The Monday Consult: Too much wrestling?
Kara wrote that her boys, 3 and 4, "wrestle and roll around all afternoon. How much wrestling is too much?"
Here's what local parenting coach Molly Brown Koch, who last advised us on temperamental toddlers, had to say:
"We say "boys will be boys," without realizing exactly what it means. Boys wrestle. It's a boy thing. While mothers see it as aggression, others, like pediatrician T. Berry Brazelton, see it as an outlet for their natural aggression. (Just think what would happen if they did not have an outlet for it.) Dr. Brazelton advises parents to let them have at it as long as no one gets hurt.
"On the other hand, wrestling all afternoon may be somewhat excessive. If they are wrestling because they are bored, or can't think of anything else to do, parents could be very helpful in finding another physical outlet for them. They'd use up considerable energy by running, jumping on a trampoline, hiking, climbing, riding bikes, hitting a punching bag, skating, swimming, shooting baskets, etc., and any one of these activities would provide the boys with a little variety in their lives."
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Comments
As a father of twin 4yo's, I wonder myself sometimes how much is too much, thanks for that advice !
I mentioned the other day that if you gave 4yo boys a basket of flowers, they would play "battle flowers" with them :) In our house, even the most tame activity will turn into a wrestling match given enough time. I generally let them unless they get "mean" about it or until someone gets hurt (accidently). In addition to a timeout area, we have a "quiet chair" where, if things get too rowdy, you aren't "in trouble" but you have to sit for a few mins to calm things down a bit.
I think the advice to keep them busy is great... I prefer to pre-emptively tire them out when we can. It's tough, they really do seem to have endless energy and enthusiasm... right up until they don't :)
Thanks again!
Posted by: Dave T | September 28, 2009 10:45 AM
I concur with Dave T. My other baseline is if their wrestling is going to distract the lifeguards at the pool, they have to cool it down. My boys are 12 and 9 and have no greater joy in life than trying to kill each other, apparently.
Posted by: Kate Dino | September 28, 2009 10:53 AM
I am the mom of 3 boys ages 4, 5, & 8. I encourage them to be boys. if they wrestl all day long then they wrestle all day long. I refuse to stop my boys from doing something they love because it is an aggressive activity. As long as they dont get injured and have fun doing it I will encourage it untill they move onto something else. My brother and I have watched ( my brother now is a local promoter for a local wrestling organization) since I can remember it was a family activity that we used to do with my maternal grandma. No we are letting the legacy live on through my boys, his nephews. You cant place your children in abubble you must support them and if they want to wrestle then let them do it. Most of my boys imagination is based on wrestling or UFC I dont know any other 4 & 5 year old who can name at least 7 UFC fighters by name. This is what they love and want to do I am all for it.
Posted by: sabrina | September 29, 2009 10:29 PM