What to do when kids (of others) act out in public
Last week, Kayris described watching a child (not her own) have a meltdown in public, and how she wondered what to do. In light of the man who slapped a child to "shut her up" in a Georgia store recently, I thought it was a pretty timely question.
Here's what our expert, clinical psychologist Amy Keefer of Kennedy Krieger Institute's Center for Autism & Related Disorders, had to say:
"Your reader asks two important questions. First, how does one respond if a child with a developmental disability is demonstrating difficult behaviors and second, how does one respond to the reactions of others in a situation like the one she experienced.
Here are some strategies to best support and help the parents:
--It is fine to ask the parents if there is anything you can do to help, but do not be offended if the answer is no. Sometimes parents simply need to wait out their child’s difficult behaviors.
--Remember that the parents are the experts regarding their child’s needs. Sometimes people attempt to directly intervene in the situation, assuming they possess more effective behavioral management strategies or could “talk the child out of” their negative behaviors. Direct intervention by someone who does not understand the child’s needs or situation often causes behavioral escalation.
--Do not stare. Not only could staring increase the parents’ embarrassment, it could fuel the child’s behavioral outburst. If the situation has resolved, and it seems appropriate, offering a kind smile could be a means of offering silent support to the family.
Families of children with developmental disabilities often withdraw from social events and public places due to embarrassment and others’ misunderstanding when their children engage in negative behaviors. The families often report feeling isolated, which increases their stress. Here is a way that someone could address comments from those who might be less sensitive or understanding than your reader, and help families of children with development disabilities feel more comfortable:
--Serve as an advocate and educator. Some simple statements such as, “I think that family is doing a great job with a difficult situation. They need our support.” can be an effective and quick strategy to quiet judgmental comments. Your empathy and advocacy are likely your greatest means of offering help and support.
Comments
I think you should do what the parent is not...spank the child! When I was a child I had one tantrum and my mother spanked me immediately and I never had one again. Problem with today's child is the lack of discipline being extended from the parents! It takes a village!
Posted by: Old School | September 14, 2009 4:06 PM
Old School, we're talking about special needs children here. Clearly, you have no experience with a child with developmental delays, or you'd never recommend spanking them.
Thanks for answering my question Kate. The answer confirms what I already thought--have some compassion for others instead of being judgemental and jerky.
Posted by: kayris | September 14, 2009 7:38 PM
Oh, Old School ... sigh. It's not a very clever approach you advocate. We can do better, I believe. I taught my children to use their heads, not their fists.
Posted by: Dahlink | September 14, 2009 7:41 PM
I did not see the portion pertaining to special needs children. I do apologize for misreading that portion. I still stand by my spanking philosophy for non-special needs children!
Posted by: Old School | September 15, 2009 6:34 AM
There is a post on underage drinking and Maryland drinking age laws on the Midnight Sun blog that your readers might be interested in.
Posted by: Owl Meat Gravy | September 15, 2009 10:03 AM
i have 6,20,18,14,5,3and 20mos,so i've had my share of melt downs.I do agree thta today's kids are spoiled and the so called rod is spared a little too much.however i donot believe in slapping my child,a little pat maybe.i'm shocked to see some parents get too close to the abuse line.Anytime you take a child anywhere,remember to time the trip,lts of snacks,after a nap if possible,me personally,i eaither leave the store or try to involve the child as much as possible,remember ,children have short attention spans and get restless very quickly and the more we get upset the more the child will too,we set the tone of the day and we have to decide if the trip is even worth it.many times my kids would lose it at the drs office in full view of the dr,instead of losing my cool,very embarrassing!My suggestion to the clinic staff was to be midful of the time spent waiting and have more than videos,offer healthy snacks.
Posted by: tammy | September 15, 2009 10:46 AM