Father's Day Friday:

A few years ago, I came across an article that listed utterances heard only in a home with small children. Among those most popular was the parental query, “Did you wipe?”

As a father of two girls born nine years apart, I can attest to such utterances. There’s no doubt that my 12-year-old Nyaniso and 3-year-old Onalenna come up with comments heard only among families with children from their age group.

Here’s a sampling of things they’ve said the past two months:

Onalenna: Daddy, Nyaniso’s copying me!

Nyaniso: Well, you copied me first!

Onalenna: You copied me first!

Daddy: Okay, from now on, no more copying. Make up your own things to say. Got it?

Nyaniso: Ab-so-lutely!

Onalenna: Ab-so-lutely!

Nyaniso: Daddy, have you seen the new Ipod Nano? It’s only about $150.

Onalenna: No, Daddy, that wasn’t me. I don’t pass gas at home. I pass gas at school!

Nyaniso: Daddy, have you heard about a new phone service called Cricket? Unlimited texting for $35 a month.

Onalenna: That’s okay, Daddy. I don’t need any help. I can do teamwork all by myself.

Nyaniso: Daddy, can I paint your fingernails?

Onalenna: Daddy, Nyaniso said she’s gonna ride the roller coaster at the carnival, but I don’t want to ride the roller coaster.

Daddy: Well, I think it’s for kids Nyaniso’s age anyway, Sweetie.

Onalenna: It’s scary!

Daddy: It can be.

Onalenna: I don’t want to ride it, Daddy! I don’t want to!

Daddy: Sweetie?

Onalenna: Yes, Daddy?

Daddy: Don’t worry. You’re not going to ride the roller coaster.

Onalenna: I’m not riding the roller coaster?

Daddy: No, Sweetie.

Onalenna: Why?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris writes:

A peculiar thing happened recently as I took my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna to school.

I was driving along U.S. Route 1, in an HOV-2 lane, and just when I signaled and turned right a state trooper pulled me over.

The officer told me that he spotted me driving in the lane from quite a distance away and that I was only allowed to use an HOV-2 lane to turn if I had begun my trip from no more than one block from the turn street.

I replied that I was unaware of such a law but he insisted there was and I had violated it. I sat there dumbfounded while he returned to his squad car to write up the ticket.

“Daddy, why are you shaking your head?” Onalenna asked.

Just then, the trooper returned to my car and passed me a huge metallic-gray tablet, on which I had to sign the ticket.

“Wow, daddy, what’s that?” Onalenna asked.

The trooper reared back and appeared startled when he saw my daughter. Then he hung his head and tore up the ticket.

“This is the kind of day I’m having,” he said. “I’m sorry. I did not see her back there.”

All along, he assumed that I was driving in the HOV-2 lane alone. And had my daughter not spoken, I would have received a ticket.

I never thought about how difficult it must be for folks to see small children in the back seat -- especially if the car is standing still. I’m now wondering about all those other times when, while riding with my daughter along interstate HOV lanes, I got hard stares from other motorists.

(Associated Press photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Like many parents, Joe Burris is dealing with the mid-life spread. Some say this is the real "baby weight":

The most visible change to my body over the years has been my midsection. During my mid-20s, I had a rock-hard stomach _ the result of doing intense sit ups the way Sylvester Stallone did in “Rocky.” At 46, I might as well put an RIP sign over my belly; for years, my abs have been resting in peace under layers of fat. Ditto my navel, swallowed up by excess baggage.

A while back, my three-year daughter Onalenna noticed. As I lay on the shirtless on the bed, she climbed on my chest and peered down at the hole in my stomach where my belly button should be.

“Helloooooooo down therrrrrrrrre!” she exclaimed.

I have no idea where she got that from. It left me embarrassed. But it was also as a wake-up call: I need to be more conscious about healthy eating and weight gain to be active with my growing little ones.

Therefore, I’ve cut out many foods from my diet, including red meat, fried foods, fast foods, sodas, candy and some snacks. Most I’ve cut out entirely. Chocolate has been the most difficult to let go, but I’ve cut down considerably.

Already I’m seeing dividends, in part because we have incorporated better eating habits as a family. But I’ve also discovered just how much often those foods I’ve given up are tied to time with kids.

Try going to a carnival, sporting event, amusement park or any other kids’ venue that doesn’t serve pizza, candy bars, cheeseburgers or ice cream. The healthy choices are virtually non-existent, and rarely anything that makes for a complete meal.

Nowadays we often pack our meals and snacks for outings. It’s healthier and much less expensive. That’s part of the reason why I’m seeing the pounds steadily disappear. My navel and abs haven’t resurrected yet, but I’m working on it.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is thinking about how quickly the places where childhood memories are made can disappear:

One of my all-time favorite songs is Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi, mostly because of the verse, “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” Having moved several times over the years, I’ve often returned to old stomping grounds to discover they’ve been transformed in the name of urban development.

Few have bothered me so as when I saw that a once popular wooded area, near an office park where we live in Alexandria, Va., has been leveled, apparently for another building. The area, with a couple of gravel paved paths and two adjacent hillsides, was where my wife Mpho and I helped teach our daughter Nyaniso to ride a bike.

I remember one time she told me how she wanted to tackle the hilly road but was afraid she’d lose control of the bike coming down.

“Sweetie, we must face our fears,” I told her. Then we went to tackle the hill. I could see her trepidation as we reached the top, but on she went. She firmly gripped her bike and managed to keep control all the way down.

“I did it!” she exclaimed when we reached the bottom. Then we climbed the hill about five more times.

Later, she saw an array of water sprinklers in the distance and suggested riding through them.

“I don’t know, Sweetie,” I said. “I’m afraid you might get all wet and catch a cold.”

“Daddy,” she replied, “we must face our fears!”

Now, the spot of many of her childhood memories is gone. I drove her by the site the other day, and she almost cried.

“How can they do that?” she asked.

I really had no answer _ after all, Alexandria’s full of vacant office spaces _ and I wondered how many other children’s memories had been bulldozed. Perhaps from now on, when we’re out on family outings, I’ll bring a camera along. Eventually, snapshots might be all that’s left of what once was.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here's Joe Burris's take on the man who slapped a toddler at a Georgia Wal Mart to "shut her up":

My mother once told me that when she was growing up in rural South Carolina, she and any other child in the community caught misbehaving could be punished by any adult in that community. What’s more, she said that if the child’s misdeed was particularly harmful, often an adult would spank the child, then tell the child’s parents about it -- which usually led to another spanking.

Needless to say, in my family such an approach to child rearing ended with my mom’s generation. But I’m often troubled to find out that remnants of it still exist.

I thought about it the recently when I read a story about a man in suburban Atlanta who police say slapped a crying 2-year-old girl at a Wal Mart several times after warning the child’s mom to keep her quiet.

One of the many things that disturbs me about the man’s behavior is that I honestly believe he wouldn’t have resorted to it had the toddler been with her father (I can also think of a few mothers who would have made him think twice before rearing his hand).

However, despite the fact that there are many societies working tirelessly to understand children’s emotional development before resorting to knee-jerk reactions, the man’s behavior is not wholly uncommon.

When I’m overseas, I see it quite often.

While living in South Africa in 2001, I saw children physically punished by adults they knew and by some they didn’t know.

And I remember that my daughter had a friend who told my wife and me that she was nervous about beginning the school year because she heard that her new homeroom teacher “hits hard.”

I mentioned that to teachers from a few other countries back then, and many of them said they had no problem with it. In fact, I was told that in some places, a teacher can strike a child for simply answering a question incorrectly.

Somehow I don’t think this is what the sages envisioned when they said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” That goes double for a Wal Mart (for all we know the toddler could have had an ailment, and was not misbehaving).

And even though I often still see parents spank their children in public when I go home to South Carolina, I’m glad that ours is a society where, generally, adults have learned the benefits of resolving issues with kids without getting physical.

Still, I’m surprised that the Wal Mart controversy has yielded a range of responses. I read online comments from folks who say that though they disagree with the man’s actions they often felt like doing the same thing to a child acting out in public.

It reminded me of when I returned here from South Africa and told my daughter’s elementary school teacher how awful it was to know that teachers overseas are permitted to whack children.

“Well, it might be wrong,” she replied, “but I bet they get respected.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

We wouldn't want to wake up Sun reporter Jonathan Pitts's 9-month-old daughter.

