Fathers also suffer from postpartum depression. That's according to a study published online Monday in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine. The Los Angeles Times reports:

Overall, they found that the rate of depression for mothers was nearly 14 cases per 100 person-years in the first 12 months after a baby was born. That rate dropped to about 6 cases per 100 person-years in the second year and continued to decline slightly over the next decade.

For fathers, the rate of depression in the first year was 3.56 cases per 100 person-years. It then fluctuated between 1.95 and 2.72 cases per 100 person-years until their kids became teenagers.

Overall, mothers experience postpartum depression more than dads.

I'm not surprised by these findings. What do you think?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 11:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris on helping his daughter, a soon-to-be high school student, navigate the road ahead:

Recently my 13-year-old daughter Nyaniso and I were dining in a restaurant when she announced what our family has known since she graduated junior high school last month:
 
“I’m going to high school next year!”
 
We began talking about it, and then it occurred to me that we really hadn’t talked about it.  In an instant I began pondering what lay ahead, and soon it began to feel as if the whole thing had snuck up on me.
 
I thought about how, if all goes well, fairly soon my firstborn child will be learning to drive (gasp!), dressing for the prom, tossing a high school graduation cap skyward, picking a college, packing her bags and – whoa – leaving the nest.

Continue reading "Growing up" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Dads, Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes about his daughters' fascination with calling him "MY daddy."

Sometimes, my 4-year-old daughter Onalenna will leap into my lap, wrap her arms around my neck and exclaim in a loud voice, “MY daddy!”

She and 13-year-old sister Nyaniso have long made “daddy” my most favorite word in the English language. But the phrase, “MY daddy” is the most intriguing.

Both began uttering it sometime around three-years old, with little pattern or constancy (Nyaniso stopped saying it sometime after kindergarten). “MY daddy” can come at almost any time, in most any situation. The first word is always pronounced louder than the second.

And my girls seem to have gotten just as much out of saying it as I have hearing it.

It’s difficult to say specifically what “MY daddy” is about. Often it appears to be territorial, as if they know not every kid has a daddy around and they don't want anyone claiming theirs. But it’s also seems to offer a sense of security in saying it. Sometimes it’s uttered in joy, others times it appears to be a response to discomfort or fear. And then there are moments when it appears to have no meaning behind it; it's merely something to say.           

Continue reading "MY daddy" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Dads, Father's Day Tuesday
        

We've been having a great discussion here about dads who are struggling with work-life issues.

Baltimore stay-at-home dad and guest blogger Will Morton offers his advice to other at-home dads:

When I quit my job to become an at-home dad, I had no earthly clue what I was getting into. Six years later, I’ve found it equal parts terrifying, aggravating, rewarding and fun.

My friend Vince just gave notice that he’s quitting his job to do just the same. Here are some things I wish someone had told me back in 2004.

Continue reading "Advice for stay-at-home dads" »

Posted by Hanah Cho at 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Dads, Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes that on the eve of Father's Day, a nonprofit organization dedicated to fathers is coming to Baltimore:

If I were holding on to a slim lead in the Dakar Rally, entering the final day of the British Open two strokes off the pace or a few yards shy of Mount Everest’s peak, I’d still brake for Father’s Day.

The annual time for appreciating dads -- which comes on Sunday -- has been one of the great things about being a father. For me, it took becoming a father to realize that we need to be celebrated as such.

That's why it's great to have people like Kashaun Cooper.

In July of last year, the Fairfax, Va., resident founded Fathers Rock, a non-profit organization dedicated to showing appreciation for fathers and father figures. The group has more than 3,200 Facebook fans.

Fathers Rock is in the process of relocating to Baltimore. On Father’s Day, the group will hold its inaugural Father’s Day Festival in Middle Branch Park at noon.

A father of four, Cooper has led the group’s efforts to reach out to fathers by periodically holding contests to honor fathers. Anyone can nominate an outstanding father or father figure by sending in a letter of 250 words or less or a video message expressing why the father should be recognized.

Fathers who are honored receive gift certificates, event tickets, awards and recognition at Fathers Rock events.

“There’s a lack of recognition in our community when it comes down to fathers,” said Cooper, 27. “This makes fathers feel appreciated, like they’re somebody in the community and not just a paycheck or a child-care provider. It says, ‘Thank you for a job well done.’”

But Cooper also wants to reach out to fathers who aren’t spending considerable time in their children’s lives.

Hopefully, he said, “It will make those fathers say, ‘Hey, I can be recognized for doing what I’m supposed to do? What I choose to do?’”

Cooper says he and wife Cherise had their youngest child a couple of weeks ago, and he admits that juggling fatherhood and relocating the nonprofit organization has its challenges. But he said he hopes his efforts inspire more fathers to give themselves pats on the back for tackling one of the most important jobs anyone can have: raising a child.

“I believe I am their greatest teacher. I believe I am their greatest influence,” Cooper said. “What my children become in life is a product of what I put inside them.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Father's Day Friday will be along shortly. In the meantime, let me draw your attention to Giveaway Week's final contest.

It's our Father's Day lookalike picture contest, which has some fun photos in it already. The contest ends this afternoon, so hurry -- upload yours and you could win tickets to an Orioles game!

Yesterday's Winnie-the-Pooh giveaway winner is Calamity24, who shared a great passage from "The Wizard of Oz."

Thanks to all who have made this last week so much fun! And stay tuned for exciting news about new Charm City Moms leadership.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

The winner of the Father's Day giveaway is Nikki Popovich, who sounds like she's always got a great plan for Father's Day.

Congratulations, Nikki! And please keep the comments coming under today's cookbook giveaway post.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:52 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes about his young daughter's sleep study experience for Father's Day Friday:

Last Saturday I took my 4-year-old daughter Onalenna to a sleep disorder clinic. I had been planning to do so for a while, but reticence always crept in at the last minute. Having done a sleep study myself, I knew how uncomfortable they can be.

But after four years of her ebb-and-flow sleep patterns -- where ebb usually beats out flow by a long shot -- I decided I had to seek a specialist.

The interesting thing about sleep studies is that they start out wonderfully. You enter this spacious, elegant room that has all the trappings of a Ritz Carlton. Onalenna’s room even came with a Sleep Number bed. From the moment you enter it, everything about the room says comfort.

It usually goes downhill from there.

An attendant then enters the room with a load of contraptions and a bundle of wires, the latter of which are to be attached to you at one end.

A sticky substance is applied to your body and then the end tip of a wire is placed atop the sticky stuff and tape is placed above the wire. It’s sort of like turning you into a string puppet.

Now, I tried to warn Onalenna about this. I told her that they would attach wires to her legs, her chest, her neck and forehead. I also mentioned that they would place a monitor over her heart.

But I forgot about the wires they put on her cheeks and the back of her head.

When they were finished with my 4-year-old daughter, she had more wiring than a circuit breaker.

And then there were the tubes that they inserted in her nose.

It’s not surprising that she complained she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep. But within 20 minutes she was snoring away – due in part to an earlier soccer practice that tired her out.

For much of the night, Onalenna kept yanking the tubes out of her nose – mostly without waking up. The attendant would come in and re-insert it every time. At one point I asked the attendant if there was a better way to keep the tubes in.

He said that they’re accustomed to having to re-insert them during the night and added, “Last week we had to revisit a patient 30 times during the night because he kept taking his out.”

Fortunately, my daughter wasn’t that uncomfortable, and sometime after midnight she actually slept without bothering the wires.

The next morning the attendant returned and removed them. They gave her one wire for her school’s show and tell.

I thought my Little One handled it like a trooper, and I told her I was very proud of her. Still, when the post-sleep-study questionnaire asked me what could be done to improve the procedure, my answer came easily.

“Make it wireless.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

For Father's Day this year, we're running a picture lookalike contest for fathers and sons. Upload your photos to our gallery, and you just might win tickets to an Orioles game. Pretty sweet!

Winners will be announced the afternoon of Friday, June 18, which gives you time for Father's Day bragging rights.

Meanwhile, check out the gallery. There's already a really cute picture there.

The photo on the left isn't a contestant, but it won an honorable mention in our Reader SunShots family photo contest. It's from Betsy Bartow, a frequent commenter here.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris on Father's Day Friday:

For years I’ve told folks that my favorite sport is college basketball. Not anymore. I’m proud to say that instead I have discovered the finest, most practical sport ever invented, one that any parent would be senseless not to embrace.

It’s called kids’ soccer!

I could practically genuflect before the inventor of this panacea of outdoor activities.

I took my 4-year-old daughter to her first practice last week, and though she initially did not warm up to the sport, within no time she took to it with passion.

What fueled her excitement? The same reason why parents like me love it.

Kids run!

And they run, and run and run. And then they take water breaks and run some more. They chase after balls that are knee high. They plop on the soft ground and get back up dashing again. They chase after each other. They frolic joyfully even when they fail to kick the ball.

And all the while, they are surrounded by parents who are all but salivating at what all that exercise will lead to:

Continue reading "A soccer dad is born" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
        

Joe Burris has this Father's Day Friday post:

My 13-year old daughter is fond of reminding my wife and me that she has more Facebook friends than the two of us combined. Yet the other day, I boasted to her that I have more Twitter followers. Upon hearing my number she had to agree.

Now, there are two simple reasons for this. First of all, many folks her age prefer sites such as Facebook and MySpace over Twitter. Secondly, I’ve learned how to lure Twitter followers to my page, and although my list is relatively small now, someday I hope to have the equivalent of the population of Omaha, Neb., following me.

The lure comes from keywords.

