"More than 40 years after the “sexual revolution,” and we're still figuring out how to talk to our kids! The secret to having quality conversations with children about sexuality is that there's really no secret: we can feel confident just by taking the approach we take with all other important topics we want them to understand. The key is to tune into their natural curiosity about life and how the world works--and to try very hard not to read in what we think they are asking.

For example, commonly at the age of four young children become curious about their own origins as they start trying, literally, to figure out their place in the world. Because they are beginning to understand time (as in, before, now, and later), they suddenly “get” the phrase “that was before you were born” so they quite logically want to know where they were before they were born. While it might be tempting to manufacture an answer like the proverbial cabbage patch, a simple, “you were in a special place inside mom called the uterus,” will do just fine. More than likely the child will say, “oh,” because you accurately heard and answered the real question.

Likewise, five year olds are often prompted to ask, “but, how did I get out of there?” That's because their mind is working hard on understanding more sophisticated concepts like movement through time and movement through space. And isn't that what labor is about--movement through time and place? And, because six year olds are wildly interested--across the board--in how things of all kinds are made, they may well ask, “but how'd I get in there in the first place?”

Even though this last question can rightly lead to conversations about sperm, eggs, where they come from and how they get together, you won't really be teaching your child about “sex” at all, but about the mechanics of conception. And those concepts are totally appropriate for children at this age. The topic of sexual relationships and behaviors is something parents will want to bring up when their children are in the middle elementary school years, and parents should aim for a time when kids first start chatting about sex among their peers and paying attention to it in the media.

Parents often ask, “but how do I bring it up if they don't,” and others want to know, “but shouldn't I wait until they do?” Once again, think about how we handle other important subjects we want our kids to hear from us about first--we don't hesitate to bring those up, and sex, again, is no different.

As for the how, make it your business to walk by a pregnant woman one day soon and say: “That lady is pregnant. You've never asked about that! Do you know what that means? Do you have any question?”

Works like a charm!"