 I’m typing this (as quietly as possible) as my 9-month-old daughter sleeps in her crib upstairs.

The baby monitor’s going, emitting the static-like hiss that tells me it’s up and running.

I ‘ve turned off the TV, shut down the radio, and set my cell phone to silent. I’m praying she doesn’t wake up for a while. Johanna, our first, couldn’t be a sweeter baby.

She’s always up for a visit from relatives, the more the better. Put her in a Baby Bjorn or the car seat and she’s ready to go, big brown eyes wide and ready for adventure. She cries only when she needs something, a boon to her parents, and just in the past two weeks we realized she has been paying closer attention when we speak than we had any idea.

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Shhhhh ... " »

Posted by Joe Burris at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

There I was, in a car dealership lot recently shopping for a new vehicle, when I came across a sporty Jeep Wrangler: black interior and exterior, thick tires, canvas top, chrome trimmings.

This, I thought, is the car I wish I could have afforded in my early 30s -- before the wife, the kids, the mortgage and all that comes with being a family on a tight budget.

I must have been gawking at the Jeep quite steadily, because, in no time, along came a salesman -- the kind of guy who thinks he can charm the larva out of a jumping bean.

“I can get you in this car!” he exclaimed. “I can see that you want it, and I can get you into it. C’mon, let’s go inside and talk numbers.”

“Actually, I …”

“No really,” he pressed. “I can get you in this car!”

I turned toward the car and momentarily entertained the thought of driving away with it.

Then another thought hit me:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Dad Goes Car Shopping" »

Posted by Joe Burris at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here to tell you exactly what to do, even though he's never met you.

No, not really. But, as he explains, that's how lots of dads (and moms) feel when people are quick to tell us we're doing something wrong with our kids:

On one recent afternoon, my wife was entertaining friends while I put our three-year-old daughter Onalenna down for a nap. I emerged from our daughter’s bedroom to see astonished looks on the faces of her friends; they wondered why it took our daughter more than 40 minutes to fall asleep.

And they insisted that I must be doing something wrong.

I replied that though there are some general traits involving child sleep, each child is different, and, like adults, some often take longer to nod off than others.

Nothing doing, they said.

In fact one, who ironically is childless, said that she’s always read how toddlers are supposed to fall asleep within 10 minutes of being put down for a nap.

They both offered some suggestions on how I can do better at naptime. Neither bothered to ask whether I had tried some of their suggestions beforehand (I had).

If there is one peeve I’ve developed in 12 years of fatherhood, it’s people who feel compelled to offer unsolicited parenting advice. That’s due in part because most of these folks could be divided into two groups: Those who have difficulty raising their own kids and those who don’t have kids. They seem convinced that there’s a world out there in dire need of their critique and counsel.

Never mind that they rarely offer unsolicited compliments.

I’m sure that many of these folks mean well, and I admit there have been moments where I’ve benefitted from their counsel.

But show me someone who offers such unsolicited advice and I’ll show you a parent who’s often left feeling guilt-ridden because of it.

Most parents already spend ample time second guessing their parenting. Yet I know of mothers who worry needlessly because friends mentioned growth-and-weight percentile charts to which children don’t measure up, and fathers who fall silent when relatives cast aspersions on their children’s eating habits.

Sometimes I have more patience for unsolicited comments than others. Once while in a pediatrician’s office, I chastised my then 4-year-old daughter Nyaniso for playing with the window blinds when I had asked her to stop. The pediatrician said that Dr. Spock would have wanted me to handle the situation more delicately.

“That might be true,” I replied, “but I’m not raising Dr. Spock’s child.”

There are times, however, when I do seek parenting advice, and most often I turn to people whose children have grown up to be the kind of young adults I want my daughters to be.

Most offer an array of suggestions, but all of them end with the same refrain.

“Do the best you can.”

That’s the most poignant advice anyone can give.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our friend Oren Miller of A Blogger and A Father is Guest Dad today. After learning about a local stay-at-home dads meetup from this blog, he summoned up the courage to go -- and write about it.

Here's Oren:

A lot of things went through my head before I went to my first daddies-playdate.

First of all, do they call it a daddies-playdate? In emails I referred to it as the daddies meet-up. Thought it sounded more masculine.

I figured I had to be cool--I didn't want the others to think they needed to babysit me and stand in line to introduce themselves--but not too cool.

I speak Hebrew to my son, but would that make other fathers uncomfortable? Would it make it seem like we were there, in a group, but not part of the group?

To paraphrase the mother in "Carrie," were they all gonna laugh at me?

What do daddies talk about? It's not just about sex before, during, and after pregnancy, right?

I don't know anything about sports!!!

I've gotten used to hiding my social awkwardness behind my son's cute face, but now everyone was going to have cute kids, which meant they were expecting me to be a functioning adult!

Now, here's what happened:

I guess I can call it a playdate or a meet-up or anything I want to call it. People don't have time to care. Some of the kids were younger than my kid, and some were older. No one laughed at me or at him. No one talked about sex, thank God. Or sports. Oh, and no home improvement, either. At least not the DIY stuff. I guess I don't know much about much. And as the new guy, I guess I wasn't expected to say much, anyway.

The bottom line is that I have a cute kid who doesn't go to daycare, and needs to meet other kids. And he has a father who can go a little crazy at home, occasionally. And here was a chance to get my kid the social interaction he needs, so maybe, when he grows up, he'd be comfortable around other people. Unlike his father.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris has a question for you:

WHY?

When my 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso was 2, she began her “why” questions full throttle. It seemed as if every conversation had, say seven “why” questions attached. Once while we were shopping at Target, her barrage of “why’s” astonished (annoyed?) another patron so much that he returned his items to a nearby shelf and scurried out of the store, repeatedly turning around as if to see whether we were following.

When my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna went through age 2 without a “why” phase, I figured that perhaps she wouldn’t be as inquisitive.

Turns out she’s just a late bloomer.

“Daddy, can we go outside and play?”

“Sure, Sweetie. I’ll just put my shoes on.”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Daddy, look at that bug. Do you like bugs?”

“I guess I like some bugs.”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what kind of ants are those?”

“Those are red ants. They bite.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what time is it?”

“Well, er, it’s about 6:30, Lovey.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, can we go get some ice cream?”

“Sure, I’d like some ice cream.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what kind of ice cream are you getting?”

“I think I’m getting butter pecan.”

“Whyyyy?”

“Daddy, is it nighttime yet?”

“It is … just about … nighttime.”

“Whyyyyy?”

I’ve come to realize that toddlers ask different types of “why” questions. Sometimes they’re looking for a specific answer to a specific question. Sometimes they want to extend a conversation. Sometimes they want to elicit a parent’s response. Sometimes they just want something to say.

Toddlers love the bonding that comes with communication, and they’re smart enough to know that “why” is like Crazy Glue; it bonds with just about anything.

I’ve also learned that there is absolutely no way a parent can come up with an answer for every “why”? But you can respond in a way that makes a child feel heard. I always try to, even when “why” can seem like the most annoying word in the English language.

I figure someone put up with my “why’s” once.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

One of the hazards of being the only man in your house is suffering through the indignities of cosmetics overflow. Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris:

"Recently, my Sun colleague Michael Dresser wrote in his blog that a pediatrician warned against children pumping gasoline. The pediatrician raised poignant concerns about the dangers of gas fumes, prompting a few spirited comments for and against the practice, some of which also appeared on this blog.

I believe it’s a very interesting topic, but while we’re on the subject of fumes, I have one question:

Anyone get a whiff of nail polish remover?

Or some nail polish, too, for that matter. Some of that stuff smells like a solution to our energy problems.

My 12-year-old daughter and her friends are all into doing their nails; I’m into worrying whether there’s adequate ventilation in the room when they do so. Some of those vapors seem every bit as strong as ammonia, and there are all kinds of inhalation warnings about that product, but I don’t believe I’ve seen much about nail polish or remover.

Oddly enough, I grew up with the odor, having three sisters who decorated their nails, and I’ve been told repeatedly that after a while you get used to it.

Not a chance. I figure that’s why some smart person invented fans."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

If you're taking a family road trip this summer, you're going to need jokes for the car or the plane. Guest Dad Joe Burris has come up with a few:

Continue reading "Dad jokes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here on Father's Day Friday:

Recently my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna’s day school announced its pre-Father’s Day celebration for all the students' dads. Accompanying the announcement was the message that dads who couldn’t attend should get their wives to stand in.