I once joked to a friend of mine that occasionally, while venturing out in cyberspace, I turn around, stare at some of my Twitter followers and ask, “Why are following me?” But I’m told that apparently some companies and organizations spot certain words that come up in Tweets and then respond by making your acquaintance.

I became aware of this while Tweeting during a recent trip to the dentist, only to discover later that I had become a magnet for the oral hygiene industry.

Nowadays, I venture out onto Tweet Street looking to draw followers. Although I erase many of them for repulsive content, I still have a fairly diverse batch -- from shopping sites to real estate sites to museums to a site written completely in Russian.

I bragged to my daughter that it shows how much folks show a keen interest in her dad. And I guess at one point I believed that. But now I know that such is tantamount to believing junk mail comes from someone who cared enough to write.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris on lessons about helping kids navigate in a foreign land -- and helping people from elsewhere navigate ours:

One of my friends from West Africa is fond of saying that you can always tell an American who has experienced the world outside his or her borders. Earlier this week, while I working at a do-it-yourself office supply store in D.C., I got a sense of what he means.

The loud and somewhat disruptive chatter of the place was suddenly quieted by a man who kept requiring assistance but spoke little English. The workers had little patience for him, and nearby patrons weren’t much better.

When he asked a woman sitting next to me to help, she declined. She then leaned over to me and whispered, “He’s getting on my nerves.”

The moment reminded me of the first time I tried to use a self-service laundry near my wife’s home in Soweto, South Africa. I scarcely understood the symbols on the machines. As I tried to figure them out, the laundry operator and the other customers stared at me with amusement and whispered too each other, but would offer no assistance.

Before I knew it one of the machines overflowed with suds. A patron walked over to me and said, “You put too much soap powder in!”...

Continue reading "Navigating another culture" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris with Father's Day Friday:

Whenever I speak to college journalism classes, I tell them that I spent 18 years of my 23-year journalism career as a sportswriter, and some students look in awe and ask, “Why would give up that job?”

Sometimes I wish I had a copy of such stories as one currently making headlines in sports, involving an NFL general manager and a would-be NFL draft pick.

Leading up to the last week’s draft, Miami Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland conducted a pre-draft interview with a player that Miami apparently had interest in selecting, Oklahoma State wide receiver Dez Bryant.

Now, Bryant’s background had been reported prior to the draft. His mother was 15 when she gave birth to him and she served some time in jail for selling crack cocaine.

It seems Bryant’s family history led Ireland to believe he could broach any question that came to mind. Questions like:

“Is your mother a prostitute?”

That is what Ireland is reported to have asked Bryant during the interview. Bryant reportedly answered, “No,” in an outraged tone, but he refrained from any further action lest he hurt his chances of employment in the NFL. And Ireland has since apologized for the question.

I have to admit that if I were still a sportswriter and had been assigned this topic, I would have found it difficult to cover it. I understand that these days many sports teams are eager to screen prospects as much as possible to flesh out any potential bad seeds before investing millions in them.

But I can’t imagine how such a question makes sense in a job interview -- be it for a job with an NFL team or Silicon Valley tech firm or car wash.

I’ve lived a fairly uneventful life, one that some folks might classify as nerdy, and I hope it stays that way. But when my young daughters enter the working world, I don’t want a prospective employer to ask anything about me -- even such questions as, “Why did your dad give up sports writing?”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris is here on Father's Day Friday with a tale of a bumpy ride -- or, rather, a bumpy stop -- at New York's Penn Station:

The way I see it, the famous African proverb about childrearing needs a bit of tweaking.

It does take a village to raise a child, provided that you screen the villagers in advance for civility.

Some traveling through New York’s Penn Station during a recent Sunday might not have made the grade.

I was riding an Amtrak train then as it made its scheduled stop at Penn Station en route to Washington.

Now, the Penn Station stop lasts about 30 minutes; there’s no need to make haste in disembarking or boarding.

But you never would have known that by the scores of passengers rushing to board the train while others were still trying to get off.

Gridlock ensued at the exit doors and in the aisles. Among those stuck in the logjam: a mother carrying a small child.

“Can I get by?” the woman said as she struggled to inch her way to the door. The folks getting on ignored her query...

So she asked again, but the next time more emphatically.

“Can I get by? I’ve got a toddler here, as you can see!”

That prompted a woman boarding the train to -- get this -- lose her temper...

Continue reading "Human gridlock: A father's view" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris plucks gray hairs this Father's Day Friday:

A while back, I read the following adage in a hilarious book, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Health Fair,” by Fred Neil:

“Time might be a great healer, but it’s also lousy beautician.”

I considered that a few weeks ago, when, while shaving my face, I decided to spare the stubble on my chin and grow my first beard in nearly five years.

I noticed many thin, gray slivers protruding from my face, but I had no idea how many until I allowed them to grow.

They were everywhere, and I considered the gray hairs weeds, choking nourishment and life out of the shiny black strands that I looked forward to growing.

I just turned 47, yet people still tell me that I look young for my age. I’m sure that’s due in part to the fact that when my hairline began to recede behind my ears, I went bald -- coincidentally at a time when many young people made baldness a fashion statement.

But this was different. I tried Grecian Formula, but it didn’t work as fast as I wanted. The gray kept coming in. I envisioned that I’d soon resemble someone out of a picture bible.

One day, as I looked with chagrin at my chin in the mirror, I reached for some tweezers and began plucking away.

“Daddy, what are you doing?” asked my 4-year-old daughter Onalenna, who came up on me suddenly.

“I’m getting rid of my gray hairs.”

“Why?”

“Because they make me look old.”

“Old?” she replied, curiously. “Why do they make you look old?”

I didn’t have much of an answer for that. But I also lost interest in plucking, too. I winced at the possibility of a full gray beard, but I let it go.

And recently, two of my colleagues complimented my beard, and when I said I wondered whether it made me look old, each replied that it rather made me look, “distinguished.” I like that word.

So now I figure perhaps time isn’t such a bad beautician after all. I’ve grown to admire the multi-hued strands on my chin, and I’ve come to believe that old adage that age is just a number.

No gray area there.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Scarface for Kids (MySpace Exclusive)

TMZ | MySpace Video

Today, guest dad Joe Burris talks about the volatile mixture of kids, guns and drugs: I am a strong believer in freedom of expression, but as a father of two young daughters I believe in drawing the line between what should be deemed appropriate and inappropriate for children. In many ways our society has done an admirable job in drawing that line, but it’s amazing how often some folks come along to erase it.

I say that after watching a video that recently appreared on the social Web site, Myspace. It was a clip that showed child actors performing scenes from the popular gangster drama, “Scarface.”

The clip had me shaking my head as if I were at a tennis match.

For those not familiar with “Scarface,” it is a 1983 film about a Cuban immigrant (played by actor Al Pacino) who rises up from Miami ’s slums to become a drug kingpin. The movie is famous for violent gunplay, vile language and scenes where the lead character piles mounds of cocaine on a desktop then buries his nose in it.

In the children’s version, the characters are dressed to look like those in the film, but the F-bomb is replaced with the word, “fudge.” Toy guns that sound like the real thing are brandished.

And mounds of popcorn takes the place of cocaine.

Continue reading "On kids and Scarface" »

Posted by Dave Rosenthal at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Continue reading "Road rage with kids" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes about his 4-year-old daughter learned to care about an earthquake on another continent this Father's Day Friday:

When tragedy strikes like the recent earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, I often wonder how to talk about it with my 4-year-old daughter, Onalenna.

Occasionally, scenes of ravaged landscapes and people left severely injured or crying in horror amid the devastation splash across the television screen, and I shudder to think what she might take from those images.

But she and her day school class had an opportunity to learn about the Chile earthquake without us parents saying a thing.

One of my daughter’s teachers, Miss Gloria (not her real name), was visiting her home country when the earthquake struck. The children knew she had gone home and after a while they began asking about Chile, whether the place people keep talking about being damaged by an earthquake was the same Chile where Miss Gloria was from.

She kept regular correspondence with parents, fellow teachers and students through e-mail, letting us know that she was unharmed and would return as soon as possible. We all eagerly awaited her return, and we shuddered at reports of every subsequent aftershock that hit the country.

Last week, she returned to the school and most everyone -- students, teachers and we parents, too -- were delighted to see her. Scores of little ones ran up and swarmed her like bees to a hive.

“Miss Gloria!” they shouted. Onalenna too. One looked up at her and said, “We heard about your country.”

Who knows whether they’ll remember any of this by summer or in the years that will follow.

We’re all just glad to see Miss Gloria back.

Associated Press photo/Ignacio Vasquez

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:57 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

This Father's Day Friday, Guest Dad Joe Burris is trying to stay on the right side of library law:

On Wednesday, I sent my wife a message about a matter that needed to be attended to right away.

“Do we have any overdue library books out?”

Don’t laugh. I wrote the e-mail after reading that many libraries are now seeking arrest warrants for those who have not turned in overdue items. Some negligent library patrons have indeed been arrested, booked and fingerprinted.

Some have even spent time in jail.

It seems that many libraries across the country are financially strapped because of budget woes and simply don’t have the money to replace books, movies and games that patrons fail to return.

And that’s understandable. If you rent a car, for example, and fail to return it for weeks or months after your contract expires, than that company will likely request that law enforcement take up the matter.

But can you imagine how it must be for such a person to spend time behind bars with other criminals?

Cell mate No. 1: So what did they get you for?
Cell mate No. 2: “Grand Theft Auto.”
Cell mate No. 1: No kidding? What kind of car did you steal?
Cell mate No. 2: No, not a car, the video game. I was more than six months overdue.

