Liz Atwood thinks about how we treat kids who haven't tried their best in competition this Tween Tuesday:

The Olympics are over, but I’m still thinking about competition and what it teaches our children. Recently, my son was involved in an academic competition and turned in a mediocre performance.

I knew he did not do his best because for the weeks leading up to the event, he had refused to study. It was his decision to sign up for the competition, but as the weeks passed, his enthusiasm waned. I repeatedly had to remind him to study, until at last, I too, gave up and decided to let him suffer the consequences of his lack of preparation.

On the day of the competition, my son seemed disinterested. Even when offered the chance to review questions during a break, he did not. Meanwhile, the members of the team who went on the win the competition seemed excited and happy to be there. During the break, they quizzed each other and celebrated each time one answered correctly.

When the competition ended, as is the custom these days, everyone received a medal for participation. Then ribbons were given out to the finalists. My son’s team placed about in the middle of the group. When it was over, he asked if we were going to lunch to “celebrate.” I said I saw nothing to celebrate because I knew he had not given his best effort. He accused me of being unsupportive.

I wonder about the messages we send our children about competition these days. At a time when everyone gets a trophy for participation and a ribbon for just showing up, are we downplaying the significance of winning?

For two weeks, we watched athletes from around the world compete, and we learned that no matter how nice they are or how compelling their stories, whether they’ve suffered adversity or overcame injustice, the only thing that mattered during the competition was whether they were the fastest, strongest or best at their sport at that moment.

Only three received medals in each event. Many athletes, who worked hard and dreamed big, went home with only memories.

So was I being unsupportive because I wouldn’t treat my son to lunch? I don’t think so. I want my children to know that it’s OK to try and fail, but it’s not OK to not try. Failing doesn’t make you a failure. But succeeding at something you’ve worked for does make you a success.