I didn’t bother to ask my wife if she and other mothers got a similar message on Mother’s Day.    And I don’t know if the school’s intention was to embarrass dads into coming (I get the feeling that most of us would have come anyway), but the turnout was great. In a room with about a dozen children, of different ages, races, backgrounds and professions, all but two kids’ fathers showed up.

I think that it was not only great for us to be there for our children, but we all delighted in seeing so many of us present. Even in an age where dads are more available for involvement with their children inside and outside the home, they’re often difficult to come by at such events -- even those where they are celebrated.

I must say, however, that the visit came with a bit of trepidation. During the Mother's Day event, the kids presented moms with handmade flower plots and grew plants inside _ but someone forgot to tell them that they would have to forever part with their creations. My wife says as the mothers departed, the kids reached for the gifts, and the room was filled with shouts of “Mine! Mine!”

We dads were more fortunate. We were presented with handmade greeting cards and travel mugs with their drawings and were allowed to keep them when we departed. We all got big kisses and hugs and goodbye waves that made me feel as if we had done something magnificent, just by being there.

I’m already looking forward to next year.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to the dads in our audience. Hope your day is great; we'd love to hear your reports on it here. For my husband, the best present might be letting him sleep reeeeallly late. Unfortunately, when kids are chomping at the bit to give him cards and homemade presents, he may have to settle for a bit late.

Also, we're going to brunch, at his request.

For your reading pleasure today, by the way, we have two interesting stories about fathers -- an update on Orioles third baseman Melvin Mora's quints, and a piece on fathers who have used the "opportunity" of layoffs and downsizing to take on more caretaking -- and time with kids -- at home.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

It's the Father's Day Friday before Father's Day, and I thought I'd celebrate by asking some of the fathers who've been our Guest Dads to tell us what they would like as gifts on Sunday.

Here goes:

--Oren Miller, of A Blogger and A Father: "With all due respect to the little one, and even with acknowledging the slight irony, my Father's Day present from my wife would be to hand the baby off to his grandmother for the night while his parents go to see The Hangover."

--Dad-in-residence Joe Burris: "For Father’s Day I’d like a replica jersey of the late Josh Gibson, catcher for the Negro Leagues Baseball team, the Homestead Grays. Gibson was one of the most prolific hitters of all time of any league, with a lifetime batting average of .354 with nearly 800 home runs. I’ve been coveting his jersey for some time, but it’s not an easy find. I’ve got my fingers crossed."

--Joeprah, of Dad-blogs.com: "As a stay-at-home-dad, what I really want is just some time to relax.  It would be awesome to sleep-in until noon and wake-up to some smiling faces, breakfast-in-bed and homemade cards. My ultimate Father's Day would include a day-off from parenting and some sort of baked goods.  To wrap the day up, I would love to just hang out and watch the US Open with some cold soda, hot pizza, my wife and three girls. That sounds like heaven to me." 

--Daniel Waldman (dwplanit on Twitter): "For dad's day, I'd like: breakfast in bed, a card made by my daughters, and the Mediterranean Street Food cookbook I've been eyeing."

--Hungover Gourmet Dan Taylor: "I don't envy my wife because shopping for me can't be easy. From music and trashy movies to supermarkets and cookbooks my interests are all over the place and it can be hard to keep pace with what I'm intrigued by at the moment. But there are some constants, like grilling and horror. So two of the top items on my list are the new cookbook SERIOUS BARBECUE by Adam Perry Lang of New York's Daisy May's and the second season of the syndicated and underrated TV show FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE TV SERIES. It has nothing to do with Jason and everything to do with 80s horror."

--Maryland Legal Aid Bureau's Peter Sabonis: "30 minutes of conversation with my Dad, who died 17 years before I became a father.  Or a beer." 

--Multimedia editor Steve Sullivan: "The best gift I can think of is simply the opportunity to be a dad.  I'll take a hug or a handshake and that will make me happy for the whole day." (Me: Aw.)

--And deputy opinion editor Michael Cross-Barnet needs the whole rest of this post to explain why he actually wants a tie:

Continue reading "What our Guest Dads want for Father's Day" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Continue reading "The anniversary gift that never comes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris, who last wrote about walking while texting, returns as Guest Dad with observations about the moments in fatherhood for which nothing can prepare you.

Here he is:

Continue reading "Nothing prepares you for these fatherly moments" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Dan Taylor of Lutherville, a work-at-home dad also known as the Hungover Gourmet. He has an instructive tale for the outdoor cooking season, about what happens when Daddy tries to keep his toddler away from the grill.

Here's Dan:

Continue reading "Getting burned -- so your child doesn't " »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today I have the pleasure of telling you that reporter Joe Burris, who wrote last week about the perils of mall play spaces, will be an even more frequent regular on Guest Dad day. He's taking on a new role reporting on family life, too, so please send him story tips and ideas.

Joe has a parenting success to tell you about -- his daughter is finally sleeping through the night.

That wouldn't be a big deal, except that she's 3. Years old, not months.

Here's his story:

Continue reading "Daughter sleeps, and Dad does too" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

We're taking a break from Guest Dads today to discuss a couple of related items in the news. All of them revolve around the omnipresent topic of our lives these days: the economy.

In case you missed it yesterday, you should read this New York Times piece on former executive fathers now picking up much of the child care for their families in well-heeled Westchester County. While they mourn the loss of their jobs and worry about what comes next, in the meantime these fathers are making valuable contributions -- lending their financial acumen to the PTA, checking over their kids' homework. I was struck by one father's realization that he was used to being listened to by the people he worked for -- but that it was much harder to command the attention of his children.

And we can't help but weigh in on the very sad stories of two other fathers, much discussed already this week, who recently killed themselves and their families amid economic troubles. I'm wondering whether these stories have made you look at your own situation any differently.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Tony Chen, a blogger for Savvy Daddy, who last wrote for us about the changes that come with a second child. Today, he shares what his toddler son is learning about sports.

Here's Tony:

Continue reading "Toddler learns basketball: Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I'm sharing with you a thought-provoking essay that ran on the "Exploring Race" forum on the Chicago Tribune's Web site earlier this week.

In it, a father finds himself looking for the right language to talk with his 9-year-old daughter about the exhibit on slavery they saw together at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and  Museum in Springfield, Ill. The interesting thing is that the father is a college professor and founder of RaceProject.org, so talking about race is what he does. Yet he's just not sure how to broach the harsh realities with his child.

That's a familiar position to me. My 8-year-old has been keenly interested in the subjects of slavery and segregation, and has checked a couple of books out of the library that I later found portrayed some pretty brutal aspects of that history. I've tried to be as honest as I think she can handle, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it right.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Andrew Ratner, the blogging columnist who has written here about, among other things, missing Halloween, is back with a post on the dangers of sexting -- teenagers sending out provocative messages from their cell phones. (You may recall the sad case of the young teenager who had sex with two different teachers from his school started with provocative text messages.)

Here's Andy:

Continue reading "The dangers of sexting -- Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Has today's Guest Dad, Joeprah from Havre de Grace, got your attention yet? Here's his post on what wives can do to improve their sex lives with their husbands after kids come along. (You can also find Joeprah at his own blog and Dad blogs, where a version of this post originally appeared.)

 Here he is:

Continue reading "How moms can get more sex" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Tony Chen, who writes in Chicago for the web site/community Savvy Daddy. He has some observations on how life has changed now that his family includes two children.

Here's Tony:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Reflections on having baby #2" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
        

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Saturdays at the tot gym" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Steve Sullivan, who last wrote for us about how his middle daughter got her name, shares with us today the story of his youngest learning to bake.

It reminds me of the time as a child when I made peanut butter cupcakes, and put in a cup of baking powder instead of a teaspoon.

They exploded.

Here's Steve:

Continue reading "A kid learns to bake...goop" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is a new face on Charm City Moms -- stay-at-home dad and blogger Joeprah of Havre de Grace (aka Joe Schatz). He writes his own blog at Joeprah.com and is a contributor to the useful Dad blogs site.

Joeprah is writing today about the 13-year-old boy in the U.K. who says he fathered a child with his 15-year-old girlfriend. Word of warning: Joeprah writes, "This article is written with tongue firmly planted in cheek." But you'll find much of the information in news accounts like this one.

Here's the rest:

Continue reading "Joeprah's take on the 13-year-old dad" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our friend and Baltimore Sun reporter Joe Burris returns today as guest dad. You may recall his previous posts on teacher conferences, daughters versus wives, kids' catch phrases, and whether a dad can hug his kids too much.

