How much did your parents' divorce frame how you approach your own marriage and being a parent?

Writer Susan Gregory Thomas explores how Generation X has been so deeply affected by divorce in her essay.

"Whatever happens, we're never going to get divorced." Over the course of 16 years, I said that often to my husband, especially after our children were born. Apparently, much of my generation feels at least roughly the same way: Divorce rates, which peaked around 1980, are now at their lowest level since 1970. In fact, the often-cited statistic that half of all marriages end in divorce was true only in the 1970s—in other words, our parents' marriages.

Not ours. According to U.S. Census data released this May, 77% of couples who married since 1990 have reached their 10-year anniversaries. We're also marrying later in life, if at all. The average marrying age in 1950 was 23 for men and 20 for women; in 2009, it was 28 for men and 26 for women.

Thomas makes some interesting observations based on data and her own personal experience. She argues that given that her age cohort -- those born between 1965 and 1980 -- is pouring "everything that we have into giving our children" stable homes, something that her generation did not have.

Of course, this is the generation of parents that have been accused of being too involved and hovering above their children even when they become adults -- the so-called helicopter parents.

I won't give away the ending, but you could guess what happens with Thomas.

Given that Thomas' outlook on marriage was so influenced by her experience as latchkey kid, how much of your parents' marriage/divorce affect your own marriage?

Posted by Hanah Cho at 10:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Divorce, Parenting in general
        

Tonight on John & Kate Plus 2 watch Jon & Kate Plus 8, Kate takes her boys out west, to Wyoming.She even wades into a chicken coop in high heels.

Kate S.: I feel that she's wearing inappropriate shoes on purpose.

John: So she can complain about girly girl moments?

Kate S.: Yes.

Meanwhile, Jon is home with the girls. They are catching bugs. Jon altruistically reminds them that all the bugs and worms should "return to nature" at the end.

Kate is back out west, riding ATVs with th e little guys.

Jon: "Kate is not wearing a helmet. Obama got so much grief, she should get grief."

Kate S.: "I agree."

Kate has changed from heels to boots, with a cowboy hat thrown in. But she belies her obsessive-girly ways by telling the head cowboy that "screaming is like breathing to me."

Meanwhile, there is a gratuitous close-up of horse poop.

John: "Highlight of the trip!"

Jon takes the little girls to the dentist. Now there's a fun job. Leah has two cavities, and Alexis is jealous because she only has one. Jon thinks that's funny.

Kate S.: I love that Jon thinks cavities are 'hilarious.'

Back out west, Kate mentions this trip has been 'paparrazzi-free,' which means "everything in the world." And the boys have adopted a cat who seems to be living in their cowboy hats. Uh-oh, now the cat is running away.

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 9:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
        

Our David Zurawik reports that Kate Gosselin may be moving to Maryland. She reportedly toured some condos in Rockville, which also happens to be the town where her, cough, bodyguard lives.

Not super close to the family compound in Wernersville, Pa., where the divorcing celebrity couple have said the Plus 8 part of the family will continue to live. Jon, meanwhile, has reportedly looked for a new pad in New York.

This all brings up many questions, but the one I'm interested in is: When parents break up, how close should they live to the kids, even on the days they don't have custody?

What if there's an emergency, and the other parent needs to pick up custody on a given day? What if there's an important performance, or something else that comes up? What about just creating a sense that even though the parents are apart, they're both close by if needed?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 12:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)
        

Today's Guest Dad is Bernie Kohn, investigations editor here at The Sun. He writes about how hard it is to communicate with your teenagers, often a challenging group for parents under any circumstances, when you're going through a divorce. And it sounds as if he could use the perspective of those of you who've been there, so feel free to chime in.

Here's his post:

Continue reading "Father's Day Tuesday: A divorcing dad and his teenagers" »

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 6:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)
        

Thought this article the other day from the Wall Street Journal about men receiving alimony might stimulate some discussion. As men take greater roles in supporting their wives' careers, perhaps staying home to take care of children and house for a while, they're also becoming less shy about asking for alimony from their spouses when a marriage ends.

We haven't talked much about divorce and families on the blog yet, though it's obviously an important fact of life for some of the readers here. So here's an opening. What are your feelings about men receiving alimony from estranged wives who earn more? And even if a marriage is healthy and intact, how do you balance whose career comes first, and whose will take a back seat for a while?

Posted by Kate Shatzkin at 10:24 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)
Categories: Divorce, Father's Day Tuesday