I thought what would happen if my 13-year-old daughter got nabbed. Would she be tried as an adult?

Thankfully, my wife replied that we have no overdue books out there. I’m breathing a sigh of relief.

And I hope no one finds out about the ripped tag off the mattress.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris is back with this Father's Day Friday post:

On a Saturday morning two weeks ago, my four-year-old daughter Onalenna woke me up and sung a wonderful rendition of “Happy Birthday” to me. Then she asked, “How old are you today, daddy?”

I smiled and with a choking voice replied, “I’m 47, Sweetie.”

My daughter looked at me puzzled, as if to wonder what about age 47 seemed to trigger so much emotion in me.

The truth is, I’ve been thinking about this birthday for a long, long time.

I am now the same age my father was when he passed away. I was 15 at the time; he died suddenly from complications following cyst removal surgery.

When you’re 15-years old and your father dies, you come to realize how many personal milestones occur after 15: Obtaining a driver’s license. Attending your prom. Graduating high school. Graduating college. Landing your first job. Getting married. Having children.

And you grow up to be a father mindful of the need to embrace all of your children’s milestones, before and beyond 15.

But in the days following my birthday, I’ve spent much time wondering about the father I will be -- and the quality of life my family will have -- should my own years extend well beyond that of my father. Namely, I worry about all my worries, the things I can control and those I cannot.

I thought about this last week when I was at a restaurant in my hometown of Florence, S.C. I befriended a 78-year-old from Upstate New York, a warm, sagacious man who was clearly enjoying his twilight years. As we talked about the ups and downs of life, I told him I had recently celebrated my 47th birthday.

“What are the three things,” he said, “that you must take care of in order to live a whole, complete and happy life?”

With each thing I mentioned -- my family, my faith, my finances, my responsibilities -- he smiled and shook his head. “No, you need to take care of the other three things in order to take care of each of those.”

Finally I gave up.

“Well,” he said, “the first thing you need to take care of is your health, and not just the health of your body, but that of your mind and your spirit.

“The second thing you need to take care of is your time, always use it wisely.

“And the third thing you need to take care of is your destiny. Some people call it your luck or your good fortune. But I call it your destiny.”

I’d consider that sound advice at any age.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:16 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

And now, a new addition to our Father's Day Friday lineup: What's cooking with local dad bloggers.

It's a happy development that in the two years I've been writing Charm City Moms, enough dads in the area have started blogging about parenthood that we're able to do this from time to time. So here are a few things you should read from local dads this week:

--Over at The B-More Dad Blog, Will Morton writes about the pressure to get a Wii -- not from his kids this time, but from his wife.

"The idea would be that it’s Mommy’s Wii, so we can only play it when she’s home," he writes.

"Wii will see."

--Oren Miller of A Blogger and a Father, whose blog features the best of other dad blogs, profiles Martin of XBox4NappyRash. The unique thing about this blog, Oren writes, is that Martin blogged about fatherhood even though he and his wife were struggling with infertility. Find out what happened.

--Joe Schatz, otherwise known as Joeprah, has a new book out about his life as a stay-at-home dad that I keep meaning to mention. It's called "Daddy, Where's Your Vagina?" and was featured recently on the Tyra Banks Show.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Tiger Woods is making his public apology right now.

He reports that his wife Elin Nordegren "pointed out to me that my real apology will not come in the form of words. It will come in the form of my behavior over time."

Sounds like she's giving him another chance.

But what do you think about how she views the definition of his apology?

He did just say it: "I cheated. I had affairs. I was unfaithful."

UPDATED:
"It's time for me to start living a life of integrity."

(Photo by Sam Greenwood/Getty Images)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In light of John Edwards' admission that he fathered a daughter, now 2, out of wedlock, Joe Burris looks at another famous figure whose daughter was denied far longer.

When former presidential candidate John Edwards admitted this week that he had fathered a child during an extramarital affair, he joined a list of prominent figures whose infidelity ultimately led to similar embarrassing confessions. One in particular stands out -- basketball legend Julius Erving, who tried to hide the existence of his daughter from public view until she became a star athlete herself.

Erving finally acknowledged that former tennis standout Alexandra Stevenson was his daughter as she rose to stardom while advancing to the Wimbledon semifinals in 1999. But it was years before they finally really met. Here's an amazing story from ESPN.com about their journey to mutual acceptance.

(Associated Press photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Sometimes the generation gap seems more like a chasm, as Guest Dad Joe Burris observes on this Father's Day Friday:

One day, I repeated something to my 13-year-old older daughter that I had mentioned before and I said, “I hope I don’t sound like a broken record.”

She looked at me puzzled.

“I mean, a stuck CD,” I said, and she got it.

I thought to myself, “I wonder what I’ll say when my 3-year-old gets old enough for such conversations. Do iTunes skip? But by then they will be obsolete, too.”

The old adage says, “You’re as old as you feel.” Lately the generation gap between me and my daughters has left me feeling as if I need to start reading Modern Maturity magazine. I look at my children’s ever-changing world and often I can’t help but think back to the old days.

To wit, remember when:

The only thing you did with a phone was talk?

You were actually surprised to hear curse words on television?

“Laugh out loud” and “be right back” were spelled as “laugh out loud” and “be right back”?

Bowling was done in an alley and not on a console?

The only undergarments you ever saw were your own?

I like progress, but sometimes it feels like a 33 rpm playing on 45 rpm.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris wonders what would happen if some couples couldn't get divorced...

On Thursday someone sent me a copy of a story about an Oklahoma lawmaker who has proposed a bill that would make it difficult for Oklahomans to get a divorce.

State representative Sally Kern's bill would virtually prohibit divorces if there are minor children in the marriage, if the couple has been married for at least 10 years or if either party objects to the divorce in writing. Kern has been quoted as saying that the purpose of the bill is to protect children's interests.

While such a bill might be well intended -- and I'm sure that some children wish that their parents hadn't divorced -- I shudder at the idea of a government telling a couple that they have no choice but to stay together.

I know that years ago couples who knew they were likely better off apart hung in there, most often for the sake of the children.

But nowadays, with studies showing that a dysfunctional married couple can be just as damaging to a child's emotional development as parents who divorce, does such a law really protect kids' interest? What about instances where there is emotional abuse or infidelity?

I sure hope that such a bill never becomes law where I live, in Virginia. Forcing couples to stay together may create more problems than it solves.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris takes on the eternal controversy over who has more influence on our kids -- parents or peers:

Recently, my two daughters and I took part in a daddy-daughter event in Washington, D.C., that was centered on the upcoming Disney movie, “The Princess and the Frog.” More than 500 people were present, and there were all types of festivities to make our daughters feel like princesses.

But what I remember most was that the event’s organizers had the fathers stand before our daughters and read a pledge to them. We vowed to keep them safe and secure, to be good listeners, to admit our mistakes and to help them grow as women capable of facing and tackling the challenges of life.

As we stood for the pledge, I quickly looked around the room at the hopeful eyes of scores of little girls, staring up at their fathers. When my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna decided to take time out from the moment to play on the floor, her 12-year-old sister Nyaniso made her stand up.

“Listen to what Daddy’s saying to us,” she said.

I thought about that moment this week when I came across a Time magazine interview entitled “Why Parents (Still) Don’t Matter.”

The interview centered on the 10th anniversary of the book, “The Nurture Assumption” by psychologist Judith Harris, who argued then, and now, that parents don’t have any long term affects on their children. She argued that the influence of peers has a much greater impact on kids than anything their parents can say or do.

Keep in mind, this year is also the 30th anniversary of a Time essay called “Wondering If Children Are Necessary.”

Giving both Harris and Time the benefit of the doubt, I fully believe that peer influence has a resounding effect on the type of adults our children grow up to be. I believe that at some stages of their lives (particularly adolescence), peers are arguably the greatest influence. And certainly, parents who fail to take an active role in their children’s lives won’t come close to having as strong an impact.

Yet I wonder: Did people who made such claims grow up as a homeless orphans? No parents, no surrogates who guided and nurtured as parents? No one who ever cared and sacrificed and taught right from wrong -- even when the lessons appeared to fall on deaf ears? No stable, nurturing home environment that helped foster a sense of security and made gaining a solid education (the kind that enables one to become a psychologist) possible?

I suppose that when these folks were unruly teens, and they got picked up by the cops, they called their BFFs to bail them out.

And I guess if I am looking for empirical evidence as to whether parents matter or children necessary, I’m probably spending too much time in thought -- and not enough time with my kids.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes about a less-than-shining example for his sports-loving daughter:

When my 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso recently asked permission to play girls ice hockey, she was surprised at how readily I approved. That wasn’t the case among some other parents, she said. Yet while I did have some concerns about the sport’s physical nature, I could see her passion and interest and decided to allow her to give it a try.

“Just remember to protect yourself should you get checked,” I said.

“What does it mean to get checked?”

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

I’ve thought back to that moment often recently in wake of the controversy surrounding University of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert, who has been suspended for rough play during a recent tournament game between New Mexico and Brigham Young.

Among Lambert’s most violent actions that day was grabbing an opposing player by the pony tail and pulling her to the ground with a force that could have caused a whiplash.

Taped footage of the incident has drawn millions of hits on video-sharing Web sites, featured on ABC’s Good Morning America and ESPN’s SportsCenter. It has been the talk of chat rooms and message boards everywhere.

One of the concerns I have about coverage of the Lambert incident is that it is by far the most attention given to a women’s team sport in a long, long time. In the absence of it, few of us would know -- and even fewer would care -- about Lambert or either team involved.