Today, he has an admission to make about his watching of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...

Continue reading "Kids' TV hooks dad, too" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Michael Cross-Barnet, who last wrote about his many-school shuffle. Today, he shares his successes and struggles in finding the right sports for each of three very different kids.

Here's Michael:

Continue reading "Finally, a sport he likes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Moms being mad at dad is a very hot topic right now on parenting.com because of a poll in which 1,000 mothers dish about their husbands, reports the New York Times' Motherlode blog. Basically, according to the Times' summary, lots of women feel their husbands' lives haven't been taken over as much by the children. A lot of them are mad that dad can't "multitask," also known as changing a diaper while participating in a conference call and building blocks with your toddler.

Two thoughts:

1) If you read the summary, it sounds like a lot of women are, indeed, p.o.'d at their spouses even though it's 2009, already. But if you look more closely, you see that the angry (at least those cited by the Times) get to 50 percent -- at the highest.

So...the other 50 percent -- or more -- aren't mad at dad? That's actually pretty interesting to me.

2) Though I like everyone else am occasionally mad at dad -- that's only human -- I am more frequently in awe of my husband's skills with our children. Yesterday, he stayed home to handle the kids' day off from school with major aplomb, taking care of two playmates as well. Best of all, he built them all a killer four-room fort in the basement. I would never have come up with that idea.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Since we're all still thinking a lot about our new president, I thought we'd mark Father's Day Friday today with a roundup of thoughts about the role of fathers in Barack Obama's story. His own father, that is, and the father he has become to two young daughters.

--You can listen to reviews and discussion of Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, from the Diane Rehm show.

--The Washington Post's On Faith blog reports that the story of Obama's absent father has been turned into an anti-abortion ad that aired during the new president's inauguration.

--In case you missed it, here's the father-focused speech Obama delivered last Father's Day on the campaign trail, courtesy of Politico. The video of the speech from YouTube is above.

--Here's the Obama administration's agenda on family issues from the new whitehouse.gov.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Father's Day Friday guest, Michael Ivan Schwartz, isn't a dad himself. But he's gotten to know a group of Baltimore-area stay-at-home dads who gather on Wednesdays, and he's made a documentary about their lives that will premiere at 4 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 25 at the Creative Alliance at the Patterson.

That's a trailer from the movie, "Happy SAHD" (for stay-at-home dad) above. You can read more about the movie here.

Here's Michael:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: A documentary on local stay-at-home dads" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Did that get your attention? In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I bring you an interview from Paul Nyhan of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, who writes the Working Dad blog for that newspaper's web site. He talks to Heidi Raykeil, author of a new book on the sex lives of parents, about how dads can help solve the delicate problem of how children tend to cool off the za-za-zoo.

My favorite quote from Raykeil re: dads: "My question to you guys is, 'How are you initiating?' Saying it has been six days, two hours and 30 minutes since we last had sex is not the right way to initiate sex. So it doesn't turn into fighting about not having sex -- because that doesn't make us hot.' "

Thoughts?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

On our first Father's Day Friday of 2009, I thought I'd give Guest Dads a break and point you to two interesting articles I read recently about dads' parenting style -- and whether the different ways they approach their children actually help keep a family in balance.

This piece from parenting.com talks about how moms are often quick to think dads are too lenient, rough, or noncommittal with their kids. That they're not protective enough. But often, their different approach works and helps kids learn to try new things.

This piece in the Dickinson Press, which responded to the parenting.com piece from the perspective of a single mom, argues that the laid-back, go-ahead-and-roughhouse approach of most dads instills an important resiliency in kids.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Soccer Dad David Gerstman is back as our Guest Dad today, with a rumination on how the picture on a box of diapers can become a central issue of family harmony.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Must "Luv" cats" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is David Nitkin, a political editor here at the Sun.

He's writing about how to view youth sports when your main goal is not necessarily to build a world-class athlete. Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Sports and teamwork" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Sports
        

Our Guest Dad today is David H. Nevins, president of Nevins & Associates in Hunt Valley; father of Freddi, 16-½, and Jake, 13; and the co-chair of the newly formed Maryland Highway Safety Foundation. He's writing about advising his new teen driver.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Adventures with your new teen driver -- Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: The Boy™, The Movie" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is Chad S. Ritchie, a local father of two girls -- one who's just broken into her teens, and one who's on the precipice. He's writing today about mascara politics.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Make-up - a father's tale" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Howard Libit, who last wrote on the blog about balancing long hours and little ones, is back with a little anecdote about his family's visit to our house. We've been laughing about how the sheer will of a 2-year-old can bring a parent to his knees.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Letting things slide" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Multimedia editor Steve Sullivan is our Guest Dad today, with a rumination on how his daughter got her name.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: What's in a name?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today begins the transition of our Father's Day post/focus to Friday. That's to make room for the new Tween Tuesday.

Editor and blogging columnist Andrew Ratner is back as our Guest Dad today. While some of us are sweating face-paint and princess costumes, he's looking back on those days longingly:

"I've been feeling melancholy lately when I walk through the discount and grocery stores with their aisles brimming with Halloween costumes and candy. With my older two children away at college and the third in high school, Halloween, for me, is a shell of the spectacle it was when they were little.

"Halloween was often a mystical, magical hoot as a kid. And if you have children, you get a second bob at the apple when they're young. I enjoyed getting to do Halloween all over again, seeing it through their eyes: Going to hay rides and pumpkin farms with the kids, enjoying their delight in dressing up, escorting them on Halloween night to go trick or treating, sampling their candy afterward. I'm probably glossing over some of the pressure once felt to devise a clever, inventive costume, but by and large Halloween was a ton of fun.

"Though I haven't unfortunately outgrown my sweet tooth, All Hallows Eve now seems mostly hallow. The other holidays change, too, as a family grows older, but their relevance remains. Halloween seems just a ghost of itself, however.

"Elvis memorably sang of a "Blue Christmas." Is there anyone who sings about Blue Halloween?"

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Bernie Kohn, investigations editor here at The Sun. He writes about how hard it is to communicate with your teenagers, often a challenging group for parents under any circumstances, when you're going through a divorce. And it sounds as if he could use the perspective of those of you who've been there, so feel free to chime in.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: A divorcing dad and his teenagers" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
        

It turns out that post-partum depression doesn't affect just mothers. According to a psychotherapist quoted in this CNN piece yesterday, 1,000 new fathers become depressed in the U.S. each day. An earlier story from U.S. News and World Report quotes another psychologist who says that 10 percent of fathers develop postpartum depression, but are less likely to recognize the signs than the 14 percent of mothers who do.

While mothers' depression is typically caused by the hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy and birth, the sudden changes in lifestyle can trigger depression in the fathers, the U.S. News story says. Sleep deprivation is one of the primary contributors.

There are ways to try to head off male post-partum depression before it starts. Here's a list of ideas and resources.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
        

I'm excited to say today marks the return of Guest Dad Will Morton, whose post about being a stay-at-home dad early on in the life of the blog drew lots of response.

Today, he writes about why he lets his kids do pretty much as they please on the playground. Here's his post: 

"Am I a hypocritical parent? Is it because I am: (a) a man, (b) an at-home dad or (c) just plain lazy? Or do I just need to communicate better with my wife?

"The playground in our neighborhood is the place where outgrown toys go to die. The selection usually includes a half-dozen plastic houses, six or eight plastic cars with at least one broken wheel (they go backwards best), and dozens of dump trucks, backhoes and bulldozers. It sounds like paradise, yet it's where my wife and I disagree most: should our playground rules directly suit our own children or should they reflect the parents and kids around us?

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Playground rules" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I thought I'd pass on this interesting piece about the new president-elect of the National PTA. He's a father, and he's on a mission to get other fathers more involved in their children's schools. Watch this story about it from CBS News:

Watch CBS Videos Online

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today Soccer Dad, aka local blogger David Gerstman, is back as Guest Dad, with a post on the passage of his youngest from baby to little girl. Here's his post:

"When our baby was born two years ago, I decided that I wanted to remember her different stages. So for the past two years, I've been noting her development month by month.

"But as I prepared my two years post, I noticed something. She was no longer a 'toothless wonder.' Teeth were popping up (a bit late) and she no longer had that brilliant gummy smile. It struck me that an era is ending. It's not just the toothlessness that's gone, something else is going. She's approaching the stage when she's no longer a baby and becomes a little girl. But what developments would mark that transition?

