Ill effects of favoritism
Do you favor one child over another?
A new study by Cornell University has found siblings who sense their moms favor one child over another displays depressive symptoms as middle-aged adults.
What's noteworthy is that ill effects of parental favoritism persists into adulthood:
"Perceived favoritism from one’s mother still matters to a child’s psychological well-being, even if they have been living for years outside the parental home and have started families of their own,” says [Karl] Pillemer, a professor in the Department of Human Development and associate dean in Cornell’s College of Human Ecology. “It doesn’t matter whether you are the chosen child or not, the perception of unequal treatment has damaging effects for all siblings."
What do you think? Were you labeled the golden child or the black sleep in the family? What impact did that perception have on your self-image?
Please share your story.
Comments
Purely anecdotal, of course by definition, yet I was recently struck by the reaction of a very successful senior adult to having been sent old family pictures includng those of his Mother/my grandmother-- he sent them back-- "I was always the black sheep/failed Son while your Mom and Aunt could do no wrong." Then I reflected on the slights I saw my Uncle suffer at the hands of his Mother when I was a child/teen, and was struck by how deep the scars of actual favoritism can be, even into geriatric adulthood, and where the offender has been dead for over a generation now.
Posted by: Old Timer | June 28, 2010 1:50 PM
Black sleep?
My father was one of six children, and it always seemed to me that each one was incredibly self-absorbed. I never could figure that one out.
Posted by: Dahlink | June 29, 2010 5:28 AM
It amazes me how much my mother's preference for my sister still hurts. We're all adults now. I'd like to think it doesn't matter anymore---and yet it matters greatly. To this day, my mother continues to greatly favor my sister. I must continually remind myself that I have warm, caring relationships with my husband, children and friends. As grateful as I am for those relationships, I do long for a positive relationship with my mother.
Posted by: Insecure | May 8, 2011 2:55 AM