And that means that for plenty of young girls interested in playing sports, this might have been the first time they’ve seen women’s soccer in the mainstream media.

Imagine trying to get your son interested in playing baseball, and the first game he watches on television is Game 3 of the 2003 American League Championship Series, where the two teams staged one of Major League Baseball’s ugliest brawls ever.

What Lambert did on the field that day was despicable (she has since apologized) regardless of gender. The same could be said for the recent actions of University of Florida football player Brandon Spikes, who was caught trying to gouge the eyes of an opposing player during Florida’s contest against the University of Georgia.

The difference is that the Spikes incident barely stands out amid the plethora to time devoted to college football. The same goes for the 2003 ALCS with baseball coverage. Lambert’s incident stands alone.

I hope that there are enough girls playing sports -- particularly soccer -- to know that most have a physical side, and that the Lambert incident was an aberration.

They also should know that unless another player allows her emotions to get the best of her, women’s soccer probably won’t garner more national attention any time soon.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Sports
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris writes today about how for a family guy, the toilet inevitably becomes "the potty":

A couple of weeks ago, my wife and I were visiting a department store when she decided to try on a garment.

“Okay,” I said, while walking out of the store, “I got to go to the potty.”

I stood momentarily red faced, wondering if any of the other customers in the store had heard me.

Potty -- now there’s a word you rarely hear from anyone who doesn’t have kids. I scarcely uttered it before we had any. Now, in nearly 13 years of parenting, it has become one of the most used in my vocabulary.

I have had some of the most memorable experiences taking my kids to the potty. I’ve learned that there are many filling stations just off Interstate 95 in North Carolina that have some of the most disgusting looking bathrooms I’ve ever seen. But when your kid’s got to go, you’ve got to stop.

I still recall the first time I took my older daughter Nyaniso (now 12) to a crowded men’s room. And I remember taking my younger Onalenna (now 3) to an empty ladies’ room; the receptionist at the pediatrician’s office gave me the ladies’ key, and it was too late to return for the other.

A while back, Onalenna struggled with me closing myself off from her and the rest of the world when I went to the bathroom.

“Daddy, what are you doing in there?”

“I’m going potty, Sweetie.”

“Can I come in with you?”

“Er, are you sure about that?”

Unbeknownst to me, Onalenna often observed my bathroom traits. And now when she goes, she takes reading materials with her. Most are books that we’ve read to her at nighttime; she’s heard them so often that she now recites them. Sometimes she takes magazines or other periodicals.

The thing is, the bathroom has become, for her, best reading room outside of the local library. She’ll go in and sit and sit and sit and sit and sit.

At times, you would think she’s thumbing through the Christmas edition of “War and Peace.”

“Sweetie, what are you doing in there?”

“I’m reading on the potty.”

Before we had kids, I worried about potty training, having heard of trying accounts from friends. As it turns out, both of our children transitioned well from diapers. Yet both have had their share of difficult moments during potty time, and it is amazing how much they recall.

Last year, while we were seated in a doctor’s office, Onalenna walked over to a baby crying frantically nearby.

“Aww, poor baby,” she said. “Are you constipated?”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris tells us about his daughters' unusual opportunities for traveling abroad -- and how it shapes their view of the world:

When I was a youngster, I marveled at taking a trip to the Canada side of Niagara Falls. The wonder of being in another country and the opportunity to see different things fascinated me, even if it was just across the border.

Yet my Canada trip pales in comparison with my daughters’ travels thus far.

As I write this, Nyaniso (12) and Onalenna (3) are with their mother in Istanbul, Turkey.

My wife is a priest of South African descent whose work takes her around the world. Anytime she heads to a land we know we’re not likely to visit anytime soon, we try to make it possible for our daughters to go. Two years ago, they traveled with her to Singapore, last year they went to Shropshire, England.

Most of the trips occur during the summer, but the Turkey trip is one of few that have happened during the school year. Each time, we sit down with Nyaniso’s teachers and principal to make sure she keeps pace with the class lessons. This time, she’s turned the trek into a school project, complete with a video she’s shooting.

Both of my daughters have been to their mother’s homeland much of their lives, and Nyaniso lived there at age 5. Onalenna won’t remember much about her travels at this age, but we plan to continue both of their visits to foreign lands.

It’s interesting to hear about such places from a child’s perspective; they couldn’t wait to tell me about the exotic flavors of ice cream offered in Singapore. Unlike their father -- and many Americans -- their initial perceptions about these faraway places haven’t come from news reports or Hollywood films.

I’m anxious to see how their first-hand experiences shape the way they see the world as adults. Already for Nyaniso, it’s made for some interesting conversations among kids her age.

A few years ago, she commented to friends how she couldn’t wait to go back to South Africa.

They questioned why she would want to set foot in Africa, saying it’s nothing but a mangy jungle full of crime and people dying from starvation.

“No it’s not,” she replied.

“Yes it is,” they said.

She then drew silent stares when she asked, “How do you know?”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

From the growing ranks of the sick, Guest Dad Joe Burris writes today about how hard it is to cope with the after-effects of flu while still being a daddy:

A few weeks ago, I felt as if I was coming down with an ailment. Now, I can’t seem to get up from it.

What began as seasonal flu has gravitated to bronchitis, which means I’ve become a walking cough machine. I’ve also become anxiety ridden, worried that my ailment will spread to my family.

This has been without question my most frantic and fearful year for flu illnesses. Normally, I rarely think about it. But this year’s flu outbreak often makes a parent feel helpless.

My 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso just got over seasonal flu; my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna attends a school where two H1N1 cases have been confirmed. I now fret over every cough, and with me being sick, I’ve mostly isolated myself from the rest of my family.

This has not been easy. Already, working more than an hour from home, I miss out on many family gatherings. Still, better safe than sorry; embraces and kisses are at a premium.

Oddly enough, Onalenna (who has also insisted that she doesn’t want my germs), has made it easy to cope with. She has taken to blowing kisses to me from across the room. She blows them until she’s certain they reach me with the same effect as a warm embrace.

At a time when my ailment sometimes keeps me up all night, it’s as soothing as a hot bowl of chicken soup.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest blogger Oren Miller of A Blogger and a Father takes the Father's Day Friday reins today with a thought-provoking post:

I recently read a blog post from a new father who admitted, to his shame and horror, that he didn't love his newborn son. It takes guts and self-awareness to realize something like that, let alone to admit it in public. And indeed, I can't think of anyone else who's ever said that. I know I didn't say it when I felt that way because I was terrified of the way I was feeling, and I was terrified of being judged if I told others about it.

No one tells you there's a chance you will not love your newborn. In all the classes we took, we saw the happy family leaving the hospital and riding into the sunset with their bundle of joy, so how come this guy wasn't a bundle of joy?

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: When you're not in love with your baby" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here with Father's Day Friday:

A few years ago, I came across an article that listed utterances heard only in a home with small children. Among those most popular was the parental query, “Did you wipe?”

As a father of two girls born nine years apart, I can attest to such utterances. There’s no doubt that my 12-year-old Nyaniso and 3-year-old Onalenna come up with comments heard only among families with children from their age group.

Here’s a sampling of things they’ve said the past two months:

Onalenna: Daddy, Nyaniso’s copying me!

Nyaniso: Well, you copied me first!

Onalenna: You copied me first!

Daddy: Okay, from now on, no more copying. Make up your own things to say. Got it?

Nyaniso: Ab-so-lutely!

Onalenna: Ab-so-lutely!

Nyaniso: Daddy, have you seen the new Ipod Nano? It’s only about $150.

Onalenna: No, Daddy, that wasn’t me. I don’t pass gas at home. I pass gas at school!

Nyaniso: Daddy, have you heard about a new phone service called Cricket? Unlimited texting for $35 a month.

Onalenna: That’s okay, Daddy. I don’t need any help. I can do teamwork all by myself.

Nyaniso: Daddy, can I paint your fingernails?

Onalenna: Daddy, Nyaniso said she’s gonna ride the roller coaster at the carnival, but I don’t want to ride the roller coaster.

Daddy: Well, I think it’s for kids Nyaniso’s age anyway, Sweetie.

Onalenna: It’s scary!

Daddy: It can be.

Onalenna: I don’t want to ride it, Daddy! I don’t want to!

Daddy: Sweetie?

Onalenna: Yes, Daddy?

Daddy: Don’t worry. You’re not going to ride the roller coaster.

Onalenna: I’m not riding the roller coaster?

Daddy: No, Sweetie.

Onalenna: Why?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris writes:

A peculiar thing happened recently as I took my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna to school.

I was driving along U.S. Route 1, in an HOV-2 lane, and just when I signaled and turned right a state trooper pulled me over.

The officer told me that he spotted me driving in the lane from quite a distance away and that I was only allowed to use an HOV-2 lane to turn if I had begun my trip from no more than one block from the turn street.

I replied that I was unaware of such a law but he insisted there was and I had violated it. I sat there dumbfounded while he returned to his squad car to write up the ticket.

“Daddy, why are you shaking your head?” Onalenna asked.

Just then, the trooper returned to my car and passed me a huge metallic-gray tablet, on which I had to sign the ticket.

“Wow, daddy, what’s that?” Onalenna asked.

The trooper reared back and appeared startled when he saw my daughter. Then he hung his head and tore up the ticket.

“This is the kind of day I’m having,” he said. “I’m sorry. I did not see her back there.”

All along, he assumed that I was driving in the HOV-2 lane alone. And had my daughter not spoken, I would have received a ticket.