1) The most obvious, I suppose, is toilet training. I don't think she's that far from that. She is very good about letting us know when she's 'gusting, ' and I suspect that she may even know when she has to go.

2) She talks very well. But when will she reach the stage that a conversation consists of more than a single exchange?

3) When the majority of her sentences no longer start with 'I want...'

4) When she goes a whole day without crying.

5) When she starts walking with a more even gait and not looking like she's bouncing with every step.

As I think about these upcoming changes, it makes me a little sad. I'll miss the baby a lot."

When do you notice your baby was turning into a little boy or girl?

(Photo courtesy of David Gerstman)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Michael Cross-Barnet, op-ed page editor here at The Baltimore Sun. He probably won't be able to look at this post for a while, because he's probably still trying to get all of his kids to school this morning...

Here's his post:

"Four years ago, I pulled into town after moving across the country with my wife, three kids, two dogs, one cat, one rabbit and one fish, all stuffed into our Toyota Sienna. We were plagued by all the usual doubts and fears attending a major relocation. But at least one aspect of our lives would be simple and straightforward: All three of our kids would be attending the same school, Roland Park Elementary/Middle School, a little less than two miles from our new home.

"Our youngest was starting kindergarten; the middle child was entering second grade; the oldest would be a fifth-grader. And because it was K-8 and one of the best public schools in Baltimore, we had every reason to expect to be there for a very long time. Indeed, one of the main reasons we chose our neighborhood and our home was to be able to send our kids to that school. So if you see us driving around Baltimore in a white minivan weekday mornings between 7:15 and 8:45, looking a little dazed and more than a little tired, please understand: We're disoriented. Our morning routine used to be a "simple" matter of getting three groggy kids out of bed, dressed, fed, prepped for school and out the door to one place...

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: The many-school shuffle" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Two recent stories on men and their biological clocks might be interesting to discuss for Father's Day Tuesday:

--The New York Times reports that more single men, gay and straight, are becoming fathers through surrogacy and adoption.

--Time has a report on the fertility of men as they age. There's more evidence, the story says, that men face some of the same issues as women who want to have children as they grow older. A recent study, for example, suggests that the father's age had as much effect as the mother's on rates of pregnancy and miscarriage, the story says.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Occasional Guest Dad Andrew Ratner is back with an account of his brief glimpse into the Facebook world of his daughter, who just left for college: 

"After reading Jill Rosen's piece in the You & Your Digital World section last Tuesday about 6 1/2 reasons you're not too old to join Facebook, I didn't leap to join just yet. But I was thrilled when my younger son, after calling up his Facebook page, showed me several photos that my daughter had posted to her page of her first few days away at college.

She looked happy, like she had made several friends in her dorm and was fitting in.

I didn't feel like a voyeur. Quite the contrary, I was delighted to get a sense of her first week away at school in a way she probably couldn't communicate to me as well as she would to her friends on Facebook.

The photos were worth a thousand words. I'm still considering joining up, though I doubt she'd "friend" me onto her page anyway."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris is back with an observation about how men talk about their families.

Is it true that they'll gush about their daughters rather than their wives?

Here's his post...

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Your daughter or your wife?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

...for the Monday Consult. Since it's Father's Day Tuesday, I'm partial to questions for or about dads. The earlier the ask, the greater the chance that your parenting question will be the one answered in this space next Monday.

Now that the Consult is in the paper (in our new You & Your Health section) as well as on the blog, your questions and answers should get more exposure. Ask away.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I'm on vacation, so I gave myself permission not to browbeat entice a Guest Dad into putting together a post for today.

Instead, it's open mike day for any father to speak his mind (or for moms to speak their minds) about fatherhood issues. Ask a question of your fellow readers, relate an anecdote, compose a haiku.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Frequent Guest Dad Joe Burris is back with an observation on trying to keep up with his kids' catch phrases. As he learned, perhaps not something you want to try at home.

Here's his post...

Continue reading "Dad, you are wicked out of it" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

An interesting new study in the Journal of Marriage and Family uses a term I hadn't heard before: the social father. This is a man who is married to or cohabiting with a child's mother, but isn't the child's biological father.

According to this recap at physorg.com, the study, led by a professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, examined the parenting patterns of four groups of fathers according to whether or not they were related to the children they lived with. The recap says that the study found married "social" fathers "exhibited equivalent or higher quality parenting behavior than married and cohabiting biological fathers."

That's good news for lots of children who aren't living with their biological dads. What do you think of these findings?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is expectant father and Sun reporter Gus Sentementes, whose first child is due in October.

Gus has recognized already that once the baby is born, entertainment will shift homeward. So, as long as baby gifts are being given, why not a Nintendo Wii, he asks? Here's his post...

(Photo of Gus Sentementes holding ultrasound picture courtesy of Gus Sentementes)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Expecting dad wants... a Wii" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is book blogger Dave Rosenthal, who shares his favorite bedtime reads for children:

"Over on Read Street, we've been discussing children's books -- the good, the bad, the macabre. I think reading, at bedtime, at the breakfast table or otherwise, is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. There's a tremendous sense of closeness and sharing in those moments, as you sit perched on the edge of a bed or huddle together in an armchair.

When our children were small, we wore out Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, numerous pop-up books and anything by Dr. Seuss. My daughter was drawn to classic tales such as Madeline; my son preferred illustrated compendiums and could identify the markings of various airlines before he could read (he was especially partial to American).

Because of the memories attached to these books, most have survived moves and house cleanings. In fact, I was shouted down a year or so ago, when I tried to sell a few at a yard sale ... 

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Reading reminiscences" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Frequent Father's Day Tuesday contributor Joe Burris is back as Guest Dad. This time, he's observing how family car trips have changed since he was a child.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Family car trips, then and now" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Steve Sullivan, assistant managing editor for multimedia at The Sun, with a tale of how he solves problems among his kids while his wife's on the road.

"Let me preface this post by saying that my wife, Marcy, and I have three wonderful, smart kids who regardless of what they say and do really love each other. Most of the time. I think.

 A few weeks ago Marcy was on a week-long business trip and I was in charge of our brood, which consists of our 17-year-old son Courtland and his two sisters, Flannery, 13, and Moira, 10. When I arrived home from work, I was pleased to find the girls peacefully sitting in the family room doing their homework, while big brother was doing same upstairs. I asked how their days went and was answered with a nonchalant "good" from all.

Soon there was a call from mom, checking in from the road. She talked to the girls, then the phone was passed to me. We traded a few updates on our day, then Marcy slipped in, "Did Flannery mention that Mo threatened her with a knife?"

"Uh, no"....

Continue reading "When dad's in charge..." »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is Frank Roylance, known to many of you already as our weather blogger extraordinaire.

Frank's daughter is getting married this week to a great guy. So why does her father feel like crying?

Here's his post...

Continue reading "A daughter gets married" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I wanted to bring you news of an interesting study of why some dads and moms go ballistic on the sidelines of their children's games.

Kinesiology Ph.D student Jay Goldstein of the University of Maryland School of Public Health surveyed 340 parents of youth players 8-16 before and after their children's soccer games in suburban Washington.  More than half of the parents, 53 percent, reported getting angry, to some degree, during the game.

Goldstein, along with Maryland kinesiology professor Seppo E. Iso-Ahola, found that "sideline rage" was triggered by the same factors as road rage. If you're easily angered while driving, you're probably quicker to scream at the ref over a close call.

Goldstein is offering tips for keeping yourself in line when your child plays. I particularly like the last one:

• Do controlled deep breathing exercises (inhale for 4 seconds and exhale for 8 seconds.)
• Suck on a lollipop (Occupies your mouth and reminds you that you’re there for your child.)
• Visualize a relaxing experience like floating on water.
• Repeat a calm word or phrase.
• Do yoga-like muscle stretches.
• Replace angry thoughts with rational ones, such as "This is my child’s game, not mine," or "Mistakes are opportunities to learn."
• Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head. Count to 10 and think about possible responses.
• If you did not see the game, first ask your child "How did you play?" rather than "Did you win?"
• Praise your child’s effort, then, maybe, comment on the results.
• Use humor, but avoid harsh or sarcastic humor. Picture the referee wearing Elton John glasses.

Do you have any tips to add?

