Q: It is being reported today that Kate Gosselin is moving to Rockville, Maryland. Can you talk about how much young children like the Gosselin family understand about divorce.

Children, particularly young children may not understand the word divorce but all children understand and feel tensions between parents. They know when something is wrong between their parents whether their parents are together or apart. They may notice that their parents aren't affectionate, don't talk or fight all the time.

Q. What are some of the questions that young children typically ask?

Young children always ask why questions. The key for parents is to be concrete with young children and not give them details about their marriage. Rather, be simple,

"We (parents) have had some problems and can't find ways to live together any more. We love you and will always love you and will live in two homes which we think will be better for us. We will still see you and take care of you."

Children ask questions that relate to who is responsible for the divorce. "Did Parent 1 or Parent 2 do something bad," might be a question kids ask. They have a need to know and want to blame someone for their pain which we encourage parents to avoid. "We" is better that "your parent did this and that."

Q: How should parents answer the questions that young children ask?

Parents should answer questions in a way that help their children, not necessarily themselves. Be simple, concrete and focus on parents having problems, not parents not loving each other because children then fear that parents won't love them.

Children may want to know a lot of legal information and other details that are not relevant to their understanding and adjustment. Sometimes these questions are indicative of children's insecurity and need to control what is really out of their control. Be empathetic: " I know this is so hard for you and it hurts, but there are some grown up issues that we don't want you to worry about. These issues are between me and your mother."

Most children have a significant need to know how the divorce or separation will affect them. They may ask questions such as "Where will I live, when will I see each parent, will I go to the same school, what about our dog?" It is critical that parents answer these questions if they know where they are going to live. I suggest to parents that they have their facts well before they talk to their children to reassure their children about the consistency of their lives and schedules.

Q. Is there such a thing as "an easy divorce" for children?

Divorce hurts and is usually a decision made by one parent, sometimes both. When parents make this decision they know that their children may be hurt. Because parents don't want to hurt their children they may minimize the impact of divorce.

Divorce does hurt because it is changing the picture of family that children have had and want to hold on to. The easier divorce is one that is handled in a healthy way by both parents, where parents always take in to consideration the needs of their children, include both parents in co- parenting and allow their children and themselves to grieve. Sometimes children expect a divorce and or are relieved that the fighting is over. At the same time, these children may still feel sad.

Q. Do children typically act out in some way?

Some children act out, particularly when they don't have an opportunity to understand, express emotions about family transition and opportunities to resolve divorce related issues. Their grades may drop, some children drop out of school activities or change friends. Other kids may get depressed. Parents need to monitor their children to assess how they are doing. Parents need to know the benefit of support through counseling, therapy, groups, and books. No one can do this alone!