I never thought about how difficult it must be for folks to see small children in the back seat -- especially if the car is standing still. I’m now wondering about all those other times when, while riding with my daughter along interstate HOV lanes, I got hard stares from other motorists.

(Associated Press photo)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:39 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Like many parents, Joe Burris is dealing with the mid-life spread. Some say this is the real "baby weight":

The most visible change to my body over the years has been my midsection. During my mid-20s, I had a rock-hard stomach _ the result of doing intense sit ups the way Sylvester Stallone did in “Rocky.” At 46, I might as well put an RIP sign over my belly; for years, my abs have been resting in peace under layers of fat. Ditto my navel, swallowed up by excess baggage.

A while back, my three-year daughter Onalenna noticed. As I lay on the shirtless on the bed, she climbed on my chest and peered down at the hole in my stomach where my belly button should be.

“Helloooooooo down therrrrrrrrre!” she exclaimed.

I have no idea where she got that from. It left me embarrassed. But it was also as a wake-up call: I need to be more conscious about healthy eating and weight gain to be active with my growing little ones.

Therefore, I’ve cut out many foods from my diet, including red meat, fried foods, fast foods, sodas, candy and some snacks. Most I’ve cut out entirely. Chocolate has been the most difficult to let go, but I’ve cut down considerably.

Already I’m seeing dividends, in part because we have incorporated better eating habits as a family. But I’ve also discovered just how much often those foods I’ve given up are tied to time with kids.

Try going to a carnival, sporting event, amusement park or any other kids’ venue that doesn’t serve pizza, candy bars, cheeseburgers or ice cream. The healthy choices are virtually non-existent, and rarely anything that makes for a complete meal.

Nowadays we often pack our meals and snacks for outings. It’s healthier and much less expensive. That’s part of the reason why I’m seeing the pounds steadily disappear. My navel and abs haven’t resurrected yet, but I’m working on it.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is thinking about how quickly the places where childhood memories are made can disappear:

One of my all-time favorite songs is Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi, mostly because of the verse, “They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” Having moved several times over the years, I’ve often returned to old stomping grounds to discover they’ve been transformed in the name of urban development.

Few have bothered me so as when I saw that a once popular wooded area, near an office park where we live in Alexandria, Va., has been leveled, apparently for another building. The area, with a couple of gravel paved paths and two adjacent hillsides, was where my wife Mpho and I helped teach our daughter Nyaniso to ride a bike.

I remember one time she told me how she wanted to tackle the hilly road but was afraid she’d lose control of the bike coming down.

“Sweetie, we must face our fears,” I told her. Then we went to tackle the hill. I could see her trepidation as we reached the top, but on she went. She firmly gripped her bike and managed to keep control all the way down.

“I did it!” she exclaimed when we reached the bottom. Then we climbed the hill about five more times.

Later, she saw an array of water sprinklers in the distance and suggested riding through them.

“I don’t know, Sweetie,” I said. “I’m afraid you might get all wet and catch a cold.”

“Daddy,” she replied, “we must face our fears!”

Now, the spot of many of her childhood memories is gone. I drove her by the site the other day, and she almost cried.

“How can they do that?” she asked.

I really had no answer _ after all, Alexandria’s full of vacant office spaces _ and I wondered how many other children’s memories had been bulldozed. Perhaps from now on, when we’re out on family outings, I’ll bring a camera along. Eventually, snapshots might be all that’s left of what once was.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:50 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Here's Joe Burris's take on the man who slapped a toddler at a Georgia Wal Mart to "shut her up":

My mother once told me that when she was growing up in rural South Carolina, she and any other child in the community caught misbehaving could be punished by any adult in that community. What’s more, she said that if the child’s misdeed was particularly harmful, often an adult would spank the child, then tell the child’s parents about it -- which usually led to another spanking.

Needless to say, in my family such an approach to child rearing ended with my mom’s generation. But I’m often troubled to find out that remnants of it still exist.

I thought about it the recently when I read a story about a man in suburban Atlanta who police say slapped a crying 2-year-old girl at a Wal Mart several times after warning the child’s mom to keep her quiet.

One of the many things that disturbs me about the man’s behavior is that I honestly believe he wouldn’t have resorted to it had the toddler been with her father (I can also think of a few mothers who would have made him think twice before rearing his hand).

However, despite the fact that there are many societies working tirelessly to understand children’s emotional development before resorting to knee-jerk reactions, the man’s behavior is not wholly uncommon.

When I’m overseas, I see it quite often.

While living in South Africa in 2001, I saw children physically punished by adults they knew and by some they didn’t know.

And I remember that my daughter had a friend who told my wife and me that she was nervous about beginning the school year because she heard that her new homeroom teacher “hits hard.”

I mentioned that to teachers from a few other countries back then, and many of them said they had no problem with it. In fact, I was told that in some places, a teacher can strike a child for simply answering a question incorrectly.

Somehow I don’t think this is what the sages envisioned when they said, “It takes a village to raise a child.” That goes double for a Wal Mart (for all we know the toddler could have had an ailment, and was not misbehaving).

And even though I often still see parents spank their children in public when I go home to South Carolina, I’m glad that ours is a society where, generally, adults have learned the benefits of resolving issues with kids without getting physical.

Still, I’m surprised that the Wal Mart controversy has yielded a range of responses. I read online comments from folks who say that though they disagree with the man’s actions they often felt like doing the same thing to a child acting out in public.

It reminded me of when I returned here from South Africa and told my daughter’s elementary school teacher how awful it was to know that teachers overseas are permitted to whack children.

“Well, it might be wrong,” she replied, “but I bet they get respected.”

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

We wouldn't want to wake up Sun reporter Jonathan Pitts's 9-month-old daughter.

 I’m typing this (as quietly as possible) as my 9-month-old daughter sleeps in her crib upstairs.

The baby monitor’s going, emitting the static-like hiss that tells me it’s up and running.

I ‘ve turned off the TV, shut down the radio, and set my cell phone to silent. I’m praying she doesn’t wake up for a while. Johanna, our first, couldn’t be a sweeter baby.

She’s always up for a visit from relatives, the more the better. Put her in a Baby Bjorn or the car seat and she’s ready to go, big brown eyes wide and ready for adventure. She cries only when she needs something, a boon to her parents, and just in the past two weeks we realized she has been paying closer attention when we speak than we had any idea.

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Shhhhh ... " »

Posted by Joe Burris at 10:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

There I was, in a car dealership lot recently shopping for a new vehicle, when I came across a sporty Jeep Wrangler: black interior and exterior, thick tires, canvas top, chrome trimmings.

This, I thought, is the car I wish I could have afforded in my early 30s -- before the wife, the kids, the mortgage and all that comes with being a family on a tight budget.

I must have been gawking at the Jeep quite steadily, because, in no time, along came a salesman -- the kind of guy who thinks he can charm the larva out of a jumping bean.

“I can get you in this car!” he exclaimed. “I can see that you want it, and I can get you into it. C’mon, let’s go inside and talk numbers.”

“Actually, I …”

“No really,” he pressed. “I can get you in this car!”

I turned toward the car and momentarily entertained the thought of driving away with it.

Then another thought hit me:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Dad Goes Car Shopping" »

Posted by Joe Burris at 1:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here to tell you exactly what to do, even though he's never met you.

No, not really. But, as he explains, that's how lots of dads (and moms) feel when people are quick to tell us we're doing something wrong with our kids:

On one recent afternoon, my wife was entertaining friends while I put our three-year-old daughter Onalenna down for a nap. I emerged from our daughter’s bedroom to see astonished looks on the faces of her friends; they wondered why it took our daughter more than 40 minutes to fall asleep.

And they insisted that I must be doing something wrong.

I replied that though there are some general traits involving child sleep, each child is different, and, like adults, some often take longer to nod off than others.

Nothing doing, they said.

In fact one, who ironically is childless, said that she’s always read how toddlers are supposed to fall asleep within 10 minutes of being put down for a nap.

They both offered some suggestions on how I can do better at naptime. Neither bothered to ask whether I had tried some of their suggestions beforehand (I had).

If there is one peeve I’ve developed in 12 years of fatherhood, it’s people who feel compelled to offer unsolicited parenting advice. That’s due in part because most of these folks could be divided into two groups: Those who have difficulty raising their own kids and those who don’t have kids. They seem convinced that there’s a world out there in dire need of their critique and counsel.

Never mind that they rarely offer unsolicited compliments.

I’m sure that many of these folks mean well, and I admit there have been moments where I’ve benefitted from their counsel.

But show me someone who offers such unsolicited advice and I’ll show you a parent who’s often left feeling guilt-ridden because of it.

Most parents already spend ample time second guessing their parenting. Yet I know of mothers who worry needlessly because friends mentioned growth-and-weight percentile charts to which children don’t measure up, and fathers who fall silent when relatives cast aspersions on their children’s eating habits.

Sometimes I have more patience for unsolicited comments than others. Once while in a pediatrician’s office, I chastised my then 4-year-old daughter Nyaniso for playing with the window blinds when I had asked her to stop. The pediatrician said that Dr. Spock would have wanted me to handle the situation more delicately.

“That might be true,” I replied, “but I’m not raising Dr. Spock’s child.”

There are times, however, when I do seek parenting advice, and most often I turn to people whose children have grown up to be the kind of young adults I want my daughters to be.

Most offer an array of suggestions, but all of them end with the same refrain.

“Do the best you can.”

That’s the most poignant advice anyone can give.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:21 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our friend Oren Miller of A Blogger and A Father is Guest Dad today. After learning about a local stay-at-home dads meetup from this blog, he summoned up the courage to go -- and write about it.