(Photo by Sun photographer Andre Chung)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Happy Father's Day! Here's a little something to make all of you hard-working fathers and mothers smile:

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:51 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

More Father's Day fun:

--If you're interested in what heavyweight champ, grillmeister and dad-of-10 George Foreman has to say about his fatherhood journeys and other life struggles, you can read an excerpt of his new book.

--And if taking my poll about jobs wasn't enough interaction for you, check out our quiz on celebrity fathers. I was pretty proud of my 90-percent score.

(2005 photo of George Foreman by Mel Evans/Associated Press)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Daddies have guilt just like moms, right? So it only seems fair to have a Guilty-Dad poll during Father's Day week. I came up with the idea for this one after reading results of a survey of 1,000 moms on parenting.com, who were asked what they'd change about their spouses.

Half of them reportedly said they'd change his job over his looks, bedroom performance, or parenting style.

I thought that was interesting, and wanted to know more. Were the jobs taking too much time away from the family? Or was it because the husbands didn't make enough? Or they complained too much about their bosses?

So I'm turning to you. I'm structuring this as two polls, so that moms and dads can answer. You have until Saturday morning at 10 a.m. to cast your votes.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 3:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Since we had a tip sheet with what mothers really wanted for Mother's Day, it seems that Father's Day gifts might be a good subject for this week's tip sheet -- IF we can get enough dads to participate. Remember this is your bully pulpit; you can be gloriously anonymous or pseudonym-ous; and, if you're stumped on what to suggest for your own gift, you can get ideas from others.

Women, please post tips for gifts that have gone over well for you before. This is also a self-interested tip sheet. Memo to husband: Tell me what you want before I buy you another shirt!

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Michele asked about local father-son look-alike contests. So far, I've found her one at White Marsh Mall scheduled for this Friday at 6:30 p.m. (Follow the link to register ahead of time.)

Anyone know of others?

And Michele, you get a two-fer -- an answer to your question, plus the prize for being our 700th commenter! (And you regulars thought I had forgotten, because it took a little while to get here.) I'll post later with some choices for your fabulous prize, so stay tuned.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our frequent Guest Dad Joe Burris recalls a favorite unexpected Father's Day gift -- a rose. 

Here's his post:

"Roses make a great Father's Day gift. They're lightweight, require no assembly, smell better than Old Spice, and, given the right presentation, pierce even the toughest outer shell to touch the heart.

"I've given roses to my wife for Valentine's Day, anniversaries, birthdays and, along with my mother, Mother's Days. Yet it scarcely occurred to me how meaningful such a gift was until I attended a Father's Day celebration at a church in Cambridge, Mass., five years ago...."

Continue reading "Roses for Father's Day" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here come the free food offers for Father's Day. At TGI Friday's, moms got free mini desserts for Mother's Day; dads get free beer-battered onion rings.

Hmm.

Anyway, you'll need to show a coupon to take advantage of the offer.

Also, TCBY is offering a free small cup or cone of its frozen yogurt to Dads on Father's Day this Sunday, same as they did for mothers on Mother's Day.

Do you know of any other free food offers for fathers? Please post them below.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Is your son or daughter at senior week, leaving you in abject fear? Andrew Ratner, our Guest Dad for Father's Day Tuesday, can relate. (He's Today editor at the Sun, and also writes a column on blogs.) Here's his post:

When I informed my colleagues about what I was going through this week, they reacted with a mix of sympathy and apprehension. My daughter is at "senior week" in Ocean City.

One co-worker said his son returned a few years ago with a mohawk hairdo, and though that colleague has a wry sense of humor, I don't think he was kidding.

Of all the "customs" I've adopted since moving to Maryland nearly 25 years ago -- rooting for the Orioles', eating crabs, visiting Hampden's holiday light show -- "senior week" is one I can't quite fathom. You get about a day to savor the pride and joy of seeing your child graduate from high school, only to be gripped with concern about how they'll make it through the following week downy oshun, like some kind of reverse parent boot camp.

Not having graduated from high school here, I went on Web sites like YouTube and flickr trying to "learn" what I could beforehand about the tradition, but perhaps thankfully, there wasn't all that much to be seen. Parents who've been through it describe it as through something to "survive."

There's always the option of forbidding your child from going, but if they're going away to college in a few months, that approach won't work for long.

I guess senior week -- or "June week" as it's sometimes called -- is like countless other tests of parenthood, only with the risk factor turned up several notches. Ultimately, you have to hope you gave your child the tools they'll need to cope in the world they're about to enter, even if it includes booze, boys and eight lanes of highway coursing through the middle.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Ladies and gentleman, please welcome today's Guest Dad: Hulk Hogan! OK, he's not exactly our guest, at least not in the flesh. But I wanted to pass along the advice the wrestling star reportedly gave Laila Ali, his pregnant co-host on American Gladiators.

According to E! Online, Ali says Hogan told her, in essence: "Just teach them the right things, lead them the right way and then you have to give them the space to do their own thing.”

Unfortunately, Hogan's 17-year-old son was just sentenced to eight months in jail for his role in an accident that left a good friend critically injured. And his 20-year-old daughter was in an accident over the weekend (she wasn't hurt, and reports indicate she wasn't at fault.)

Things must have seemed a lot easier when they were babies.

What do you think of Hogan's advice?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I'm happy to have David Gerstman, the local blogger better known as Soccer Dad, as our Guest Dad today. When he's not blogging, he's helping to raise six kids (17, 15, 14, 9, 6 and 20 months.) Today, he's got a nice post on the way kids develop language.

"One of the joys of parenting comes from observing how children learn to communicate," he writes. "Of course, when they're infants they cry and a parent has to sort out what different cries mean. It's a skill and there's no way to teach it. But eventually a parent learns when a child is hungry, uncomfortable or just plain tired.
 
"When children start speaking, they're generalists. Words often have more than one meaning." ...

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Soccer Dad on first words" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:25 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today, occasional Guest Dad Joe Burris tells us what he likes in a child's toy.

The chief requirement: It doesn't talk back.

(Click below to read and react to his post.)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: In praise of quiet toys" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Fathers, I feel for you. Last week, geared to Mother's Day, must have felt pretty darn estrogen-heavy. You must be glad it's over. And that it's Father's Day Tuesday.

Our Guest Dad, returning contributor Joe Burris, will be along soon. In the meantime, since you've so patiently listened through all the momcentric talk, I'm throwing the floor open. What fatherly things are on your mind?

And if you'd like to be a Guest Dad in the future, please send me an e-mail with a sample post.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Sun features reporter Rob Hiaasen. His 17-year-old daughter Samantha (pictured) just had one of those senior superlatives bestowed on her. And, as Rob suffers through the tough college application process with her, he is darn proud. 

Click below to read his post.

(Photo of Samantha Hiaasen courtesy of her father)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: A daughter with the Best Hair" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I asked Scott Carlson, a senior reporter for the Chronicle of Higher Education and a writer for various local publications, to be our Guest Dad for Green Week. He lives in Rodgers Forge and has two children (his wife is Kristine Henry, who runs The Forge Flyer and shows up in the comments here from time to time).

Scott wrote a piece about building his own solar cooker for The Sun's Taste section last year, and now he's teaching local kids about growing their own food. One of them asked him a question I thought was revealing about where our kids get their notions about food these days.

To read and react to Scott's post, click the link below. ...

(Photo of Scott Carlson and son Jack Carlson courtesy of Kristine Henry)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Mint comes from...mint" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:17 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

My colleague Susan Reimer weighs in today on the latest research about men contributing to household chores. We talked about this a bit here a few weeks ago, but I thought you might be interested in her take.

Susan laments that our busy lives have made housework the chief battleground and bargaining chip (men who pitch in get more sex, the researchers say) in modern marriage. She wishes we were taking more time to wrestle as couples with bigger issues, like how much college debt to saddle for the kids and shared family goals.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

There's an interesting thread over at BlogHer, started by the mom blogger Rocks In My Dryer, that I thought might provoke some Father's Day Tuesday discussion. Shannon (from Rocks) reacts to an article by an obstetrician who thinks men don't really have a place in the birthing room, despite the current conventional wisdom that they've got to be there. His reasons, according to the thread: It's too stressful for him, too distracting for mother.

Fathers, what do you think about this? If you were in the delivery room, what was your experience like? Mothers, did you find it essential, helpful or distracting to have fathers there? Or all of the above at once?

