How much freedom do you allow your tween?
Here's Liz Atwood with Tween Tuesday:
I began wondering about this after hearing a sermon my pastor gave this past Sunday. He mentioned that when he was a child, he left home in the morning and played all day with friends, and the only requirement his parents made was that he be home before dark. My colleague Susan Reimer has written that when she was a child, her mother made the kids go out to play and told them not to come back until dinner time. Mom needed her rest.
Today, however, with all the scary reports of youth gangs, child molestors and kidnappings, we are fearful of letting kids out of our sight. My pastor says he doesn’t let his 9-year-old daughter ride her bike on her short suburban street alone.
I’m always wondering how much freedom to allow my sons. Now that the older one is a teen-ager, I allow him to ride his bike in the neighborhood and only ask that he tell me where he is going and when he’ll be home. But the 8-year-old is tching for more freedom as well. He wants to be allowed to ride his scooter alone around in the neighborhood and ride his bike over to a friend who lives about a half mile away.
How do you know where to draw the line?
A parenting Web site out of the United Kingdom has some advice about letting tweens have their freedom:
- Kids should be allowed to go alone to the park, school or friend's house once they know road safety rules and can be trusted to obey them.
- Children should always tell you where they're going and update you if plans change.
- Let them take short trips to local shops once you're confident they will behave in the store. Start out small--20 minutes--and increase the time as they mature.
- Let tweens visit the local theater to get a taste of handling money and independence. Start with early shows and progress to night-time shows when they're older.
But do you think this advice is valid on this side of the ocean? Where do you draw the lines in letting your tween roam?
Comments
I too had the kind of childhood where we'd disappear into the neighborhood every summer day, returning home only for lunch and dinner. It's one of my fonder memories of that time.
I think the dangers talked about now are a bit overblown. Like with things like plane crashes, when something happens, it's big news and it's all over the media. But considering how rarely it really happens, I think kids are better off having unstructured play time of their choosing. I think the rules listed above are sensible ones and would work in traditional family neighborhoods. (Meaning those without gunfire or drug deals going down.)
I would also add a caveat directing greater supervision if the child has not demonstrated his own trustworthiness.
Posted by: bluzdude | September 15, 2009 9:45 AM
Mine are still young (5 and almost 3), so too young to be allowed to roam alone, but my BIL asked me the other day at what age I would let my son walk to school, should we end up putting him in the school that is about 5 blocks away, and I didn't have an answer for him.
As a kid growing up in a family friendly neighborhood in AA county, my brother and I were supposed to come inside when the street lights came on, and we knew we weren't allowed to go in anyone's house or backyard without asking permission first.
It's hard to not be overprotective when it comes to allowing freedom because of the many scary things that can happen. Hopefully I'll have a better idea about how to handle it when mine are that age.
Posted by: Kayris | September 15, 2009 12:03 PM