Here's Oren:

A lot of things went through my head before I went to my first daddies-playdate.

First of all, do they call it a daddies-playdate? In emails I referred to it as the daddies meet-up. Thought it sounded more masculine.

I figured I had to be cool--I didn't want the others to think they needed to babysit me and stand in line to introduce themselves--but not too cool.

I speak Hebrew to my son, but would that make other fathers uncomfortable? Would it make it seem like we were there, in a group, but not part of the group?

To paraphrase the mother in "Carrie," were they all gonna laugh at me?

What do daddies talk about? It's not just about sex before, during, and after pregnancy, right?

I don't know anything about sports!!!

I've gotten used to hiding my social awkwardness behind my son's cute face, but now everyone was going to have cute kids, which meant they were expecting me to be a functioning adult!

Now, here's what happened:

I guess I can call it a playdate or a meet-up or anything I want to call it. People don't have time to care. Some of the kids were younger than my kid, and some were older. No one laughed at me or at him. No one talked about sex, thank God. Or sports. Oh, and no home improvement, either. At least not the DIY stuff. I guess I don't know much about much. And as the new guy, I guess I wasn't expected to say much, anyway.

The bottom line is that I have a cute kid who doesn't go to daycare, and needs to meet other kids. And he has a father who can go a little crazy at home, occasionally. And here was a chance to get my kid the social interaction he needs, so maybe, when he grows up, he'd be comfortable around other people. Unlike his father.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris has a question for you:

WHY?

When my 12-year-old daughter Nyaniso was 2, she began her “why” questions full throttle. It seemed as if every conversation had, say seven “why” questions attached. Once while we were shopping at Target, her barrage of “why’s” astonished (annoyed?) another patron so much that he returned his items to a nearby shelf and scurried out of the store, repeatedly turning around as if to see whether we were following.

When my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna went through age 2 without a “why” phase, I figured that perhaps she wouldn’t be as inquisitive.

Turns out she’s just a late bloomer.

“Daddy, can we go outside and play?”

“Sure, Sweetie. I’ll just put my shoes on.”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Daddy, look at that bug. Do you like bugs?”

“I guess I like some bugs.”

“Whyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what kind of ants are those?”

“Those are red ants. They bite.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what time is it?”

“Well, er, it’s about 6:30, Lovey.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, can we go get some ice cream?”

“Sure, I’d like some ice cream.”

“Whyyyyyy?”

“Daddy, what kind of ice cream are you getting?”

“I think I’m getting butter pecan.”

“Whyyyy?”

“Daddy, is it nighttime yet?”

“It is … just about … nighttime.”

“Whyyyyy?”

I’ve come to realize that toddlers ask different types of “why” questions. Sometimes they’re looking for a specific answer to a specific question. Sometimes they want to extend a conversation. Sometimes they want to elicit a parent’s response. Sometimes they just want something to say.

Toddlers love the bonding that comes with communication, and they’re smart enough to know that “why” is like Crazy Glue; it bonds with just about anything.

I’ve also learned that there is absolutely no way a parent can come up with an answer for every “why”? But you can respond in a way that makes a child feel heard. I always try to, even when “why” can seem like the most annoying word in the English language.

I figure someone put up with my “why’s” once.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

One of the hazards of being the only man in your house is suffering through the indignities of cosmetics overflow. Here's Guest Dad Joe Burris:

"Recently, my Sun colleague Michael Dresser wrote in his blog that a pediatrician warned against children pumping gasoline. The pediatrician raised poignant concerns about the dangers of gas fumes, prompting a few spirited comments for and against the practice, some of which also appeared on this blog.

I believe it’s a very interesting topic, but while we’re on the subject of fumes, I have one question:

Anyone get a whiff of nail polish remover?

Or some nail polish, too, for that matter. Some of that stuff smells like a solution to our energy problems.

My 12-year-old daughter and her friends are all into doing their nails; I’m into worrying whether there’s adequate ventilation in the room when they do so. Some of those vapors seem every bit as strong as ammonia, and there are all kinds of inhalation warnings about that product, but I don’t believe I’ve seen much about nail polish or remover.

Oddly enough, I grew up with the odor, having three sisters who decorated their nails, and I’ve been told repeatedly that after a while you get used to it.

Not a chance. I figure that’s why some smart person invented fans."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

If you're taking a family road trip this summer, you're going to need jokes for the car or the plane. Guest Dad Joe Burris has come up with a few:

Continue reading "Dad jokes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris is here on Father's Day Friday:

Recently my 3-year-old daughter Onalenna’s day school announced its pre-Father’s Day celebration for all the students' dads. Accompanying the announcement was the message that dads who couldn’t attend should get their wives to stand in.

I didn’t bother to ask my wife if she and other mothers got a similar message on Mother’s Day.    And I don’t know if the school’s intention was to embarrass dads into coming (I get the feeling that most of us would have come anyway), but the turnout was great. In a room with about a dozen children, of different ages, races, backgrounds and professions, all but two kids’ fathers showed up.

I think that it was not only great for us to be there for our children, but we all delighted in seeing so many of us present. Even in an age where dads are more available for involvement with their children inside and outside the home, they’re often difficult to come by at such events -- even those where they are celebrated.

I must say, however, that the visit came with a bit of trepidation. During the Mother's Day event, the kids presented moms with handmade flower plots and grew plants inside _ but someone forgot to tell them that they would have to forever part with their creations. My wife says as the mothers departed, the kids reached for the gifts, and the room was filled with shouts of “Mine! Mine!”

We dads were more fortunate. We were presented with handmade greeting cards and travel mugs with their drawings and were allowed to keep them when we departed. We all got big kisses and hugs and goodbye waves that made me feel as if we had done something magnificent, just by being there.

I’m already looking forward to next year.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I just wanted to give a quick shout-out to the dads in our audience. Hope your day is great; we'd love to hear your reports on it here. For my husband, the best present might be letting him sleep reeeeallly late. Unfortunately, when kids are chomping at the bit to give him cards and homemade presents, he may have to settle for a bit late.

Also, we're going to brunch, at his request.

For your reading pleasure today, by the way, we have two interesting stories about fathers -- an update on Orioles third baseman Melvin Mora's quints, and a piece on fathers who have used the "opportunity" of layoffs and downsizing to take on more caretaking -- and time with kids -- at home.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:52 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

It's the Father's Day Friday before Father's Day, and I thought I'd celebrate by asking some of the fathers who've been our Guest Dads to tell us what they would like as gifts on Sunday.

Here goes:

--Oren Miller, of A Blogger and A Father: "With all due respect to the little one, and even with acknowledging the slight irony, my Father's Day present from my wife would be to hand the baby off to his grandmother for the night while his parents go to see The Hangover."

--Dad-in-residence Joe Burris: "For Father’s Day I’d like a replica jersey of the late Josh Gibson, catcher for the Negro Leagues Baseball team, the Homestead Grays. Gibson was one of the most prolific hitters of all time of any league, with a lifetime batting average of .354 with nearly 800 home runs. I’ve been coveting his jersey for some time, but it’s not an easy find. I’ve got my fingers crossed."

--Joeprah, of Dad-blogs.com: "As a stay-at-home-dad, what I really want is just some time to relax.  It would be awesome to sleep-in until noon and wake-up to some smiling faces, breakfast-in-bed and homemade cards. My ultimate Father's Day would include a day-off from parenting and some sort of baked goods.  To wrap the day up, I would love to just hang out and watch the US Open with some cold soda, hot pizza, my wife and three girls. That sounds like heaven to me." 

--Daniel Waldman (dwplanit on Twitter): "For dad's day, I'd like: breakfast in bed, a card made by my daughters, and the Mediterranean Street Food cookbook I've been eyeing."

--Hungover Gourmet Dan Taylor: "I don't envy my wife because shopping for me can't be easy. From music and trashy movies to supermarkets and cookbooks my interests are all over the place and it can be hard to keep pace with what I'm intrigued by at the moment. But there are some constants, like grilling and horror. So two of the top items on my list are the new cookbook SERIOUS BARBECUE by Adam Perry Lang of New York's Daisy May's and the second season of the syndicated and underrated TV show FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE TV SERIES. It has nothing to do with Jason and everything to do with 80s horror."

--Maryland Legal Aid Bureau's Peter Sabonis: "30 minutes of conversation with my Dad, who died 17 years before I became a father.  Or a beer." 

--Multimedia editor Steve Sullivan: "The best gift I can think of is simply the opportunity to be a dad.  I'll take a hug or a handshake and that will make me happy for the whole day." (Me: Aw.)

--And deputy opinion editor Michael Cross-Barnet needs the whole rest of this post to explain why he actually wants a tie:

Continue reading "What our Guest Dads want for Father's Day" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Continue reading "The anniversary gift that never comes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Joe Burris, who last wrote about walking while texting, returns as Guest Dad with observations about the moments in fatherhood for which nothing can prepare you.

Here he is:

Continue reading "Nothing prepares you for these fatherly moments" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:43 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Dan Taylor of Lutherville, a work-at-home dad also known as the Hungover Gourmet. He has an instructive tale for the outdoor cooking season, about what happens when Daddy tries to keep his toddler away from the grill.

Here's Dan:

Continue reading "Getting burned -- so your child doesn't " »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:49 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today I have the pleasure of telling you that reporter Joe Burris, who wrote last week about the perils of mall play spaces, will be an even more frequent regular on Guest Dad day. He's taking on a new role reporting on family life, too, so please send him story tips and ideas.

Joe has a parenting success to tell you about -- his daughter is finally sleeping through the night.