For the record, I don't think I could have gotten through labor without my husband's steady presence. In our house, he's generally the calm one.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is Peter Sabonis, a Baltimore-based attorney who's been representing low-income and homeless people, unaccompanied youth and Native Americans for nearly a quarter-century. (His current title is a mouthful: Deputy Director of Advocacy for Public Benefits & Economic Security at the Maryland Legal Aid Bureau.)

Peter also has a 7-year-old son, Jacob. He (the father, not the son) has written what I think is a very interesting post on telling a good story. It's particularly appropriate during Turnoff Week. ...

(Click below to read his post.)

(Photo of Peter Sabonis and son Jacob courtesy of Peter Sabonis)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Telling stories" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is David Kohn, a Sun reporter who writes our Maryland Med blog about all things health-related. He's the man of his house -- quite literally. Here's his post:

"I'm the only guy in a house of three girls -- my wife and two girls, 2 and 6. What's that like? Lots of talk about sparkly things, princess dresses and shoes.

"How to avoid being overwhelmed? My wife is hopelessly uninterested in sports. But young kids can be brainwashed.

"So when they were days old, I started on a campaign to get them into football, and especially the Redskins, my favorite team. How I've done it:

--Every time the older daughter correctly identifies Joe Gibbs on TV, she gets a treat.

--While watching a game, chant Red-skins, Red-skins, Red-skins cheer over and over. The 2-year old is in a repetition stage, and so, even now, months after the season, she bursts into the chant at random moments.

--If necessary, discuss uniform color schemes.

--Try not to scream too loud at the TV when the refs or Redskins screw up. It will make the 2 year old cry."

I'm sure many of you fathers are in the same all-female boat. Tell us how you deal. (P.S. David, I want you to know I bear no responsibility for the grief you may get for admitting your Redskins allegiance on a Baltimore blog.) 

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Thought this article the other day from the Wall Street Journal about men receiving alimony might stimulate some discussion. As men take greater roles in supporting their wives' careers, perhaps staying home to take care of children and house for a while, they're also becoming less shy about asking for alimony from their spouses when a marriage ends.

We haven't talked much about divorce and families on the blog yet, though it's obviously an important fact of life for some of the readers here. So here's an opening. What are your feelings about men receiving alimony from estranged wives who earn more? And even if a marriage is healthy and intact, how do you balance whose career comes first, and whose will take a back seat for a while?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Divorce, Father's Day Tuesday
        

                                                                                                                                                                           Today my colleague features reporter Joe Burris returns for an encore performance as Guest Dad. (If you missed it, go back and read his previous post on hugging his kids, which got lots of good response.) This time, Joe's post is about the awkward questions children sometimes ask:

"I have friends who believe that whatever parenting issues arise, the answers can be found by simply clicking a computer mouse. That is, they say how fortunate today's parents are: Child psychologists have placed so much at our fingertips - via books, magazines, DVDs, journals and the Internet - that there's no need for any parent to be left clueless on any topic.
"I'm not so sure about that. The truth is that in 11 years of parenting, I'm come across moments that I haven't seen covered anwhere.
"For example: A few years ago, my wife Mpho, my then 7-year-old daughter Nyaniso and I were traveling along a stretch of Interstate 95 South in North Carolina which was loaded with adult-themed establishments just off the highway. The businesses were advertised in colorful, suggestive billboards - each of which was about the size of Rhode Island.
 "Adult Toys and Videos, 5 miles."
 "Adult Toys and Videos, 2 miles."
 "Adult Toys and Videos, Next Exit."
  Initially, I thought my daughter hadn't paid attention to the signs. But then …
 "Mommy?"
 "Yes, sweetheart?"
 "What kind of toys do adults play with?"
 "Um, er, well, um …"
 My normally garrulous wife nudged me as if to say, "Help me out over here." Suffice to say that the person who coined the adage, "father knows best," has never been along that stretch of I-95 South.
 "She asked you," I whispered sheepishly.
 "We managed to segue to another subject. To this day, I don't know the best way to address those annoying signs. I guess when my 2-year-old daughter Onalenna is old enough to read, we may take back roads in North Carolina."

Fathers (and mothers): What would you have done? Please give us some ideas below for the next awkward situation that comes along.

(Sun file photo of Joe Burris)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Since it's still Father's Day Tuesday, thought I'd pass along this cool site I found, aimed at expectant dads. I particularly like the logo, which I haven't gotten permission yet to reproduce here, and the name -- The Funky Stork.

There are some useful articles on the site, including a list of books for new fathers and "Top Ten New Dad Mistakes."

What are/were your top 10 new dad mistakes?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 4:26 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is probably well known to many of you; he's Sun columnist Kevin Cowherd, a father of three. Here's his post:

"What do they say about parenting that third child? You’d let him (or her) juggle chainsaws? But how do you feel about handing over the car keys?

"If it’s true that many parents are overly-cautious with their first child, loosen up considerably when the second comes along and adopt an oh-what-the-hell attitude with the third, that doesn’t necessarily hold true when the youngest gets his driver’s license. In fact, there's even more to worry about when every teen seems to be talking or texting on a cell.

"Our 16-year-old, Jamie, has been driving for five months. He’s a good driver and has his own car, generously handed down by his older brother. Still, my wife and I worry. And we grill him about his driving like he’s an al-Qaida operative.

"We want to know where he’s going at all times. We limit who he can have in the car with him. He has to call when he gets to his destination, and again when he’s leaving. One of us stays up until he’s home, and thank God the state mandates that new drivers can’t drive after midnight. We also told him if we ever see him driving and talking on his cell phone, we’ll take the keys away and he won’t drive again until he’s 35.

"Come to think of it, we’d be less stressed out if he was juggling chainsaws."

How are you monitoring your teen driver these days, and what rules have you put on his or her cell phone use when driving? Please tell us by posting a comment below. 

(Sun photo of Kevin Cowherd)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Teens
        

Today's Guest Dad is.....me. OK, before you feel cheated and enraged, know that I did try two fathers for this Tuesday, but for various reasons -- including the fact that I'm actually on vacation, like many of you -- their posts couldn't be arranged in time. (Remember, I'd love to have Guest Dad volunteers; see my call for them here.)

While I'm not a father, I do live with one and know many more, so I feel qualified to step into their shoes for just a minute. Today, I'd like to talk about Daddy dating.

A few years ago when I was the Sun's family issues reporter, I wrote a fun piece on "mommy dating," which is shorthand for the weird dance moms do to try to make friends with other moms, particularly when their children seem to be getting friendly. The story went into the problems that can arise when the kids click but the moms just don't, and how you get out of a not-so-great mom-to-mom relationship.

So, how do dads make friends with other dads around their children? I've noticed that men seem to feel pretty uncomfortable in this area, and consequently they may feel like they're sort of along for the ride when they get together with another family for the first time.

I know stay-at-home dads naturally have to navigate this terrain on the playground, so maybe they could tell us how they do it. Working dads, do you feel that it's mom's job to form friendships with other families? Would you feel weird about calling another dad (whose child is friends with your child through school) to get together with the kids? Why or why not?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I finally got a chance to catch a repeat episode of Snoop Dogg's "Father Hood" reality show on E! yesterday. In case you haven't tuned in yet, the show follows the rapper's attempt to balance his job as an entertainer with life with his wife and three children.

The show opens with Dogg singing (more or less): "This ain't the Huxtables/But we're living comfortable/And I don't make my kids eat their vegetables."

He can't keep them from scratching his Porsche, either, while he's off in New York at the VH-1 Hip-Hop awards in the episode I saw from last season. As soon as his father leaves, his 10-year-old son -- supposedly being watched by older "honorary son" Anthony -- rifles through the rapper's closet and struts around wearing something that makes him look like a Red Velvet Rabbit. The 10-year-old and his 13-year-old brother persuade Anthony to take them out for a ride in the Porsche. (Snoop Dogg's younger daughter is off with her parents in New York.)

Dogg doesn't break much of a sweat when he learns the Porsche has been towed (though he doesn't see the scratch). We don't see him speaking very sternly to anybody.

Have you been watching this show? What does it say to you about fatherhood and celebrity?

(Photo of Snoop Dogg and his wife, Shante Broadus, by Jason DeCrow/Associated Press)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Screen Time, Television
        

Today's Guest Dad is Joe Burris, a features reporter for The Sun and the father of two daughters. He wonders whether there's a double standard for dads when it comes to embracing their children. Here's his post:

"I am a very affectionate father. In our family, "huggies" aren't disposable diapers, they're big hugs with my 11-year-old daughter Nyaniso and 2-year-old daughter Onalenna. Often those embraces are the high points of my day - warm, simple pleasures that for me reaffirm how wonderful and precious the gift of life is.

