A few days ago, my mother-in-law, who lives with us, became ill. She’s better, but still isn’t up to her usual bustling self, and I’ve been trying to tell my kids they are going to have to do more to help out because grandma isn’t feeling well.

Usually my mother-in-law is overly indulgent with the kids, asking them every 15 minutes if they are hungry, carrying food to them in the family room, picking up their clothes off the floor and walking them to the video game store. To see that grandma isn’t up to these tasks now has been a difficult lesson for the kids to absorb.

I’ve been reading about how to teach empathy to children. I came across some good advice online. Among the ideas are common-sense suggestions such as teaching politeness and talking about feelings.

We do that, and at times, my kids have been terrific in showing empathy toward others. I was proud when my younger son volunteered to team up with one of the less popular boys for a Cub Scout activity. In school, when a buddy was being mean to another child, he told him so. Likewise, I was proud of my older son who recently helped a elderly woman with her groceries when he saw her struggling to get them in the car.

At home, they aren’t always so nice. The one who saw that an old woman needed help at the grocery store, is oblivious to me when I’m trying to carry my grocery bags in the house. The one who stood up for a kid in school thinks nothing of calling his brother and me names. And neither will volunteer to help out with chores around the house.

Some kids are naturally sensitive. Others, such as my sons, tend to be oblivious to the feelings of family members. I’m constantly reminding my boys to be considerate—toward each other, toward me and toward grandma. But still they haven’t been able to quite “get it” when it comes to showing empathy at home.

Perhaps empathy at home develops over time. But on those days when I’m stretched to my limit, I sure wish my kids would acquire it a bit faster.