That wouldn't be a big deal, except that she's 3. Years old, not months.

Here's his story:

Continue reading "Daughter sleeps, and Dad does too" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

We're taking a break from Guest Dads today to discuss a couple of related items in the news. All of them revolve around the omnipresent topic of our lives these days: the economy.

In case you missed it yesterday, you should read this New York Times piece on former executive fathers now picking up much of the child care for their families in well-heeled Westchester County. While they mourn the loss of their jobs and worry about what comes next, in the meantime these fathers are making valuable contributions -- lending their financial acumen to the PTA, checking over their kids' homework. I was struck by one father's realization that he was used to being listened to by the people he worked for -- but that it was much harder to command the attention of his children.

And we can't help but weigh in on the very sad stories of two other fathers, much discussed already this week, who recently killed themselves and their families amid economic troubles. I'm wondering whether these stories have made you look at your own situation any differently.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Tony Chen, a blogger for Savvy Daddy, who last wrote for us about the changes that come with a second child. Today, he shares what his toddler son is learning about sports.

Here's Tony:

Continue reading "Toddler learns basketball: Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I'm sharing with you a thought-provoking essay that ran on the "Exploring Race" forum on the Chicago Tribune's Web site earlier this week.

In it, a father finds himself looking for the right language to talk with his 9-year-old daughter about the exhibit on slavery they saw together at the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and  Museum in Springfield, Ill. The interesting thing is that the father is a college professor and founder of RaceProject.org, so talking about race is what he does. Yet he's just not sure how to broach the harsh realities with his child.

That's a familiar position to me. My 8-year-old has been keenly interested in the subjects of slavery and segregation, and has checked a couple of books out of the library that I later found portrayed some pretty brutal aspects of that history. I've tried to be as honest as I think she can handle, but sometimes I wonder if I'm doing it right.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Andrew Ratner, the blogging columnist who has written here about, among other things, missing Halloween, is back with a post on the dangers of sexting -- teenagers sending out provocative messages from their cell phones. (You may recall the sad case of the young teenager who had sex with two different teachers from his school started with provocative text messages.)

Here's Andy:

Continue reading "The dangers of sexting -- Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Has today's Guest Dad, Joeprah from Havre de Grace, got your attention yet? Here's his post on what wives can do to improve their sex lives with their husbands after kids come along. (You can also find Joeprah at his own blog and Dad blogs, where a version of this post originally appeared.)

 Here he is:

Continue reading "How moms can get more sex" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Tony Chen, who writes in Chicago for the web site/community Savvy Daddy. He has some observations on how life has changed now that his family includes two children.

Here's Tony:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Reflections on having baby #2" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:27 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
        

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Saturdays at the tot gym" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:07 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Steve Sullivan, who last wrote for us about how his middle daughter got her name, shares with us today the story of his youngest learning to bake.

It reminds me of the time as a child when I made peanut butter cupcakes, and put in a cup of baking powder instead of a teaspoon.

They exploded.

Here's Steve:

Continue reading "A kid learns to bake...goop" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is a new face on Charm City Moms -- stay-at-home dad and blogger Joeprah of Havre de Grace (aka Joe Schatz). He writes his own blog at Joeprah.com and is a contributor to the useful Dad blogs site.

Joeprah is writing today about the 13-year-old boy in the U.K. who says he fathered a child with his 15-year-old girlfriend. Word of warning: Joeprah writes, "This article is written with tongue firmly planted in cheek." But you'll find much of the information in news accounts like this one.

Here's the rest:

Continue reading "Joeprah's take on the 13-year-old dad" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our friend and Baltimore Sun reporter Joe Burris returns today as guest dad. You may recall his previous posts on teacher conferences, daughters versus wives, kids' catch phrases, and whether a dad can hug his kids too much.

Today, he has an admission to make about his watching of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse...

Continue reading "Kids' TV hooks dad, too" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:30 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Michael Cross-Barnet, who last wrote about his many-school shuffle. Today, he shares his successes and struggles in finding the right sports for each of three very different kids.

Here's Michael:

Continue reading "Finally, a sport he likes" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:34 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Moms being mad at dad is a very hot topic right now on parenting.com because of a poll in which 1,000 mothers dish about their husbands, reports the New York Times' Motherlode blog. Basically, according to the Times' summary, lots of women feel their husbands' lives haven't been taken over as much by the children. A lot of them are mad that dad can't "multitask," also known as changing a diaper while participating in a conference call and building blocks with your toddler.

Two thoughts:

1) If you read the summary, it sounds like a lot of women are, indeed, p.o.'d at their spouses even though it's 2009, already. But if you look more closely, you see that the angry (at least those cited by the Times) get to 50 percent -- at the highest.

So...the other 50 percent -- or more -- aren't mad at dad? That's actually pretty interesting to me.

2) Though I like everyone else am occasionally mad at dad -- that's only human -- I am more frequently in awe of my husband's skills with our children. Yesterday, he stayed home to handle the kids' day off from school with major aplomb, taking care of two playmates as well. Best of all, he built them all a killer four-room fort in the basement. I would never have come up with that idea.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Since we're all still thinking a lot about our new president, I thought we'd mark Father's Day Friday today with a roundup of thoughts about the role of fathers in Barack Obama's story. His own father, that is, and the father he has become to two young daughters.

--You can listen to reviews and discussion of Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, from the Diane Rehm show.

--The Washington Post's On Faith blog reports that the story of Obama's absent father has been turned into an anti-abortion ad that aired during the new president's inauguration.

--In case you missed it, here's the father-focused speech Obama delivered last Father's Day on the campaign trail, courtesy of Politico. The video of the speech from YouTube is above.

--Here's the Obama administration's agenda on family issues from the new whitehouse.gov.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:26 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Father's Day Friday guest, Michael Ivan Schwartz, isn't a dad himself. But he's gotten to know a group of Baltimore-area stay-at-home dads who gather on Wednesdays, and he's made a documentary about their lives that will premiere at 4 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 25 at the Creative Alliance at the Patterson.

That's a trailer from the movie, "Happy SAHD" (for stay-at-home dad) above. You can read more about the movie here.

Here's Michael:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: A documentary on local stay-at-home dads" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Did that get your attention? In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I bring you an interview from Paul Nyhan of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, who writes the Working Dad blog for that newspaper's web site. He talks to Heidi Raykeil, author of a new book on the sex lives of parents, about how dads can help solve the delicate problem of how children tend to cool off the za-za-zoo.

My favorite quote from Raykeil re: dads: "My question to you guys is, 'How are you initiating?' Saying it has been six days, two hours and 30 minutes since we last had sex is not the right way to initiate sex. So it doesn't turn into fighting about not having sex -- because that doesn't make us hot.' "

Thoughts?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:54 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

On our first Father's Day Friday of 2009, I thought I'd give Guest Dads a break and point you to two interesting articles I read recently about dads' parenting style -- and whether the different ways they approach their children actually help keep a family in balance.

This piece from parenting.com talks about how moms are often quick to think dads are too lenient, rough, or noncommittal with their kids. That they're not protective enough. But often, their different approach works and helps kids learn to try new things.

This piece in the Dickinson Press, which responded to the parenting.com piece from the perspective of a single mom, argues that the laid-back, go-ahead-and-roughhouse approach of most dads instills an important resiliency in kids.

Your thoughts?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Soccer Dad David Gerstman is back as our Guest Dad today, with a rumination on how the picture on a box of diapers can become a central issue of family harmony.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Must "Luv" cats" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is David Nitkin, a political editor here at the Sun.

He's writing about how to view youth sports when your main goal is not necessarily to build a world-class athlete. Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Sports and teamwork" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday, Sports
        

Our Guest Dad today is David H. Nevins, president of Nevins & Associates in Hunt Valley; father of Freddi, 16-½, and Jake, 13; and the co-chair of the newly formed Maryland Highway Safety Foundation. He's writing about advising his new teen driver.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Adventures with your new teen driver -- Father's Day Friday" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: The Boy™, The Movie" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is Chad S. Ritchie, a local father of two girls -- one who's just broken into her teens, and one who's on the precipice. He's writing today about mascara politics.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Make-up - a father's tale" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Howard Libit, who last wrote on the blog about balancing long hours and little ones, is back with a little anecdote about his family's visit to our house. We've been laughing about how the sheer will of a 2-year-old can bring a parent to his knees.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: Letting things slide" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Multimedia editor Steve Sullivan is our Guest Dad today, with a rumination on how his daughter got her name.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Friday: What's in a name?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today begins the transition of our Father's Day post/focus to Friday. That's to make room for the new Tween Tuesday.

Editor and blogging columnist Andrew Ratner is back as our Guest Dad today. While some of us are sweating face-paint and princess costumes, he's looking back on those days longingly:

"I've been feeling melancholy lately when I walk through the discount and grocery stores with their aisles brimming with Halloween costumes and candy. With my older two children away at college and the third in high school, Halloween, for me, is a shell of the spectacle it was when they were little.

"Halloween was often a mystical, magical hoot as a kid. And if you have children, you get a second bob at the apple when they're young. I enjoyed getting to do Halloween all over again, seeing it through their eyes: Going to hay rides and pumpkin farms with the kids, enjoying their delight in dressing up, escorting them on Halloween night to go trick or treating, sampling their candy afterward. I'm probably glossing over some of the pressure once felt to devise a clever, inventive costume, but by and large Halloween was a ton of fun.

"Though I haven't unfortunately outgrown my sweet tooth, All Hallows Eve now seems mostly hallow. The other holidays change, too, as a family grows older, but their relevance remains. Halloween seems just a ghost of itself, however.

"Elvis memorably sang of a "Blue Christmas." Is there anyone who sings about Blue Halloween?"

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Bernie Kohn, investigations editor here at The Sun. He writes about how hard it is to communicate with your teenagers, often a challenging group for parents under any circumstances, when you're going through a divorce. And it sounds as if he could use the perspective of those of you who've been there, so feel free to chime in.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: A divorcing dad and his teenagers" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
        

It turns out that post-partum depression doesn't affect just mothers. According to a psychotherapist quoted in this CNN piece yesterday, 1,000 new fathers become depressed in the U.S. each day. An earlier story from U.S. News and World Report quotes another psychologist who says that 10 percent of fathers develop postpartum depression, but are less likely to recognize the signs than the 14 percent of mothers who do.

While mothers' depression is typically caused by the hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy and birth, the sudden changes in lifestyle can trigger depression in the fathers, the U.S. News story says. Sleep deprivation is one of the primary contributors.

There are ways to try to head off male post-partum depression before it starts. Here's a list of ideas and resources.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 11:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
        

I'm excited to say today marks the return of Guest Dad Will Morton, whose post about being a stay-at-home dad early on in the life of the blog drew lots of response.

Today, he writes about why he lets his kids do pretty much as they please on the playground. Here's his post: 

"Am I a hypocritical parent? Is it because I am: (a) a man, (b) an at-home dad or (c) just plain lazy? Or do I just need to communicate better with my wife?

"The playground in our neighborhood is the place where outgrown toys go to die. The selection usually includes a half-dozen plastic houses, six or eight plastic cars with at least one broken wheel (they go backwards best), and dozens of dump trucks, backhoes and bulldozers. It sounds like paradise, yet it's where my wife and I disagree most: should our playground rules directly suit our own children or should they reflect the parents and kids around us?

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Playground rules" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

In lieu of a Guest Dad today, I thought I'd pass on this interesting piece about the new president-elect of the National PTA. He's a father, and he's on a mission to get other fathers more involved in their children's schools. Watch this story about it from CBS News:

Watch CBS Videos Online

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:12 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today Soccer Dad, aka local blogger David Gerstman, is back as Guest Dad, with a post on the passage of his youngest from baby to little girl. Here's his post:

"When our baby was born two years ago, I decided that I wanted to remember her different stages. So for the past two years, I've been noting her development month by month.

"But as I prepared my two years post, I noticed something. She was no longer a 'toothless wonder.' Teeth were popping up (a bit late) and she no longer had that brilliant gummy smile. It struck me that an era is ending. It's not just the toothlessness that's gone, something else is going. She's approaching the stage when she's no longer a baby and becomes a little girl. But what developments would mark that transition?

1) The most obvious, I suppose, is toilet training. I don't think she's that far from that. She is very good about letting us know when she's 'gusting, ' and I suspect that she may even know when she has to go.

2) She talks very well. But when will she reach the stage that a conversation consists of more than a single exchange?

3) When the majority of her sentences no longer start with 'I want...'

4) When she goes a whole day without crying.

5) When she starts walking with a more even gait and not looking like she's bouncing with every step.

As I think about these upcoming changes, it makes me a little sad. I'll miss the baby a lot."

When do you notice your baby was turning into a little boy or girl?

(Photo courtesy of David Gerstman)

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 8:28 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Michael Cross-Barnet, op-ed page editor here at The Baltimore Sun. He probably won't be able to look at this post for a while, because he's probably still trying to get all of his kids to school this morning...

Here's his post:

"Four years ago, I pulled into town after moving across the country with my wife, three kids, two dogs, one cat, one rabbit and one fish, all stuffed into our Toyota Sienna. We were plagued by all the usual doubts and fears attending a major relocation. But at least one aspect of our lives would be simple and straightforward: All three of our kids would be attending the same school, Roland Park Elementary/Middle School, a little less than two miles from our new home.

"Our youngest was starting kindergarten; the middle child was entering second grade; the oldest would be a fifth-grader. And because it was K-8 and one of the best public schools in Baltimore, we had every reason to expect to be there for a very long time. Indeed, one of the main reasons we chose our neighborhood and our home was to be able to send our kids to that school. So if you see us driving around Baltimore in a white minivan weekday mornings between 7:15 and 8:45, looking a little dazed and more than a little tired, please understand: We're disoriented. Our morning routine used to be a "simple" matter of getting three groggy kids out of bed, dressed, fed, prepped for school and out the door to one place...

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: The many-school shuffle" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Two recent stories on men and their biological clocks might be interesting to discuss for Father's Day Tuesday:

--The New York Times reports that more single men, gay and straight, are becoming fathers through surrogacy and adoption.

--Time has a report on the fertility of men as they age. There's more evidence, the story says, that men face some of the same issues as women who want to have children as they grow older. A recent study, for example, suggests that the father's age had as much effect as the mother's on rates of pregnancy and miscarriage, the story says.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 2:14 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Occasional Guest Dad Andrew Ratner is back with an account of his brief glimpse into the Facebook world of his daughter, who just left for college: 

"After reading Jill Rosen's piece in the You & Your Digital World section last Tuesday about 6 1/2 reasons you're not too old to join Facebook, I didn't leap to join just yet. But I was thrilled when my younger son, after calling up his Facebook page, showed me several photos that my daughter had posted to her page of her first few days away at college.

She looked happy, like she had made several friends in her dorm and was fitting in.

I didn't feel like a voyeur. Quite the contrary, I was delighted to get a sense of her first week away at school in a way she probably couldn't communicate to me as well as she would to her friends on Facebook.

The photos were worth a thousand words. I'm still considering joining up, though I doubt she'd "friend" me onto her page anyway."

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:36 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Guest Dad Joe Burris is back with an observation about how men talk about their families.

Is it true that they'll gush about their daughters rather than their wives?

Here's his post...

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Your daughter or your wife?" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

...for the Monday Consult. Since it's Father's Day Tuesday, I'm partial to questions for or about dads. The earlier the ask, the greater the chance that your parenting question will be the one answered in this space next Monday.

Now that the Consult is in the paper (in our new You & Your Health section) as well as on the blog, your questions and answers should get more exposure. Ask away.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

I'm on vacation, so I gave myself permission not to browbeat entice a Guest Dad into putting together a post for today.

Instead, it's open mike day for any father to speak his mind (or for moms to speak their minds) about fatherhood issues. Ask a question of your fellow readers, relate an anecdote, compose a haiku.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:09 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Frequent Guest Dad Joe Burris is back with an observation on trying to keep up with his kids' catch phrases. As he learned, perhaps not something you want to try at home.

Here's his post...

Continue reading "Dad, you are wicked out of it" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

An interesting new study in the Journal of Marriage and Family uses a term I hadn't heard before: the social father. This is a man who is married to or cohabiting with a child's mother, but isn't the child's biological father.

According to this recap at physorg.com, the study, led by a professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, examined the parenting patterns of four groups of fathers according to whether or not they were related to the children they lived with. The recap says that the study found married "social" fathers "exhibited equivalent or higher quality parenting behavior than married and cohabiting biological fathers."

That's good news for lots of children who aren't living with their biological dads. What do you think of these findings?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 1:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is expectant father and Sun reporter Gus Sentementes, whose first child is due in October.

Gus has recognized already that once the baby is born, entertainment will shift homeward. So, as long as baby gifts are being given, why not a Nintendo Wii, he asks? Here's his post...

(Photo of Gus Sentementes holding ultrasound picture courtesy of Gus Sentementes)

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Expecting dad wants... a Wii" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (14)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Our Guest Dad today is book blogger Dave Rosenthal, who shares his favorite bedtime reads for children:

"Over on Read Street, we've been discussing children's books -- the good, the bad, the macabre. I think reading, at bedtime, at the breakfast table or otherwise, is one of the greatest gifts you can give a child. There's a tremendous sense of closeness and sharing in those moments, as you sit perched on the edge of a bed or huddle together in an armchair.

When our children were small, we wore out Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, numerous pop-up books and anything by Dr. Seuss. My daughter was drawn to classic tales such as Madeline; my son preferred illustrated compendiums and could identify the markings of various airlines before he could read (he was especially partial to American).

Because of the memories attached to these books, most have survived moves and house cleanings. In fact, I was shouted down a year or so ago, when I tried to sell a few at a yard sale ... 

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: Reading reminiscences" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:32 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Frequent Father's Day Tuesday contributor Joe Burris is back as Guest Dad. This time, he's observing how family car trips have changed since he was a child.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Family car trips, then and now" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:37 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday
        

Today's Guest Dad is Steve Sullivan, assistant managing editor for multimedia at The Sun, with a tale of how he solves problems among his kids while his wife's on the road.

"Let me preface this post by saying that my wife, Marcy, and I have three wonderful, smart kids who regardless of what they say and do really love each other. Most of the time. I think.

 A few weeks ago Marcy was on a week-long business trip and I was in charge of our brood, which consists of our 17-year-old son Courtland and his two sisters, Flannery, 13, and Moira, 10. When I arrived home from work, I was pleased to find the girls peacefully sitting in the family room doing their homework, while big brother was doing same upstairs. I asked how their days went and was answered with a nonchalant "good" from all.

Soon there was a call from mom, checking in from the road. She talked to the girls, then the phone was passed to me. We traded a few updates on our day, then Marcy slipped in, "Did Flannery mention that Mo threatened her with a knife?"

"Uh, no"....

Continue reading "When dad's in charge..." »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 7:41 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
Categories: Father's Day Tuesday