"Oddly enough, I've come across people who have a problem with it. In fact, I've been told by several adults - mostly women - that my hugs are really a subtle attempt to turn Nyaniso and Onalenna into spoiled, "daddy's little girls." There have been several occasions where my wife Mpho and I have embraced our daughters in public; folks say nothing about my wife, but give me an earful.

"The most striking example of this came in the hospital when Onalenna was born. A nurse one day pulled my mother in-law aside and cautioned her to do something about my holding and hugging my then newborn daughter, saying, "It doesn't make sense for a man to hold a child that much." She then went away in a huff when my mother in-law replied, "You can never show a child too much love."

"That is true, isn't it? Are there times when nurturing is gender specific? I don't think so; in fact, I believe that, if anything, those who have complained probably weren't hugged enough."

Have any of you fathers had the same experience as Joe? Please tell us how you handled it.

(Photo of Joe Burris and his daughters courtesy of Joe Burris)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (19)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Don't miss our story today about the new monthly "Boot Camp for Dads" program at Anne Arundel Medical Center. It's a different way of catering specifically to new fathers. You can find out more by visiting the hospital's web site or calling 443-481-4000. The workshop costs $50.

Has anybody out there attended this program? I'm sure other parents would like to hear about whether you found it helpful. And if a program like this was closer to your home, would you be interested?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:42 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I'm looking for some engaging local guest dads to post on future Father's Day Tuesdays. If you have a topic for discussion or very short tale to tell that would be of interest to a wide audience of parents, please send me an email with a sample post. You'll need to include your full name and the town where you live, and your phone number (just for my use, so I can get in touch with you.)

 The final, public post will need to include your full name and town as well, just so you know. If you have a picture that includes your kids to include with the post, that's a bonus; please e-mail it, too.

 Here are some of the kinds of dads I think might be interesting to hear from:

 --A divorced dad who can tell us how he navigates primary or joint custody;

--A single dad raising a girl (or more), or a married dad who can write about what it's like to be the only male in a houseful of girls and women;

 --A brand-new dad who can talk about how he bonds with a baby who just wants to nurse.

I'm sure you can think of many other things you'd like to see a guest dad address. If you just want to suggest a topic for guest dad, please post it in a comment below.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Since it's Father's Day Tuesday, I thought we might discuss a recent paper on men's contributions to household duties by sociologists at the University of California-Riverside and Ben Gurion University. The research found that men’s contributions to household chores have doubled since the 1960s, to more than 30 percent of the total from about 15 percent.

The average woman with children who is employed full or part time is doing two fewer hours of housework per week than in 1965. Yet she's doubled the amount of time she spends with the children, and fathers tripled their contributions to child care.

 "Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed," the paper says.

How does this play out in your house?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:45 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

For this week's Father's Day Tuesday, I wanted to get back to a question Robert asked early on: 

The one thing I'd like to discuss is how other working Dads work to develop a close bond with their children when Mom is the one they see all day. My two year old and I have a great relationship but sometimes I need to work twice as hard for his affection, I wonder if other Dads face this issue.

This week's Guest Dad is my friend Howard Libit, The Sun's assistant managing editor for breaking news, whose son is also (almost) 2. As you can imagine, the length of Howard's work day depends on something out of his control -- the news. Here's his post:

"This question is something I struggle with all the time. My wife picks up our almost 2-year-old son from day care each day around 4:45 or 5, and she spends each weeknight evening with him -- including dinner and bathtime. I almost never get home from work before his bedtime, which is 8 p.m.

"So I try to set up my own rituals with my son. Mornings are our time -- whenever he wakes up, I get him out of bed and change him. We play together for a little while, and then eat breakfast together. (He especially likes eating from "daddy's cereal.") I get him dressed for day care, and then I drop him off. My wife is usually around in the morning, but I'm the one who is more focused on him. It's only about 90 minutes together each day -- as opposed to the three hours my wife gets each night -- but it's our way of bonding.

"The other big piece is weekends. Grocery shopping has become the ritual for my son and me -- our piece of together-time, either Saturday or Sunday mornings. My wife gets a little alone-time in the house, and we get to pick out red apples and visit the "cheese man" -- the deli counter guy who usually slips my son a piece of cheese. Even on weekends, we usually keep up the rituals. I still handle the mornings, letting my wife sleep in a bit. And I try not to disrupt her ritual of bathtime with our son.

"So every morning, I get a reminder that I'm still the subject of my son's affection. Whenever he wakes up and wants attention, he always calls for Daddy. Of course, when it's 2 a.m., I'm not always sure I want quite that much affection."

If you're a dad who often works late or travels, how do you stay connected with your children? How does the dynamic change when there's more than one child? Please let us know by commenting below (don't forget to hit the blue Comments button to get the posting form.)

(Photo of Howard Libit with his son, Elliot, courtesy of Howard Libit)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Don't forget that tomorrow is Father's Day Tuesday. Our Guest Dad will tell us how he stays connected to his young son while working long hours. I'm sure many of our dad and mom readers can relate to that challenge.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

You may remember that last Tuesday, Robert graciously asked the moms out there how the dads in their lives could do better at parenting. There were a couple of interesting responses -- and, moms, it's never too late to add your own under that post. In fact, you might want to hurry over and do that. Because today....

What's good for the gander is good for the goose. We ask dads to tell us how the mothers in their lives can do better for the family.

I'm a little scared about this -- didn't I say before that I was fair game? -- so I'm going to head off my husband's post with a preemptive strike. Here's how I could improve as a mom:

--I should take more deep breaths, especially during the morning school rush.

--I should watch and learn from his incredible patience.

--I should hold on to my confidence as a mom, and shake off toxic parental guilt.

Dads, please comment below. (Remember you can use a first name, a handle or no name, and that you must click on the word "Comments" in blue to get to the posting form.)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

When Brian asked for tips on how to be a stay-at-home dad for his infant daughter, I turned to Guest Dad Will Morton, who's been the full-time caregiver to his children for four years now.

Here's his post. If you have questions for Will, ask them in a comment below, and he'll check back periodically to answer.  

To the soon-to-be first-time at-home-dad: Bravo! You’re doing a wonderful thing for your family. I’ve been an at-home dad in Baltimore County for four years, now with a 2-year-old girl and an almost-5-year-old boy. There are times when you want to tear your hair out (inconsolable baby while you’re trying not to burn supper) and times when you wouldn’t trade it for anything (feet in kiddie pool at 4:30 on Friday while your old colleagues are still at the office). To help you cope, here are a few quick tips.

  Find support. The good news is you’re not alone. There are other at-home dads out there, you just have to find them. I found a group of five to 10 guys from Cockeysville to Canton who meet weekly, alternating in-home play with outings. Those switch between free places such as playgrounds and libraries and pay locations such as Port Discovery or the Zoo. We talk about everything from sports to spouses, home improvement to how to deal with kid behavior.

 Love your wife. Try to show sympathy toward her as she returns to work. She might feel like the world’s worst mommy abandoning her child. You might want to call her at 5:45 to ask why she hasn’t left work yet when the screaming baby needs to nurse at 6. But it helps you both to remember (1.) your child is getting loving care every day and (2.) you’re saving a bundle on day care.

 Get out of the house every day. Strap on the Snugli and soak up all the big smiles people give a man carrying a baby. When they ask, patronizingly, “Is daddy babysitting today?” just tell them, “Nope, daddy’s on duty every day.” And shut them up with a smile.

 You’ll get your sea legs soon. It might seem impossible to juggle crying baby with fixing supper and cleaning the house. Ignore the books and know you’ll stumble as you figure out what works for you. You’ll figure out that 99 percent of the time, a crying baby is hungry, poopy or tired. Fix those, and you’re all set. You’ll learn that you can nap when the baby naps, and Daddy’s a much happier person. And there are healthy convenience foods. Ninety-second microwaveable rice saves me all the time.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 5:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (15)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Fathers and mothers, don't forget that tomorrow is Father's Day Tuesday. I'm really glad that a veteran stay-at-home dad has agreed to pass on his short list of tips for a new father (and, of course, all the rest of you.) You won't want to miss it.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday